If you’re in a long-term committed relationship, you know it's not all smiles and cute moments. A good relationship takes equal work from both partners, and arguing is real. No relationship is as perfect as we see in the movies. It may start off all sunshine and roses, but the true test of love happens when times get tough. And for those of you that live together, you know about this even more. And if you’re in a marriage, well, you trump them all, you really know how the struggles that can occur. A marriage is the highest form of commitment you can offer someone, but just because you’re in one doesn’t mean it will work out. That might sound dark, but it’s true and it’s time we all stop being scared of the truth. These men were not afraid to admit their marriage had problems. Instead, they chose to face them head on. Here are 15 times men knew their marriage was over. (Read on and you might even learn something.)
“I actually realized my marriage would not go the distance while talking with a friend over breakfast. My buddy was lavishing praise on his wife and said something to the effect of ‘She always has my back.’ Suddenly, it hit me: I got the complete opposite from my wife. I received disdain, disrespect and disinterest. It was a few years before we separated, but the path was set that morning.” — Barry G.
Just like Barry's, some marriages just don't work out. About 40 to 50 percent of marriages in America alone end in divorce. That can either be a scary thing or not. One thing is for sure: love cannot be forced upon someone, and you cannot force a marriage to work. It's better to separate than to be unhappy or in a loveless marriage. Don't wait until years have gone by. The sooner you figure it out the better and happier you will be!
Can you imagine living with your significant other and thinking everything was fine and then suddenly it wasn't? That harsh dose of reality might be too tough for some to deal with. Well that's what happened to Steve. He was left clueless and didn't know his woman was leaving him until she was practically on her way out! This might be the age or era of ghosting, but that doesn't make it alright. You should always be upfront about your feelings. Especially in a marriage.
“I noticed she kept removing her personal items. One day, it would be books, another it would be clothes. I thought she was trying to downsize… until she then removed herself, too!” — Steve
“I knew it was over when I got home from another long day at work and my kids told me that mommy took them out to Burger King to eat and told them they were moving to Canada and Daddy wasn’t going with them.” — C.D.
Yikes! Marriages are a challenge already without adding children into the mix. We can only imagine what going through custody battles must be like. Even still, the imaginable is not comparable. Although it might not sound romantic, the law is here for a reason. Rules and regulations should be followed, even more so when it comes to your children. We're not sure if this got ugly, but picking up and leaving without the other parent's consent is a no go and a cause for divorce! Our advice? Do what's best for the kids first. You might also want to pick a more intimate place than a Burger King to break some serious news to your family.
"When I came home from work to find my house trashed and empty of almost everything except my clothes, followed by being thrown out of her work by the police when I showed up to ask where my child was, and finally the emails I found where she was cheating on me for months. All this was on the same evening." — gshell
We're not sure who gshell was dating, but we do know that trashing and emptying someone's house (whether you're married or not) would infuriate anyone. If a marriage is truly full of love, things like this don't just happen overnight. There were probably some untold events that led to this, but cheating is not okay under any circumstances. If you're unhappy with someone just leave. Get a divorce, break up, separate, or do what you have to do before breaking someone else's heart and trust. It's not cool, it's not cute, and it definitely won't sit well with you once your mind is cleared. Be rational and make the right choice before it's too late.
The smallest things can make you realize your true state of being. Sometimes, even those things take years to hit you. Don't wait until you have an epiphany, and stop asking for a sign. If you're happy then great, but if you don't feel completely satisfied with your marriage it might be time to do some soul searching!
“After my Hollywood writing career hit a sudden wall, I got a job with BMW Design to write a movie about how they design cars. When I arrived in Munich, they gave me a brand new convertible sports car and said, ‘Take it up to the Alps for a few days and come back when you feel like you understand the car.’ Speeding through the snowy Alps, blasting music, roof down, heater fan blowing, I had this revelation, ‘I’m happy! This is what happiness feels like.’ And then I had a second revelation: ‘If my wife were here, she’d tell me to slow down. Turn down the music. Put up the roof. And she’d be complaining about smelling cigarette smoke from passing cars.’ In that moment, I realized I had forgotten what it felt like to be happy in my body.” — Adam G.
"My ex-wife and I barely had sex in the last few years. She always made it seem like a chore. One day, she went out to get her nails done. It took 5 hours. I asked her what she was doing and she said she only got her nails done. I asked what took so long and she avoided the question. The next week, she had an STD." — CressonX
We just hope he didn't catch anything! This is just another reason why cheating isn't okay. If you're in a committed relationship you owe it to that person to, well, be committed! For your safety, health, and dignity don't cheat. Break up first, and even then you should still be careful. It's better to be safe than sorry. In this case sorry can even be deadly.
“The moment of revelation for me was when I told my now ex-wife, ‘It’s OK to see the man you’ve been seeing on the side. Once you get it out of your system, I’ll be here in the marriage when you come back. Do what you need to do.’ She didn’t respond — she just sort of sighed. I really knew it was over when she finally agreed to see a marriage counselor and he convinced my ex-wife to tell me she wanted a divorce.” — Chris B.
If you have to see another man/woman aside from your s/o to feel satisfied, something is off. You're obviously not happy and searching for that happiness elsewhere. People who are in love, satisfied, and truly happy with their partner don't get it on with other people! We're not talking about polygamy. In some cultures or places that might work, but for the most part marriage is a bond between TWO people.
"I'd had suspicions for months. She operated a small, unprofitable business from our home which I was bankrolling. Her "business partner" was around all day and all night, despite my vehement protests that he gtfo at night when I was home from work. Eventually I set up my phone as a recorder whilst I was at work and found the evidence I was looking for after two or three days - her saying "Come, let's have sex, and please pretend to be interested this time", after a long and boring argument between the two of them. I immediately turfed her out and we divorced within months, and not too long after she moved in with him. He proceeded to beat her mercilessly and she took him to court. Now he's back at home living with his parents and she's engaged to somebody else." — F1nd3r
It's very possible to have friendly work relationships with people of the opposite sex. We're not saying this is impossible, but for many it can be. Instead of searching for satisfaction outside your marriage, try finding it in your partner first. You'd be surprised what effort can do.
“I knew my my relationship was over when I got on the computer and saw a copy of a signed lease for my wife’s new house. I obviously knew nothing about her plan or that we were even heading down that path. The previous day she had hung up some Valentine’s Day paintings I made for her. Little did I know she had been planning to leave. A complete shock.” — Tony T.
Ouch. Keeping your partner in the dark is never a good thing (unless it's some kind of fun surprise in their honor). Keeping them in the dark about buying a house, and moving without them is even worse. That's what happened to Tony. This might sound harsh, but his decision to get a divorce was probably a good one! Whether you like them or not, you owe the person you married some honesty. Especially if it involves buying a new house and ultimately leaving them.
"She cheated. I tried to make it work. She blew up at me one night 6 months later threatening divorce because I was being friendly with a waitress at a bar (she was with me at the time, wasn't being secretive or flirting). I took her up on the threat, told her I was done. Drove down to the bar after we got home, got the waitresses number, went to see my lawyer the next day, got papers filed, fucked the waitress, and we ended up in love and are happily married now, and far more happily married than I ever was before. Big shout out to my ex-wife for pushing me towards this wonderful woman." — jroades26
From the moment he found out about her immoral venture with another man that relationship was doomed. It takes a special pair to get through a cheating episode. Marriage is already tough enough. Add cheating to the mix and it just makes the relationship a little more like hell. We'll say this a million times if we have to: DON'T CHEAT. It's not worth it!
“After my wife told me she was pregnant with someone else’s child, I made a vow to raise the unborn child as my own. In the beginning, she was on board. Later, the harder I tried, the quicker she’d run back to the other man. Then one day, the best couples therapist money could buy asked her, ‘Do you want to make it work?’ Her answer was no. That was the moment I realized I’d done everything I could to save the marriage.” — Vidal C.
This is a special case of infidelity. A life was brought into the trials of a broken marriage and a not so steady parental relationship. What this man vowed to do was honorable and respectable. What she did was shameful and borderline crazy. Whether it was her infidelity or her lack of love that tore these two apart, it probably worked out in the best way it could have. Nothing that is meant to be will be. It's as simple as that.
"When I did all the chores for us to have a relaxing weekend. I vacuumed the apartment, cleaned everything, did the bathroom, went grocery shopping ($250+), washed two loads of clothes and hung them to dry, new bed sheets, made dinner that was on the table when she got home. And all during the day I sent her texts telling her what I did. Her reaction when she got home? WHY HAVEN'T YOU DONE THE DISHES?!" — Mighty72
These two may or may not have had the most loving relationship. It's very possible that they were happy, it's also possible they were on the brink of divorce for quite a while before this happened. Either way, we can still learn something from them. It's very important to appreciate and praise your partner's efforts. Don't let the phrase "you don't know what you have until it's gone" be something you can relate to. Thank you isn't that hard to say, and if it is, you better start practicing!
“After exactly two years of couples therapy, trying desperately to find the tools to fix a broken marriage, I realized that my wife and I were still having the exact same fight and that therapy had no such tool. It was then that I realized the purpose of the therapy was for me to find the courage to leave a toxic relationship and finally see that I would be a better father apart from my children’s mother.” — Michael H.
Some fights cannot be fixed or undone. When two people cannot overcome one problem, it becomes a heartfelt battle that never ends. It's unhealthy and surely toxic for everyone in their proximity. If compromising is not an option, there may be some underlying issues getting in the way. Don't be afraid to walk away if you have to. The world goes on, and eventually you will be happy you left a disastrous relationship.
“We were watching fireworks on July 4th. My wife and I had bickered that day over how many hot dogs our sons should be allowed to eat. ‘Eating hot dogs on the 4th of July is a birthright of all Americans,’ I’d said, less than half in jest. ‘You have no idea what’s in them,’ she’d said, ‘Except nitrites. Which cause cancer.’ ‘It’s a hot dog!’ I responded. Then the battle shifted to condiments. After that, we watched the fireworks. Initially, the fireworks were silent. Light travels faster than sound so you see the light before you hear it. Then it struck me that this was happening in our marriage: I could see it exploding.” — James B
You know it's time to end things when you can't even agree on condiments. I say that loosely and not generally. Arguing from time to time is completely normal. Bickering all the time is not. It isn't good for your heart, your psyche, or your children. It's probably not good for your health either. Like I said earlier, if it can be fixed by all means give it a go! If it's something you just can't push through, then maybe this isn't the relationship for you. Like always, life goes on and a divorce is certainly not the end of yours.
“I had two moments: I knew it was over when she moved out of the master bedroom and when she actually saw a lawyer and filed for legal separation. The divorce isn’t what I wanted and it hurts every day of my existence but I know it will get better.” — Mike F.
Sleeping with your partner is one of the most intimate and beneficial things you can do together (not counting intercourse). Scientist Dr. Wendy M. Troxel says, "Couples who can navigate issues at night are most likely to be able to navigate them during the day, and vice versa." However, sleeping together in order to help the relationship only works if you're actually sleeping together. That was more of a fun fact than a guaranteed relationship fix. You can try all the tricks in the book, but if the other person is not feeling it, it's time to let them go. Don't waste your time trying to mend something that's far beyond broken. I'd still take that advice with a grain of salt, because love can be extremely powerful.