Relationships have their ups and downs, but add some distance into the mix and you have a whole new set of problems that bring a ton of issues to the table. You don’t get to see your loved one whenever you want to first and foremost—that’s tough enough on its own. Then you throw in some other factors like what he’s doing when you aren’t around and respecting your time, and there are even more issues to tackle.
Long distance relationships aren’t easy, and that’s probably why many people don’t engage in them to begin with. Even if you have a lot of patience and trust in your partner, for some, a long distance relationship can be too much to bare. It really is a lot to deal with this for an extended amount of time, and many couples don’t make it through the test of time for a number of reasons. Just because a person is totally affectionate in person doesn't mean they can be just as affectionate via Skype, text, or WhatsApp. Whether you have long distance trust issues or you just need more attention, the struggle is real.
We found some heart wrenching confessions from women that are dealing with exactly this—long distance relationships. So, if you’re considering going the distance, perhaps you should read this first.
15 “One of the things that kills me the most about a long-distance relationship is when I’m alone and he’s out with friends.”
In the real word, this would be seen as controlling, as people should have a life outside of their significant other, but in the world of long-distance relationships, the rules change a little bit, especially when there’s a major time difference involved. It’s hard to sync up to have that coveted time together on Skype or on the phone, so when he chooses to be with his friends over you during “your time”, it can be hurtful.
You feel left out of the game just sitting at home twirling your thumbs, as this is usually the time you talk to each other. It’s not fair to get upset because he’s choosing to have some fun, but it also feels unfair that you’re along right now and that’s understandable. Distance can certainly be tough.
14 “My Skype has seen so much naked action in the past 6 months that it should probably start paying me. The things you do for your long distance boyfriend.”
It only makes sense that you want to be intimate with your partner even if there is distance between the two of you and Skype offers a great way to facilitate that. Many people feel embarrassed about doing so, but in all reality, it’s actually pretty natural. You don’t get to see each other often, so you have to express yourselves somehow.
Just make sure your boyfriend is appreciating what you are doing for him because it is a big deal to put yourself out there like that digitally because he could record it in all honesty. You know how the saying goes, “Never put anything on the internet you wouldn’t want your mother to see.” Well, maybe you don’t have to be that paranoid, but there’s no such thing as total privacy in the digital world...just remember that.
13 “Everyone judges my long-distance relationship and says I should find someone closer. But they can’t understand he’s the one I love.”
I’m just going to go ahead and say this but…who cares? Screw the haters. Maybe they’re just jealous that you found a guy that devotes himself to you despite the distance and they haven’t? That’s so Mean Girls of them. Would they like it if you would rip on their relationships? Not so much. Don’t take things so personally because they’re just most likely jelly.
At the end of the day, only you and your love are the ones in the relationship—not them. It doesn’t really matter what they think as long as the two of you are happy, right? What if the two of you end up getting married? It would be super awkward for them to be eating their words at that point. Maybe you can urge them to just focus on themselves.
12 “Sometimes I pretend my pillow is my long-distance boyfriend.”
Aww. It’s never fun when you feel like you need your man, and he’s just not there in person. Sometimes you just need that big bear hug to get you through some of the tough stuff, and although your friends and family can help you out a little, it’s not the same as getting one from your significant. He just makes the world seem better somehow.
If a pillow makes everything seem a little bit brighter during the dark times, hug away. The great thing about a pillow is you can also spoon it without feeling like a complete weirdo. Let’s face it, spooning with your mom or even your BFF can get a little…weird, to say the least. If you can get his cologne, spray a little bit on your pillow, so it at least smells like him.
11 “I’m in a long-distance relationship and he’s saving up to travel overseas to visit me but I’m scared our relationship won’t last that long.”
If that’s how you’re feeling, break it off with him and stop stringing him along. It really isn’t fair to him that he’s working extra hard to make you happy, and you couldn’t care less about him. It takes a lot of time and effort to save up that amount of money, and he could be using that money for other things rather than spending it on a spoiled girlfriend that can’t get up the courage to break it off.
It really is self-centered to do that to a person. It sounds like your relationship is entirely one-sided, and you’re perfectly okay with it. It also appears like you have yourself a pretty darn decent guy that you are taking from a different, perhaps more deserving, girl. Behaving that way really isn't a nice thing to do, and I hope he realizes that before he wastes his money.
10 “I’m usually okay with him choosing video games over me, but in a long-distance relationship, that s**t gets old.”
Understandable. Many people say that even when they live close to their boyfriend. I, for one, will never get the appeal of playing a game with virtual friends over spending time with actual friends, but who the heck am I? On the other hand, if video games are his thing, you have to understand that he does his “me time” to decompress and do what he does to chill out.
What you can do is designate times that are your times to talk. That means video games don’t happen during those times—no excuses. Other times of the day are times when you have to be a little more understanding. Maybe it’s not your thing, but if he enjoys it, you should respect his pastimes, as he should respect yours as well.
9 “My boyfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship for two and a half years. I still get butterflies when he writes to me.”
Okay, this is adorable. If you still have those feelings after such a long time and such a large distance, then girlfriend, you are making the right choice with this guy. It sounds like, despite the distance, you still have a pretty healthy relationship, and that’s something to be proud of. Not many people can even say that when they live right near each other.
However, after so much time, have either of you ever considered taking the next step and moving a little closer to one another? Although you seem to be making things work, you can’t do the distance thing forever. Someone is going to have to make the sacrifice after a while. Maybe that’s a discussion to get on the books...It only seems to make sense, since you are both so in love for the past two years.
8 “I’m slowly introducing doubt into my LDR so that the break up isn’t completely out of the blue. He loves me more than he should. I feel terrible.”
Another horrible person alert. Why is it so hard to just break things off and be honest rather than being a complete jerk to someone that’s being committed? If you don’t want to be in it, that’s fine, he will move on and be okay, but let’s not act like you’re doing him such a huge favor by gracing him with your presence and sticking around. You are extremely self-centered.
The only thing that will hurt him more than a break-up is learning the slimy games you’re playing behind his back. You are being a manipulator that is trying to get him to do the dirty work of breaking up rather than you getting your own hands dirty because you’re a coward. That’s really weak sauce, and it sounds like you don't deserve this nice guy, honestly.
7 “My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. When he stops paying attention to me, I stop paying attention to our commitment.”
So…why are you in this relationship to begin with is my question? Is it one of those things that it makes you feel special to tell all your girlfriends that you’re in a long-distance relationship or something? Honestly, it sounds like you’re blackmailing this poor guy and it’s BS. If you want attention, that’s fair. If you aren’t happy, leave the relationship. Don’t blackmail him.
Is it a power struggle? I guess I just don’t get where you’re coming from on this one. If he doesn’t pay attention to you, you’re going to cheat on him rather than break up with him? This statement just seems very childish and makes me think that perhaps you shouldn’t be in a relationship right now because you just can’t handle what comes along with it. It’s not always fun and games.
6 “I bought the same deodorant my long-distance lover uses so I can smell him whenever I want and when I miss him.”
Don’t know why you didn’t go with cologne, but hey if it makes you happy who am I to judge? You go girl! Wear that deodorant! Smells have a really strong tie to our memories and it’s no surprise that you want to smell something that reminds you of him, as it’ll bring you right back to the good times you get to spend with him.
It’s actually pretty cute that you want to be as close to him as you can, and in all reality, that is the closest way to get to him without him actually being there. If you have one of his shirts, it might even make it feel a little more like he’s there too. Distance isn’t easy, but finding a way to cope with it makes each day seem a little easier.
5 “I’ve fallen for another guy while my boyfriend is over 1,000 miles away. I don’t want to waste college in a LDR. I want to have fun.”
Then break it off with him instead of breaking his heart in a horrible way. Not cool. Cheating is still cheating no matter how you want to justify it, and what you’re doing really isn’t okay, especially because he really has no way to check into what’s going on. My question is, why don’t you have the guts to break it off with him to “go have fun?”
If you want to have the best of both worlds that’s really not okay either. You are also an egotistical person that thinks the world revolves around you and doesn’t deserve to have a committed man doting on you. What really sucks is, you don’t care. As much as you want to pretend to act like there’s a reason behind it, it’s honestly because you’re being conceited.
4 “My boyfriend compliments me often on my looks, but we’re in an LDR and compliments don’t make me feel less lonely.”
This comment breaks my heart because it is so true. He’s trying his best, but it doesn’t fill the void you so desperately need filled. Sadly, the distance is pretty unforgiving and loneliness is a major side effect of a long-distance relationship no matter how sweet your guy may be. Unfortunately, there is no real way to make up for the fact that he just isn’t there.
Thank goodness for Skype though. Could you imagine what couples had to go through before FaceTime was a thing? How about before the internet? Dear lord, it must have been horrible. At least you get to see his face and hear his voice, so that’s a positive for you. Also, it sounds like he really cares about you, and he’s really trying, which is huge in the grand scheme of things.
3 “Sometimes I get a fear that my LDR boyfriend didn’t text back because he’s with another girl.”
Part of being in a long-distance relationship is having extra trust in each other. You can’t see or talk to them as much as you would if you were closer, so you don’t know what they are up to all the time. Maybe he is with another girl, but you have to think, did he ever give you a reason to believe that? If he is completely devoted to you, it could just be your imagination running away from you.
If he recently seems more distant or shady, it could be a good indicator that something is going on. The advantage of a long distance relationship is that you talk often, so you know his verbal queues like the back of your hand. Key into his actions, and if they seem off, question him on it. If not, it might all just be in your head.
2 “My boyfriend is moving here in a month after a long-distance relationship of over six months and I’m scared to death it’ll change things.”
Moving in together is a huge change, whether you live close or far away, but here’s the thing: if you are afraid of what’s to come and you’re going to be living close to each other, then maybe he’s not the one for you. Sure, it’s great to give things a try, but there’s more at stake here since he’s leaving his home that’s far away for you.
This might warrant a heart to heart with him about how you’re feeling. This is a big deal. You wouldn’t want to uproot yourself from your home only to see that things aren’t working out and you’re alone in a strange city, right? It only seems fair to loop him in on what’s going on. Maybe he’s feeling the same way, and talking openly about it with him will calm your nerves.
1 “Being in a long-distance relationship sucks. I love him with all my heart, but the distance makes it hard.”
Well said, sister. Distance does suck. There’s no way around it. If you love him that much though, things will work out in the end. Maybe it’s time for one of you to make the big move. Have you ever talked to him about your feelings? Maybe he’s actually on the same pages as you here.
At the end of the day, as long as both of you are committed, there is nothing to worry about. When one of you loses the drive to continue on with the relationship is when you need to start raising the red flag. That doesn’t seem like that’s the problem right now. Try planning trips to see each other so you have something to look forward to. Maybe every few weeks or months (depending on the distance) one of you makes the trek!