Every girl has been on at least one really bad date. We've all got our horror stories. If you listen to enough of them, you realize that they exist on a spectrum of sorts, ranging from, "He insisted that we order appetizers, cocktails, and dessert only to reveal that he forgot his wallet," to, "He licked his lips too much and offhandedly mentioned that he'd like to wear my skin as a suit."
Regardless of the severity of your bad date story, there are some mistakes that guys seem to make more often than others. When it comes to finding true love, we all have a long, arduous road ahead of us—but luckily, we can eliminate these unappealing detours early on. They're awkward, they're uncomfortable and we're definitely losing their number when we get back to the safety of our own homes—there are a lot of fish in the sea, so we're 100% comfortable with throwing these fifteen guys back.
15 The guy who makes eating awkward
You wouldn't think that there would be so many ways a dude could make a simple meal an uncomfortable ordeal... until you go on enough dates and realize the possibilities are endless. The time-honored dinner date can be ruined with something so small as chewing with your mouth open, but we all know that one guy who has done way, way worse.
Whether he's commenting on what you're eating ("A salad? I don't think you're that fat!" or "Wow, you can really put away a cheeseburger, huh?"), drinking to excess (we've been nervous on a date before, but never six-beers nervous), or just eats like a pig, you don't date a guy who can single-handedly ruin an entire meal. If things work out between the two of you otherwise and, god forbid, you marry the poor schmuck, that's the kind of stuff you'll have to deal with over dinner every night for the rest of your life. Pass.
14 The guy who's weird about money
Whether he's got too much of it, not enough, or he's just being a freak about leaving a decent tip, any guy who makes money into a big thing needs to get dumped, and fast. Rich or poor doesn't matter when it comes to true love (unless you're a sugar momma with a fat wallet or a chronic gold digger, anyway), but what does matter is how a man handles his wealth.
It might be fun for a little while if he's throwing it around and making it rain, but if that's his only way to impress you, he's probably trying to buy your love. On the other hand, if he's slyly convincing you to pay for everything, he's probably barking up the wrong tree (what's he think you are, made of cash or something?). Being weird about money early on means he'll keep being weird about it down the line, and we do not need that nonsense in our lives.
13 The guy who's rude to the waitstaff
It is not hard to be nice to your waiter or waitress. In fact, most people would just call it common courtesy. But as anyone who has ever worked in the service industry knows, not everyone is of this frame of mind. When a dude loses it on a waiter over a delay in service or reduces a waitress to tears because she brought him Pepsi instead of Coke, every girl knows this red flag when she sees it.
Is he being an a-hole to the ticket guy at the movie theater? Dumped. Refuses to tip his bartender? Dumped. The way that a guy treats the people who handle your food, make your drinks and park your car says a lot about who that guy is as a person (plus, you do not want anybody spitting in your vodka tonic or putting your fries down their pants, thanks). This guy needs to go.
12 The guy with the wicked B.O.
Even the most clean cut guys we've ever met in our lives have been guilty of this one from time to time, but if you're still in the early phases of dating, this is one way to ensure that he gets phased out. Scent and attraction are deeply tied (why do you think the perfume industry is so booming?), and if he shows up stinky, you can bet that we'll be showing him the door (and maybe a stick of deodorant on the way).
Sometimes, we're certain that dudes just cannot smell themselves—but that doesn't mean that we're so lucky. Stank feet, rot breath or pit sweat so pungent it's wilting those flowers he brought you right there in his hands—a stinky dude is not a dude that you want to take home with you. His bad B.O. will turn off our attraction to him as easily as flipping a switch.
11 The guy with the whacked out politics
Red, blue or otherwise—if he has got messed up politics, then we are going to have a problem. It is not just that we can't date a guy with politics that are contrary to our own (looking at you, meninists); it is that there is "contrary" and then there is realizing that he probably needs to be institutionalized. We've all got that one area of politics that we can get a little too radical about, but those aren't things that you bring up on a first date (or a second, or a third).
We're totally open to new ideas, but the further his are from our own, the less likely we are to respond to his messages. Nobody wants to wind up perpetually at war with their own significant other, no matter how good the bedroom fun is after expressing your hate. We hope he enjoys voting his candidate in because we're voting this dude out.
10 The guy with the filthy car
If the first thing that you think when you get into a dude's car is, "Why does this Impala smell like skunk?" then tough break, man—we're not about to make a habit of riding shotgun in it. The empty McDonald's wrappers, mummified french fries, and sticky beer cans don't lie. If his car is a pigsty, we're not going to want him to take us back to his place. Hell, we're not going to want to let him in our place, either—can you imagine if that mess is catching?
If he doesn't have the time or energy to clean the stuff out of his car before he picks you up, it says a lot about how much he cares about impressing you. We're not exactly looking for a man to show up in a ride worthy of the next James Bond, but we'd probably like it if he at least bothered to clean the cat hair off the passenger seat.
9 The guy who can't carry a conversation
Oh, we loooooove sitting and awkwardly staring at a dude while not saying anything for an hour over dinner (not). It's just a fact that some guys don't have a lot to say, but when it comes to making light conversation, they could at least make an effort. Nothing is more uncomfortable than sitting and listening to each other chew food, and while he's probably great to go to movies with, you can't spend the rest of your life watching rom coms in a theater (no matter how much we'd all like to).
If we can't talk to him, and he can't talk to us, this relationship already has communication issues, which means it's time to check out sooner rather than later. We might like to think that this dude is so in awe of our beauty that he's been rendered speechless, but the constantly awkward silence that follows would straight up drive us mad.
8 The guy who moves too fast
If the chemistry is there and we can both feel it, there's nothing quite so sexy as a guy who makes the first move. But that's a far cry from the actions of Handsy McJackoff, who seems to have mistaken a "Hi, how are you?" for a come-on and is now trying to jump your bones.
Whether he's trying to lick our tonsils or doesn't understand that the first date is probably not the best time to announce his crazy desires, this guy can't keep it in his pants—and we really need him to. We know not every dude can be a total Cassanova, but we expect every dude to be able to not act like a freak. It's not fun to continually slap his hand away from our behinds, and we know good and well that if we give him a second chance, we're going to end up punching him in the face.
7 The guy who can't put his phone down
We are not exactly tech-free ourselves, but when it comes to dating, it would be nice if he could at least stay off Tinder until he has taken you home. Unless he is live-tweeting the date so your future children will be able to like and retweet the moment that Mommy met Daddy, it's not really cool to be on your phone for an entire damn dinner—especially not if he is planning on getting any sexy Snapchats afterward.
The smartphone generation gets a lot of slack for always being connected, and this dude is probably the #1 reason why. We do not like to preach about turning the phone off and communicating like real people (because we absolutely just Instagrammed our dinner, not going to lie), but there are definitely moments when it is inappropriate to be Facebooking. We might have swiped left to start out, but now we'd definitely swipe right.
6 The guy with the volcanic temper
It's uncomfortable to be in the car with him when he's road raging, and god forbid someone tries to cut in line at the theater. His temper might not be directed at you to start out with, but if he's the kind of dude who seems ready to blow his top at any minute, then he's not the kind of dude we'd go out with again. It's only a matter of time before he turns that stuff on you, and nobody likes having to call the cops on a rogue boyfriend at 10 PM on a Monday night.
Everyone gets angry sometimes, but dudes with bad tempers are not dudes worth keeping around. It's embarrassing when he starts screaming at strangers, which means you can't take him anywhere, and frankly, it's scary when he loses it in general—you've seen the Lifetime original movies, you know how that kind of thing ends up.
5 The guy who totally flakes on you
Know what's a turn-off? Getting stood up. An even bigger turn-off? Getting stood up repeatedly. All you ask, baseline, is that if a guy is asking you out, he at least makes the effort to show up... but unfortunately, some dudes just can't keep their end of the bargain. Do these guys have any idea how many hours go into looking as fine as we do? We're not about to repeatedly waste all that time for some guy who can't even be bothered to arrive.
Being chronically late totally falls into this category, too—because if we have to sit in Applebees eating mozzarella sticks for an hour while he gets his stuff together, you can bet that we could have done that in a lot less makeup. There's nothing like getting white girl wasted while your date pulls his head out of his you know what... but truth be told, we could've done that at home.
4 The guy you've already caught lying
If he shows up and you realize his dating site profile picture is more than five years old, you already know you're gonna have problems. Oh, the stuff dudes will lie about! Their height and eye color are only the tip of the iceberg (6'2" ya right—we've seen dogs taller than he is!). What he does for a living, how many partners he's had, whether or not he already has a girlfriend (yikes)... the possibilities are endless, and once you catch him in one lie, you just know that there are a dozen or so others that he's managed to get past your defenses.
Sometimes, a guy is just a liar, and that's the ugly truth. There's no helping a guy who's gone full pathological (unless you're a psychologist, we guess), and we've known enough liars in our days that we know better than to expect him to change his fibbing ways.
3 The guy who admits to having commitment issues
You've got to hand it to this guy—he has figured out a way to say, "I only see you as a one time thing," up front. While his honesty might be commendable, most of us have the problem of catching feelings a little too easily, and we do not want to be catching him in the crossfire when we do.
The problem with guys who admit to having commitment issues is that they always say it like it is meant to be cute or charming... when it is totally not. He might be bragging about his bachelor ways now, but when his hair starts falling out and he is desperately ringing up phone hotlines through his forties, it will not seem quite so debonaire. In the meantime, we will be chasing down dudes who are less likely to disappear before we wake up in the morning. Nobody has time for this type of guy!
2 The guy who goes ghost
Speaking of disappearing acts, we probably would give this guy a second chance... if we could find him, that is. Nobody likes being ghosted, and it always seems to happen in the most unexpected of moments. Just when we're starting to really fall for him, suddenly, he's fallen off the face of the earth. No text, no calls and he's not responding to any of our messages... so either he's managed to get sucked into a video game and is currently fighting his way out, or he's been raptured, as far as we know.
On the off chance that this dude does show up again, we know better than to play into his dumb game twice. Ghosting is rude, and this guy doesn't seem to care. Even if he apologizes, it doesn't really make up for the ten awkward texts we felt compelled to send when he decided to stop talking to us.
1 The guy who bashes his exes
Not every love story has a happy ending, and when a guy won't shut up about how horrible his exes were, yours probably won't have one, either. It's not only super annoying to have to hear about how Caitlyn cheated on him with his football coach or the way that Mandy was like, sooooo clingy, it's like... more than a little rude. We don't know what went down between him and those other girls, and we don't want to know! When we go out to have a good time, we're not usually looking to hear our partners' sob stories, and even if we are, there's a line that gets crossed when he starts getting all name calling on his exes.
Dudes who bash their exes send a clear message to future girlfriends: "If we break up, I'm going to talk about you like this, too." So while he's being salty and bitter, we'll be looking for a dude with some chill—they do still exist, right?