Being a mom is wonderful, amazing, life-changing, and... gross. It's true! We don't like to sugarcoat things and in this case, we definitely are not. Being a mom is all kinds of incredible but it's definitely not for the faint of heart. It takes a strong woman to be a mom and an even stronger woman to clean up many of the messes that kids make, some of which we're about to get right into.
So it's time to get down and dirty with all the things that a real superhero does. In our book, anyone who can change a dirty diaper, suction out snotty boogers, and clean up high-chair post-mashed peas is definitely worthy of their own article.
In case anyone hadn't noticed, babies have very small noses. This makes it nearly impossible to do anything with a tissue, let alone keep them calm enough to do so. Thus, enter the booger-sucker. It looks gross, it sounds gross, and that's because it is, indeed, gross. But it works.
Any mom knows that when childbirth is over, it's time to start packing the heavy-duty pads. Just when you thought everything that could come out had come out, you realize you're in for a few weeks of extra drainage. This will pass, but it definitely makes for an interesting few weeks.
Especially if it's cake, usually always if it's cake. Rather than let food land on the floor (which makes for an annoying clean up later on), many moms will simply eat the leftovers. It's weird and unexplainable, but it happens... once a child has popped out of your lady parts, there are practically no boundaries.
It's just something you do as a mother. If your child hands you a piece of whatever they're eating, no matter what it is, you take it. Not taking it is basically sacrilege and only reserved for those who are not family. Otherwise, there is no excuse... eat the soggy cereal.
There will be more than one occasion when your baby's diaper overflows with a warm substance you'll hope is pee... but it never is. The best thing you can do is pack plenty of wipes and be prepared to go to town down under because mudslides do happen... and sometimes, there are casualties.
Babies aren't quite adept when it comes to using their oral functions, which is why moms come in clutch when it comes to cleaning. This includes food in just about any form, which will likely be everywhere. It's just something a mother becomes immune to, especially when her shirt is covered in at least five spit-up stains.
It's not always a fun time, either. What appears so beautiful and natural in many photos has been done with the talented work of a photographer. In real life, there can be complications, spillage, leakage, and even friendly fire if a mom isn't careful enough. It's a wild world, the world of motherhood.
Babies get ear wax, too, and some moms will even say the most ear wax they've ever come into contact with has been their baby's. Guess who's job it is to clean it out? That's right... mom's. Not only is it their job to clean it, but inspecting and smelling is often part of the job.
Moms are fearless in the face of any and all germs. When it comes to their kids, anything that they're kids are going through, they'll face ten times over. That's why they're the true MVPs when it comes to cleaning up sickly messes, holding germy hands, and, yes, even being sneezed, pooped, and spit up on.
Babies have some of the raunchiest gas and, sometimes, it's enough to make a grown man cry. That's why moms are the true heroes of the parenting world (sorry, dads!). Every time you get farted on is one more note on the 'things to get back at your kids for' list.
High chairs are great for eating, not so great when it comes time to clean. Contrary to popular belief, they have just as many crevices, if not more than, a car seat. This lends itself to some interesting disinfecting, especially when you find cheerios from six months ago. Yum, delicious.
Dirty diapers, milk, formula, butts to see if anything has come out of them — you name it. Any and all of a baby's parts have likely been sniffed by moms in order to make sure everything is normal. This is just part of mom DNA; lift it, sniff it, and then decide: Okay, funky, or no-go?
Potty training is an interesting time in a child's life. Not only will they be encouraged to poop into a strange bowl filled with water, but they'll also be encouraged to wipe, flush, and wash their hands. The fact that anyone learns how to do this at a young age is a miracle, as are the moms who get through it with little emotional scarring.
Don't bother denying it... we all know that you've picked a pacifier up off the floor at least once, put it in your own mouth to 'disinfect' it, then given it to your baby. There's a solid chance that most moms have done this and it's just one of those things. It's gross and not scientifically-proven at all to be sanitary, but it happens.
No booger-sucker? No tissues? No problem: sleeves. Kids aren't the only ones who are likely candidates for snotty sleeves, moms are guilty of it, too. Every now and then, your child will have a runny nose that leaves no time for rational thought. Thus, long sleeves are often a requirement of new moms.