What do F-boys and Game of Thrones have in common? UM, EVERYTHING. Game of Thrones may be a show about the Iron Throne, and dragons, and icy zombie creatures, but it’s also a show about F-boys. Okay, maybe it’s not about F-boys per se, but there are a ton of F-boy characters running around with the Iron Throne, dragons and White Walkers.
Yes, F-boys are a seemingly modern thing. They are identified for the way in which they’ll text you begging for nude photos, even though they “forgot” to text you back the last time you were supposed to hang out. (LOL to that move.) F-boys are identified for the way they’ll text you “U up” at 2:47am. By the way, even if you are up, don’t answer that text unless you want to have a late night bang sesh, because that’s all that F-boy is looking for. And quite frankly, a 2:47am bang sesh is usually all any F-boys are ever looking for.
The thing is, being a F-boy is apparently an eternal problem with which women have to deal with because there are hardcore F-boys on Game of Thrones. Even though there aren’t phones or Snapchat or Tinder on Game of Thrones, the male characters still find ways to be the worst. That’s right, in a world literally without toothbrushes, F-boys still exist. Um, so I guess the lesson here is that there’s basically no hope for us women ever…? GREAT.
Below are 16 Game of Thrones characters who are 100% F-boys, because avoiding F-boys is impossible even in a fictional fantasy world.
16. Robert Baratheon
Do I even actually have to tell you why Robert Baratheon is a total f*ck boy? I mean, I feel like it’s pretty obvious.
First of all, there was his love of prostitutes. And not only did Robert Baratheon really love prostitutes of all shapes and sizes, but he also failed to use protection of any kind, resulting in countless bastards running around King’s Landing. Thankfully, that produced Gendry and Gendry’s delicious abs. But for the most part, it’s not cool to go spreading your seed like that.
This was all while he was married to Cersei Lannister. Admittedly, Robert and Cersei had a very cold relationship, so she probably didn’t mind that Robert hooked up with prostitute after prostitute, but still. On the Cersei subject, she talked of a time when she was taken with King Robert, only to have mind whisper ‘Lyanna Stark’ in her ear… on their wedding night. This is such a f*ck boy move – idealizing a woman from your past and measuring others against it.
15. Oberyn Martell
I love Oberyn Martell as much as the next girl, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s a f*ck boy.
Obviously, Oberyn Martell is not a one-lady (or one-man) kind of man. Nope, Oberyn Martell enjoys his freedom when it comes to the bedroom. While this can come off as f*ck boyish, it did seem that Oberyn Martell was upfront with Ellaria Sand his needs. I mean, Ellaria Sand was also not really a one-man or one-woman kind of woman either.
That said, Oberyn Martell was like Robert Baratheon, in that he was stunted from his past. Oberyn Martell’s sole goal in life was to avenge his sister’s unjust and merciless death. In attempting to do so, Oberyn Martell literally got his skull crushed in, leaving behind a horrified Ellaria Sand. And that’s exactly how f*ck boys are. They do what they want, when they want, regardless of who it hurts.
14. Xaro Xhoan Daxos
THIS GUY! This guy may be the biggest f*ck boy in all of Game of Thrones.
If you remember all the way back to season two, which feels like centuries ago, Daenerys was in Qarth and being courted by Xaro Xhoan Daxos. Xaro Xhoan Daxos was said to be one of the wealthiest men in Qarth. He promised Daenerys riches, ships and Westeros. Ah, but then it all flipped.
It turned out that Xaro Xhoan Daxos has shacked up with Doreah, Dany’s super sexy handmaid. (Note to Daenerys: Never trust a super sexy handmaid. They are always trouble.) Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Doreah then stole Dany’s dragons, but we all know no one steals Dany’s dragons.
Xaro Xhoan Daxos’ story ends when Dany gets her dragons back (because duh) and realizes his misdoings. She opens his vault to reveal… nothing! That’s right, he didn’t even have the richest about which he had bragged. Daenerys then puts Xaro Xhoan Daxos and Doreah into his vault of nothing and locks it.
13. Viserys Targaryen
Since we’re talking about Daenerys storylines from long ago, how about Viserys Targaryen? He was the worst. In fact, before Joffrey and Ramsay, Viserys may have been one of the most despicable characters on the show.
Viserys was Dany’s older brother, who pretty much sold her to Khal Drogo as a sex slave. I mean, it worked out to Dany’s advantage, but that still sucked. When Daenerys showed hesitation in marrying Khal Drogo, Viserys dropped this nugget of dialogue: “We go home with an army. With Khal Drogo’s army. I would let his whole tribe f*ck you – all forty thousand men – and their horses too if that’s what it took.”
UM, EXCUSE ME?
Oh, Bronn. I do love me some Bronn, but one of the lovable things about Bronn is his unapologetic f*ck boy tendencies.
Bronn is pretty much a brute of a man. Sure, he’s a skilled swordsman, which has gotten him far in the world of Game of Thrones. Other than knowing how to fight though, Bronn also knows how to drink and how to bed women. That’s pretty much all Bronn is about – fighting, banging and drinking. He’s a man of bodily pleasures, and he doesn’t hide that fact.
This is fun to watch, but in now way would it be fun to hook up with Bronn in real life. He would 100% ghost you.
During his time on the show, Gendry was one of the more likable characters. He was given few lines, but they seemed to be all the right ones. Plus, all his flirting with Arya was completely adorable. So, how does Gendry of all people land himself on a list of Game of Thrones f*ck boys? The reason why Gendry made this list was is because he would ghost the shit out of you. In fact, he pretty much ghosted the entire audience.
In season three, Davos sensed that Gendry’s life was in danger, as Melisandre has a thing for both king’s blood and for burning people alive. Davos sent Gendry rowing on a boat… and we haven’t heard from him since. Gendry ghosted all of us… for years! We’ve all been left to wonder where Gendry is and why he hasn’t returned our friendly and totally not clingy text.
10. Jaqen H’ghar
Jaqen H’ghar is such a low-key f*ck boy. Sure, he doesn’t seem like your typical f*ck boy, mostly because he hasn’t actually hooked up with a character, but he has some f*ck boy tendencies.
Also, those guys who don’t seem like a f*ck boy and turn out to be a f*ck boy are the worst, right?
Back to Jaqen H’ghar. For starters, he talks in riddles. It’s like when you ask a guy if he wants to meet up for drinks and he texts you back… something? You’re not sure if you’re getting drinks, or meeting up later, or meeting up next month. You have to send the text to all your friends to figure out what he means. Yeah, that’s pretty much how Arya probably felt about literally everything this guy said to her.
There’s also the fact that Jaqen H’ghar is a faceless man. He can become anyone he wants. This is like the guy who acts one way towards you one night and a whole different way another night. You’re left thinking it’s your fault, but it’s not. It’s just that he’s a faceless man.
9. Robb Stark
I know what you’re thinking. You’re like, how it Robb Stark, who was hopeless devoted to Talisa Stark, a f*ck boy? Well, it all has to do with Talisa Stark.
Robb Stark originally agreed to marry one of Walder Frey’s daughter in exchange for crossing a river. He agreed to this even knowing Walder Frey’s daughters were not particularly attractive. That’s all fine and well, then Talisa happens.
In walks Talisa and out walks all of Robb’s previous commitments. Sure, the chemistry between Talisa and Robb was undeniable, but Robb was basically engaged to a Frey girl. Who cares, though? Robb went off and married Talisa, which, as we all know, resulted in the Red Wedding. As horrible as the Red Wedding was, one of the factors that contributed to the Red Wedding was Robb’s marriage to Talisa.
8. Ramsay Bolton
Is Ramsay Bolton a f*ck boy or a evil monster? Um, both.
I won’t even take into consideration Ramsay’s marriage to Sansa Stark, during which he raped, abused and imprisoned her. This is beyond f*ck boy behavior. There are other things that are beyond f*ck boyish, like his torture of Theon, his killing his baby brother, and flaying people. So, let’s not even talk about all of that. Instead, let’s talk about how his treatment of Myranda could be considered f*ck boyish.
Myranda was Ramsay’s bae through most of his time onscreen. Ramsay and Myranda enjoyed having rough bedroom fun, because – go figure – Ramsay Bolton likes it rough. Ramsay, though, loved toying with Myranda even outside of their bedroom fun. Ramsay brought up the fact that Sansa Stark, his betrothed, was very beautiful. Ramsay also forced Myranda to come along on his hunting trips, in which he allowed his dogs to chase down a booty call with whom he grew bored. This was all done to continuously put Myranda against other women, which… ew.
Ramsay Bolton enjoyed pitting women against. He is like that guy who says his “crazy ex-girlfriend” is stalking him, all to make you dislike the other girl. Like, no. No one is crazy, except the f*ck boy.
7. Joffrey Baratheon
From Ramsay Bolton to Joffrey Baratheon, because they were two of the most veil character in all of the series, right? Also, such an hard eye roll to Joffrey and his face, but alas we have to talk about him because he’s a f*ck boy.
How shall we count the ways in which Joffrey Baratheon was a f*ck boy? Well, there was the time Arya and Nymeria totally owned Joffrey, and he was unable to handle admitting he was bested by a girl. There was time Joffrey beheaded the father of woman to whom he was engaged. Oh, and then Joffrey made Sansa LOOK at her father’s head on a spike.
There was the time Robb Stark beat his men in battle, and so Joffrey decided to have Sansa disrobed and beaten in court. There was the time Joffrey publicly ended his marriage to Sansa Stark because Margaery Tyrell, a hotter piece of ass, was interested in him.
Like Ramsay Bolton, Joffrey did things so awful that they were beyond f*ck boy behavior. However, the way Joffrey constantly treated women like his own personal play things, there simply for his amusement, was something a f*ck boy does.
6. Euron Greyjoy
There is just so much wrong with Euron Greyjoy.
First of all, what is he wearing these days? Apparently between season six and season seven, Euron Greyjoy had a makeover… and it’s… interesting. Basically, he’s wearing a lot of leather and a lot of eyeliner, which I don’t know… is that in fashion in King’s Landing or something? I get the feeling that Euron Greyjoy is into fads. Like, he would 100% have a man bun in real life.
The other reason Euron Greyjoy is a total f*ck boy is because what was that proposal to Cersei Lannister? I MEAN! I’ll give him points for waltzing into King’s Landing and trying to get it with Cersei Lannister, but how presumptuous is that? Cersei Lannister is the Queen. Be gone, peasant.
Euron Greyjoy is the type of guy, with such an inflated ego, who walks into a bar, hits on the hottest girl there, and thinks he stands a chance. Or, even worse, thinks she owes him something because he bought her a drink. NOPE.
5. Theon Greyjoy
Theon Greyjoy may have changed his ways, but let us not forget his old f*ck boy days.
Theon Greyjoy would hook up with everyone and anyone. And I truly, truly mean everyone and anyone. Theon Greyjoy even tried to, unknowingly mind you, hook up with his own sister. And that’s exactly what happens when you hook up with everyone without even knowing their name – you end up accidentally feeling up you sissy.
There’s also the fact that Theon betrayed the Starks, the family that literally raised him. Also, it takes a lot of balls to suddenly think you should be ruling the North, right?
After Ramsay Bolton’s Torture Fest 2013, Theon Greyjoy (aka Reek, aka Theon, aka so confusing) was never the same. Theon no longer has the arrogance he once had, which was the type of arrogance that makes f*ck boys f*ck boys in the first place. But, we’ll still never forget that time he tried to bang his own sister by accident… y’know, because that’s a hard thing to forget.
4. Stannis Baratheon
Stannis Baratheon was never very well-liked, but then he became totally and completely hated. This hate is all because Stannis, like most f*ck boys, was preoccupied by physical beauty. While most men are preoccupied by physical beauty, the trait of a f*ck boy is to be ruled by a woman’s physical appearance. What I mean is that a f*ck boy is the type to be totally committed to you… until someone hotter comes along. Suddenly, he’ll ghost you for that hotter girl. Oh, and then when the hotter girl ghosts him, he’ll suddenly start texting you again, because LOL.
Anyway, this is pretty much what Stannis did to his wifey. Stannis was seemingly faithful to his wife until ol’ Melisandre comes along. Suddenly, Stannis is banging the red priestess and burning his daughter at the stake. And you just KNOW Stannis was begging Melisandre for some nudes, because that’s a basic f*ck boy move.
3. Tywin Lannister
I actually enjoyed Tywin Lannister. Sure, he was one of the evil masterminds behind the Red Wedding and probably one of the worst fathers on the show, but he was also one of the only people to keep Joffrey in check during the later seasons of his reign. That said, Tywin Lannister is still a total f*ck boy.
Tywin Lannister is a f*ck boy because he’s all about his status. This is a dude who prides himself on the fact that he is the head of the wealthiest family. But it’s not necessarily the wealth that he loves, rather the power that comes with it. With Tywin, it’s all about having power and getting power. In fact, it’s theorized that Tywin would even allow the Mad King to have some trysts with Joanna Lannister, his wife, all just to gain more power. Like, he let the Mad King bone his wife all just to get more power. Talk about being power hungry, right?
With f*ck boys, it’s many times about status and power. A f*ck boy may want to hook up with one girl or another just because she has status. In fact, a f*ck boy may be more impressed with a girl’s Louis Vuitton bag than anything else. Oh, and you just know Tywin Lannister would be a lover of labels, right?
The worst of the worst f*ck boys are master manipulators. This is the type of f*ck boy who will make you feel like a crazy stalker for mentioning that he hasn’t texted you back in three weeks. He will totally commit to you one week, and then need his space the next week. He will, for sure, bread crumb you. In fact, the worst part of a f*ck boy like this is that he’s so good at manipulating, you may not even realize he’s a f*ck boy.
If the worst kinds of f*ck boys are master manipulators, then Littlefinger is the worst kind of f*ck boy. There is no better manipulator in Westeros than Littlefinger. He orchestrated nearly every major event in Westeros, including Ned Stark’s beheading and Joffrey’s poisoning. Oh, and Littlefinger got Lysa to poison her husband, married her, and then killed her to protect his very inappropriate crush, Sansa Stark. The only person who can trust Littlefinger is Littlefinger, and the same is true with any and every f*ck boy.
1. Jon Snow
Yes, ladies, Jon Snow is a f*ck boy. I’m sorry, but he just is.
Now, I know we all love Jon Snow, but let’s think back on his relationship with Ygritte. Their relationship doesn’t paint him in the best light. I mean, Jon Snow and Ygritte bone down in that cave, which was steamy as hell. Then, Jon Snow saves Ygritte’s life while they are climbing a literal wall of ice and they kiss on what seems like the top of the world. It was like the last scene in an action film. Everything was perfect. And then Jon Snow’s like BYE. He gets on a horse and goes back to Castle Black. Oh, but Jon Snow also insists that he still loves Ygritte, even though BYE. I get the whole duty and honor thing, but doesn’t this feel like the f*ck boy who didn’t text you for two weeks but still loves you?
And, I do get it. Jon Snow’s relationship with Ygritte was riddled with many difficulties. There was the fact that he took a vow to never be with a woman, a vow he broke for Ygritte. There was also the fact that he and Ygritte were on different sides of the wall, as he was in the Night’s Watch and Ygritte was a Wildling. But, still. Come on, Jon Snow. You can’t be loving and leaving them like that.
Also, guess what happens to the girl in this situation? Ygritte ends up shot in the heart and dies. That’s what happens when you engage with a f*ck boy who says he loves you, but his actions indicate otherwise – you end up shot in the heart and dead, figuratively of course.
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