For queer women, dating can be mighty complicated. With two women there are lots of feelings involved and maybe even a little drama, even from the get-go. Women are intense and you can get wrapped up really quick so it's best to just chill out and see how it goes. You can get to know someone and let somebody get to know you without going to deep.
On a first date it's important to make sure you're both comfortable and of course that you're both having fun. Why so serious!? There are no absolute rules, so just relax. This isn't Lesbian Dating 101, because there's no such thing. You shouldn't have specific expectations either because when it comes to women who date women there's no such thing as stereotypes anymore.
The trick is getting the right balance of figuring her out while still having a good time. And obviously you'll want to do a few things to impress and show her that you're a catch. It isn't too hard. Just make sure you're warm and welcoming. And listen to what she has to say, she will think you're amazing.
14 Don't Get Too Intense
The trouble is that it's easy to get all wrapped up when you go on a date with another woman, even on a first date. Women are intense. It just happens. And for some queer women, first dates are few and far between because finding other queer women is difficult. That's another reason why it's easy to get all caught up in somebody. But if you want the date to go well and you want to go on a second date, don't get too intense. Don't decide you're in love with them and want to move in together and so share all of your personal business or come on too strong. Just relax and see what happens between you two.
13 Wear What Makes You Comfortable
Dressing for a date with another lady can be a challenge. If you're like me you'll have absolutely no idea what to wear. I wouldn't want to turn up in jeans and a T-shirt when she's dressed all fancy in a dress or a blazer or something, and on the reverse I wouldn't want to get dressed up to the nines when she's chosen a chilled outfit. You don't want to accidentally wear matching outfits either. That would be a bit embarrassing on a first date! So, I guess your best bet is to just go smart-casual for the first date or wear what you think would be appropriate for the venue. And above all you should wear what you're comfortable in, something that makes you feel good.
12 Go Dutch
So who pays when two chicks go on a date? That's surely a question that's baffled lesbians for centuries. Well... I would like to think that straight people have the same dilemma nowadays in the age of gender equality. Correct me if I'm wrong, my hetero friends. Not that I really care what you get up to, tehe. Anyway, if you're a woman on a date with a woman it's a good idea to just split the bill, or at least suggest splitting the bill. That way you can avoid any of the “Who pays?” awkwardness. Plus, by splitting the bill you're starting out in a good place, on equal grounding.
11 Greet Her With A Hug And A Compliment
First date hello's can be a bit awkward. You're obv not going to shake her hand. That would be ridiculous. But being all European about it and giving her a couple of kisses on the cheek could be a bit too much. So, what do you do? Stand there and give a little wave. That would be incredibly awkward too. I would suggest simply stretching your arms out for a little hug when you meet her. It's cute and informal. Perfect. Then when you've finished your embrace you can tell her she looks nice and make her smile. That will make for a brilliant first impression and puts both of you at ease straight away.
10 Listen To Her
Women like to talk. Don't go getting offended ladies. It's true. So the best thing you can do on a first date with a woman is to listen to what she has to say. Obviously ask her lots of follow-up questions too. She will adore the fact that you're being attentive. And hopefully, you'll be genuinely interested in what she has to say as well. That's an indicator that you will get along swimmingly.
9 Find Out Where She Lies On The Spectrum
Whether she's a gold-star lesbian, a bisexual babe or relatively new to the game doesn't matter. She is who she is and can't help it. What you need to do however is get some indication of what she's looking for. Let's have a few for instances here. For instance, she tells you she has more of an emotional connection with girls but enjoys sleeping with guys. If you're looking for someone to date and maybe a relationship she's great. If it's the other way around then you know she's only into getting nasty with you, so she's great if you're looking for a friend with benefits. If you're the first woman she's ever been on a date with, then you have to decide whether you're ready to take her under your lesbian wing and so on. Hopefully you get where I'm going with this. I'm not saying you should be finding out whether she wants marriage and kids some day, cringe. But you do need to have an idea of where you both stand from day one.
8 Do Not Talk About Exes
Neither of you should be talking about your exes. Nor should you be talking about hook-ups or mutual people you know from the bar scene or anything like that. As you well know, the community can be quite tight-knit so it would be pretty gross to talk about other people. One of my worst dating experiences was when a girl took me to a bar, in which her ex served us as a waitress. That was just weird, hated it. You want to start fresh, without any baggage or creepy conversations.
7 Go To A Gay-Friendly Venue
For me this is the preferred option. Some people don't give a crap where they are or who they're with. But if you go to a place frequented by the gays then it doesn't really matter either way. I just think you don't want your very first kisses and cuddles (if it gets that far) to be ruined by nosey people or, in the worst case scenario, by haters. What do you think?
6 Be Prepared To Make The First Move
Women who haven't dated other women before often ponder the question of who makes the first move on a lesbian date. It's understandable. Guys are often the first to go in for the kill on straight dates. But what happens when it's two ladies? I don't think it really works like that for LGBTQ women, it could go either way. That's why you should be prepared to make the first move or the first gesture of intimacy. If you want to, just go for it. There are no rules.
5 Don't Play Games
Of course you can flirt and be cheeky and have lots of fun. But there's no point in playing games and being coy with her. Most of us are tired of that sh*t. Honesty is the best policy on first dates. You might as well be open and straightforward. I'm not saying tell her your life story but just be yourself. If you continue to date, she will find out who you really are somewhere along the line and your game-playing will be rumbled.
4 Watch Out For The Red Flags
Lesbian drama - that is something we want to avoid. And you can tell if somebody is going to be a whole bunch of drama from the first date. If she keeps talking about her ex then there's obviously still some drama going on there. If she's on her phone a lot then she's not interested in you, she's interested in some other drama. If she has a group of catty friends or even just one jealous friend, then that's some drama waiting to happen. If you're being attentive then you should be able to work out whether she's into the drama or not.
3 Forget Any Stereotypes
Nowadays we need to be forgetting what we think we know about the modern chick who's digging chicks. Everybody is different. And stereotyping people is stupid. She might be butch in the streets and femme in the sheets, as they say. Who knows. You can't go into the first date expecting anything because you might be surprised or even disappointed. Just get to know who she is and what her deal is.
2 Work Her Out
Everybody has different tastes and different deal-breakers so there's no set guide on how to find out whether she's what you're looking for. Get to know what you need to know about her in a casual way. And if you feel like you've only scratched the surface with one another it's definitely worth going on a second date or even multiple dates. At the same time, don't force a second date. And don't settle just because she's “the only [other] gay in the village”. Man, lesbian dating is complicated.
1 Enjoy Yourself
This is the most important first date tip. Relax, be open and enjoy yourself, while you're listening to her and making sure she isn't a crazy. I think that pretty much sums it up.