Introverts have been in our pages a lot lately, as with most other websites dealing with the human condition. Why? What’s so special about introverts? If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an introvert, or if you are an introvert, you know. Introverts have a unique way of processing the world. Unlike their extrovert counterparts, who typically need to talk things out in order to understand them, introverts deal with things through processing them inside themselves. While you might think that this sort of internally-focused concentration is a negative when it comes to relationships, it’s actually a huge positive.
Introverts make great partners, and there’s definitely more than 15 reasons why that’s true. We’ve gone through research upon research to bring you the best facts that show how introverts have more successful and meaningful relationships than the rest of us. That doesn’t mean the non-introverts of the world can’t have successful or meaningful relationships; definitely not! It takes two (or more) to make a relationship work, after all. It’s nice to take a page out of the introverts’ book though, even if it’s just to understand what’s going on with them. This is especially true if you’re an extrovert who’s found themselves in a relationship with an introvert. You need to check out these 15 facts then!
15 They’re Immune To The Instant Satisfaction Phenomenon
Ever wonder why introverts always seem content with whatever they’ve got, while extroverts always seem to be on the lookout for the next big hang out or party? Introverts have found the secret to contentment rather than our oft-searched-for fleeting happiness and immediate bliss.
Laurie Helgoe, PhD, says “their brains are less dependent on external stimuli and rewards to feel good. As a result, introverts are not driven to seek big hits of positive emotional arousal”.
The best way to describe this is to think of it in terms of coffee: While most of the world will choose the immediacy of instant coffee, K-Cups, or a McD’s order, introverts prefer it the old-fashioned way. They like the slow drip coffee that keeps you awake for hours, rather than that immediate half-jolt of instant satisfaction.
14 Introverts Take Time To Process
Click on any introvert article and you’ll see that the first thing anyone focuses on is the way introverts process. While there’s a lot to be said for people who are able to come up with beautiful, intelligent theories after having an idea tossed their way, the introverts are a little more low-key. Some people might even call them slow to offer their opinions or thoughts. In all honesty, we would agree… As would any introvert! Introverts recognize that they process internally. This means that they prefer to think about things and formulate a full answer before committing to saying something out loud. This helps them in relationships because, even though they might be quieter overall, thinking before they speak ensures that they’ll never be misunderstood when discussing important relationship things with their partner.
13 Listening To Their Partner Is Their #1 Priority
We’ve been a little generous here, but think it’s accurate to say. When an introvert is in conversation with someone, they’re often sticking to listening and asking questions, according to Psychology Today article Revenge of the Introverts. This is great news for both their intimate and professional relationships. People love to be listened to. Knowing that someone is being heard is one of the best things you can give to a person, and usually spells out success in a relationship. Listening can help with a whole slew of problems that people typically find in their relationships. By sitting down and taking in what your partner is saying, you’re able to understand that it’s more about how they’re saying it than what they’re saying. This will allow you to ask the right questions and gauge how best to respond behavior-wise.
12 Their Partners Don’t Miss Out On Any Time With Them
You might be thinking “but introverts like to spend time alone! Doesn’t that take time away from the relationship?” The answer is… No. It doesn’t. Sophia Dembling of
Psychology Today writes, “Some solitude is important for everyone, especially introverts… For example, insist on quiet time after work if you need it, but your partner should then get your undivided attention for equal time.”
Introverts know what they need when it comes to personal time; they also know that it doesn’t always make sense to people, especially partners. By taking some time away from their partner, they’re actually able to give it back more fully later. When an introvert keeps this time meaningful, positive, and frequent, it overall feels like they’re getting more of their introvert’s time. This leads to a way better relationship in the long run!
11 Introverts Consciously Prioritize The Relationship
Sophia Dembling, recounting her own experiences as an introvert (and writer for Psychology Today) discusses prioritization of relationships: “I… understand my own social needs and take responsibility for getting them met. That means reaching out to people when I want company, instead of waiting for others to make the first move.” She suggests that all introverts need to take responsibility for their relationships, which most of them do.
Introverts tend to invest in a few people rather than being a general social butterfly.
This means that they prioritize those few people, instead of continuously running into them at parties (and building a relationship that way). Prioritizing your romantic partner should be something we all do. It makes your partner feel loved, and like the relationship matters. Introverts knew this already, which is why their relationships tend to work out well.
10 It’s Hard To Battle With Introverts (Which Means A Lovely Lack Of Arguments)
There are so many references out there that talk about an introvert’s processing style, and we know that we’ve talked a lot about a few different references in this article already. It’s really the most unique feature of the introvert and impacts their relationships hugely. In this case, it connects directly to the way an introvert has arguments with their partner. Most introverts don’t tend to argue all that much because they’re not comfortable with the speed at which they’re required to argue.
Because of the fact that they like to think about things before they say them, you’ll find that arguments turn into discussions.
This reflective thinking ensures that introverts are understanding their partner’s side of the argument, making them able to communicate more effectively… Thus making the relationship more successful.
9 Communicating With Partners Doesn’t Mean Overwhelming Them, And The Introvert Knows That
We’re going back to the talking point again, but only because it really matters in relationships. We’ve established that introverts aren’t the type to think out loud. While they’re quick-witted and intelligent, it usually comes up in the hours after thinking about the conversation, rather than during the conversation itself. This is actually beneficial in a relationship. Not only does this help keep arguments at bay, as we discussed in the last post, but it also means that an introvert is able to gauge their partner’s responses. Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, PhD, says to introverts “although you don't particularly like it when others invade your personal boundaries, you're also not likely to invade the boundaries of others.” Knowing when to push your partner and when to ease off makes a huge difference in your relationship. The introverts have that balance down.
8 They Just Really, Really Want To Get To Know You
One of the biggest things that makes a relationship work is feeling passionate about the other person in the relationship. You’ll never have a successful romance if you’re not interested in your partner. Due to the introvert’s conversational style, as discussed in this fantastic article, we know that an introvert listens more than they talk.
They’ll ask questions and hope that you’ll ask them questions too.
Dembling reminds us that introverts, “don’t need [equal talking time]. What we do want, however, is to feel like we got to talk about ourselves and our world, and that we were heard and understood.” You know that if this is the end goal, introverts will offer their partners the same respect. This makes the relationship much more meaningful than the average one.
7 Introverts Tend To Plan Their Romantic Expression
Due to the fact that introverts like to process internally and plan what they want to say, we’re able to extrapolate that the same train of thought-to-expression can be applied to their actions in a relationship. In the same way that introverts take a little more time to process their thoughts than their extroverted counterparts, they plan their actions more carefully too. This is a huge benefit in romantic relationships. They know that because they’re not big fans of spontaneous adventures or all-of-a-sudden romantic plans, they need to invest some energy into planning. This lets their partner know that things are going well, and they’re devoted to the relationship while keeping their introvert sensibilities comfortable and happy. And we all know that a happy relationship is also known as a successful relationship!
6 You Know They’re Genuine When They Let You Inside Their Head
Dembling, offering more of her experiences and speculations on what’s important to an introvert in a relationship says, “introverts withhold a lot every day, but then need deep, intimate conversations to let themselves go.” We’re inclined to agree and think that this is a key component to why introverts can have meaningful relationships with people.
Due to the fact that an introvert’s typical state is to withhold information, it’s important to understand that it’s a really big deal when they let you in their head.
It means you’re important to them, and that you get to have some private knowledge about when they really are. This is huge in a relationship and shows that your introverted partner values you. Valuing their partners means an introvert is likely to have more successful relationships, as they’re not taking their partner for granted.
5 They Cultivate Only A Handful Of Intimate Relationships
Working off of the same quote that’s above, we’re also able to establish that it isn’t fair to call an introvert closed-off. It’s quite the opposite, actually! Introverts are really able “to let themselves go”, as Dembling said, through intimate conversations.
However, because a lot of talks can be overwhelming for an introvert, they cultivate only a small handful of intimate relationships.
They like the feeling of getting to know someone well and having someone get to know them well. It’s intimate, meaningful, and is an absolute contributing factor to success in their relationships. The more you build that mutual trust with people, the more you’re able to understand that it’s the only way to have a truly meaningful relationship. The introverts know that. Maybe it’s time for us to learn too, huh?
4 They Continuously Work On Things (Like The Relationship!)
“Introverts can tolerate—and enjoy—projects that require long stretches of solitary activity,” says the article Revenge of the Introverts. When we’re thinking about relationships, this is an excellent thing to keep in mind! The introvert will be happy to keep working on a relationship no matter what happens. While some folks might find the stress of constantly working on a relationship too much to handle, the introvert will jump into it with gusto. They love the idea of working on a project for a long period of time, and even though a relationship isn’t a “solitary activity”, it’s still a big project. When both partners are willing to put that type of work in, that’s when the relationship will truly be successful. With an introvert setting the bar that high, you know it’s bound to happen!
3 They’ll Tell You What They Need
...Sometimes. Unfortunately, this is the one point that introverts can easily miss. While some are able to articulate their needs well (usually ones who are used to dealing with less-introverted folks), others are not so adept at articulation.
Those that have mastered this skill have the best chance of having the most successful relationships.
For introverts that are still figuring this out? Dembling, an introvert expert, offers some advice: “you can either have a heart-to-heart on the matter… Or come up with a phrase to pop in every time you feel steamrolled... In time, the two of you will train each other”. Training might seem a little direct, but it’s true! If you can’t communicate what you need to your partner, you’re going to be dissatisfied in the long run.
2 Their Thorough Curiosity Extends To All Your Fun Couples’ Activities
Remember when we talked about introverts loving questions and listening, rather than thinking out loud? Let’s extend that thinking to again encompass yet another area of the relationship. Intimate connection is made better by a deep, honest curiosity. You’ll learn a lot from your partner by listening to their body language and being able to see when things are working or not. Introverts, who maybe aren’t the most outgoing or outspoken people, are some of the most genuine people. They’re curious about everything and love the fact that they’re able to get to know people on a deeply personal level. You’ll never be bored with an introvert, and can trust that they’ll be focused on you when it comes time to jump into some physical fun.
1 Introverts Prefer Deep Conversations To Small Talk
Finally… The thing we all know and love about introverts. We’ve said it before and we’ll see it again. In all of our references, it’s stated that introverts hate small talk, and instead love the one-track, deep conversations that get right to the heart of things. At the end of the day, this is all it takes to have a successful relationship.
Dembling says “introversion and extroversion are of equal value. One is no better than the other; they're just different. Once you recognize the differences, respect them in yourself and your partner.”
It’s true. You just have to respect each other, and especially each other’s conversation styles. Respect the fact that an introvert would rather talk about your childhood than what you ate for lunch. Introverts might not be better or worse, but they certainly know a few things about successful relationships.