Relationships and dating…can’t live with them and can’t live without them. Our dating lives are personal, awkward, and most times out of control. Things never go the way you expect because we’re only human, not psychics. Guys, in particular, these days don’t seem to be as willing to settle down as they used to be.
Ladies, it’s not us, I promise. It’s them. They can’t seem to deal with certain aspects of relationships like spending less time with their friends, and getting serious with a woman. When you do seem to tie him down, he’s still questioning himself and you. Don’t worry, this is pretty normal.
In every new relationship, there is a honeymoon phase. This is the stage when things are new; you still get butterflies around each other, and you’re totally smitten. They say this lasts anywhere between three to six months in a new relationship. But, like all good things, the honeymoon phase must always come to end. And what is left after this?
Hopefully, a real, lasting relationship. But before you can even get there, you can bet that your dream boat guy is wondering a million things. Yes, he has doubts. But that doesn’t mean that he’s stopped caring about you. It just means that he’s probably just insecure about where you two are going, and if he’s really ready for any of it. Most of the time, he is…he’s just overthinking like the best of us.
15. “Can I Still Have My Guy Time?”
Girl time is imperative to us ladies, and it’s just the same for men. It’s not that he doesn’t enjoy spending alone time with you, but he needs his guy time too. Chance are, his ex didn’t approve of this very much. Or he’s just scared you won’t approve of his friends, hence making him cut them off or something.
His relationship with his friends is important, and you should never try and cut him off from them, no matter how much you disapprove. Unless they’re sincerely bad influences, steer clear of the friend department. How would you feel if you tried to close you off from any of your friends? Try and schedule your girls nights, and suggest he do the same while your out.
14. “Will She Still Be The Cool Girl That I Fell For?”
Why do guys fall for us? For the first few dates, you’re still introducing yourself. And you’re kind of a different version of yourself, right? It’s not like you’re going to totally reveal all of your flaws from the start. I think it’s safe to say that he thinks you’re cool, and that’s part of the reason he’s totally intrigued by you. Him being scared of you suddenly switching roles is pretty normal.
I think it’s perfectly normal to change as you get comfortable in a relationship and learn more about one another. Suddenly you realize you like less about the person, or they’re nothing like they described themselves. Women aren’t just afraid of this, but men are too. You never want to feel like you made a mistake in choosing a certain person.
13. “Will She Still Get Glammed Up For Our Special Date Nights?”
There’s always jokes about how women stop putting in the effort after a certain point in their relationship. Okay, I have to cop to this. Ever since I got into a serious relationship I don’t shave my legs as much. Yeah, don’t judge me. And I’ve definitely stopped dressing up and dolling up as often as well. Sure, I guess you can say I’ve gotten lazy. But also, after spending so much time with my boyfriend, I’ve gotten comfortable with wearing more sweats than dresses.
This is a common fear. And I have to say, I still do make the decision to put in some effort every now and then. If you met him as a glamazon, this is a common fear he’ll have. Slowly get him used to wearing less and less makeup rather than just never wearing it again with him,
12. “Urgh, I Have To Deal With Her Family Now”
We can’t stand our own families half of the time, and now he has to put up with them? Cut him slack. Meeting your family is important, and very scary. Especially during the holiday season, he’s going to have to attend dinners and get-togethers with them. I’m sure your family likes to be hard on him too, for a good laugh of course. But your guy needs to be reassured that no matter what, you are the one dating him, not your family.
Perhaps you should think about toning down the bad stories about your family and share the best ones. You can slowly ease him into their craziness once he gets comfortable enough. Go easy on him, meeting your family and getting along with isn’t easy for an outsider.
11. “We’re Going To Need To Get Really Serious About Expectations And Boundaries”
How many sleepovers does it take for you to leave a box of tampons, or your hair straightener at his place? When do you ask for a drawer? Are two sleepovers in a row okay? Yup, he’s going a little nuts. The beginning of a relationship means you’re setting some boundaries with one another. But what kind of boundaries should you start off with?
Maybe you should take the reins on this one. Guys aren’t as great at communicating as women are. Don’t wait for him to bring certain things up. Sure, it’s scary talking about this stuff, but once it’s done and over with you can go back to enjoying each other’s company. Things only have to be serious every now and then, come back to the scary topics when you’re ready.
10. “Can I Still Go Out And Party Like I Used To?”
If you met this guy at a party, chances are that he likes parties. Social scenes are his thing, should you really keep him away from it? He may think getting serious with you means his partying and club days are over. While I may never understand how people actually enjoy clubbing, I do get that some people get general entertainment out of it.
Setting boundaries will save you. He should be able to go out, just like you. But let him know what you’re comfortable with him doing. For example, is it okay to dance with other women so long as that’s all they do? If not, explain why. These kinds of things need to be talked about. You’re not trying to tame him, you’re just explaining your social comfort zones.
9. “I’m Worried We’re Going To Fight All Of The Time”
Everyone is friends with that one couple that just scares you out of a relationship. All they do is bicker and fight, and then act like nothing ever happened the next day. It’s unhealthy. And it makes you wonder how much fighting is okay. Arguments in any relationship are completely normal. Even in the healthiest relationships you’re not going to agree on every single thing.
If things get physical or unstable, that’s when you should run. But after the honeymoon phase is over, he’s scared you’ll turn into that horrible couple that you both know. Just remember not to sweat the small stuff, and always be respectful with one another. Fights and arguments here and there are totally normal. However fighting all of the time is not.
8. “She’s Probably Going To Get Bored Of Me Eventually”
I don’ care how hot you think your new beau is. I bet he doesn’t see himself as well as you do. So yeah, he will think about why you’re with him when you could have any other guy out there. Yes, he knows he’s lucky, but he may also think you’re ready to jump the gun on another relationship. He may even think that you’re bored of him after the honey phase has ended.
If you’re a loyal girl, then time will tell all. Don’t stress his insecurities just yet. Soon enough he will realize that you’re in it for the long haul, and you that you’re not going anywhere. These kinds of connections take time, but it is well worth the wait, and he knows that.
7. “I’m Already Attached. Is She Going To Be As Dedicated And Faithful As Me?”
Believe it or not, some guys fall hard and fast. It’s not just the hopeless romantics. It’s okay to toot your own horn on this one. He may feel like he is more invested in your relationship that you are. It’s not your fault, again these are just things that may go through his head because he over thinks certain things. He may feel he’s falling for you, and is of course scared of getting hurt.
This is typical in every new relationship. Someone is always falling first, right? Well, it rarely happens at the same time. Anyone in a relationship is scared of getting hurt. Hello, who wants to get their heart crushed? No one, not even ballad writers. This will go away in time, but try to reassure him when you can.
6. “There’s No Turning Back, I Can’t Get Out Of This Relationship Now”
No more ghosting, you’re here to stay now. Once you pass the honeymoon phase, it may be time for both of you to freak out. Are you actually stuck in the relationship for good now? No. I promise, that whenever you feel you’ve outgrown any relationship you should and can walk away. Your guy may suddenly feel scared thinking that it’s too late to walk away.
It’s not that he actually wants to call things off with you, but it’s just that the option doesn’t seem to be there anymore. You’re both emotionally invested in one another. This is something he is just going to have to get over on his own. And trust me, this feeling will fade. It’s like how some people get cold feet before a wedding.
5. “I’ll Have To Spend A Lot Of Money On Her”
Sure, I guess it is fair to say that guys have a lot of pressure put on them to still ‘provide’. While I join my fellow feminists in splitting things equally when you have the ability, it’s still nice when your guy treats you to a date night. Or surprises you with a little gift. He doesn’t have to be a millionaire or anything, but a bouquet of carnations goes a long way.
Whether he makes good money or not, he may worry about your expectations going forward in this relationship with money. I think it’s fair to let him know that you aren’t expecting lavish surprises, or for him to spend tons of money on you. You can always shower yourself with gifts, you don’t need him to do it for you.
4. “She’s Going To Realize I’m A Total Geek On The DL”
Who doesn’t have an inner geek within? Everyone is on some level geeky. At the start of a new relationship, this is something you tend to keep to yourself until she stumbles upon your Dungeons and Dragons game board during a sleep over. Don’t be judgmental. I bet you have some super geeky guilty pleasures of your own. Every guy thinks he’s a total dork, and doesn’t understand how you could be so impressed with him.
Help him out about and revel your obsession with Lord of the Rings or something. You should never change a man, but you should always help him grow and improve. So what if you have to put up with his dorky board game, you can have a chill elvish movie night of your own while hes occupied.
3. “She’s Going To Start Being Really Mean Or Crazy Out Of Nowhere”
How many memes have you seen, or even reposted, of how girls swiftly change into crazed, jealous vixens once they find a great guy? I’m totally guilty of this; I love a good joke. But the truth is that guys actually fear that this is the truth. Like I said with time in a relationship, you are both bound to change a bit and grow.
But if you have to lie about your entire character, then you have a problem. A little attitude one day can set him off to think like this. That is why you have to be honest from the begging. Do you tend to be very jealous? Then let him know, and tell him how you plan on working on it. Maybe he can even help.
2. “Am I Going To Turn Into One Of Those Boring Committed Guys?”
You are six months in and you both agree that a night of Netflix binging is way more fun that a big dinner with friends. So, what? Well, this may make him think that you’re going to turn into some boring couple—the kind his buddies and your girlfriends tried to warn you about. It’s perfectly fine to want to spend a lot of time together, even if you’re doing absolutely nothing.
It’s just a staying-in phase—or in my case an avoidance of people lifetime. Either way, let him know you are both free to do whatever you want during your free time. If you enjoy staying in then he should be able to go out a couple of nights a week if he wants to. Plus, this could change after some time in your relationship as well.
1. “Is She Going To Be The Right One For Me?”
Every romance movie is all about finding ‘the one’. It’s embedded into our minds now. There’s so much pressure surrounding the idea of finding the perfect person for you. No one wants to be the Ross of Friends with three divorces in less than five years under their belt. There’s nothing wrong with taking things slow. Talking about the future can be fun, but it can also be really stressful for him.
He may feel pressured into wondering if you’re the perfect woman for him. And let’s face it, no one is perfect for one another. But we make conscious choices to remain with each other because it’s so much better than some fairytale idea. Let him know it’s okay to focus on now rather than ten years from now. He’ll enjoy your relationship way more.
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