15 Crazy Things That Are Actually Illegal In The U.S.

Have you ever been in trouble with the law? If you have, it was probably for something pretty straight forward. You knew what you were doing was wrong, and you did it anyway, thinking or hoping you wouldn’t get caught. For all those obvious laws out there, there are also plenty that are obscure, unknown, and ridiculous just sitting on the books, long forgotten. From state to state, you will find outdated laws created by prudish morality police, lawmakers that are terrible at their jobs, and maybe even a few that were actually trying to be helpful. Some are so out there that it would be interesting to hear the conversations between the stuffy old men as they wrote up these laws. So whether you know it or not, if you break a law you can get in trouble even if you think it is stupid, but many of these outdated laws aren’t exactly enforced anymore. However, once upon a time, there were valid and meant to be punishable. Here are fifteen laws in the United States that are beyond bizarre. See if you have broken any of them without even realizing it. While some are hard to even enforce, it is unlikely that you will be arrested for any of these indiscretions but technically you could.

15 No Surfing In Iowa Especially If You Are Drunk

Surfing is a major sport that people partake in all over the world, and some even make a living riding that board. If you have never surfed it is an amazing and exhausting experience that will make you think twice about your athleticism. Not only is it extremely difficult to paddle against the waves to get out far enough to catch them, but knowing just when to catch the wave then when to jump up takes a lot of natural ability. However, the hardest part is maintaining a stance on the board while the ocean waves push you around. If you surf, you know exactly what I mean, and you probably don’t hit the waves while you are drunk. Not only would it make the whole thing more difficult, but the potential hazards of jellyfish, sharks or other people can make it out right dangerous to be drunk. That is why Iowa has implemented the law that makes it illegal to surf while drunk...Despite the fact that Iowa is a landlocked state where there probably isn’t any real surfing going on anyway.

14 No Money If You Aren’t Really Blind

via pixabay.com

The things people will do to get money can be outrageous. Most of us have probably bent our morals a little or taken a job that was beneath us just so we could pay the rent, but there are those out there so desperate to make money they resort to panhandling. Usually people only at their very lowest decide to take such a drastic step to earn money, and it is often times people addicted to drugs. The kind of people that can’t hold down any other job and just need cash for a quick fix. If you have ever seen those shows where people have interventions on their drug addicted loved ones, many of the addicts will sit on the street with signs that say they are pregnant and homeless or some other kind of lie to get people to feel bad for them. That is why Missouri has made it a law against pretending to be blind to earn money. Don’t pull this trick if you happen to be in the “Show Me State.”

13 Stinky Breath

Have you ever been on a plane or a bus and the person that sidles up next to you outright stinks? It happens to the best of us, and it can be hard to politely ignore it. Is it ok to just tell them they stink, and they need to move away or stop talking to you? Maybe if you don’t mind offending people, but for most of us, we go out of our way to be polite. That is probably why Indiana has a law saying that it is illegal to go to a public event or even use public transit if you have eaten onions or garlic within four hours. It would appear that this law was actually trying to help out all those people trapped next to those that have eaten the world’s smelliest lunch then find it necessary to talk to you and stand two inches from your face. A practical law if there ever was one.

12 No Annoying Ice Cream Scoopers

via pixabay.com

If you live in a major city or have traveled, you are probably pretty familiar with street vendors. They can be obnoxious and downright irritating as pedestrians walk by, and they call out with discounts, epic claims of what they are selling, and even lying about what they are offering just to get you to stop. In Vegas, men will stand on the street with cards for call girls and make clicking noises and snap the cards back and forth to get your attention even if you don’t look like someone looking for a call girl. I happened to visit Vegas at age siteen and had men trying to slip me business cards for the ladies. However, if you go to the city of Patterson in New Jersey, don’t worry about the ice cream vendors being ridiculous to get your attention. It is a law there that ice cream vendors legally cannot be annoying.

11 Don’t Wake The Bear

via rootsandtoots.com

I’m sure you have seen some amazing, jaw dropping selfies on social media. Photos that make you wonder what is wrong with people that they would risk their life for a simple photo. This is probably why some states have started implementing laws the prevent dangerous behavior and potentially prosecute people for doing stupid things as to deter others from doing the same. In Alaska, this might have been the rea son they created a law that makes it illegal to wake a sleeping bear just for the purpose of a photo. Why on earth anyone would try to wake a sleeping bear is beyond me but for a photo? Not only is it stupid but unbelievably dangerous especially in Alaska where black bears, grizzlies, and even polar bears live. Regardless of where you might be, don’t ever wake a sleeping bear, but if you try to in Alaska to take a photo, you are facing legal trouble.

10 Drunk Horseback Riding

Since the invention of the vehicle, drunk driving has been a problem. Obviously, rules and regulations were put into place to keep people safe. Through time, those laws have also extended to other operational vehicles from boats to bicycles. You can do a lot of damage to yourself and others when you get on anything with a motor or even pedals while intoxicated. However, Utah has some different ideas about the notion of “drunk driving”. Apparently, their drunk driving laws don’t apply if you are riding an animal. So the next time you find yourself too drunk to drive yourself home when you are in Utah, you can actually ride a horse home. Maybe this could be a whole new idea for a transportation company. Or this is just a bad idea that shouldn’t be a law. If you can’t drive a car, you probably shouldn’t be riding any kind of animal around.

9 Please Don’t Kiss The Reptiles

via strangedangers.com

Do you remember your first reptile kiss? That dreamy moment when your eyes met from across the room, and there was just immediate chemistry. Probably not, but just in case you think it is a good idea to ever kiss any kind of reptile, think twice when you are in Illinois. There is a law that requires all reptile vendors to inform potential buyers not to kiss the reptiles. This means vendors have to tell people no smooching for a cute photo, no pecks out of love, and no frog kissing for a prince. If you dare to pucker up, you must do so at your own risk. It is kind of disturbing to consider what incident transpired to encourage this law to be enacted. Is that kiss worth having a scaly creature bite into your face? No, it’s not. So even if that vendor doesn’t warn you, use some common sense.

8 Do You Have A Permit For Those Heels?

If you are in Carmel, California you need to grab a permit before you put on your favorite pair of high heels. You need the permit if you are wearing shoes that are over two inches high with less than one square inch of heel surface. The permits are free, and they weren’t actually implemented as some weird sexist, shoe ban. The city wanted to protect themselves from potential liability just in case a lady strutting her stuff in her stilettos tripped and fell injuring herself. It seems like an oddly specific law that I can’t imagine many women abide by, but then again, in an age where many people are sue happy, you can never be too safe. Maybe this city just so happened to be hit with a lawsuit when a high heel wearing lady hurt herself and decided it was the city’s fault. Either way, be careful in those heels.

7 Want To Drink Under Age 21? Just Learn To Cook

via pixabay.com

Did you ever wish your twenty first birthday would just hurry up and arrive? Maybe you are doing so right this minute. It can be torture to see others having fun and headed to the bar while you are stuck at home trying to find your own fun. If you happen to live in Illinois, there is an odd loophole that might help you out. You are allowed to drink under the age of twenty one if you are enrolled in a culinary program. This is probably due to the fact that some meals may require wine as a basic ingredient or there may even be instruction on how to pair wine with some of the meals. While this little obscure law doesn’t mean you can go all out and drink as much as you want, you can get away with some sips here and there in your culinary class.

6 No Flirting

Are you a total flirt? Do you love the attention of a suitor and relish in the back and forth flirtations? If that is you, don’t go to San Antonio. There is a law on the books that makes it illegal to flirt in this city. Yet again, the morality police have decided that for some reason it is improper to make your attractions known in public. Whether this was based on the feelings of a particularly prudish person that didn’t want anyone having relations or it is an old law on the books when everyone suppressed their sexuality and found all forms of intimacy inappropriate and meant only for behind closed doors, it isn’t really clear. Just remember if you happen to find yourself in San Antonio, keep that sly smile to yourself and don’t bat those big eyes or you could be in trouble...But probably not likely.

5 Accidental Computer Ban

Lawmakers can be pretty sneaky. They often word laws in a tricky and confusing way as to get people to vote a certain way that benefits them. However, this little tactic can often backfire as is the case in Florida. Lawmakers discovered an internet cafe was a gambling front that was tied to a charity and a Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll. Therefore, they passed a law to shut down internet cafes and slot machines. The wording was so vague and messy that it also essentially banned all devices that could be connected to the internet from computers to smartphones. There was an uproar over this silly blunder, and it makes you think twice about trusting those people that make a living writing laws. How could they not have realized the wording left a gaping hole in the law? Next time you vote, make sure you research what you are voting for and understand its potential consequences or you could help implement a ridiculous law.

4 No Unmarried Couples

Do you live with your boyfriend or plan on moving in together before those “I do’s” are said? What seemed taboo not that long ago, is pretty common place now. Living together before marriage can reveal a lot about your partner and maybe even allow you to realize it isn’t going to work. You can really dodge a bullet by learning that you can’t live with your partner before you are legally tied to them. Be careful what state you are cohabitating in. In Florida, Michigan, and Mississippi, it is illegal for an unmarried man and woman to live together. The law state it is illegal for these unmarried couples to “lewdly and lasciviously associate and cohabit together.” If prosecuted, it can carry a misdemeanor charge, and those found guilty can receive a fine or even be placed in jail. Yet another law on the books that carries no real purpose and was thrown out there by the morality police determined to keep life simple and wholesome.

3 All You Need Is Seashells

via pixabay.com

Have you ever been to a naked beach? It is a little unnerving to have people just wandering around with all their goodies hanging out for all to see. However, there seem to be a lot of people that enjoy it if not only for the freeing element of being naked in public, and there continues to be plenty of places around the world where those that enjoy being in their birthday suits can be as free as a jaybird. However, there are lots of places that frown upon such activity, and some places that offer an in-between option. If you go to Albuquerque, New Mexico women are allowed to be topless...That is if their nipples are covered. Think of the seashell Lil’ Kim wore on her left breast at an awards show. There was nothing but that shiny, purple seashell between that nipple and the whole world...That is just enough to let you walk topless through the city of Albuquerque.

2 No Dirty Talk

via pixabay.com

There are a lot of laws around the country that have to do with the dirty deed. From the bizarre to the completely understandable, as long as people have been trying to implement a sense of morality and subdue the animalistic urges born in humans, there have been laws trying to tell us what to do with our bodies whether it be alone or with a partner. So it really isn’t a surprise that in Oregon, within the city of Willowdale, there is a law that makes it illegal to whisper dirty things to each other during the act of intercourse. Why this is a law is a little puzzling. Did someone think that dirty talk is so offensive it should be illegal? What constitutes dirty talk? Any talking or are there specifics? Regardless, how is this policed and what are the consequences? It might be interesting to hear the story that lead to this law being put in place.

1 You Must Shave It

via mamamia.com_au

Going back to public nudity, (Who can’t get enough of it, right?) New Mexico has yet another odd law on their books about being naked in public. Females are not allowed to appear unshaven in public. It is not clear whether this was meant just in general or specifically in the nude or whether the “shaved area” means the bikini zone or something else. It is an odd law that is a bit hard to interpret. If it means they cannot be unshaven under clothes, who is going to know and why does it matter? If it means either naked or maybe in a bathing suit, why does it matter what shaving preference a woman has? It would seem as if some lawmakers take things a bit too far and implement laws that have absolutely no purpose. If you go to New Mexico, just remember to have everything shaved before you step out in public or maybe go sans shaving as your own kind of protest of stupid laws.

More in Mishaps