15 Confessions Of Massage Therapists

in Cringeworthy
15 Confessions Of Massage Therapists

Massage Therapy is such an incredible career to devote yourself to. It’s a touching (literally) way to help people through their problems, their tensions, their pain, and their stress. Not to mention the fact that they’ve been part of really pushing the movement of body-based therapy. There’s nothing better than feeling that you’ve helped someone through one of their toughest moments. While there’s certainly some downsides to the world of massage therapy, on the whole, it’s a great career…until the weirdos come in! And trust us, there’s definitely some weirdos out there. As with any job in which you’re dealing with the public, you’ll find some people that just don’t understand what’s going on. They’ll make assumptions about the interaction, inappropriate comments, and poor hygiene in full force. Luckily we’ve managed to compile most of the best stories and confessions from massage therapists everywhere to show you just how strange some people (and some massage therapists) can be!

15. It’s Actually Awesome

Despite all the weird people, the gross smells, the unclean bodies, and the questionable clean-ups, massage therapists are really, really happy to have the job they do. They love the fact that they actively get to improve people’s lives, bodies, and minds. Sometimes they get to see the effects right away, especially if someone is coming in because of a tension headache or whatnot. Massage Therapists are easily some of the most satisfied people. They get to improve lives every day, and they get to work on some pretty awesome people. From rock stars to teenagers, CEOs to houseparents, everyone deals with stress. Everyone needs help to keep themselves happy and healthy, and it’s up to the massage therapists to help with that. If you’ve never gotten a massage, definitely go. It’s the best feeling, and massage therapists are happy to help.

14. Teeth Time

Ever heard of this lady? Dr. Dot, as she’s called, started her massage therapy practice out of need rather than want. When she was young she says that her mother would get her to massage her. Being a small child, her strength wasn’t built up enough to really massage well. This is when her mother said “bite me”. Dr. Dot then started a lifelong practice of biting-based massages, which actually have taken off. Why? According to some people, it does help tenderize the muscles before getting them worked over with regular massage methods. According to Dot, it really just started as a way to get into concerts for free. She began massaging folks like Def Leppard, and thus the free concert train started. We’re a little jealous, but not enough to start biting people ourselves… We’ll leave that for her.

13. Smells Like People!

What’s one of the worst parts of the job, most massage therapists say? The smell. While people who work at fast food restaurants come home smelling like fries, and people who work at medical offices come home smelling like sterilization, those who work at massage therapy clinics come home smelling like those composite photos of 100 different people. Each person has a unique scent, and massage therapists carry every one of those scents on them from shift start to shift end. They do wash their hands in between each client and change the coverings, as well as taking other safety precautions, but it’s hard to avoid smelling like bodies when that’s all you’re dealing with all day. Most massage therapists say that that’s their least-liked part of the job, though it’s definitely not the worst thing in the world; one shower and they’re good to go!

12. Blue is the Creepiest Color

It’s totally normal to have to disrobe before getting a massage done. Massage Therapists need access to the muscle tissue of your back in order to really do their job correctly. It’s only fair that the clients do it in a respectful way though, and take the appropriate measures to ensure their masseuse is comfortable. This guy absolutely did NOT. A massage therapist told us that one day they had a client, when asked to disrobe, didn’t wait for the therapist to leave the room, but instead ripped off his clothes while they were still standing there. Underneath the clothes? A sparkly blue underwear that cut into the guy’s huge beer gut. The massage therapist confessed to still going through with the massage, but having a really hard time holding the laughter in. Not to mention keeping their discomfort in check!

11. Crunchy Good Times

Yuck, yuck, yuck. Remember how we said in the intro that poor hygiene seems to be in full force here with some clients? This guy is one that’s a perfect example of that. He walked into the massage parlor with a pleasant smile and a calm disposition. A heavier set guy, but the massage therapist didn’t mind. All bodies need a massage, and licensed massage therapists don’t judge. At least, until this guy. His massage therapist got him to lie down, shirt off, and began to work him over. This continued until the massage therapist found breakfast cereal (of an unnamed brand type) stuck between some folds of his skin. Needless to say, the massage therapist brushed it away and continued. They’re very professional. But the situation is so gross, and really confusing. Why and how did the cereal get there in the first place?

10. Calling Out Mr. College

The line between college professor and student is a weird one. Sometimes there are college professors/teachers who get really close to their students, treat them like friends, and end up having a great time together. They build up solid relationships and each of them feels happy and fulfilled. Sometimes college teachers are weird though, and the student doesn’t want to get that close. This student, who was also a registered massage therapist, was approached by their teacher who asked if the student would be willing to visit him during his office hours for a massage. The student said no, and gave the teacher the information of the massage clinic they worked at. The teacher showed up one night a few days later and immediately started making lewd comments, suggesting (horrifically) that the student could increase their marks in the class by agreeing to do some private massage work. The student was creeped out and left, as we suspect we would have too.

9. Cystic Stop

Ewwww, this one is super gross. Massage therapists are a brave group, combating stress and tension with their two bare hands. The least clients can do is keep their bodies clean, scent-free, and warn their massage therapists if there’s anything going on health wise. One man didn’t do that, and when he came in for a massage his body ended up revolting against the therapist. Maybe it was too much pressure from the hands, or maybe it was just the time for it to happen. The man on the table had a cyst on his back which, apparently, was ready to pop. As the session went on, there all of a sudden was the scent of rotting… Well, if you’ve ever had a cyst pop, you know just how bad it gets. The juicy scent flew halfway across the room and both client and therapist had to take five before being able to get back into it.

8. Tanlines and Handprints

If you use spray tan, take this as a warning. Most people are not going to be upset if your tan has set and it’s been through the wash once or twice. In fact, the whole idea of a lot of these fake tanners is that they won’t come off. Unfortunately, we’ve got a story that’s streaked through the internet just to get to us. A woman comes in for a massage, and the therapist starts oiling up her back. She’s young and looks like she takes good care of herself. However, the therapist sees that the oil is looking a little… Funny. A minute or two of massaging later and the massage therapist realizes what’s happened. The woman sits up and the two laugh about the fact that her fake tanner hadn’t set properly and was coming off in streaks with the massage oil. It’s a little hilarious, and thank goodness the woman wasn’t upset!

7. It’s Not Just for the Men

This is a more specific confession, but a confession all the same. Some people decide that they don’t want to adhere to the laws set out to them by their massage therapists. There’s a rule that they have to leave the room after instructing their clients to get undressed and set on the table, under the cover. It’s assumed that the client will then follow those instructions and get on the table and under the cover. One woman decided to do the opposite though, and got undressed and hung out on the table, waiting for her massage therapist to come back in. It’s said that this woman, 60ish and sagging said “it’s nothing you haven’t seen before”. It was, in fact, more than the massage therapist had ever seen. Ladies, just because you’re confident doesn’t mean you should show off your buns to your massage therapist. It’s just not good.

6. Motion of the Ocean

Ah, nothing better than really, really descriptive clients. Many massage therapists will ask before the session begins about prior injuries. Whether it’s through a verbal talk or through a form people fill out, most therapists need to know whether or not there’s any issues that their clients are dealing with that might affect the way the session will go. This includes things like pulled muscles, mis-set bones, and especially back injuries. In this particular clinic, a woman came in and filled out the form, writing down that she had injured her lower back. Her massage therapist took note, told her to undress, and then left the room to give her some privacy. When the therapist came back in, the woman client decided that she hadn’t been clear enough. She climbed off the table and started performing the action she was doing when she injured her back. Swinging and swaying was definitely not what this massage therapist had signed up for that morning!

5. Relentless Touching

Just because your therapist is touching you doesn’t mean you can touch them. Far from it. If anything, you should understand that it’s not your place to touch your massage therapist. They’re a professional, doing a service that’s therapeutic, very specific, and not in any way more than that. Unfortunately some people don’t understand that and take it for granted that they can touch their massage therapist right back. This isn’t true! Many massage therapists confessed to having been grabbed, stroked, groped, and hugged without their consent. And guess what… They don’t like it! They don’t like getting touched when they haven’t given the okay, and they especially don’t like getting touched when trying to do their jobs. Do them a favor and keep your hands to yourself! And maybe think about bringing that advice into other aspects of your life too; no one wants to be touched without being asked.

4. The Water Works Were On

Okay, we’ve heard about massage therapists at clinics. But what about ones that work in gyms? Believe it or not, there are some gyms that have very special staff on hand to work over sore patrons. It’s a pretty sweet deal for the massage therapists, as they get a lot of active, pleasant people in. But what about the one or two people who aren’t pleasant? One massage therapist confessed that he had the “pleasure” of working on a 300 lb woman who had just come from a sweat session at said gym. She had hopped into the sauna after her work out to relax before the massage, which was a BAD idea. Not only did she (apparently) have difficulty peeling off her sweaty clothes, but she reeked! The massage therapist confessed that he didn’t have to use any sort of oil, and in fact had to towel off under some of her rolls before putting his hands on her. It’s a little disturbing, but hey… At least she was happy at the end.

3. NOT the Point

As in, that’s not the point we want to be feeling when we’re down on the massage table. Granted, this confession is a little more casual than some of the others. This is definitely not true of every massage therapist, but it’s a confession we thought we should include. Some licensed massage therapists have home practices, done out of the basement or personal practice office. One man agreed to massage his buddy’s good friend for her birthday, at no cost. She was delighted, especially since he later found out she was into him. And during the massage, she found out he was into her! Halfway through the massage party, she felt something hard brush against her. At this point, she was also getting a little excited but didn’t say anything. He didn’t say anything, but kept his pelvis FAR from her… Well, everywhere. Apparently it’s not unheard of for the masseuse to want to have some fun!

2. The Big Reveal

Haven’t you just been waiting for a moment like this? We all knew it was coming. One of the things massage therapists have confessed more than once is the fact that it’s really, really weird and uncomfortable when people ask them for a little extra. There’s only so much that massage therapists can do, want to do, and are willing to do, and none of those things are “provide a release of the pressure on certain parts”. Many massage therapists have confessed that one of the things they hate the most when a client is on the table is when they flip over and expose themselves expecting for you to “help” them out. If you’ve ever done that, be ashamed. It makes your massage therapist uncomfortable. Plus, it’s not like they’ll do anything for you anyway. Massage therapy is a relief, but not like that.

1. Powered by Plants

A common vegan power phrase that’s taken a turn for the worse here, one wouldn’t normally think of plants in a massage clinic as a selling point. For one man it was though. Massage Therapists see lots of weird folks coming through their table, the least of which are the people who want an extra couple of minutes to get dressed at the end. This massage therapist confessed to feeling confused for most of her time working at this clinic frequented by plant guy, as at the end of the day they would notice that the potted plants had a gooey, sticky substance watered around their base. Sure enough, one day (after much vigilant plant watching) they discovered that it was the man who asked for extra time to get “dressed”. It looks like he was rather using that to dress the plants! The massage therapist said that it was creepy, but definitely not unheard of. You get some odd ducks in this line of work, and at least that one wasn’t dangerous!

Sources: www.reddit.com, www.dailymail.co.uk

  • Ad Free Browsing
  • Over 10,000 Videos!
  • All in 1 Access
  • Join For Free!
GO PREMIUM WITH THETALKO
Go Premium!