When you imagine your wedding day, you probably envision yourself walking down the aisle in a beautiful white bridal gown, seeing the love of your life waiting for you. No one ever dreams of settling for someone they didn’t truly love—we all like to think that we’ll end up with a guy who is simply perfect for us. But for many people, this isn’t quite how things go.
As you get older, you’ll probably begin to notice that many people do not seem truly happy in their marriages. And suddenly, the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce will make a whole lot more sense. How many people marriage someone because they desperately wants kids, they think they need to follow a certain life path to be happy, or because they think that the first person who proposes to them will be the only one who will ever love them? Unfortunately, there are many, many people who settle with someone for these very reasons and more.
Our advice? Ladies, don’t settle. It’s better to be single and independent than in an unhappy relationship or marriage—and these 15 confessions from women who settled will prove it to you.
15 “I can’t leave my marriage because I’m in so much debt, and I need my husband’s financial support. We don’t love each other, but I am trapped.”
You’ve probably heard the term “gold digger” before—Kanye West explained the whole concept pretty well in his hit song “Gold Digger.” A gold digger is a woman (or sometimes a guy!) who dates or marries someone just for their money. This might seem like a great idea if you’re in a desperate financial situation, but it’s actually a pretty nasty way of using someone. You’re also pretty much guaranteed to end up unhappy. This women confessed that she married her husband because she has a ton of debt, and she thought that marrying him would help her pay it off. Now, she’s trapped in marriage that she wants no part of, but if she wants to get back on her feet, she has no choice but to stay.
14 “I don’t love the man I married. But I can’t divorce him because then it would prove everyone else right—they all doubted us. I’m too embarrassed.”
When your family and friends don’t support your relationship, it can really cut deep. You love this guy so much—they should be happy for you, right? Well, sometimes the people in your life can see red flags in your relationship that you are blind to. They may be able to tell that you’re not right for each other, but sometimes when they tell you how they really feel about your significant other, you might double down and become determined to prove them wrong. But as this confession shows, this can totally backfire. This woman married a man that her friends and relatives disapproved of in order to illustrate that she WAS happy—but as it turned out, the guy wasn’t right for her. She is too scared to leave, because this would mean admitting that they were right.
13 “I settled for my boyfriend so that my children and I wouldn’t become homeless.”
It’s not totally fair to judge people negatively for the choices that they make out of sheer desperation. In fact, it’s a bit heartless—you never know when you’ll be backed into a corner and be forced to do something against your morals just to survive. However necessary these types of choices may be, they almost never end well. Just look at the woman who submitted this confession. She was a single mom who was struggling to make ends meet, and she needed to keep her little family off the streets. Can you really blame her for moving in with a guy she didn’t truly love if the other option was subjecting her children to homelessness? Her story is extremely sad, but many other women are also in her shoes.
12 “I was truly in love once. But the love of my life died. Now I am married to a man I do not love nearly as much.”
We never like to think about worst case scenarios like this. We know that everyone must die eventually, but it’s not exactly pleasant to think about. In fact, if you spend too much time reflecting on this, you might end up dealing with some serious anxiety! However, the fact that we won’t be here forever should inspire us to be grateful for our loved ones here and now. You never know when your life could change forever, and someone who you had always counted on won’t be there. The woman who wrote this confession lost the man she truly loved, and ended up settling for someone else. This is absolutely heartbreaking, but we should all learn a lesson from her story—show the people in your life some love while you can.
11 “I only married my husband because I knew that the man I really wanted to be with would never feel the same about me.”
Ouch. We really feel for the woman who wrote this confession. After all, how many of us have dealt with rejection in our lives? Every single person on earth has probably been rejected by someone they truly care about. And it’s such a horrible feeling, especially when you genuinely believed that the person who rejected you was the love of your life. But it may be comforting to know that it happens to the very best of us, and it is simply an obstacle in life that we all must face at some point or another. This woman ended up marrying a man she did not truly love, because the guy she did want to be with did not feel the same way about her.
10 “My ex-girlfriend fell for a man and left me. I married my husband because I hated being alone. I’m not straight and I’m miserable.”
2018 has just begun, and it’s amazing how much progress our society has made in the past decade or so. But it’s important to remember that we’re not all treated equally just yet, and we still have a lot of work to do in order to create a world where everyone is treated fairly. The women who submitted this confession knows that she would rather spend the rest of her life with a woman than a man. But when her ex-girlfriend fell in love with a guy and left her, she was left heartbroken. She began dating a man and ended up marrying him because she did not want to be alone anymore—but deep down, she wishes she could just be out of the closet and be with a woman that she truly loves.
9 “Sometimes I sit up alone at night and listen to sappy love songs while my husband sleeps, but I’m thinking of an old boyfriend.”
Alright, admit it—how many times have you listened to the same sappy love song on repeat, just because it reminded you of someone special? We hope that someone was a guy that you’re actually dating! It’s amazing how songs can instantly bring back memories of people who we once loved, even if they are no longer in our lives anymore. The right song can take you back to a moment with someone who broke your heart. The woman who wrote this confession definitely feels that strong connection with music. She is married now, but she still harbors some unrequited feelings for an old boyfriend. She says that sometimes she stays up late at night after her husband falls asleep, listening to old love songs and thinking about her ex.
8 “I settled for the first guy who wanted to marry me. Every night I lay awake and wonder who else is out there for me.”
Nearly everyone struggles with low self-esteem at some point in their lives. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of—dealing with these insecure thoughts happens to all of us. However, making decisions in this unhealthy mindset can come back to haunt you later, because when we make a choice while feeling badly about ourselves, we often end up settling for less than we’re worth. That’s what happened to the woman who wrote this confession. She felt that the first man who fell in love with her was her only shot at married life, and she said yes to his proposal even though she did not truly love him. Now, she is stuck in an unhappy marriage, and she constantly wonders who else might be out there.
7 “I cheated on my boyfriend with the love of my life. But he does not love me back. I hid the truth and stayed with my boyfriend.”
It’s hard to sympathize with the woman who wrote this confession, because she admits to cheating on her boyfriend. However, this is a great example of why settling will always be a bad idea. This woman did not simply learn to love the guy she was with. She was still always tempted by someone else who she had fallen in love with before and never gotten over. This is also a great example of why rebound relationships often fail. If you get into a new relationship right after a break up, you probably did not give yourself enough time to process your feelings of grief and loss. You may end up being unfaithful or dishonest in your new relationship because you are still fixated on your old one.
6 “I know that I settled for my husband. On paper, he’s everything I wanted. But truthfully I love someone else who doesn’t care.”
We often say that a certain person is our “type.” One girl might have a thing for men who are tall, dark, and handsome, while another might be into super athletic guys or musicians. It’s all about your personal preference! But here’s the funny thing—even those of us who do feel that we have a “type” are often proven wrong. The woman who wrote this confession seems like she held on to the idea that she would be happy with a certain type of man, and simply looked for a guy who could check off every box. She has the guy she thought that she would want—but as it turns out, she is not as happy as she assumed she would be. In fact, she still thinks about a guy who rejected her.
5 “I only stayed with my husband because he gave me some direction in life. I didn’t trust myself to find my own way.”
Sometimes, we depend on our significant other for more than just love and affection. For example, you might be unsure of where to move, so you move in with your boyfriend when he gets a new apartment because you’re scared to make that decision on your own and go somewhere by yourself. Or you feel unhappy at your college, so you transfer to your boyfriend’s school because you know you’ll have at least one friend there. We might look to our partner for direction in life—but this can backfire. Just ask this woman. She depended on her husband to show her where she should go and what she should do because she didn’t trust herself enough to make her own choices. Now, she regrets living her life this way.
4 “My husband never wants to be intimate with me. I find myself thinking of men from my past and missing them.”
For the vast majority of couples, physical intimacy is an important part of their relationship. However, some people are under the assumption that as a couple gets older together, intimacy totally falls off the radar, and not being affectionate a few years into marriage is a totally normal thing. Um, not true! The happiest married couples out there still value intimacy, even if they have been married for decades. The woman who wrote this confession is struggling with this very issue. Her husband does not seem to care about being physically affectionate, but this is very important to her. Therefore, she spends a lot of time thinking of men she used to date, and regretting her current relationship because she is not truly happy with her husband.
3 “I settled with a nice guy who treats me well, but I don’t actually love him—I’m just terrified of being alone after so much rejection.”
We’re all scared of rejection. Even the most confident people on earth have had their egos bruised by rejection before. Whether it’s being passed over for a job you really wanted, losing a former friend, or hearing someone you love tell you that they don’t want to be with your anymore, rejection always hurts—there’s no way around it. But just as discussed how harmful it can be to make big decisions when your self confidence is low, making a major choice right after being rejected is not the best idea. You may think that you’re soothing your pain, but as this woman’s confession reveals, you are probably selling yourself short. She is terrified of rejection and being alone, so she settled for her current boyfriend, even though she did not really love him.
2 “My husband has no idea that I married him because I was originally pursuing his best friend, who rejected me.”
Once again, we have a confession from someone who married the wrong person because she had been hurt by rejection in the past and couldn’t bear to face it again. This woman was initially pursuing a guy who did not really want her. So, what did she do in order to get over it? Well, she married his best friend. Um, not the smartest idea in the world. In fact, we’re going to advise against it, for obvious reasons. Now, she not only has to hide a major secret from her husband for the rest of their life together (which will definitely take a toll on her mental health), she also has to see the man she originally fell in love with on a regular basis.
1 “My boyfriend isn’t my soul mate. But I stayed because I realized my true soul mate left me a long time ago, and he would never come back.”
We’re certain that you’ve heard of the concept of “soul mates” before. A soul mate is someone that you are simply destined to be with, no matter what happens in life. You may face some serious obstacles, but you will end up together in the end, despite all of the setbacks. This woman thought that she had met her soul mate—and then he left her. Therefore, she began dating another guy, even though she did not feel the same connection with him, because she thought that she could never love someone else as much as she loved her “soul mate.” Look, if he leaves you, he was never your soul mate in the first place. And you know what that means? Someone even better for you is still out there, so don’t settle!