Being a mom is a tough gig. You do millions of tiny jobs every single day with the responsibility of keeping your child alive, safe, healthy, and happy, and you rarely get the credit you so sorely deserve. Instead, you get to hear time and time again about how everything you’re doing is wrong, that you’re screwing up your kid, and that so-and-so does it this way so you should too if you really cared about your child. It’s exhausting. Is it any wonder, then, that there are some moms who are ready to throw in the towel and simply don’t want their kids anymore?
Since so many mothers (read: all) are mommy-shamed by friends, family, and anyone on the Internet, it makes perfect sense that they would turn to an anonymous secret-sharing app to air their many grievances and shameful private thoughts. Sometimes, motherhood is just too much for them to handle, even if they love their kids more than anything. Some moms might hate their kids for a moment or two, whereas others blame them for a life they don’t feel has been well-lived. The one thing they do have in common: motherhood isn’t exactly what they signed up for, and nothing is more tempting than finding a permanent way out.
Look, we all go through a bit of an identity crisis at some point or another. For many people (especially women), this happens in our early- to mid-twenties. We’re out of school, supposedly embarking on our careers, and trying to figure out what we want from our personal lives. Everyone in our age group is shooting off in different directions, so there’s no one right answer as to what we’re supposed to do or who we’re supposed to be. It’s stressful!
Because of that, we’re assuming that this Whisper confessor had her son at a fairly young age, before she was able to make the mistakes and personal journey so many of us use that decade of our lives for. While she’s not regretting having her son per se, she is regretting having him before she had her own fully-formed identity outside of being his mother. And, honestly, what mother hasn’t had a bit of an identity crisis when they try to remember who they were before they were just “Mom”?
14Simplicity is Bliss
Nobody ever said raising kids would be easy! Contrary to what Pinterest hacks and celebrities with nannies would have you think, parenting is a helluva lot of work, and moms get almost no recognition for all the effort they put into it! From acting as a chef, a maid, a teacher, a lifeguard, a chauffeur, a doctor, a nurse, an artist, a baker, a tutor, and so on, moms have it going on 24/7 – it’s exhausting!
We can sympathize with this Whisper user a bit because what mother – or parent for that matter – hasn’t wished for a few moments or hours or days of peace without a pair of sticky little hands grabbing at them? Life is definitely simpler when you only have yourself to worry about, but we figured that was pretty common knowledge to anyone looking to start a family. No one chooses to have kids thinking it will simplify things!
13Second-Guessing Final Decisions
Being a teen mom is difficult. You’re forced to grow up a lot faster, forced to make do with less than what you had expected, perhaps, in terms of education, relationship, and career prospects, and of course, there’s the judgment you face on a daily basis. Despite or perhaps because of what MTV has done for teen moms, the stigma is still definitely there.
Interestingly enough, while this Whisper confessor doesn’t regret her decision to have her daughter, she does imagine what it would be like if she had given her up for adoption. Maybe she could be a regular student, only having to watch out for herself or maybe a pet rather than a child. Like the last confession, her life would be a lot simpler. (Not that adoption is easy, mind you, especially if you’re always wondering about how your kid is doing without you.) Hey, at least she would want her daughter to be taken in by a loving family rather than abandoned, so we suppose that’s something?
When you first have a kid, it’s a huge adjustment. Your life is changed instantly. Pregnancy is probably easier for most to deal with, because the baby is still abstract enough: they’re just a belly right then. After you’ve given birth to them, however, it’s a whole new ballgame. Now, it’s time for the crying and midnight feedings, the blowout diapers and realization that you have no effing clue what you’re doing, no matter how many parenting books you’ve read. You’re expecting to love being a mother in the first two weeks? Fat chance.
Whisper is an app that allows its users to be honest about their feelings, and we think this confessor is telling it like it is. She hasn’t felt that domestic goddess glow yet – probably because she’s exhausted and her hormones are out of whack – but it doesn’t mean she doesn’t love her daughter. She just doesn’t like her very much right now!
11No Looking Back
There are mommy shamers and then there are people like this Whisper user who are more than capable of shaming themselves for being terrible mothers. This confessor admits to being a terrible person because she fantasizes about running away. To be totally honest, we think this is something other parents might think about on occasion, even if they feel awful for having the thought cross their mind in the first place.
Regretting having her son is a bit of another thing.
We don’t know for sure how old the son of this Whisper user is, but we’re willing to bet that she’s still in the early stages of motherhood. Or, perhaps, her kid is a few years old and is just entering one of the awful toddler stages that would drive any person insane. She might feel like a terrible person, but the fact that she’s sticking it out – even if she doesn’t always want to – says more about her character than a hidden desire.
10Worst Mom Award
If you’re planning to have kids to feel fulfilled, or to fill some void in your life, you should probably hold off until you’ve grown up a bit, because you know what kids aren’t? Trophies or Band-Aids. You don’t have a kid to replace something you’re lacking or to feel like they give you purpose and meaning. Saying that your kid has ruined your life is a pretty terrible thing, because, hello, they never asked to be born, did they?
We try to refrain from judgment for these confessions, because we know that motherhood can be a grind and that nobody’s perfect. However, this confession isn’t just missing being carefree or having more freedom or temporarily wishing away your family. Instead, it’s placing the burden of an unfulfilled life squarely on the shoulders of a person (or people) who never asked to be a part of it. You want a reward, Whisper confessor? Well, here’s your Worst Mom Award! Enjoy!
9Who Ruined Whose Life?
Speaking of mothers who blame their kids for ruining their lives, we have this other Whisper confessor. Like we said earlier, being a teen mom isn’t an easy gig, and while we don’t know the circumstances that led to this user keeping and choosing to raise her son (say, pressure from parents, religious beliefs, or something else), we also think it’s pretty crappy of her to blame a baby for “ruining her life”. Instead, we think that she’s the orchestrator of her own “demise”!
While we understand that feelings of resentment can crop up – especially when you feel like you’re missing out on al the things everyone else your age is enjoying – it is beyond unfair to put that burden on a little kid. However, that is the subject of this article and, unfortunately for all the kids of these Whisper confessors, the sentiments expressed ion this confession aren’t unusual.
824hr Regret Party
It’s one thing to have an off moment or a bad day where you regret having kids. In fact, we think that every parent in existence has at one point wished that they had waited to have kids or avoided them altogether, but to regret having them every single day of their lives? That is intense!
Even if you love your kids, as this Whisper user says, it takes an awful lot of energy and resentment to regret bringing them into this world all day, every day. If we were these children, we’d wonder what the heck is wrong with us that, no matter what we do, our own mother spends at least some time of every day wishing she hadn’t had us. That’s a pretty devastating blow to your self-esteem, to say the least. If that’s the case, maybe if she truly loved her kids as much as she says, she’d find someone to raise them who appreciates them more?
7It’s a (Not So) Wonderful Life
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: kids don’t make life simple. When you’re in charge of the life and wellbeing of another person, your priorities shift. Now, you can’t go out drinking with your girlfriends to the wee hours in the morning, because you’re up early for feedings or to get your kids to school. You can’t spend all your money on clothes or trips or dinners out because kids are expensive and will suck your bank account dry. Sure, they can be sweet little munchkins, but the responsibility of raising them is crazy!
This Whisper confessor is the type who, we imagine, would actually abandon her kids, head off on a cross-country trip and never tell anyone where she went – she seems that selfish. We’re not saying that moms have to be self-sacrificing saints, but a little selflessness is part of the job description and, if you’re not ready for that, then you’re not ready for kids.
6Nobody Said It Was Easy
It can be extremely difficult for many parents to have a child on the autism spectrum. Depending on the child and the traits they exhibit, more work is put into making sure they are comfortable expressing themselves and around other people. Routines are often put into place in order to keep things running smoothly, but it can be very wearing on the parent.
That seems to be the case for this Whisper user, who is finding it all to much to take care of her autistic son. Difficulties arise with raising any child, but it can be arguably more taxing to raise a child with autism. Fortunately, as we learn more about it and as educators (and parents) become better equipped to handle it, a more effective support system can be put into place for people like this Whisper confessor and her son. While she may regret having him from time to time, we think that most important thing is that she loves him all the same.
5No Choice in the Matter
It’s unfair to force a child to have a child, like in the situation of this Whisper confession. While we have no idea of the circumstances involved in this scenario, we do know that the writer was too young to begin raising a child on her own, and that being a parent before having fully enjoyed her own childhood and adolescence is downright criminal. The fact that this Whisper user has been able to stick it out for nine years is pretty impressive, since it sounds like she’s hated every moment of it. And why wouldn’t she? She was forced to grow up fast, abandoned by the father of the child (or, at the very least, he doesn’t play a role in her life or the life of her child), and she hasn’t been able to live much of her life for herself at all. We feel a lot of sympathy here, rather than judgment, because how could anyone not feel at their wit’s end after enduring something like that?
4Unable to Love
We don’t want to get political here, but suffice it to say that every woman should have the choice of autonomy over her own body. Discovering that you’re pregnant without planning to be can put you in a very vulnerable position, just like this Whisper user, and leave you open to the suggestions and pressures of other people.
Learning to be a good mother and loving your child automatically after giving birth isn’t a given. In fact, many mothers can feel a sense of distance from their child and a discomfort in their own bodies and in the new role foisted upon them. It doesn’t always happen like magic, as much as people want to tell you otherwise. We have no way of knowing this, but it sounds like this mom might be suffering from some postpartum issues (although we don’t know how long it’s been since she gave birth). Feeling like a bad mom is often par for the course, but if she’s unable to pull herself out of it, perhaps she should look into other options that better aid herself and her son.
3Caught By Surprise
This sounds to us like one of those episodes of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant! While some of you might be shocked at the fact that a woman couldn’t know she was carrying a child until actually giving birth to it, it is definitely possible! A wonky time of the month, minimal weight gain, zero cravings, and no birth control can lead to a lot of crazy circumstances that’ll have you changing diapers before you know it!
It’s very unfortunate for this new mom to learn that she was pregnant at the eleventh hour. There’s no time for her to mentally prepare herself for the responsibilities, or physically ready herself for having a child. Obviously, she’s not totally blameless in this situation, but we would never wish this on anyone, because every woman deserves the choice of whether or not she wants to keep her kid and raise it as her own, or choose something else that is better for everyone involved.
Okay, we’ve been pretty judgment-free when it’s come to these Whisper confessions, but this one is totally bonkers! Many new parents might prefer a boy over a girl or vice-versa for whatever reason, but (hopefully), they end up loving whatever comes out anyway, even if it means changing a colour scheme. To outright HATE your kid because it wasn’t born the sex you prefer is outrageous!
We would hate to be the child of this Whisper user because, as much as she may try to hide it, her son will feel her hatred and disdain for him. We hope she doesn’t go all Momma Bates on him and start dressing him up in women’s clothes in an effort to get the daughter she always wanted, but with a woman this open about her disgust with her child, we’re less than hopeful. If there’s a silver lining, maybe his dad is thrilled to have a son and that can be the parent her turns to most!
1It’s All Your Fault
Under no circumstances is a child’s birth responsible for “ruining” the life of a parent. If this Whisper user wasn’t so selfish and self-absorbed, she might be able to see that her parenting skills fell way short from what they should have been and that she has only herself to blame for her shortcomings. How could a daughter hold her mother back or destroy the relationship with her mother’s husband? Those are the responsibilities of an adult, not a child, and this mom passing the burden to her daughter is, quite frankly, unforgiveable.
Oh, and the drinking! Can you imagine your mother saying that you’re to blame for her alcoholism, as if you haven’t already suffered from her drinking enough as is? The daughter of this Whisper user may be only 17 and on her way to having a child of her own, but hopefully she’s learned everything NOT to do when it comes to being a mother.
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