All is fair in love and war, which explains why we are all so willing to look past the little white lies we have become accustomed to hearing. Though it is still the belief of the majority that honesty is the best policy, the line between what is an acceptable lie and what is a downright awful lie has become increasingly blurred in recent years. Whether related to the new casual dating or “hook-up” culture, or the fact that fewer and fewer couples are choosing to get married, the types of lies we tell have continued to increase.
That may sound scary to some, but just remember, some of the lies are completely harmless, and really should not provoke concern. At least that’s what society has convinced you to believe. From silly lies you tell your boss about why you had to call in sick, to the excuses you make when you miss dreaded family events, you are literally a habitual liar, but you're not alone. You may not even notice that you are frequently being fed lie after lie because you find yourself telling them more often than not.
It’s probably safe to say you want your boyfriend to be honest with you in all (or close to all) cases. Who wants to build a relationship on a lie? And really, you want to know things like the fact that he can’t stand your best friend, just to make everyone’s lives a lot easier. You can definitely make time for both of them separately, if need be.
Think back through all of the conversations or disagreements you’ve had with your boyfriend over the last little while to recall the lies you believed. You can even think back further in your dating career, if your memory serves.
Here are the 15 lies we always fall for. You may not have realized they were lies then, but at least you do now.
15 He Loves Your Family
If you and him are newly dating, it’s pretty safe to say that if he hasn’t said the L-word to you yet. Then he certainly isn’t completely over the moon in love with your fam either. Even after you've been together for awhile, there is unlikely ever going to be a time your boyfriend would pick your family over seeing his own friends, or his own family, no matter how batty they may be. If he tells you “of course I love your family,” to justify why he’s doing one thing over the other, there’s more going on. It’s not to say he doesn’t like them or get along with them, but he’s also likely waiting for a time when he can steal you away from your kooky family dinners. That is sort of understandable. And let's face it. How much do you really love his family? If you're honest with yourself, you'll understand him.
14 He's "Fine"
You’ve been with him long enough to know the look on his face when something is amiss. You probably aren’t quite sure whether it’s office drama, his friends being jerks or family matters, but you can see that he’s bothered by whatever stressful thoughts he’s having. If you see the signs, and call him out by asking what’s wrong for him, and his reply is that he's “fine,” you know he’s lying. That probably sounds familiar to you – like every time you’ve ever been upset and wanted to drop a subject. Women do it, and men do too - he just doesn’t want to talk. Seldom will men use an adjective like fine when describing their mood; they are more literal than that. Men are always more likely to simplify situations by saying that he’s good, or happy, or just plain pissed off rather than beating around the bush and forcing you to pry.
13 He “Really Wants” to See that New Rom-Com with You
There is a very specific type of theatrical man who appreciates a good romantic comedy. Romance novels adapted to screen were made for a very specific audience of broken-hearted or swooning women who still want to believe in love. Picture this: you are at the cinema together seeing the new Ben Affleck flick and see a preview for a more mushy-gushy film. Your first response is to grin like a schoolgirl and look at him to make it clear that you are VERY excited for that film. You’ll likely be met with a somewhat impending-doom-is-coming look followed by a small smile – because he’s legit happy that you are excited for the film. Unless he’s been known to love that type of movie in the past, any other reaction to that scenario is fabricated. Many men will bite the bullet and see the film with you, if it makes you happy, and if you cannot find one of your girlfriends to commit to going with you, but it’s ALL for you – not for him.
12 He's Always Working Late
If you met him online, or had any sort of pre-existing relationship with him before, you probably have an approximate idea of his work schedule. It’s usually discussed online or on the first date, so you both have an idea of if you can make the relationship work with your different schedules. He might be in a new position where he hopes he can climb quickly and prove his worth, and that may mean he’s going to be pulling in all sorts of extra hours, but he will be open with you about this. If his schedule changes all of a sudden, or you constantly find him cancelling dates last minute because he “has to work late,” there’s something fishy going on. It is most likely an affair, but it could also be that he is trying to let you down easy because he’s just not feeling the relationship anymore.
11 You're The Only One I Ever Think About
Men are quite simple creatures that are motivated by very few things. Sports, money, sex, beautiful women and food are some of the main motivators that come to mind. With this knowledge in hand, when he tells you this lie, it’s important to remember that it’s probably just to assure you that there is nothing to worry about. The truth is that there probably isn’t anything to worry about, but since that doesn’t stop him from checking out attractive women when you are out together every so often, he probably has at least a few “adult” thoughts in which you are not featured. You may be the only women who occupies his heart, but you definitely aren’t the only one who crosses his mind in a world full of sexy businesswomen, beautiful celebrities, your hot girlfriends and the many adult film stars with whom he is likely familiar.
10 He "Just" Wants You To Come Over and Cuddle
When you think back to all of those sweet late night messages he sent you, confessing to you how much he wanted to fall asleep next to you (holding you, of course), it probably warms your heart. If you continue on with your train of thought to those few times you bit the bullet and drove to his place late, to cuddle, and ended up being romantically seduced into an evening of romping, you might think that it was just the natural progression of things. Maybe you even thought it was you that gave off a needy vibe and he wanted to help you with your desires. Not to spoil the lovey-dovey party happening in your mind right now, but *sigh* he was lying. No one is denying that men like to cuddle because they are all big cuddle monsters when their bros aren’t around, but he didn’t invite you over in the middle of the night because he wanted the company, or he would have invited you over sooner. You, dear, have been bamboozled into a booty call… but you probably liked it so that lie probably doesn’t affect you negatively all that much.
9 My Ex Wasn't As Good As You In Bed
It’s already pretty much an unspoken rule that you don’t talk about your boyfriend’s ex with your boyfriend, or anyone for that matter. It brings up all sorts of unpleasant memories of their break-up, or some really good ones about her before she left him, so either way, it does you no favors whatsoever. If he’s spitting out this phrase to you every time you have some sort of reluctance in the bedroom, he’s lying to you to make you more comfortable and to get in your pants. For one, he probably doesn’t remember how she was in bed unless she was the single best thing he’s ever had, in which case, you will never satisfy him (sorry). On the other hand, if he offers you the comment one time without asking, you may indeed be and he wants you to know how much he appreciates your abilities. Never fear, unless he’s the best you’ve ever had, most guys will just appreciate some good, frequent activity with the number one gal in their heart.
8 I Never Hook Up on the First Date
If you believe this first date lie, giiirrrlllll there is no saving you! What possible purpose does he have for telling you this specific thing? If you think about it, he’s trying way too hard to make you perceive him as the nice guy, which implies that he isn’t actually that nice in reality or he wouldn’t need to overdo it on the “nice guy” act. In truth, he could be telling the truth about not hooking up on the first date, but it’s not due to lack of trying. All guys, especially ones that are on a several month “drought,” want to get laid, and if you’ve made it to the first date, and he finds you pretty, he’s hoping you make the suggestion so he doesn’t have to. If you fell for this, it probably didn’t end horribly because you either went for the first date hook-up, which means you wanted to too, or he was interested in you enough that he was willing to wait until the second date to try his efforts again. Many women are still romantic enough to believe in love at first site, and in some ways, when you know, you know makes a lot of sense, so why prolong the inevitable if you just met your Mr. Right?
7 If You Want To Wait, That's Okay...
Speaking of naked co-ed wrestling, many men can be very understanding if you don’t want to jump right into bed when you first meet them. There are a lot of scumbags out there, and if your guy isn’t one of them, he’s familiar with them and would rather you not associate him with those people. If you are a virgin and want to make sure you are ready, that’s another thing he’ll probably be cool with, but if you are on the I-want-to-wait-for-marriage bandwagon, and he is not, it’s not gonna fly with him and anything he says to convince you of it is complete crap. You shouldn’t be with someone who has such drastically different sexual ideals anyway. Not to give men a bad rep for being controlled by the wrong head, but waiting for intercourse is a bit different if you are willing to let him run a few bases in the interim, but he will get bored of just kissing and the occasional boob graze atop your blouse. He may believe it when he says it, and it might be “okay” in those moments, but patience is not his virtue, and he’s banking on you changing your mind or being ready much sooner than you may be thinking.
6 Of Course, I'm Listening to You
Women are excellent multi-taskers. We can do a load of laundry while using a headpiece to conduct a remote office meeting, and ensure the kid is fed and asleep, while also baking cookies. Men, on the other hand, can barely answer their telephone while the TV is on. Eye contact has never been more imperative when trying to have an important discussion with your boyfriend because if he’s literally got anything else on his mind, he’s not going to “hear” you, even if he is listening. If the radio is on, the television is on or he’s using a cell phone app, you’ve got no chance. Most guys play the odds by predicting what you asked them, and will proceed to take out he trash or straighten up the couch blankets as soon as the game goes to commercial break, but that’s pretty irrelevant if you asked him what he wanted for dinner. The second you ask him if he’s listening to you, he hears impending serious topic coming and checks out to divert to his “Of course I’m listening to you” response. Whenever you hear this reply from him, just know that he is not actually listening to you.
5 I Don’t Watch Dirty Movies…
On the off chance that he was raised in a small religious town or compound, where Internet access was restricted, he may actually be telling the truth on this one. In every other scenario, he has tuned in to porn at least one time in his life. He may not be an addict, like some other men out there who really, really like the Pirates franchise (NOT the Johnny Depp one), but he is pretty familiar with it and he has decided what he likes to watch for “maximum efficiency.” It’s unclear why this topic would come up in your everyday relationship conversation, unless of course, you aggressively dislike the adult film industry, but if he’s lying to you, it’s to prevent you from thinking he’s a dirty, dirty boy. There is nothing wrong with watching adult movies, and even though they aren’t for everyone, they are just like any other form of entertainment.
4 I Love Your Bright Red Lipstick
Fact: guys hate lipstick. Do you know what guys hate even more than your lipstick collection? Your one and only, beautiful, in-charge, show stopping, bright red lipstick. Lipstick tastes awkward to guys, so they don’t want to kiss you when you are wearing it. Lipstick stains their shirt collars, their cheeks, their mouths and other sensitive parts of their bodies that are harder to aggressively scrub. He may think you look lovely wearing that particular shade of red on your mouth, but by no stretch of the imagination does he love it. Whenever he tells you that he LOVES your lipstick, he’s playing the part of one of your girlfriends because you clearly need a confidence booster. As a general rule, any answer from him that starts with “Of course I…” or “I love your…” it’s him not knowing exactly what to say so he says what he thinks you want to hear instead. Either way, it’s a big fat lie because he’s afraid to tell the truth. He prefers your lipstick still in the tube, and possibly thrown in the trash can.
3 That Dress Isn’t Too Tight. It Looks Great!
Guys are smart enough to know how to respond to the question, “Does this dress make me look fat?!” When they immediately blurt out “no” before even taking a moment to give you the old elevator up and down, it looks a bit fishy. Then you tend to get all up in arms about him lying to you about being fat, when you really don’t want him to call you fat, but you might be getting a bit fat. It’s all rather complicated. They really should get a pass on this one because there isn’t a good way to answer it if you have put on a few pounds or if that dress might be a size too small. Women tend to take things more personally than they should, especially when the comments come from their significant other. Try thinking about it this way: if you know you’ve put on some weight, or you don’t feel 100% comfortable in your own skin wearing that particular outfit, then you already know there might be an issue with how it fits or looks on you. Asking him might give you a bit of assurance that you aren’t a whale, but if you are unsure enough to ask, don’t blame him for lying or for telling the truth. It’s a lose-lose scenario for him.
2 It's Just Gunna Be A Guy's Night Out
We at The Talko are very big advocates of couples spending time with their own friends separate from their partners because spending all your time with your boyfriend will drive you completely nutso. Guys will sometimes plan poker nights or Sunday afternoon football hang-outs that will be “guys only.” The difference between men and women is that most boys' nights are at someone’s place, whereas women like their girls' nights out to happen at restaurants, lounges or at the movie theater. If a guy tells you that you can’t come to something because it’s going to be a guy’s night out, it’s a bold-faced lie, and chances are that someone else asked that you not be invited, or he didn’t want to bring you. Going “out” anywhere implies that there will be other women there, whether they are his buddies’ girlfriends or random girls at the bar, but guys’ night never really means “no girls allowed,” contrary to popular belief. It just means YOU'RE not allowed.
1 We Never Talk Bad About You At Guys’ Night
Sure, you don’t, boys. Ladies, think about what goes on at girls' night. You all gossip about classmates or colleagues, or talk about who’s dating who or who’s pregnant, and there is always occasional b*tching about your somewhat useless boyfriends. Okay, so you admit that he’s not actually useless, but he definitely does things that irk you and make you roll your eyes, and you can't always tell him how you feel, so you’re forced to tell your girlfriends. Complaining is also scientifically proven to be very therapeutic for women, so that doesn’t hurt your case for bringing it up either. Guys are not too different. Guys do vent about women to their male friends, but they don’t dwell on it, and over-analyze every little thing. Still, they will occasionally complain about something you've done and one of their guy friends will pipe in and say something like, “Yeah she’s crazy” or “sigh women." Despite his assertions that he and his friends do not discuss you, you can bet your bottom dollar that you've featured in some of their conversations, and not always positively.