Our friendships are so important to us. Having girls in our lives who we can text about anything ranging from the most hilarious thing that just happened on the show that we mutually love to the date we just went on is really awesome. It's almost more fun to tell our friends about the new guy that we're interested in than to actually hang out with him. (Okay, just kidding, those two things are equally fun and a new relationship is truly exciting, but you get the point: we love chatting with our girlfriends).
We've all experienced this tough moment before: we tell our best friend about our new boyfriend and she just isn't that supportive. Actually, she's anything but. She makes mean comments, she asks why we're seeing him, and she straight-up doesn't seem into talking to us about him.
It's hurtful and makes us wonder what's going on. It's hard to know if she's on the right track or just super envious of the fact that we're in a happy relationship (which sucks to realize but could be true). Here are 15 clues that our BFF is right to shade our boyfriend and 5 that prove that she's just jealous.
There is no reason that our usually sweet, supportive best friend would suddenly turn into a monster and say that she's not a fan of our new boyfriend... well, unless she was right about him and could see something that we're just not.
When she changes her behavior and isn't even acting like the same friend, whether she's ignoring our text messages when they mention him or our relationship or she doesn't want to give us dating advice like she usually does, we might want to stop and think about it. She's not offering her support for a reason, and it could be a good idea to ask her why.
No one would say that dating is as fun as going to a party with all our friends or staying home and binge-watching an amazing TV show.
But a good thing about dating is having the opportunity to share dating stories with our friends and our best friend in particular.
When our BFF has always listened to everything that has been going on in our dating life but she's suddenly not interested in hearing anything, we want to recognize that she could be onto something here. There's a reason why it's hard for her to listen right now. She can probably see something in our boyfriend that we're not able to because we're in love.
Sometimes, when our best friend shades our boyfriend, she could honestly just be jealous and this is one reason why: she never, ever likes anyone that we date.
We could be with the coolest, sweetest, most intelligent guy ever. He could always have a perfect, sharp one-liner or joke for any occasion, always ask after our friends, be kind to our relatives, and even get our best friend the best birthday present ever... And, still, she's not a fan of hers. If she's never happy with anyone that we go out with and always has reasons why they're not a good person to date, we can chalk this up to her being full of envy.
On the other hand, if our best friend is always there for us and ready with some dating advice or a comforting shoulder to cry on, we should listen to how she feels about our relationship.
There is a reason why she is acting differently about this particular boyfriend.
She could be onto something here.
We have probably hated one of our friend's boyfriends before and wondered why she wasn't going to break up with him, and we saw something in him that she couldn't. It's the same thing. We might not want to ask her, "What's so wrong with him?" but it might be something that we want to work up to.
When we meet our boyfriend's friends, we're hoping that they'll welcome us and be kind and maybe even be interested in our jobs or who we are or what we're like. This is important to us if the relationship is important to us.
When our boyfriend meets the people that we're friends with and our BFF in particular, we want him to treat her with kindness and respect and be interested in getting to know her. If he hasn't made an effort to be nice or friendly toward her, it's really no wonder that she doesn't like him. She is right in this situation because he should have done more. It should matter to him that she's such a big part of our life.
It's really crucial to spend time with people other than our boyfriend, even though, yes, we love him and want to see him all of the time. But our friendships are so amazing and need to keep going.
If our boyfriend doesn't want us to hang out with our best friend or our other friends, it would make sense that she would notice that and would shade him.
She would recognize that's not kind, good, healthy behavior and that he's wrong to feel this way. Whether or not she honestly tells us that this is why she feels this way about him, it's probably how she feels, and she's right. We wouldn't want her boyfriend to try to stop her from seeing us.
If we were didn't like our best friend's boyfriend, would we tell everyone that we knew, including mutual friends?
No, we wouldn't, because if we were truly upset about her relationship, we would know that would be mean and would feel a lot like gossip. If there was something really wrong there, like he was isolating her or not supporting her or just being a jerk, it wouldn't be fair to spread it around. If our best friend is telling everyone that she hates our boyfriend, she could just be jealous of him. She feels the need to talk about him and that shouldn't be happening.
Being an honest friend is noble and what we all want to be. We also say that we want to have this kind of person in our lives. But do we really practice that?
Let's say our BFF is trying out a new style of dressing or a new beauty routine. We might not really like it or think that it works for her and yet we're not exactly about to tell her that. In some cases, honesty is really too much and can be borderline mean.
It's not necessary.
If our best friend tells us that she doesn't like the guy that we're dating and is just trying to be honest with us, we should realize that she's right about him. The fact that she's pulling out the honesty card says a lot. She feels this is really important to say.
We have to hand it to people who say, "I know this is awkward to talk about and you might not love it but I feel that I have to talk about this." The most important issues can make people feel the most uncomfortable.
Because she has added this disclaimer or warning or whatever we'd like to call it to the discussion, we can see that this is really tricky for her and that she feels she's in a complicated position. We can listen from a better frame of mind since we know that she finds this to be something that she would rather not talk about, either.
It's easy enough for someone to say that they don't like someone's boyfriend. They don't have to give any reasons or criteria and can just move on.
It's only right that our BFF tells us why she's throwing shade at our boyfriend and what's going on.
When she gives us some actual, legitimate reasons and we hear why, we might understand more of where she is coming from. And we might even agree with her and recognize that there are some problems in the relationship that we have either been hiding from or not really paying enough attention to, and that could be really helpful.
It's tricky to listen to someone when they are talking super loudly and seem like they're braced for a fight. We don't really want to fight with our BFF over anything, let alone the guy that we're dating.
We can't fault our best friend for approaching the conversation in a calm way and it's a good idea to hear her words instead of wondering why she's saying this stuff and why we can't talk about Pretty Little Liars instead and how much we miss that show. It's honestly amazing that we can even have this kind of peaceful conversation about our love lives.
We've all been single and know that being jealous of any couple (literally any couple, whether one that we see in a movie, on a TV show, or on the street) is a thing.
It's hard not to wonder why they are so lovey-dovey and we're alone.
If our best friend has been single for a long time, she really could just be jealous of our boyfriend. We can understand why she feels this way and sympathize that it's tough to be single for a while, even if we don't get why she's being so frustrating about this whole situation. She's just having a tough time right now.
Sometimes people speak from experience and they see themselves in us and our current situation. Our best friend could have gone through exactly the same thing and that's why she feels the need to talk to us about it.
Instead of getting mad, we can understand her background and why she's saying this. She knows what she's talking about. She has gone through this and she doesn't want us to hurt or feel the way that she did, so even though it's really weird to talk to her about why she's throwing shade at our boyfriend, it's a conversation that probably needs to take place.
We all have that one friend who has had a ton of dating experience and really knows what's up. She is the best to go to for advice or even just hilarious commentary.
She can make us feel better about any date and that's really awesome.
If this is the way that our best friend is, then we need to think about the fact that she could be correct about our boyfriend. She has dated different guys and been in different situations and she knows what she's talking about. It really is okay that she's saying these things to us because she is on the right track.
If one person throws shade at our boyfriend, we could say, "Oh, she's just jealous" and think about something else. If our friends and family plus our best friend throw shade at our boyfriend and say that they don't think that he's the right person?
Well, that's totally different and something that we might want to consider. This means that a few people have recognized that there is something going on and that it's not the best situation. If enough people feel this way, there really must be something to it and while it's uncomfortable, it's worth looking into for sure.
It's only polite and fair to invite both members of a couple to a party or event or gathering. When our best friend only invites us to things and doesn't extend an invitation to our boyfriend, she could just be jealous of him and of the fact that we even have a boyfriend. She could feel this way about anyone that we're with.
She literally doesn't want to see him or us as a couple and that's really not that cool.
We always invite her boyfriend or the person that she has just started dating, right? If that's the case, then this isn't fair and we should mention it to her.
No one should change their personality when they fall in love. That's not really what love is all about. In the best case scenario, being in love and being with the right person causes us to grow up and really know who we are. It's like when people say that we want to be the best version of ourselves when we're with our soulmate and true love.
We might have changed while dating this guy and really had no idea, but it wasn't for the better and our best friend knows us so well that she has definitely noticed. She doesn't like what she's seeing and she's worried about us. She says that we've changed and we should take that seriously because she would know. Maybe we're not doing the things that we used to love or seeing our friends and family enough.
When someone says that they have to tell us something but don't want it to mean breaking up as friends, that's a good indicator that we really want to listen to them and hear everything that they are thinking and feeling.
This means that it's serious and they know that it could mean never talking to one another again... but that's not what they want to happen.
Imagine how we would feel if we had to have this type of conversation with our BFF and knew that her reaction might be, "Well, then that means that we can't be BFFs anymore." It's scary to talk about these things.
Ultimatums are tough no matter who is trying to pull them. They don't tend to work in romantic relationships because if someone says, "If you loved me, you would want to marry me" that's not really the greatest way to get engaged. (How romantic...)
We don't want to say these kinds of things in a friendship, either. When our best friend tells us that if we don't dump this guy, it's going to affect our friendship, we should realize that she's envious of him and the relationship. No true friend would want things to be over based on a guy. She's just trying to make herself feel better about how jealous she is.
We meet people through different situations and become friends for so many different reasons. While it's definitely possible to have newer friends who we treasure and feel are so important to us, there is just something about old friends.
They knew us before we became grown-ups and it's charming and special.
If our best friend is one of those old, dear friends, then she truly knows what's best for us. She wouldn't be saying that she didn't like our boyfriend if she didn't mean it and think it with all of her being. She wants us to be happy and to be in a good relationship, and we might want to press her more on the matter and get to the bottom of it.