Not only was 2016 a horrible year in general (why, oh why, would you take Carrie Fisher from us, you crappy dump of a year??), but the weight of the year seemed to take some of our favorite celebrity couples as victims as well. One of the most notable couples who appeared to run out of steam was the supposedly unbreakable Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the pair who not only advocated hard for LGBT rights (they refused to get married until California recognized same-gender marriage), but who also adopted one-fourth of every third-world country. They were just one Hollywood power couple to call it quits, which got us thinking who’s next on the chopping block? While it’s known that Hollywood relationships always come with an expiration date, some (those who usually don’t bother getting married) have more staying power than others. We take a look at 15 pairs who will probably end up calling it quits during 2017.
15 Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez
Hahahaha, how the hell can I take anything Jennifer Lopez does seriously after that whole Drake fiasco? A couple months ago, the press was eating up the news that Lopez and rapper Drake were, ahem, “hot and heavy” after Drake starting posting pictures of him and the actress/singer on social media. He was literally fangirling over her and was two seconds away from jumping all over Oprah’s couch, declaring his undying love for her. We should have all known it was just a ploy to promote their new song… or something. I try not to listen when it comes to that. But now she’s apparently all lovey-dovey with Yankee star Alex Rodriguez? Gossip sites like TMZ are all over that mess – following the couple around as they suck face all over the globe. But like a majority of Lopez’s so-called relationships, I see this flickering away. Fast. Maybe Rodriguez just guest starred in one of Lopez’s romantic comedies and they’re making the rounds as another promotional tactic? I wouldn’t be surprised.
14 Lady Gaga and Christian Carino
Lady Gaga and Christian Carino are in the midst of new relationship heaven, but how long does the honeymoon phase last in Hollywood? Especially when it comes to a younger generation composed of fast-paced, ADD glazed-over millennials? Lady Gaga is queen of the moment and riding high on life with her newest beau… who also happens to be her 48-year old agent. Carino is a CAA (Creative Artists Agency) agent who represents talent like Harry Styles, Justin Bieber, and Miley Cyrus (I probably should have put quotes around the world talent). There’s really only a 17-year age difference between them and I’m not one to scoff at relationships where one partner is significantly older than the other (they seem to work out the best), but I do have an issue with him being her agent. Those never last. Business ALWAYS comes into play and usually is the divider that parts a pair. In this case, Gaga’s star is still on the rise and she has a lot to lose. I think that dating Carino will cause some turmoil and the pair will split before the end of this year.
13 Selena Gomez and The Weeknd
Well, if Teen Vogue says it’s true, then it must be! (I’m actually being serious here – the magazine has proved itself to actually be a substantial magazine with award winning writing and commentary. Stuff’s not just for juicy gossip, I’m happy to admit). Earlier this year, Selena Gomez was rumored to be in a relationship with The Weeknd (real name is Abel Tesfaye) after the two were spotted making out in Santa Monica and have been hot and heavy ever since. This relationship came right after The Weeknd split up with mBella Hadid, which in itself caused a butt load of problems for the new couple. There is already too much baggage with this pair, including the fact that Gomez is besties with Bella’s sister Gigi Hadid, so the writing is clearly on the wall. I give this couple a few more months of living in ignorant bliss before openly calling it quits.
12 Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott
The Kardashians always have their faces plastered all over the tabloid section of a grocery check-out isle, even when their name is not Kardashian. Kylie Jenner has always been the object of wandering paparazzi lenses, so it’s no shock that people frenzied when she immediately jumped back into a relationship following the saga that was “Kylie and Tyga”. Even though the 19-year old has been seen partying it up with multiple celebrities, she’s been sticking rather close to rapper Travis Scott. While they seem all cute and cuddly now, chances are the candle will flicker out during the course of the year. For god’s sake, Kylie is only 19-years old and still has a long string of random marriages ahead of her if she wants to take after sister Kim Kardashian. As of late, Kylie and Travis may be Hollywood’s new adorable “It” pairing, but we all know a gallon of heavy cream sitting outside of a San Fernando Valley Starbucks in the sun will last longer than these two.
11 Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas
Apparently, these two power moguls separated back in 2016, but according to Catherine Zeta-Jones’ Instagram account, all is perfectly fine in the Douglas world. Michael Douglas, one of the most known faces in the entire world, married the exotically striking Zeta-Jones back in 2000, despite the fact that she was 20-plus years his junior (not unheard of in Hollywood). In 17-years of marriage, they had two children together, battled through Douglas’s mouth cancer and Zeta-Jones’ mental struggle with bipolar disorder, so it would seem like a tornado couldn’t even separate these two. When the separation was announced last year, people were expecting a divorce announcement to come shortly afterward. But it didn’t. However, if you look past the random photos of the duo together on Zeta-Jones’ Instagram, you’ll see how carefree the actress appears when she’s on her own. She just seems so much happier. So while the divorce announcement didn’t come directly after the separation, it will surely come this year.
10 Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling
Rumors started flooding gossip sites earlier this year that Hollywood’s newest super couple Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes might be on the fritz after having two children together. The pair have obviously learned from their past high-profile relationships and kept their own relationship pretty low-key for six years. However, recently the tabloids have been hopping all over them because they “sense” something is going on with Gosling and his always co-star Emma Stone (they pretty much star in every single damn movie together). Given, Gosling has extreme chemistry with Stone (while La La Land was adorable, it was highly unrealistic. WHERE THE HELL IS THE SMOG, HUH??? Also, people only break out in song during LA traffic on WINTER days, not fall. Jeez, I thought everyone knew that) but doesn’t he have chemistry with everyone and their dog? Look at him and Rachel McAdams (past girlfriend)! Or him and Steve Carell! I do think they will end up crumbling under the weight of these rumors this year and part ways to blaze their hotness with other partners.
9 Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen
I can see the headline now; “Supermodel Leaves Star Quarterback Tom Brady, Deflates His Balls”. While this couple looked chummy together during the Super Bowl with model Gisele Bundchen jumping all around like a wild bobcat, marveling in husband Tom Brady’s comeback win with the New England Patriots (get your crap together, Atlanta Falcons), there are outside forces working against this power couple. Politics, in general. Bundchen would viciously deny her husband’s known ties to ding-bat president Donald Trump, while Trump himself openly bragged about his relationship with the quarterback. Brady was notably absent from the honoring of the Patriots at the White House despite his apparent friendship with the Donald, but that could have been because former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez took his own life while in prison. There are so many moving parts to this couple and the outside stress will eventually drive them apart this year, I believe. No couple is immune to all those outside forces muddying up the waters.
8 Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
These two are so on-again, off-again that I didn’t even know they up and got engaged (well, now that I think about it, I knew – I just didn’t give a tiny rat’s rear that they did). They met all of seven years ago on the set of their whiny movie The Last Song where Liam Hemsworth’s character quoted Russian literature (that’s really the only part I remember because even I was fricking smitten with him there) to Miley Cyrus’ high pitched character. They broke up after a public courtship and apparently got back together. I mean, crap, Miley says stuff like this about not caring for her titanic iceberg of an engagement ring: “This is really weird because this is like real jewelry and most of my jewelry is made out of gummy bears and cotton candy,” she told talk show host Ellen DeGeneres. “And they don’t look good together.” Both are still fairly young and are supposedly planning a summer wedding, I believe they will be off-again either shortly before the “I do”s or shortly afterward, wasting a butt-load of money on a wedding in the process.
7 Whoever The Hell Taylor Swift Dates Next
This should just be a given every single year. Remember when people were freaking over the moon when singer Taylor Swift started dating a Kennedy (though some of us have witnessed that entire family suffer enough for one lifetime – back off, Swift)? And then when she dated that one Jonas brother? And then that other Taylor? And then John Mayer? And then some famous bearded actor? Okay, it’s safe to say that Ms. Swift may have a slight issue. Considering the fact that all future men should be weary because she tends to use the radio as her very own open diary, Taylor will be faced with a revolving love life door with whomever her next victim happens to be. It won’t matter on the guy himself, chances are this year’s love interest will just end up being the ashes of yet another hit song before 2017 is up.
6 Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban
Oh sure, they’re Hollywood’s golden couple of the moment, but we all know how quickly the shine can dull on fool’s gold. The marriage of actress Nicole Kidman and country singer Keith Urban seems pretty legit, their love for each other extremely apparent. Recently however, the couple seems to be trying a little too hard to fight off divorce rumors by over doing it on social media. Kidman and Urban celebrated their 10-year anniversary (seriously? It’s been that long?) posing for the haters on Instagram. Urban shared a photo of he and his wife on the social media site along with the caption “Best birthday EVER!!! Love u baby xxxxxxx”. Okay, first of all, there was no need to capitalize the word ‘ever’ and there should be a legal limit on how many exclamation points a person is allowed to use anywhere. One is enough. Two is over kill. And three is just a cover up for something darker. They’re clearly trying too hard here and I predict things aren’t running so smoothly behind the scenes.
5 Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani
Seems like the rumor mill is working overtime with these two love birds. Apparently, the magazine Life and Style took aim at couple-of-the-moment Blake Shelton and Gwen Stefani, who met and fell in love on the reality show The Voice. According to the magazine, it is Stefani who is growing tired of her younger boyfriend (as said through the mouths of “insiders close to the couple”. Please. We all know the “insider” is a dog walker who works for a neighbor five houses down from the couple). But if you look at history enough, it is usually stories like this that can cause a cold shower to rain down on a seemingly happy couple. While they were devastatingly cute together in the beginning, the fire has definitely cooled on these two and the rumors might be actually factual in this case. I give them two more months. Sorry not Sorry.
4 Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart
I’m not one to place a microscope on an older Hollywood power couple, but since the devastating split of Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, everyone is free game. One such couple is Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart. The once May-December romance sent shock waves through Tinsel Town almost nine years ago when they first announced that they were dating. They waited eight years before FINALLY getting married just this last year. But we all know what happens when a couple who survived THAT long without tying the knot finally makes it legal: it’s the Brangelina affect. Shortly after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married, their passion suddenly froze over and the two parted. Right now there’s a lot going on with Ford considering his recent blunders in the air (he accidentally flew his little plane over a commercial airliner at John Wayne airport) and it’s weighing heavily on the actor himself. People are calling for him to have his license taken away and are blaming his age on the scare after the video of him landing surfaced. Considering this and their random marriage, I see this romance ending after a long run this year.
3 John Travolta and Kelly Preston
This couple has suffered through ENOUGH tragedy for one lifetime. Back in 2009, John Travolta and Kelly Preston lost their son Jett after he had a seizure while the family was vacationing in the Bahamas. Their only son (at the time) was 16-years old and suffered from a history of seizures due to his autism. Both were forced to grieve in the public eye and refused to talk about his death for years. They have two surviving children, one of which was born shortly after Jett’s passing. The bond of this extremely tight, but that doesn’t stop the rumors from flying. Over the past two years, the rumor mill has said that the pair is on the verge of divorce and has been for a while now. A great deal of these rumors come from the fact that many believe Travolta is hiding the fact that he’s gay. While I have no comment on that, I do believe there are more than a few skeletons in the couple’s closet and some that can drive them apart this year, which will be utterly devastating.
2 Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick
Actress Sarah Jessica Parker and hubby Matthew Broderick have always been pretty open about their marriage, even when they fall on troubled times. While this could be seen as a good thing in Hollywood, being so open allows outside troubles to come creeping in knowingly. Last year, Parker and Broderick announced they were working on their rocky marriage by doing something called “conscious coupling”. While this sounds totally made up by some dinky shrink to me, the duo said it was working out for them. They ended up moving out of their shared home in New York City and bought two adjoining town homes in the same city. That just sounds like one step above getting separate beds which means they are on the path to permanent Splitsville. So, they are staying together by being apart? That is not a marriage, that is called “being disillusioned”. Look like these two will take their conscious coupling to conscious uncoupling really soon.
1 Derek Jeter and Hannah Davis
I am pretty sure the entire world gasped collectively when it was announced that former baseball superstar Derek Jeter and model Hannah Davis tied the knot and formed a super couple too beautiful to even stare directly at for more than a few seconds. And! They are even having a super human little baby who probably already landed the cover of People Magazine’s Most Beautiful issue, probably. They announced the pregnancy back in February of this year. While this is all “awwww” inspiring and stuff, it is hard to ignore Jeter’s former bachelor ways. Jeter would run through women like a cat goes through a bag of cat nip left out on the counter. While some feel he has already sowed his wild oats, I do not think it is quite that simple and that once the baby is born, Jeter is going to bolt. Hey, someone had to say it!