Getting friend-zoned sucks. You try so hard to get to know him, be his best friend, and you would do just about anything for him just to make him happy, but when it's time to take the relationship to the next level, nothing happens. He enjoys your friendship and whatever else he can get out of you, but he is loving having all the benefits of a girlfriend without actually having to date you or be exclusive with you. He might even have some good feelings towards you, but none of those feelings involve you and him dating.
While being friend-zoned is hard on your feelings, you have to move forward after all is said and done. You can’t hang back, lingering and hoping he will change his mind. You need to pull yourself together and first decide if you are going to keep him as your friend or simply let go and move on. Honestly, after being friend-zoned your best bet is to move on. Don’t make the same mistakes again when you meet the next guy you like. Become his girlfriend before you become his best friend and avoid the whole friend-zoning thing altogether.
15 He Sees You Like A Sister
Aww geez. How does a woman take this one? You are crushing on your best guy friend in a huge, major way. He is always nice to you, hangs out with you, and the two of you have a great time together, but it is all platonic. The most he has ever done was kiss you on your cheek. You want more, so you tell him how you feel. He listens to what you have to say and when you are through he tells you quite honestly that he can’t date you. He sees you like a sister. He seems sincere and you know you should feel comforted by his words, but it still hurts. You want more from the relationship and he doesn’t.
It is not the end of the world. If you have just been friend-zoned because he views you as his sister, take the compliment, keep the close friendship, but look elsewhere for romance.
14 You Are Not That Exciting
Ouch! Are you boring? Do you totally suck at making conversation? Does your idea of having a good time involve sitting in and watching television?
Being a boring, unexciting person will get you friend-zoned pretty darn fast. It is not that you have to be dangerous to be exciting, but you do have to be something other than a bump on a log.
If people find you boring, then maybe it is time that you reevaluate yourself. What is holding you back from exploring the world? Do you have any fears that you need to face? Whatever is preventing you from being an exciting person can and will ruin the rest of your life.
This doesn’t mean you have to go bungie jumping or rob a bank. On the contrary. You just need to step out of your shell a bit and let other people see you for who you really are.
13 He Doesn’t Like Your Bad Habits
You pick your teeth with a bobby pin after every meal. You smoke cigarettes. You like to pluck your eyebrows in the car because of the natural sunlight. You are constantly fidgeting.
We all have bad habits and not one of us is absolutely perfect. While it is what makes us human and individuals, we all know of certain habits that we can’t stand to see others do. I can’t handle seeing someone fidgeting. It makes me nervous. My cousin can’t stand people who smoke cigarettes, even though she was a smoker back when she was 16 and 17 years old. My ex complained that I was a severe procrastinator and it drove him bonkers.
What is your bad habit and is it keeping you in the friend zone? While bad habits can be hard to break, they can be dealt with. If you find that your habit is keeping the man you are crushing on at bay, it is time to partake in some self betterment.
12 You Try Too Hard To Please Him
You buy him birthday presents and Christmas presents. You even brought a little Easter basket over to his house on Easter morning as a surprise. You buy him lunch and little treats all the time. If he seems unhappy, you scramble to fix things for him. You think you are doing your best to show him how you feel about him, but in reality you have just become his surrogate mother. If he was actually interested in you, he would have kissed you and ravaged your gorgeous self by now.
Never be too accommodating and never run yourself ragged trying to please a man, no matter who he is. There is a fine line between being a giving, caring person and being someone he will take advantage of and romantically ignore. If you have been trying to tend to his every need, but he still keeps you in the friend zone, cut your losses and walk away. You screwed yourself over by starting off the friendship being his doormat.
11 He Has Dated Your Type Before
I had a friend back in high school who swore off any guy named Steve. A guy friend said he would never date a woman who dressed a certain way to Halloween parties. Needless to say, we all have our preferences when it comes to what our types are. If you are not my type, I am not even going to bother with you. I would expect no less from another person.
Not being another person’s “type” is a common reason for being friend-zoned. Sure, he probably thinks you are a great person and likes hanging out with you, but when it comes to getting in a relationship with you, the answer is no.
We all generally stick to our “types” and we rarely test the waters outside of our comfort zones. Past relationships will also limit the type of people we are willing to date. The chances are pretty slim that you will be able to convince your guy friend to take a step in your direction if you aren’t already his type of girl.
10 Your Relationship History Puts Him Off
Let’s say you have a history of dating a lot of people or that you are known for a bunch of one night stands. Maybe you get too deep into a relationship and turn all psycho at the slightest hint of a breakup. Only you know what your true relationship history is like, but your friends, including your bestest guy friend, have a pretty good clue about it all.
If you have had a wacky, wild, or miserable history with men, do not be surprised when you get friend-zoned by your guy friend. He may like you as his bud, but he is terrified by the prospect of ever being your boyfriend. Sure, you may be able to change his mind about some of the things he has heard or even witnessed, but is it really worth that much effort? Instead, focus your efforts on someone totally new who isn’t incredibly familiar with your past boyfriends.
9 He Can’t Stand The Sound Of Your Voice
I just have one of those voices that you will either hate or you will tolerate. There is no loving it. How about you? What do people say about the sound of your voice?
A person's voice can be a huge deal breaker in a relationship. If he thinks that your voice is too high pitched, too grating, or he just can’t understand a thing you are saying, you will quite possibly get friend-zoned simply because he can’t imagine spending a lifetime listening to you. Is that harsh? Yes. Shallow? You bet. But it is what it is. Would you date someone whose voice made you cringe or irritated you to the point where you felt your head would explode? Probably not, so why should he?
One thing I have learned is that you can tame the sound of your voice and there are voice training methods online that you can follow. Belly breathing and slowing down my speech really helped me tone down the sound of my voice. If it is something that bothers you, change it.
8 You’re One Of The Guys
You have worked so hard to become one of his best friends and now that you are close to him, you let him know how you really feel. You are head over heels about him and want to get into a serious relationship with him. But hold on there, Nelly. You are now just one of the guys. There is no way he can switch from seeing you as a guy friend to seeing you as a romantic girlfriend. It is just not going to happen. He has to friend-zone you to keep you in that safe place where no smooching can take place.
You may have been your own worst enemy with this one. Some guys must keep friendship and romance completely separate. They just can’t seem to mix the two. Consider it a lesson learned and move on. There is no point in mourning for what you never had.
7 You Already Know Each Other's Flaws
The problem with being friends for so long is that the two of you have gotten to know each other too well. That means that he knows your flaws and you certainly know his flaws. He might not like some of your flaws and doesn’t want to get romantically involved with you while already knowing the worst about you. On the other hand, he could very well be uncomfortable knowing that you are very familiar with his own flaws.
When two people meet and the relationship is new, the flaws are not seen. In fact, it takes a while to start seeing the other person’s flaws and by that time, hopefully, the couple is so far in love with each other that it doesn’t matter. When you jump into a relationship with a friend, however, there is no exciting discovery period. It is more like just jumping into bed with a friend. The friendship is there but the romance does not exist.
6 His Own Lack Of Self Worth Is Holding Him Back
Not everything has to be about you. Sometimes things don’t work out and it is not your fault in the slightest. For example, your best friend is a guy. You both hang out all the time, go places, and text. It really is a great friendship and you are both happy, but you want more. When you tell him, he immediately turns you down and tells you that it is best if the two of you just be friends.
He might be feeling as though you are too good for him or that he is not good enough for you. It may have something to do with his past or the fact that he has low self esteem. Whichever it is, that is his journey to work through. You might be able to convince him to give a relationship with you a try, but unless he conquers his feelings on his own, the relationship probably won’t work out. He needs to fix himself first.
5 You Never Told Him You Were Interested
You have been friends with him for the past 5 months. You really like him a lot, but you wanted to get to know him more before letting him know about your feelings. During those 5 months he may have thought you liked him, he may have liked you, but because you waited so long to tell him anything, he has mentally moved on to someone else. Now that you finally feel as though you can tell him about your feelings, he friend-zones you. He is comfortable with where the relationship is at and because you didn’t say anything to him earlier, he thinks that maybe you are unsure about him, can’t make up your mind, or that maybe you are playing games with him (especially if he was hitting on you during the friendship stage).
Sometimes waiting too long to let a guy know that you like him can be a bad thing. You are better off telling him from the start that you do like him but that you want to get to know him better before stepping into a relationship with him.
4 He Cherishes The Friendship More
Have you ever been the best friend to a guy for so long and then one day, out of seemingly nowhere, you start to think that you are in love with him? It happens to the best of us, but unfortunately it can also ruin the friendship if it is not kicked in the butt right away.
If you both have been friends for years and you approach him about being something more, you are probably going to get friend-zoned pretty hard. At this point he sees you as a friend and not as someone he wants to be romantically involved with. Let it go and don’t let yourself get hurt over this. You and he can still remain friends, but you need to find a boyfriend outside of your friendship for the sex and romance. If you feel that you can’t stay friends with him, simply say your goodbyes and start on a new journey towards someone who can return your feelings.
3 You Previously Dated A Friend Of His
There is a common honor code among some guys that states that they cannot date a woman that one of their friends had already dated. It is used to avoid any jealousy issues, hard feelings, or unwanted drama. It is a pretty good rule that makes a lot of sense, unless you are that woman who wants to date the friend of a former boyfriend.
If you have dated one of his friends, especially in the recent past, you can pretty much expect to be friend-zoned. It goes without saying that he is going to put one of his guy friends above you on the guy friend totem pole. If the guy you like felt any differently about you, he might break this code of honor, but if those strong feelings for you aren’t there then nothing is going to happen. Accept that the chances of having a relationship with him are next to never and focus your crushing power on someone else.
2 He Is Crushing On Someone Else
Have you ever crushed on someone so hard that you didn’t really notice anyone around you? You didn’t want anyone to distract you from the object of your crush, right? If you are crushing on a guy who friend-zoned you hard, it could very well be that he is crushing on someone else. That means, you really need to stay out of his way.
Meddling with someone else’s crush makes you an instant enemy. When you find out that the guy you like, one who is a good friend, has a crush on someone, you have to stand back whether or not you think he is making the right choice. Doing anything else could jeopardize your friendship with him and that is probably not what you really want. Instead, stand back and maybe even think about moving on to someone new yourself. It is better to be actively seeking new contacts than to be hanging onto wishful thinking.
1 You Are Just Not His Type
We can’t all be the right type for the right person all the time. We certainly can’t force it, either. Sometimes the main reason why we are friend-zoned is because we just aren’t their sexual type. We can’t force an attraction any more than we can force a dog to cluck like a chicken. It is just not going to happen.
One good example I remember is when a friend and her guy friend went back to his apartment totally drunk. She figured that it was the perfect moment to let him know that he turns her on. Needless to say, he turned down her advances. She, on the other hand, was incredibly hurt and told me about what had happened. There was nothing I could say except that he just didn’t find her sexually attractive. If it is not there, then it is not going to be there. Liking someone and being sexually attracted to someone are two different things.