Ever texted a guy back and forth a lot only to have him suddenly ghost on you one day? It may not have been your fault. But what if it was?
What if you unintentionally did something that immediately made him lose interest? Like texted him more than he texted you back or started conversations that were snoozefests from the first word?
Well, by the end of this article, you will know for sure whether it was because of your bad texting habits or not.
Because let's face it, we are living in the 21st century where most of us prefer communicating through text messages over meeting in person or even talking over the phone. So, if your texting game is subpar, you can guarantee yourself one thing – your relationships will suffer greatly because of it.
And we aren't just talking about romantic relationships (although, those tend to suffer the most when your texting etiquettes are really bad). We are also talking about your relationships with your friends and your workmates.
So here are 15 bad texting habits that instantly make him lose interest, and what you should do instead to immediately turn the game back in your favor.
15 You Start Boring Conversations
Jennie: Hey Sam!
Sam: Hi. Wassup.
Jennie: Just had dinner. What about you?
Sam: Not yet. Just heading out with my friends.
Jennie: Oh. It looks like it might rain. Where are you going?
We know what you are thinking. This girl, Jennie, seems to be a boring person. Definitely not someone you would like to befriend.
Well, to be fair, Jennie might be a really interesting person with a lot of spunk and character, but Sam doesn't know that.
He just knows Jennie is a girl who likes to waste his time by talking about boring things like what they had for dinner and if he thinks it's going to rain the next day.
And so he loses interest in her.
Don't be like Jennie. Instead, do yourself a favor and don't text him when you are bored and have nothing better to do. You will only end up having conversations that lead nowhere.
Believe us, it's always good to text when you have something interesting to say, like this –
Lilly: Sam! I just got back from the NEEDTOBREATHE concert. It was the bomb!
Sam: Wow! I missed it. :'(
Lilly: You also missed the most insane grilled cheese sandwich on this planet. [evil grin]
Sam: Ah man, wish I could have been there with you.
Guess who got the guy? You guessed right.
14 You Text Him More Than He Does
We all have committed this text crime at least once in our life, especially during our teenage years when our hormones were exploding all over the place and we had a serious crush on that guy from the fourth period.
Unfortunately, texting him more than he texts you back is the classic recipe for disaster.
Why? Because it tells him you are already head-over-heels in love with him and so he does not need to impress you anymore with charming texts in the middle of the day, like "I thought of you when I saw this cute bird land on my window sill", or start conversations that let him subtly brag about how good he is at basketball.
So do yourself a favor and count from one to ten whenever you feel that burning urge to send him another text just to hurry up his reply. Believe us, it might feel good momentarily but you will soon start obsessing again when you don't see a ping from him within 15 minutes.
The trick is to give him space to miss you and then match his texting frequency. Believe us, it will work out in your favor sooner or later.
13 You Send Vague Emojis Instead Of Directly Answering His Question
We get it – you love emojis. We all do. But tagging your texts with the smiling, winking, or "laughing so hard I am leaking tears" emoji is very different from just using emojis to reply back. Believe us, the latter gets annoying very fast.
Why? Because all emojis are not universally known, like the "hi five" emoji that many think is actually a person doing "namaste".
Also, answering him back in emojis is like sending him an encrypted message and asking him to decipher a complex human response from it.
It's the text equivalent of "I am fine", which a lot of women tell their boyfriends when asked if they are okay, even though it's clear that they are really pissed off at something.
And it's not about the emoji. He can even lose interest if you are really vague with words. For example, you answer back with a "maybe" or an "I am not sure".
So save yourself from heartbreak and miscommunication, and don't be vague. Believe us, it's always better to be upfront and clearly write out what you want to say.
Besides, you can always tag your reply with the emoji you wanted to use. So it's a win-win.
12 You Ignore His Compliments
Don't you just hate it when you tell your friend how beautiful she looks but she brushes off the compliment and tells you ten reasons why she looks horrible? You just wanted her to thank you for the compliment, but are now stuck in an endless rant about how her tummy looks fatter in the dress and how the weather is frizzing up her hair.
It's no different for men, whether they are complimenting you in person or through text.
Believe us, nothing screams "low confidence" more than the refusal to accept good words about one's looks or personality. And low confidence is the kiss of death for attraction because it tells the other person you probably will require constant pick-me-ups just to feel good about yourself.
Plus, complimenting the person you are attracted to can be seriously nerve-wracking. Even for men! So when you ignore his kind words, he feels deflated. It's almost like you intentionally kicked his ego when he was trying to be vulnerable around you. And that makes him lose interest fast.
So if you are guilty of this bad texting habit, do yourself a favor and come up with a list of responses for when someone compliments you. It will suffice until you are intrinsically confident enough to respond naturally.
11 You Mass Text "Hey, Wassup..." To Everyone On Your List
Where do we even start with this monstrosity? It's right up there on the never-do-this list with drunk calling your ex and telling crass jokes at a classy, black-tie event. And the unfortunate thing is, we all have done it sometime or the other when we were bored out of our minds and just wanted to play catch-up with someone, anyone!
You see the problem with this mass texting habit, don't you? Well, let us break it down for you.
First of all, "hey, wassup..." is the lamest text you can send someone. It's generic, boring, and immediately tells the other person that you are messaging them only because you want them to entertain you. And nobody's got time for that!
It's like walking up to an acquaintance at saying, "Hey, I'm so bored." Believe us, if you did that, the other person would just raise their eyebrows and tell you they have got to be somewhere else.
The second reason why mass texting is bad because it's something you do only when your life is really uninteresting. It's either text or watch more TV. And once he figures that out, he will ghost on you. After all, we are only attracted to those who bring a lot to the table and with whom we can have a great time.
10 You Text Him To Let Him Know He Missed Your Call
This one makes no sense. Just think about it. There are only two reasons why he did not pick up the phone. He was either busy somewhere or had no intention of speaking to you.
If it's the former, texting him to let him know you called will not make him give you a ring. He will do so only once he is free. But if it's the latter, no matter how much you text him, he will never call you back. And that sucks.
So cut out this habit. It's senseless.
The only time it's acceptable to text him to let him know you called is when there's an emergency or you need a response before a deadline. Just make sure you spell it out completely in your message so he can excuse himself from the meeting he is in and call you back or respond back as soon as possible in case he can't call you and let you know.
The only other exception to this rule is if you called him and he did not call back for more than 24 hours. While it's possible that he is not interested in you and so did not call, it could also be because it slipped his mind that he needs to call you.
In such a case, a quick message to remind him to call you back usually works like a charm.
9 You Become Paranoid When He Doesn't Reply Back Immediately
You: Hey babe, what are you doing?
You (after 5 minutes): Are you mad at me?
You: Please talk to me. I am sorry I called you chubby yesterday.
You (after 15 minutes): Are you with someone else?
You (after 30 minutes): You lying cheating scumbag! I hate you!
Him (after 40 minutes): I was in the shower...
When you have a serious crush on someone, your brain is under the influence of a lot of "love" chemicals, like dopamine, phenylethylamine, and cortisol, which influence your behavior and thought patterns. So we forgive your obsessive paranoia. You can't help it!
Your mind is addicted to the small highs you get whenever he texts you. So when he doesn't reply back immediately, your mind stresses out as if you are going into withdrawal.
This gives rise to paranoid thoughts like "he is definitely cheating on me" or "he doesn't love me anymore!", which results in a barrage of paranoid texts full of hate and anger when in reality, he might be driving or in the middle of something.
So the next time you find yourself freaking out when he doesn't reply back fast enough, take a deep breath and control your paranoia.
It's okay only when he fails to reply back within 24 hours.
8 You Apologize For "Accidentally" Sending Him A Cheeky Message Meant For Someone Else
You might think you were being terribly clever when you sent him that picture of you sunbathing in a tiny bikini or message him something revealing and then pretended it was meant for your best friend, but he's going to get suspicious if this happens more than once. Believe us, no one's that foolish or naive.
And we all know what happens when a guy realizes the girl is already in the bag (read: head-over-heels in love with him). He stops trying to impress you and starts behaving aloof as he decides whether he really wants you or not.
Trust us, men and women don't think alike when it comes to intimate secrets. It's because a man will happily explore all of your secrets and still be in complete control of his heart. So be really careful when you try to flirt with him by "accidentally" sending him messages of this kind.
It might pique his interest and get him to call you over when he is alone at home, but it won't make him think of you as a potential girlfriend.
But if you really want to do this, we recommend doing it just once and then apologizing profusely, saying you are so embarrassed that you don't think you could ever meet him again. He will lap up your lie and will chase you harder (if he's interested).
7 You Text Him While He's At Work
Different people have different texting styles. Some like to be in touch all day long, pinging each other about interesting things happening around them whenever they happen. Others prefer engaging in quality time in the evening once they have returned from work and are free.
And while he won't mind you texting him all day when the two of you are still in the honeymoon period of falling in love, he will definitely rebel once the realities of life catches up with him after your first fight.
And the reality is that men don't like texting as much as women do.
According to a 2013 study published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy, men become dissatisfied with a relationship if they text their partner too much, while the opposite is true for women.
So be mindful of this difference between you and him and spare him the barrage of texts while he is trying to concentrate on his work. Believe us, neither of you will be happy if he gets fired for poor performance.
Plus, the pitfall of this habit is that it immediately tells him you don't have a life (because why else would you text him while you are at work too?).
6 You Don't Text Him As Much As He Does
Not texting him as much as he texts you is as bad as texting him too much. The only difference is, this time, he ends up thinking you don't care at all, which might not be true at all.
It all boils down to the fact that all of us intentionally ignore messages from people we are not romantically interested in because we think it's a massive waste of our time and opens us up to having to be the villain sometime or another in the future when they fail to take the hint and don't back off.
So when he realizes after a while that he is the one always initiating conversations with you through text, he might wonder if you actually like him or are just replying back to be polite. This can make him withdraw from you, or lose interest if he happens to have a big ego (which most men usually have).
It's because the one who initiates the conversation is the one opening themselves up to rejection. This makes the initiator feels very vulnerable until the reply comes pinging back. That's why when you don't initiate as much as he does, he ends up feeling you don't trust him enough to protect you when you are vulnerable. And this makes him lose interest sooner or later.
5 Your Grammar Is Laughable And You Use Too Much Text-Speak
Bianca: U wnt 2 go c film?
Tim: I am busy today.
Bianca: Wht abt sat? 8 6pm? V can go 2 mcD l8r.
Tim: I'll pass.
If you cringed as you read that exchange, you are not alone. We did too. It reads like something a brain-dead barbie would write after she slept through English in high school and failed to learn how adults communicate with each other.
And while peppering a long message with abbreviated text forms, like "u", "r", and "c", might make sense if you are in a hurry, doing so when the actual sentence barely carries four or five words is not acceptable at all. Here's why.
Number one: Writing in text-speak immediately tells him that even though you are an adult, your maturity level is that of a teen.
And a high-quality man will immediately be put off by the thought of dating a high-maintenance immature girl.
Number two: Bad grammar makes you appear less intelligent than you actually might be. And that's off-putting too.
And number three: While you might find it quicker to write like this, he will find himself reading your text as slowly as a first grader because he has to phonetically read out everything. And that can annoy just about anyone!
4 You Use ALL CAPS When You Are Excited...Which Is Most Of The Time
We get it. You are super excited when you text him. (Remember what we said about love chemicals playing havoc on your logical mind?) But when you use ALL CAPS to express your excitement, it comes off as if you are shouting at him. It's a grammar thing. Just ask Google.
Don't believe us? Read this –
Samantha: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Matthew: ...sitting on the couch watching TV. Am I in trouble?
Samantha: NO! LOOK OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW. RIGHT NOW.
Matthew: I am scared to.
Samantha: COME OUTSIDE. I AM HERE!
Matthew: You are not going to punch me, are you?
We would be scared of going out too. That's how it feels like when you use ALL CAPS too much. It does not convey excitement or enthusiasm. It just makes the other person feel like they are being yelled at.
What should you do instead? Use the exclamation point. That makes the point hit home but doesn't compromise your intelligence on the way.
Just remember: too many exclamation points can do the same damage as ALL CAPS – make you seem like a high-maintenance drama queen. So use these sweet peas sparingly. :)
3 Your Texts Are TMI
This is considered a bad habit only when you are still an acquaintance to him and are just getting closer. Why? Because the rules of texting follow the rules of social etiquette – you do not overshare your life with someone you barely know. And then you gradually open up your life and your secrets as time goes by and you get closer.
Trust us, texting can give the false impression of privacy and comfort, but if you tell him all the little details of how you were mistreated by your parents when you were growing up or why you stopped eating raspberries because they remind you of the time you threw up after eating too many raspberry pies at a competition, he isn't going to find them cute. He will just think that there isn't a lot of mystery in you for him to dig out and that will make him lose interest fast.
Believe us, you will fare much better if you gradually let him in on your secrets and make him feel like he earned them.
After all, it's the thrill of the chase mixed with the excitement of discovery that makes us attractive to people.
2 You Reply Back In Nanoseconds!
Have you ever snatched up your buzzing phone with your heart hammering in your chest and then felt a smile spread across your face as you read the text he just sent you? Do you immediately type out a reply after that and hit send? If you answered yes to both, you aren't alone. We all have done this sometime or the other in our life, especially when we were younger.
Unfortunately, this habit can really spell disaster for a budding romance. Why? Let us break it down for you.
First of all, when you reply back too fast, it's mainly because your brain is under the influence of love chemicals that want him to text you again so you can feel that wonderful rush of dopamine once more. Since these chemicals are known to cloud your logical mind, don't be surprised when you read your messages later and realize they were really lame.
And foolish replies can really make him lose interest.
Secondly, replying too fast all the time tells him that you are head-over-heels in love with him, which makes him stop putting in so much effort.
And lastly, this habit can make it seem like you have nothing better to do with your time than snatch up your phone and hit reply as soon as someone pings you. Believe us, there's nothing more pitiful than that.
1 You Break A Single Message Into Multiple Texts
Stacy: Are you
Stacy: To the
Stacy: Party tonight?
Adam: I would have if you had written that in one line.
Stacy: Are you
Stacy: Mocking me?
This example might be hilarious, but a lot of people are guilty of doing this. And we attribute this habit to the fact that text messages don't cost money anymore. So you can bombard a person with 56 messages and not worry about eating into your mobile balance.
Unfortunately, this habit can end up portraying you in a bad light. Let us tell you why.
First of all, it's difficult to read something that should have been in one line but has been broken into multiple messages. It slows down the recipient's reading speed because he now has to put together all the fragments in his mind to really understand what you are trying to say. Trust us on this, it goes against how we naturally read.
And secondly, it makes you sound unintelligent. As if you don't know that a text can hold a lot more than five characters in it.
So the next time your fingers are tempted to fly across the smartphone screen, hitting return every second, take a deep breath and reel in your patience.
He won't die of boredom if he has to wait for a few minutes for your message.