Sometimes we go through life and relationships forgiving and forgetting because we don't want to sweat the small stuff and we are trying hard to pick our battles. But sometimes, these little things add up and you end up being betrayed without even knowing it. Some may be in relationships, others may be with family, friends, or even work. If you don't feel good about something and it has been going on long enough... don't feel like you need to overlook it.
14 The forgotten little details
So what if your partner forgot your birthday, or your anniversary, or that family dinner you were supposed to go to? They’ve been really busy at work, networking with the higher ups, coming home exhausted, and they’re usually so good about stuff like that, right? Maybe the occasional slip-up is okay, but if this is a common occurrence, maybe it means they just aren’t that into you. You want to support them and whatever is happening in their life, but that doesn’t mean they should forget about you and what’s happening in yours. All those little things can also add up to something bigger and create resentment over time.
13 Gossiping with your relatives or friends about you
Maybe sometimes your partner or friends just needs to vent a bit with someone else who really knows you and who can help them talk out an issue, but if you keep catching this happening, especially if it’s not in a tone of concern, but more like catty gossip, it certainly feels like betrayal. Shouldn’t it be the two of you against the world? Not your partner sharing all the embarrassing moments they should be keeping secret…?
12 Never being organized
Some people really just aren’t organized, whether it’s planning a trip, or the state of their work desk. But it’s really easy to get into the habit of letting that person get away with never planning anything- all trips, dates, and even dinner decisions then fall on your lap, while secretly seething that they never put any effort into the relationship! Before that happens, talk to them. And maybe even give them something to do- and trust them to do it. They are functioning adults after all. They can handle it. It might just take them a few tries to get it as right as you would... but it will be worth it when they pull it off, and you can share the effort of planning and organization.
11 Just a kiss at the bar…
It was just that one time, right? It will never happen again? Everyone has a different definition of what cheating is, and when certain lines have been crossed. Make sure you’re both on the same page with this, and if it does happen, make sure you really communicate about it and either forgive and forget, or move on. You don’t want to be constantly wondering if they’re with someone else, or if you’re good enough, or if it really was that one time.
10 Failure to communicate about the big things
Maybe you talk and text with your partner every day. You obviously communicate, right? Technically, yes, but asking your partner to grab milk on the way home, or saying you’re busy at work isn’t quite the only communication you need. In order to make sure a relationship grows, you need to talk about the big stuff at some point- kids, finances, wedding, religion. Really. And refusing to talk about or ignoring those issues, is ultimately a betrayal of the relationship.
9 Failure to communicate about the small things
The small stuff is important too. It can’t all be politics and religion and kids (or no kids). Your favourite colour or type of cheese, what you like to do for fun, what little things annoy you… these are all important, and the everyday foundation for your relationship. This goes along with communication about each other’s lives in general. How in depth is up to you- whether it’s a detailed schedule or a ‘I’m pretty busy this week, but see you at dinner Friday to catch up.’ No communication & not spending time together = no relationship. If you’re in the same house, that’s just roommates.
Ah. Communication. Again. Communication really is key! Stonewalling, refusing to work things out, withholding information or emotions, or saying ‘nothing is wrong’ or ‘everything is fine’ serves no benefit to either or you, or to the relationship. The purpose of a relationship is to build an intimate and trusting partnership, and this can’t happen if you literally refuse to talk about things. This just builds frustration on both sides, and means no issues get worked out. Definitely not strengthening anything this way.
7 The long distance dilemma
For whatever reason- school, work- you’ve ended up in a long distance relationship. This is hard enough as it is, but when you realize you’ve been making all the effort, it just becomes even harder. You’re the one setting up all the Skype calls, and the one cashing in your Airmiles every chance you get to go see them. But they haven’t made their way out to see you once. Flights go both ways. Maybe it’s time to start cashing in those points and overtime hours for a weekend trip to Vegas or an all-inclusive in Mexico…
6 Breaking little promises
You’ve both got this communication thing down! Great. But what if, no matter how open you are, your partner breaks those little things they’ve promised not to do? Maybe you’ve repeatedly told them how self-conscious it makes you when they’re scoping out other people in public, you know you shouldn’t be, and shouldn’t get jealous, but you just can’t help it. They’ve said they’ll try and stop, but you’re not seeing any effort. Not a great way to feel, and you may be wondering what other promises they’re breaking or things they’re not working on.
5 Not seeking help for serious issues
You love your partner and want to be as supportive as possible, ensuring they are healthy and happy. Unfortunately, you’ve noticed some unhealthy behaviours, and they’ve refused to admit they have a problem, or acknowledge the issue but refuse to get help, saying they can fix it themselves. These can be serious, frustrating issues that don’t just damage the relationship in terms of trust and worry, but can have other effects as well, including mental and emotional health for both parties, or more tangible effects, like on finances. These can be worked through, but both partners need to commit.
4 Always putting the kids (or work or a passion project) first
These are hugely important things in your life, but remember, you’re a couple, and you’re in this together. You need time to be a couple. Don’t become strangers because you’ve been devoting all your time to these other important things. You’re important together too. It’s hard to find a balance among so many different priorities, but both of you should be making that effort to do so. Don’t wait until the kids are gone, or you’re retired, or you’ve saved the world. Work on all of those together.
3 Emotional betrayal
We’ve all done it- you notice someone’s phone is unlocked and they’ve just received a message, or their Facebook has been left open. You can’t help but read it! (Although maybe a bit of a trust betrayal there…) You’re curious to see what the boys are planning for their weekly night, or what he’s been up to at work so you take a peek at their messages…and notice a message from someone you don’t know. A very flirty message, or one confiding things they’ve never said to you. You can tell nothing physical has happened, and maybe nothing will, but you can see that your partner is emotionally invested with this other person. You can’t help but be hurt.
2 The Family Betrayal
You’re glad that your family likes your friends and your partner, but you’re their child, right? It doesn’t always seem that way… Why is your mom constantly commenting on their Facebook posts, giving advice to your high school friends, and why did only your partner get that invite to dinner or to fishing with your dad? You didn’t get a Christmas card… why did they? It really is great if all your loved ones get along so well, but maybe have a chat with everyone before jealousy gets in the way of all of these relationships.
1 Trouble at the office
Things have been going great at work. You’ve been taking on new responsibilities, started mentoring some newer staff, done some professional development, and really grown since you started at the company. You’re ready to take on the world… and that new position they’re advertising for! Everyone else says you’ve been doing great too, and says they appreciate the work you’ve been doing. Until you sit down to talk about that new position, and you’re told you’re still young and don’t have enough experience…What!? Even worse when the person they decide to hire has less qualifications than you!