Most girls have had at least one night out at the club, dancing for hours and getting hit on by random guys. It can be a fun way to spend a girls’ night. And out on the dance floor or by the bar, everything looks a bit glamorous. The lights are dim, the bartenders are gorgeous, the music is pumping so loud that you can hear the bass in your veins. You spent way too much time on your hair and make-up, and your outfit is fantastic. You feel sexy, you look fabulous, and you’re having a great night.
And then, you go into the club bathroom. Now, there’s no way to sugar coat it. The club bathroom is an incredibly weird place. You’re likely to see a lot of women at their absolute worst, and there’s more drama unfolding than a soap opera. As the night goes on, things get progressively disgusting. Sure, drunk guys might miss a bit in the men’s room, but they’ve got nothing on what women do. After all, for women, the bathroom isn’t just a place to pop in for a quick pee. It’s a place to gossip, to chat, to primp, to cry, to re-group, to take a breather. The club bathroom is where it all happens, and here are 14 things that every girl has seen there.
14 A crazy line
No one likes to go to the bathroom at a club. They’re usually small, they’re overflowing with girls, they’re not generally the cleanest, and they’re just a huge interruption to your fun night out. Guys have it easy – generally the line-up for the men’s room is nonexistent, and they just freely flow in and out. For girls, however, since they spend so much time doing things in the bathroom besides actually using the toilets, the line is often snaking out the door. There’s a good chance that, if you just can’t hold it anymore and find yourself needing to go to the bathroom at a club, you’ll be pressed up against some sticky wall waiting your turn for at least four or five songs’ worth of time.
13 A shortage of toilet paper
When there’s a non-stop flow of girls in and out of the bathroom, the chance that it’s going to be regularly restocked with toilet paper is slim to none. That means whatever’s there at the beginning of the night is usually all that’s going to be in there, so if you go later in the evening, chances are you might be out of luck. Secret tip, ladies – bring some Kleenex in your bag, always. Whether it’s for wiping yourself up after someone spills a drink, or whether you use it as emergency toilet paper, it’ll come in handy. It’s fine to be the girl passing the roll under the stall to someone else – you just don’t want to be caught without it yourself.
12 Someone passed out in the bathroom
Let’s face it – sometimes you don’t quite know your limits, and all those tequila shots sneak up on you way faster than you anticipated. If you’re at a house party, there are plenty of quiet corners to hide and sleep it off a bit. However, at a club, where are you going to find that peace and quiet? The bathroom. There’s a good chance that every girl has stumbled upon another girl passed out in the bathroom at least once, and it can be terrifying. Find her friends, find security if you need to, and make sure that everything’s okay. It’s practically in the ladies’ room code of conduct – take care of your fellow ladies.
11 The sink-side bestie
A lot of the time, girls will go to the bathroom in packs, chatting with their friends as they take care of business. However, sometimes you find yourself venturing into the bathroom alone – and chances are, you’ll end up striking up a conversation with someone at the sink next to you. In the normal world, you might be far too shy to randomly compliment someone. In the club bathroom, on the other hand, you’ll tell your neighbour that her shoes are fabulous, her hair is absolutely gorgeous, and within a few short minutes you’ll probably be besties. For the night, at least.
10 Cry, Cry, Baby
It seems to be a fact of life that if you step into the bathroom of a club after about 11.00 pm, you’re pretty much guaranteed to find someone crying in there. Maybe she had a long week at work, maybe she got into a fight with her friend after doing some shots, or maybe she saw her ex from across the club and he looked like he was with another girl. Whatever the reason, she is totally bawling. It’s another unwritten rule that you’re supposed to comfort her and give her advice, whether it’s about boys or life in general.
9 The Makeup Bandit
You somehow managed to cram an extra lip gloss, mascara, and eyeliner into your tiny clutch, but the girl next to you wasn’t so successful – so she starts asking if she can borrow some of yours. Literally every club bathroom has a make-up bandit who tries to beg a bit of your sweet products in order to fix up her smudged eyeliner or half-worn off lipstick. In a regular bathroom during the day, you’d probably refuse, because… well, germs. However, in a club bathroom, when you’ve already had a few drinks and are having a great time dancing with your girlfriends, chances are you’ll let her use whatever she’s asking for. Just maybe throw it out the next morning.
8 The Selfie Queen
Even if you’re not partying with Kylie Jenner, chances are you’ll run into someone who is taking endless selfies. Since clubs are usually dark, you’ll often find girls trying to document their on point hair and makeup and fantastic outfits in the bathroom. The light isn’t that flattering, but hey – when you’re in there with all your girlfriends, gossiping and laughing, why not document the moment with a selfie. Just don’t post it on social media until the next morning – trust us. In the moment, you’ll think you look like Beyoncé, but you’ll be thankful for your restraint later.
7 The "Screw it!" girl
This one is not to be confused with the cryer. The "swcrew it!" girl isn’t upset. She isn’t angry. She’s just totally decided to throw caution to the wind and do whatever the hell she wants to. She’ll flip her skirt up and adjust her tights. She’ll pee with the door open. She’ll buy three shots from the bathroom shot girl and do them all in a row. She’s had a lot of drinks, and she’s decided to rock girl power and do whatever she wants. "Screw it!" girl doesn’t care. She’s dancing to Britney like nobody’s watching and she’s who all of us wish we could be.
6 The Smuggler
Look, we get it – when you’re at the club for the evening, those drinks can add up pretty quickly and things can get expensive. Most people try to combat the cost by pre-drinking before they get to the club so that they have a bit of a buzz established that they didn’t have to pay a ton for. Then, there’s the smuggler. She’s somehow managed to stuff some liquor into her purse, and is doling out shots in the bathroom. I mean, you have to admire the dedication, if nothing else. Your willingness to actually accept her offered shots probably depends on whether you know her, and on how drunk you are already.
5 The kind, sweet bathroom attendant who witnesses the carnage
It’s got to be tough to be a bathroom attendant. I mean, the things they must see. They’re standing there, totally sober, offering tissues and gum and sprays of perfume, while drunk girls stumble all over the place. At the very least, the attendant will likely have some great stories to tell her friends later, but while she’s actually working, we’re betting she has to restrain herself from rolling her eyes or gagging. Do the poor girl a favour and tip her generously – she’s seen some carnage, and a club bathroom is probably one of the worst places to spend extended periods of time in.
4 A Group Chat
No girl knows quite why, but for some reason, bathrooms are the best place for big group heart-to-hearts. Out in the club, the music is pumping, everyone is shouting to be heard, and you’re trying to look your best for that cutie across the dance floor. In the bathroom, though, you can confess your worries, fears, and dreams. It’s probably the liquor flowing through everyone’s system that loosens up everyone’s lips, but for whatever reason, the bathroom is the place for big group chats. You’ll see at least one in any club bathroom you step into, guaranteed.
3 Abandoned Drinks
When someone abandons a drink out in the club, chances are it’ll get swept away fairly quickly by a staff member. After all, in the bigger clubs, they usually have a few people just wandering around with bins snatching up empty glasses, bottles, etc., to keep things clean. In the bathroom, though? Drunk girls come in with their drinks, just intending to have a bit of a group chat (see above). Somewhere along the way, they put their drink down by the sink, and then just forget all about it when it’s time to hit the dance floor again. Guaranteed you’ll find a few empty drinks in the club bathroom.
Guys get a bad rap for having disgusting bathrooms, and in their own bachelor pad, that might be the case. In the club bathroom, though? We’re probably going to have to give the award to the ladies. After a couple hours, a club bathroom will have clumps of make-up around the sink and on the mirrors, suspicious sprinkles from drunk girls who missed while trying to hover over the toilet seat, likely a pair of shoes or tights that someone abandoned, crumpled up papers with unwanted phone numbers, maybe even vomit somewhere… it gets disgusting. Really, it’s just carnage masked with a few spritzes of cheap perfume.
1 The Sober Friend
Not everyone who comes to a club is there to drink. Some women just love to dance and are there to have a fun girls’ night. Some people just don’t drink period, whether they’re at the club or at home. And some people may be playing the role of designated driver for the night. Either way, there’s likely to be a few sober friends in the club bathroom, wiping off smudged lipstick, confiscating phones to prevent embarrassing text messaging, offering clumps of tissue paper to wipe tears. The sober friend might be slightly horrified by the drunken messes that she calls BFFs, but she’ll be there right by their side throughout the whole night. After all, that’s what friends are for.