Let’s just get it out of the way, there’s a good chance that you’ve snooped around on social media just to see what your ex is up to. While a little bit of curiosity isn’t a bad thing, a harmless curiosity can quickly turn into an unhealthy habit when you’re keeping up on your ex-boyfriend. The veil of the internet allows you to look at their life from a distance, but it may not satisfy your curiosity enough if you keep checking up on your ex. Then your emotions come into play and you’re mind is spinning. Suddenly, what started as wondering about what your ex could be up to has caused you to rethink everything about your relationship and may cause you to rethink your breakup. You’ve gone from wondering what they’re doing to pining for those days when you were blissfully happy together. You’re romanticizing the past and making excuses for the problems you had in your relationship. Your friends and family are rolling their eyes and scolding you for even entertaining the idea of your ex let alone checking up on them or arranging to meet up with them. On top of your frustrations from your conflicting emotions and all the input from your family and friends, if you and your ex share a lot of the same friends or activities, it can feel impossible to get over them because you feel as though you are around them all the time. Whether your ex is trying to get in touch to make plans with you or you’ve been doing your own online snooping, these twelve signs are clear reminders that you shouldn’t be wasting your time and energy on an old boyfriend that isn’t going to make you happy.
14 You’re Trolling Their Social Media Accounts
With the ability to peek into your ex’s life without having to actually talk to them can be all too tempting when you find yourself wondering what is new in your ex’s life. While social media may give you that potentially satisfying glimpse into their life, trolling your ex’s social media accounts isn’t going to help you get over the relationship. As many people use social media to portray the “highlight reel” of their lives, snooping around someone’s social media account(s) isn’t going to give you an accurate look into their lives, and it’s not going to make you feel better.
13 You Purposely Run Into Them
When you live in the same area as your ex or you have similar hangout spots, you’re bound to run into them from time to time. Just because it’s possible to see your ex somewhere doesn’t mean you should purposely make an effort to see them. When you break up with someone, going out of your way to see them isn’t likely to help you overcome whatever baggage there is left over from the relationship. Don’t avoid going to places you enjoy just because your ex might be there, but don’t go somewhere just to see your ex either. If you need to talk to your ex about something face to face, call them to set up a time and place to meet.
12 Controlling Ways
Controlling and manipulative relationships are far more complex than some people may believe. Often times, manipulative people are fantastic at twisting words and making their partner feel as though they are at fault when in fact they didn’t do anything wrong. If your ex was manipulative or controlling in any way, like constantly checking up on you, criticizing you, or challenging your family and friends, do everything you can to avoid letting them keep controlling your emotions after the relationship is over. Keep yourself surrounded by trustworthy and supportive people. Don’t succumb to your ex’s ideas or opinions about you. You can’t control your emotions, but you can control your response to other people’s actions.
11 You Were Never “Good Enough”
Everyone wants to be attractive to their boyfriend or girlfriend. Being desired not only helps to boost our self esteem, it also reaffirms that we are valued and needed by others. Feeling confident because of the qualities you bring into a relationship can help you focus on those qualities in other aspects of your life. However, if you have an ex who was never satisfied with what you did and you’re still letting your ex’s negative and hurtful comments affect how you live your life, you need to put as much distance between the two of you as possible. Make time for the people and activities you love. Focus on what makes you happy and reaffirms who you are instead of letting your ex’s toxic language continue to dominate your thinking after the relationship is over.
10 Slacking At Work
Taking a long lunch or occasionally playing hooky from work to meet up with your boyfriend can be fun and thrilling. While you can’t use up all your personal days to have a spontaneous meet up with your partner, the fun of bending the rules a bit can be thrilling. However, if you’re in the midst of a breakup or you’ve broken up with your ex but they’re still causing you to slack off at work (by constantly interrupting your day with phone calls, texts, emails, drop ins, etc) you need to set clearer boundaries with your ex. Be sure they know not to disturb you at work and ignore them if they do try to contact you. Your job is not worth losing just because your ex wants to have a conversation when it’s convenient for them.
9 Family Issues
You don’t have to agree with your family on everything, but when those who love you and know you the best become concerned about your boyfriend or girlfriend, you should pay attention. While it’s possible for people to have an incorrect impression of someone, if your announcement of a breakup makes your family as relieved for you as it makes them empathetic for your sadness over the breakup, there’s likely a good reason for it. Save for some cases, most family members and close friends want to see you happy in your relationships, and seeing you change to meet the desires of someone who doesn’t deserve you is validation that breaking up was the right thing. Leave the bad relationship in the past and enjoy those who love you for who you are.
8 Socially Isolated
Relationships require attention to thrive. It’s important to go out on date nights and to make time for your partner. You may see your boyfriend more than you see your close friends or family (especially if you’re living together), but that doesn’t mean you should be isolated from your loved ones. If you ex never let you go out by yourself, or questioned you and harassed you with phone calls and other unnecessary and manipulative measures to keep you from enjoying your time without them, know that you’re better off without your ex. Having time to miss one another is healthy and necessary in any balanced relationship.
7 You Still Drunk Text
Wow, so it's been a few months and you are still guilty of sending your ex texts when drunk, this is not okay. There are many apps that can protect you from doing this, they can detect when you are under the influence of alcohol and can keep you from sending embarrassing messages. The 'hey" or " miss you" text is not going to be so cute when you wake up the next morning.
6 They're Still Using You
Your ex may have been motivated, responsible and reasonable at the beginning of your relationship, but somehow things changed and your once independent partner became needy, unmotivated and expectant. If your ex was (or still is) trying to get money from you, making excuses for not working when they are perfectly able to, or just slacking on life in general, don’t bother going back to them. Everyone has hard times and can feel unmotivated from time to time, but that doesn’t mean they should simply give up on being self sufficient. Whether it’s through professional help or self motivation, your ex’s problems are not your responsibility. Do not let your ex use you for money or other things, that is unfair to you.
5 You’re In A New Relationship
New relationships are equally exciting and terrifying. Everything is fresh and raw. You’re getting to know one another, see how your habits and interests mesh, and slowly learning about your pasts. When you’re in a new relationship, even if you are just casually dating, steer clear of your ex. It’s unfair to your new partner and to yourself if you’re saying you want to be in this new relationship, but you’re still keeping up with your ex as if the two of you may rekindle your old romance. Keeping away from your ex when you’re in a new relationship will also help you to avoid unfairly comparing your new partner to your ex simply because you have more history with your ex. Keep things honest and enjoy what this new relationship holds for your future.
4 You Bring Up Your Ex On Dates
No! This is not a time to discuss your past relationship. Maybe you have both started talking about your pasts and that is okay but do NOT start discussing every detail about your ex as this will almost always scare your new date away. Imagine you had to sit there while someone gushed about their ex all night, see what we mean.
3 You Are Now Known As The Crying Drunk
Yes it is good to go out with friends when you are sad, this will allow you to relax and enjoy yourself instead of focusing on the fact that someone hurt you. But when the alcohol sets in and emotions start becoming harder to suppress you cry, and you really let it out, and this is okay if it happens once or twice but not every time. If you are now known the the crying drunk, it is time to start getting over your ex or else no one will want to hang out with you.
2 Your Friends Are Scared To Hang Out
So it has been a year and you still cry uncontrollably, well your friends might start to dread hanging out with you. If your friends still show up at your place with a breakup kit (ice cream, magazines, candies and movies) a year after your breakup, then it's time to start moving on.
1 They’re In A New Relationship
Nothing says unavailable or uninterested like your ex being a new relationship. Even if you were together for years and your relationship ended on mutual terms, you need to respect that if your ex is in a new relationship, you shouldn’t be trying to restart your previous romance. Treating your ex’s relationship with respect doesn’t just show respect and maturity toward your ex and their new partner, it also shows self respect because you’re not willing to create unnecessary stress and drama in your life by getting involved with someone who is already committed to another relationship. As hard as it can be to see your ex “move on” from your relationship, take their new relationship as a sign that you should be enjoying whatever positive changes are happening in your own life.