Every couple wants their relationship to be a beautiful, positive experience that results in happiness and maybe getting married if that's what they both want. You never get into a new relationship and think, "If we break up, that's cool." After some time passes and you realize that the two of you aren't acting the way that you used to and that the relationship seems to be struggling, it can be tough to deal with.
Even if you are mature about it and know that just because a relationship might end, it's not a failure because you learned some lessons about love and did everything that you could, it still hurts. You have been with this person for so long and they feel like an extension of yourself. It can feel really weird to imagine not being together anymore.
When you and your boyfriend have gotten to the point where you're wondering if a breakup is what's best for you, there are are some things that you can do to stay together. There are also some ways to ensure that a breakup is the only possible result. Here are 14 last-minute changes that can save a relationship and 6 that sabotage it.
20 Save It: Being Honest About How You Both Feel
You've heard so many times that honesty is always a good thing in a relationship. If you still love your boyfriend and know that you guys can work things out, now is the time to tell him that.
You can also be honest and share that you don't love the way that the relationship has progressed.
You can air any negative emotions and opinions that you have, from the fact that he won't talk about marriage or that you still aren't on the same page about having kids in a few years. He'll be honest, too, and this is a last-minute change that can save you two from breaking up.
19 Sabotage It: Telling Your Boyfriend He Needs To Do Something "Or Else You're Dumping Him"
It's hard to think of something that is more dramatic than giving your boyfriend an ultimatum. It sounds very exciting to think, "I'll just say that if he doesn't change his personality or ask me to marry him or spend more time with me then that's it, it's over, I'm dumping him." You picture him getting emotional and saying that of course he wants to be with you and it feels like all of your problems will be solved.
The problem is that no one likes to be given this kind of choice. When it comes to last-minute changes that can sabotage a relationship and lead to a bad breakup, saying that he needs to do something "or else" is one way to do it.
18 Save It: Going To Couples Counseling If You Both Agree
It's awesome that therapy and counseling don't have the negative feelings, bad reputation, and stigma that they once had. It's great to have someone to talk to and it can really help you through a difficult experience or a tough time in your life.
If you both agree to go to couples counseling, that will be amazing for you and could even save your relationship.
You'll be able to really talk about what's going on and you can have a third party who will weigh in and hopefully see your love story from another perspective. The key, of course, is that you both think this is a good idea and you both want to go.
17 Save It: Realizing You're Still Crazy In Love With Each Other
You're both still in love with each other but aren't acting like it. You're fighting, you're not saying anything sweet to each other, and romance isn't a thing anymore.
Realizing that you're crazy in love with each other and that even if you're experiencing a rough patch in your relationship, your feelings haven't changed can save your relationship. As long as you can find a way to get along again and get back to where things used to be, why would you go your separate ways when you still care so much about each other? Exactly. It wouldn't be something that would happen.
16 Save It: Actually Scheduling Regular Date Nights
Any couple will feel like they're drifting apart if they haven't spent time together on a regular basis. Date nights can be fancy or they can be chill, but many people would agree that they have to be a part of any healthy relationship.
Another last-minute change that can definitely save your love story would be scheduling date nights.
Sure, you two might say that you want to go out for dinner once a week but if you don't actually make it happen, that's not going to do anything for you. Making the plan and keeping it will do wonders toward keeping you feeling in sync and in love.
15 Sabotage It: Cancelling Every Plan You Two Make
You don't love when your bestie cancels dinner but generally, if she has a good reason, you're okay with it (and you don't want to fight or lose the friendship so you let it go). It's a different story when you feel like you're on shaky relationship ground and your boyfriend keeps canceling plans.
If either one of you keeps canceling date nights or saying that you'll go with the other person to a friend's party and then not going last minute, that's going to sabotage rather than save the relationship. Fixing things does take time and it will mean keeping plans and showing the other person that you still consider them to be important to you.
14 Save It: Cooking Dinner Together Several Nights A Week
Many couples love cooking dinner together (even if one person sits and watches... or, you know, helps by trying everything as it's ready). It's a nice way to hang out and it makes casual evenings feel like a date night since it's quality time.
Saving your relationship could be possible with some nights spent cooking dinner together.
You'll both have a good time since you'll get to eat some delicious dinners, and it just might remind you both why you've been together for as long as you have. If you do this a few nights a week, it could do a lot for you both.
13 Save It: Admitting What You Did Wrong And How You're Going To Change It
When you've had a fight with a friend or sibling, you want two things: for them to admit that they were wrong (or that they hurt your feelings) and for them to tell you how they're going to change. Is your best friend always late? You want her to promise to always be on time.
The same thing is true with a relationship problem. You can save your relationship by admitting what you both have done wrong and what you're going to do to make things better. For example, you'll listen more carefully instead of just getting upset or he'll bring up his feelings instead of keeping things inside.
12 Sabotage It: Asking Why You Can't Just Ignore The Relationship Problems And Move On
Talking about feelings and problems is awkward. It's not fun. It's something that many people would like to avoid. The issue with that, of course, is that a relationship can't be saved unless both partners are willing to talk about what went wrong in the first place.
Sabotaging any chance that you both have to keep your relationship going strong will be easy if you both want to forget your problems and move on.
But you will still experience the problems that you're going through. Even if you have a few months of happiness, those problems will come back around, so it's best to deal with them now.
11 Save It: Going On More Double Or Group Dates To Spend Time Together In A Casual, Low-Key Environment
Maybe you feel awkward spending time just the two of you since you've been fighting lately and have been going through a difficult period. Yet you still want to get back to where you were before and you still want to hang out.
Why not hang out in a group or go on some double dates? You'll be able to hang out together but it'll be a more casual and relaxed atmosphere. The focus won't be on the two of you but on the whole group. It just might be what you two need to remember how much you love each other and how well matched you are.
10 Save It: Proving You Care By Helping Him Out (Doing Chores, Buying His Favorite Foods, etc.)
Sometimes the best part of being in a relationship is knowing that someone has your back and will help you out when you're sick, having a hard week, or just more tired than usual.
It's amazing to feel like you're not doing everything by yourself.
Proving you can help your boyfriend out by buying his favorite foods, cleaning up, doing anything that needs to be done around the apartment, and just showing your support can be a last-minute change that will save your relationship. He might be surprised that you're helping him out but it'll be a positive surprise since things have been so tough between you two.
9 Sabotage It: Wanting Him To Say It's All Totally His Fault
Does anyone want to feel like their relationship problems are all their fault and their partner is 100 percent perfect and amazing? That would be a definite no. It doesn't feel good to be in this is the situation.
Wanting your boyfriend to say, "Everything is my fault and I'll change and be better and you don't have to do anything" is understandable. It's a daydream, though, and probably not realistic. You have both gotten to this point and there are things that each of you can do to fix your relationship. Telling him that it's all on him will most likely cause an argument.
8 Save It: Taking A Brief Break To Catch Your Breath And Remember How You Feel About Each Other
Taking a break feels dramatic and like a storyline from a teen drama. It's useful, though, and could be a last-minute change that saves your relationship. It's helpful to think that things aren't working the way that they are right now, so even if it feels hard to imagine living apart for a little while, it's worth making a change.
You want to remember how you feel about each other, right?
You want to spend some time apart and realize that this isn't something that you want to give up on, and you want him to feel the same way. One of you can stay in the apartment and the other can stay with a friend. Even if you do this for a week or two, you might find that it changes everything for the better.
7 Save It: Cuddling More Often
Cuddling is an important part of a relationship. You can't help but want to cuddle with your boyfriend when you're watching TV or a movie or, basically, anytime that you get the opportunity. It reminds you both how much you love each other and how special you are to the other person, and it's really sweet.
It's a sign that the relationship is struggling when you're not cuddling anymore. Another last-minute change that could save things would be cuddling more often. You'll feel close to each other again and remember the good old days of the relationship when cuddling was a 24/7 thing.
6 Sabotage It: Talking To Everyone Else But Him About What's Going On
Telling your mom and best friend that you don't think that your boyfriend loves you anymore, you're worried about the relationship, and you don't know why you two feel so far apart is a normal thing to do.
You want to talk to someone and it makes sense that you would choose people who have always been there for you (and basically anyone who isn't your boyfriend).
This is a way to sabotage things, though. You have to talk to the person that you love when something feels off or wrong. If you don't, he won't know what's happening. He can't help fix things if he doesn't know how you feel.
5 Save It: Put Him First Instead Of Every Other Aspect In Your Life
In a new relationship, this guy is your whole world. You think about him all the time, you want him to be happy, and you see each other every day. You would never think that in a few years' time, you two would be out of sync with each other and might be working your way toward a breakup.
Your boyfriend might feel that you care more about another part of your life than him, like working 24/7 including weekends or going to the gym whenever you have a spare moment. If you make him understand that you'll put him first but you still want to experience other areas of your life, that can save things. He just wants to feel important again.
4 Save It: Talk About What You've Been Avoiding
There is usually one subject that a couple doesn't talk about. It could be awkward or embarrassing or upsetting. It's definitely different for everyone. But are you looking to save your relationship and make one last-minute change?
Maybe talking about the thing that you have both been avoiding is going to be that game-changer for you.
It could make you realize how much you care about each other and that you can keep seeing each other. Yes, it won't be great to have the actual discussion, but you'll feel that you're closer to each other than you were before you had the talk. And you'll be relieved that you finally had this conversation.
3 Save It: Discussing Things Instead Of Mentioning Them In A Passive Aggressive Way
Being passive aggressive when you're talking to your boyfriend could make him wonder if a breakup is the best idea rather than if you two stay together. Saving your relationship will require being calm and staying positive when you're having a serious discussion.
Forget about being passive aggressive because it's not going to do you any favors. If you want him to do something, don't mumble it under your breath when he's watching TV or texting his friend. Come right out and say it and start a conversation. He'll appreciate the straightforwardness- and it's a more mature way to act.
2 Sabotage It: Getting Engaged When You're Not Back On Steady Ground Again
It can be tempting to make a massive change when it's time to save a relationship or part ways. One tempting thing could be getting engaged. It's proof that you're crazy in love and are moving forward, right?
The problem is that an engagement could mask any problems that you two are dealing with.
It's fun and thrilling but planning a wedding and thinking about the future in such a serious way could lead to a lot of arguments and drama. It's not the best idea. Instead, try some other things that could save your relationship, and save the engagement talk for a bit later on once you are both more confident about where things are going.
1 Save It: Making Amends With His Family/Making More Of An Effort
You might not get along with your boyfriend's family through no fault of your own. Maybe his mom is a bit formal and his dad never tries to talk to you when you see them at Thanksgiving or Christmas. You feel like you've tried hard but still, you don't have a great relationship with them.
When your relationship is struggling, making amends with his family could help, and it could be the thing that saves everything. Maybe you want to apologize for not trying to get to know them or you want to make more of an effort in general. Your boyfriend will notice and he'll love that you're trying harder. It could mean that you two are able to stay together, and as a nice bonus, you'll get closer to his family.