Why is it that you are the only one that sees the true nature of your mother-in-law (MIL). While everyone else in the family gets beautiful jewellery, fun electronics, and useful appliances, you get well... crap. It's like she went to the store with a list for everyone and was convinced last minute by your father-in-law not to leave you out. Whatever you did to upset her now seems to be a hurtful wrath of bad gifts and even worse feelings. Here are a few gifts that simply say "you are not good enough for my son."
14 Nothing at all
Nope. She just doesn't care. Not even your partner and father-in-aw could convince her that you deserve a present. Or maybe she just... forgot. Maybe she doesn't see you as a threat at all but more of an invisible element in her son's life. Would you prefer a bad gift or not one at all? At least this way you don't have to pretend to like anything, right?
13 A gym membership
What is she trying to tell you? This is one of those gifts that could be completely innocent or could have some extreme hidden meaning behind it. Does she think you need to get in shape for her son? Does she just want you out of the house more? On the bright side, at least this gift indicates she cares about your health and fitness, doesn't it?
12 A $19.52 gift card to Walmart
This couldn't be more obviously a 'hmm.. what do I have that I can give her... ah! The remainder of this gift card I've already used, however much it is" gift. Your mother-in-law probably got to your house, saw that you had given her a present, and decided she might put in 1% effort for you as well - better than none? I mean, what can you get for $19.52... a shirt?
11 Vitamin D lamp
This could again be a gift that is relatively thoughtful... or it could be her calling you a B!t*h in a not-so-subtle way. Is she saying you are moody? Did your partner mention it? Why do they think you are low on vitamin D? Is this is exactly what she wanted, for you to get mad and start a fight, and for him to leave? Who knows. All you know is this gift is already doing the opposite of what it's supposed to do and now you are more emotional... maybe you do need some Vitamin D.
10 A bag of peanuts when she knows you’re allergic
Does she not remember your serious allergy or does she? The eyes she gave you from across the dinner table always seemed relatively harmless until one day you mentioned your food allergy and her face lit up... low and behold, a full can wrapped in a box... and it's open!
9 A cleaning lady
When will she realize this is not the 1940s anymore and women are not still expected to be 'housewives' and clean up after everyone. While this gift was intended to be completely offensive it was really just a relief. Maybe you will call them the day she is leaving so they can rid your house of her bad energy and even worse perfume.
8 The gift you gave her last year
Well this isn't obvious at all MIL. It even has the tag still on it and she even re-gifted the bag you gave it to her in, card and all - with your names crossed out and switched. You put a lot of thought into that gift and you are even pretty sure she likes it, but her ego will not have it. She just wants to show you that she is the boss and nothing you do can overrule her, not even by winning her over with the exact back massager she asked for.
7 A mug
Unassuming and almost as bad as getting nothing... cause you kind of did. Where is this mug from anyway? Clearly it was a thrift store purchase. It looks old and used, you hope not but it does definitely look used. Whatever it was... it could have at least come with some whiskey to get you through an evening with her, and some coffee to get you through the day.
6 A framed picture of the family… without you
Did they get together and do a photoshoot on a day you were conveniently at work? Or did she have someone actually photoshop you out of a photo (she wouldn't have been able to... she barely knows how to share cat videos on Facebook). Whatever it was, she clearly put a LOT of effort into this 'gift' and seems to be pretty proud of it. At least she didn't get someone to photoshop her, or his ex, into your place... maybe next year.
5 A series of ‘For Dummies” books
Cooking for dummies, cleaning for dummies, being a mom for dummies, being a wife for dummies - Thanks MIL. Well at least she is looking out of you? Trying to give you the easiest tips there are? Except... those last two books don't even exist... so... what does that tell you. She is clearly doing whatever she can to make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe you can regift her 'being a mom for dummies' mystery book back to her next year, and write 'in-law' in sharpie above it.
4 An ugly sweater
Pretty classic... from a grandma. Why are ugly sweaters even a gift? At least they are popular now for holiday parties. It has yarn, bells, crocheted flowers, and even a giant cat face. What more could you want... to smother her with. This sweater is clearly just a 'I'm getting you a bad gift' with effort and with time spent, but not enough time that would indicate she cares in any way.
3 A puzzle with missing pieces
You are pretty sure you saw this in her leftover garage sale pile. It has been in her basement for years and it is even still covered in dust. This is one of those 'last minute gift ideas' she must have had on the way out... or maybe she had planned to grab it the whole time. Either way, you don't even need to feel obligated to display it for a year and make her feel better... in fact... walk it over to the Goodwill box right now.
2 A card for him that says “remember the good old days” with a picture of his ex
Ouch. That one stung a little bit. At least the horror in your partner's eyes indicates that he is on the same page as you. This completely inappropriate gift may have been just too much for your whole family. On the bright side, maybe that means she won't be invited back for the next holiday. So really it was an amazing gift that will just keep on giving. Thanks MIL!
1 An envelope full of cash and a note that says “run. it will be our secret”
The last straw. Show your husband, drop the kids off at their house for babysitting, and take off on a romantic holiday on her! What else can you do but make light of the situation at this point. While her intention may have been to have you leave, you can easily turn this into a situation that is both pleasing to you and hurtful to her - without her being able to complain about it, which would reveal her evil ways. Seems perfect!