Online dating is extremely time consuming. With all of the swiping and choosing and chatting and scheduling and coffees that go nowhere... you grow impatient with people that you can tell are not your cup of tea within the first 4 minutes. Even if this was a nice normal date that happened the old fashion way... how much time do we really have to spare when it comes to sitting through an hour of small talk when you know it's going nowhere. Sometimes being polite is best, other times you really don't care how you look, you just need to get out of there.
14 Receiving an “emergency” text message
This one is pretty obvious to our male counterparts nowadays as it’s been used for a while, but if you get creative with your “emergency,” even if the guy knows, he might be a little bit impressed you at least thought out how to ditch him. Forget all the “my friend needs me” or “that was my mom. I need to go home now” excuses and try something like “my roommate just flooded the apartment” or “Oh Em Gee, my neighbor just saw Justin Bieber at The Pottery Barn. Gotta go!”
Similar to the “emergency text” sitch, men have, for the most part, caught on to this one. Depending on how the date is actually going and your level of “need to GTFO”, you can try one of the following: go to the bathroom for ten minutes, more than once in a 40 minute time frame, then come back and tell your date you HAVE to leave; you could do some stomach clutching or you could order something you know you won’t like and not-fake vomit ON your date. Date 2 Status? Avoided!
12 Get a friend to crash the date
Well, they say three’s a crowd. You set this one up like the texting escape but you have your friend CALL you (yes you can also speak into your smart PHONE to a real person on the line). Make up a code phrase so your date hears the conversation and you can’t be blamed. “Oh I’m just having drinks with a friend at Brewsky’s. The music in here is great. You should check it out sometime.” When your friend shows up, you can just sheepishly smile at your date, shrug it off, and hope they leave before you do.
11 Act like you have plans later on; another date?
If you’re walking into a date that you’re unsure of, or you realize after the first few minutes that you are not sitting in front of Mr. Right or even Mr. Right Now, but rather, Mr. Why-Did-I-Agree-To-This, there is a simple solution. You can let your date know right from the get-go that you can only stay until X time because you have plans later. Date doesn’t like it or is rude about it? No problem. Apologize and say he is free to end the date now. Maybe you dodged a bullet after all.
10 Bad Date Rescue App
Cooked up by the matchmakers at eHarmony, the Bad Date Rescue App allows you to set a perfectly timed excuse to pop up, just in case your friend who was supposed to call you and bail you out forgot. You can set this up in advanced if your not sure or program it on the fly to go off after a 3 second, 1 minute or 5 minute delay. Never suffer through bad dates again.
9 You’re exhausted
Feelin’ gutsy on your horrendous date? Try this. What have you got to lose? Let your date know very politely that you are exhausted from last night. Chances are, they will ask what you were up to and your reply should include the long, wild night you had at a bar. If he’s just looking to hook-up, he’ll be into it and you can call him out and walk away.
If you’re feeling up to it, nothing beats the truth. Just let the guy know you aren’t feeling it, drop the “lets be friends” bomb if you mean it and if not, thank them for meeting you and wish them good luck. Chances are, a good dude will appreciate the truth. And if, by chance, you got yourself a douchebag, well, you can just submit whatever awful texts he sends you to the @byefelipe Instagram feed for the 300K+ followers to laugh at.
7 The I Hate Intimacy Excuse
Let’s be real for a second. Most guys, even the most gentlemanly of them, want to have sex with you. Whether or not it’s on the first date, or they wait for you to initiate it, they want it. The right guy will always wait for you to be ready and never pressure. Want to scare off a bad date? Casually slip in how much you hate sex and you’d just rather Netflix and Chill… literally… on the couch… without the hankie pankie. Many a men will run for the hills if they hear this one.
6 Offer to set him up with a friend
Prince Charming isn’t as perfect as he seemed online, eh? It happens. But you haven’t written him off yet. In fact, you don’t think he’s half bad, he’s just not for you. There’s a cure for that. It’s called “Oh my gosh! You would have so much fun with my friend, Jess!” If you start trying to set him up with all your girlfriends, he’ll get the hint pretty quick that you aren’t interested and either cut his losses and go, or let you set him up with a friend. Why not, right?
5 Develop an allergy
What you are suddenly allergic to is up to you. Maybe it’s the shower of Axe he took before the date or the seafood on your pasta that you conveniently forgot you can’t eat. Either way, fake some coughing or choking noises or start off subtly scratching and progressively increase it until you look like a Saint Bernard with fleas. If he’s not completely concerned for your well-being and offering to personally drive you home himself, chances are, he’s overwhelmed and confused by all the movement. That is your chance to leave.
4 OMG is that my BLANK?
Be as creative as you want with this one! If you’ve always wanted to do comedy or improv, here’s your chance. If the date’s going poorly, pick an awkward silence and… hit your hands on the table (or do another motion to get his attention) and say fairly loudly, “OMG is that my [car alarm] (don’t have a car? He doesn’t know that); [dog barking?] (Even though you have a cat…); [Apartment on fire?] (You live 16 blocks away and couldn’t possibly see your house)? It literally does not matter. Just make the stakes huge and be prepared to run out the door like your life depends on it.
3 Fake an emotional breakdown and “deal with it”
Since a lot of small talk about our days, our jobs, and our mundane lives usually get brought up on awkward first dates, this one’s really easy to do. Just start on a vent about how bad your day/week/year was at work/home/school and lay it on thick. Think of all the things that might upset you and say them. Start to talk fast and get a little louder and breathe heavy (this should happen naturally since you’re talking so fast). Then stop and say “my therapist says I need to take me time when this happens.” Close your eyes. Meditate. Breathe slowly but heavily until your date gets up and leaves. Be prepared to do this for a while.
2 Be mean
Sometimes being nice and polite and subtle just doesn’t do the trick. In case you’re on a date with someone really thick (or just a huge a-hole who you want to knock down a few pegs), just whip out your inner b*tch. Try something like:
“I creeped you on Facebook and realized that your friends are way hotter. Is [insert common name – Jason] here single?” The first thing this is going to do is make him a little upset. You’ve wounded his ego (points if he’s an arse). Next, he’s going to get angry and likely storm out. Just make sure he’s paid the bill first. No use in paying for your own bad date.
1 My first name doesn’t sound good with your last name
Well… 99.9% of guys will be terrified to hear anything even remotely pertaining to commitment on the first date. Why not take a bad date as an opportunity to frighten the hell out of one and tell him that you’ve been writing your first name with his last name all over paper all day and it just doesn’t look right or sound good. The fact that you’ve “thought about it” is going to be a red flag for most guys. And besides, if it doesn’t fit, you can’t marry the guy, right?