Your best friend has a new boyfriend and loves him more than anything. You, on the other hand, absolutely can't stand him. You think he's rude, crazy, and completely not worth her time. However, she doesn't want to hear anything you have to say about him and you really don't want to be a bad friend. Still, you can't help how you feel and as much as you try, you can't find a single redeeming quality about him. Of course, you'd never let a guy get in the way of your relationship with her, but you still have absolutely no idea how to deal with being around both him and her at the same time. Well, don't worry, you're not the only person who has ever felt this way. In fact, it happens all the time. Read below to find out 12 ways to deal when you can't stand your best friend's boyfriend.
12 Have "Girl Time" More Often
The next time she wants to hang out, suggest that the two of you have "girl time." If she recently started dating him, she most likely wants to be around him all the time. It probably doesn't even cross her mind that you're annoyed by him or that you don't like hanging out with him. If you don't want to tell her because you'd rather she make her mind up for herself, make it clear that you want to spend time with her- and only her. You don't even have to say he's the reason for your request, you can just say that you prefer one on one time.
11 Drop Hints
Okay, she's been your best friend for years now and of course, you don't want to offend her or push her away by telling her you hate her boyfriend. However, that doesn't mean you can't drop hints. If he ever comes up in conversation, find ways to make it semi-clear that you don't really approve. For example, you can say things like, "Yeah, he seems to me like he's always difficult," or "I'm not sure he's the best guy for you." If she gets defensive, it may be because she feels the same way but doesn't want to admit it. That being said, though, don't be too pushy. Even though your best friends, you don't always have to share the same opinions.
10 Encourage Group Situations
If your best friend constantly wants to hang out with you and her boyfriend together, that's great! Obviously she loves the two of you. However, when it's three people, you're forced to spend more quality time with him that you'd like to and it makes it harder to get a breath of fresh air in when he becomes highly aggravating. The next time she wants to hang out, suggest including more people so you're able to enjoy the entertainment of others, not just him. In group situations, you'll be able to get a break from him because both of you and him will be able to talk to other people, not just each other and your best friend.
9 Find Out Exactly Why You Don't Like Him
Take time to think about him. We know it sounds like the most awful thing in the world but really do it. Figure out what it is about him that you really, really, don't like. For example, it may be that he reminds you of one of your ex's or maybe it's because he has an annoying habit that's a pet peeve of yours. Whatever it is, knowing what your issue is will better help you to resolve it and deal with it. You may find that your resentment towards him actually has more to do with you, not him.
8 Don't Compete
It's normal for you to want your best friend's complete attention. You've had it your entire life... well, until now. Because she's in love with him, he's most likely a priority in her life. However, that doesn't mean you aren't. If you hang out with the two of them, don't compete for her affections. Trust that she loves you and if the situation was reversed, she'd understand what you're going through. Never forget that best friends are forever and most boyfriends are temporary. It's all right to 'share' her for a few months or even years.
Okay, you've sat down and tried to figure out what it is you don't like about him but haven't resolved anything. What do you do now? You learn a little life skill called patience. Every time you're around him, make sure you're extremely patient. Why? Because you love her and want the best for her. If he does something that bothers you, take a deep breath and let it go. Don't react badly- it won't help anyone or anything. If you feel like you might explode, go to the bathroom or get some air to calm down.
6 Be Honest
If you have an open and honest relationship with your best friend and feel comfortable telling her everything (even the things she doesn't want to hear), let her know how you feel. Tell her that you don't like him and prefer to not spend time with him instead of always making excuses not to hang out with her. Let her know that the reason is him, not her, and that you love her no matter what. This way, she won't think that you're mad at her or distancing yourself from her because of something she did or didn't do. Don't evade the topic for too long or else it may make her question your guys' friendship.
5 Try Talking To Him
Although you might think he's the enemy, if she really loves him, there has to be some good in his heart (at least we hope so). Chances are, your best friend isn't an idiot and he might be a better guy than you think he is. If the opportunity presents itself, talk to him about whatever issues you have with him. Most likely, he can pick up that you don't like him and will want to try and work things out with you for her sake. If he doesn't, that's fine. It's better to try than to stay angry.
4 Offer Support, Not Criticism
Your best friend knows you better than anyone, therefore, even if you haven't told her you don't like her boyfriend, she's probably picked up on your disdain. That being said, whenever she gets in a fight with him, don't be overly critical of him. Make it clear that the only thing you want is for her to be happy- and mean it. She trusts your opinion, don't take advantage of that. For example, don't encourage her to break up with him just so you won't have to ever see him again. In the future, you want her to be able to come to you for advice and she might not if she thinks you've offered selfish advice in the past.
3 Give Him A Second Chance
No one's perfect. If you don't like him because he's mistreated her in the past and she still stayed with him, that's all right. However, if she's forgiven him, you can too. We all make mistakes and we all deserve second chances, including him. Do your best to put whatever happened between them behind you. Stop taking the problems with their relationship so personally. Don't forget that at the end of the day, you'll never fully understand the ins and outs of their attraction or love for each other- and that's all right.
2 Bring A Date
Even though you might not be able to admit it, you might be annoyed by him because you feel lonely when the three of you hang out. You're not used to sharing your best friend and now you have to. It can be hard to hang with anyone if you feel like the third wheel. The next time you guys hang out, bring a date with you. Your date could be someone you've been seeing or even a guy friend you like being around. Hopefully, whoever you bring will hit it off with your best friend's boyfriend making your time together more enjoyable.
1 Take A Walk In Her Shoes
In case we haven't reminded you enough times, she's your best friend. You love her, but that doesn't mean that you completely understand her. However, you can be sympathetic to her and her relationship. Take a walk in her shoes. Think about what it is she likes about him and why she might be dating him. You may find out she's more complex or more different from you than you once thought she was. Try not to to be judgmental of her and get rid of any preconceived ideas you have of her. Remember, as we get older, we evolve. She's a lot different now than she was when you met her on the playground twenty years ago.