For some people, bedroom intimacy conjures up a little shyness, but an absolute lack of confidence can be a performance crusher, and not to mention a total mood killer. The first question to ask is, why are you lacking confidence? Have you had negative past relationships? Do you lack experience? Are you uncomfortable with intimacy? Are you insecure about your body? If you know the true reason and want to build up your confidence in the bedroom, this is the time to heed the words of good ol’ Doctor Phil “Fake it till you make it.” But how do we get past our overthinking and self-criticism, and simply enjoy the moment with no inhibitions? Here are 13 was you can build up your confidence in the bedroom.
13 Self Acceptance
While society puts pressure on people to perform well and have a certain physique, the reality proves this is far from the truth. Not one person in the world is free of ‘flaws’ or imperfections, so before you do anything else on this list, recognize this and be ready to embrace your body just as it is. If you can’t do that, at least commit to changing it into what you can love and appreciate, by dedicating effort and time into a fitness and nutrition plan. No sense putting off loving your body, so do one of those two things pronto!
12 Realize You Are Equal
Whoever you are with must be amazing or you wouldn’t waste your time with them, right? Perhaps you’ve forgotten that you are just as amazing, and it’s time to either take them off of the pedestal you put them on, or put yourself right up there with them. No matter who they are, a beautiful woman or sexy man, is just another human. Too often, our insecurities stem from seeing others at a higher level than ourselves. We somehow believe if they have more experience, are more desirable, and get more action, then they must be "better" than we are. Believe it or not, even the person you are about to get intimate with has a certain amount of pressure to perform and look a certain way. So remember that while someone might be high up on this pedestal you've put them on, they are a human being just like you.
11 Body Language
Perhaps an extra glass of wine gave you the false sense of confidence needed to pursue your interest, but now that it’s wearing off, you find yourself retreating back into your turtle shell. If you are all talk and no action, the truth will come out in the bedroom. A stoic expression, lack of eye contact, hiding your body with your hands or under the covers, becoming silent and not reciprocating, are all signs of insecurity or a lack of enjoyment. Either way, neither of those reasons lead to a fulfilling bedroom experience. Take some pressure off and mimic your partner’s body language. If they hold you, hold them, if they kiss you, kiss them. Mirroring as opposed to leading will help you relax and get comfortable, and with experience, you’ll gain enough confidence to initiate.
10 Accentuate Your Favorite Body Part
Of all the times to be our worst critic! Our insecurities kick in at the times where we are expected to be our most confident. Focusing on what you appreciate about yourself rather than what you constantly criticize will not only draw the right kind of attention from the person you are with, but it will instantly boost your bedroom confidence. Accentuate your favorite body part! Is it your Legs? chest? behind? lips? or back? There is nothing more attractive than a person with confidence, no matter what their body looks like! So play up your pretty eyes, expose your lean legs, wear a backless dress and show off a little. Whatever your favorite body part is, it’s time to play it up.
Empower yourself with push ups or another intense exercise shortly before getting intimate. This can give you the confidence you need, and the sex appeal. You’ll feel stronger, your muscles will feel tighter, and you’ll instantly feel like you can take on the world. Tame any insecure thoughts with a fitness adrenaline rush, and instead of focusing on self-doubts racing through your brain, you will be more aware of the physical sensations in your body. The acts of exercise and intimacy are similar; with the heart pumping, cheeks glowing, and skin glistening. Consider this your warm up for your workout and get to it with confidence.
8 Release The Pressure
If you are lacking confidence because you haven’t been with someone for a while, you may have more pressure on you to perform. Unless you are auditioning for "America’s next top porn star," you can take a chill pill and relax. You don’t have to worry about not knowing all the latest bedroom tricks, even if this person wants a freak in the sheets. Most moments are ruined from overthinking, stressing about the details, and trying to make things "perfect". Spend your time focusing on having fun, learning about one another, and pleasuring each other. Just go with the flow instead of mapping out a play by play, because planning out every little detail without flexibility could lead to disappointment and kill the mood.
7 Embody A Celebrity Sex Symbol
If someone you know, celebrity, or otherwise, oozes sensuality and sexuality, it’s time to do some role play and embody their characteristics. Beyond aesthetics, do they carry themselves in a manner you find attractive? What clothing do they wear that sets them a part? How do they stand, walk, sit, and communicate? What gives them their sex appeal? Is it a celebrity or a character in a movie? Revamp your wardrobe with similar clothing so your association with feeling and looking sexy immediately puts you into that character's frame of mind every time you open the closet.
6 Set The Mood
Mood is a broad term that focuses on the 5 senses: sight, smell, sound, taste, and touch. Although everyone has a personal preference for an ideal intimate environment, if you are feeling a lack of confidence, you may first want to ensure the lighting is both flattering and forgiving. Candles and dim lights prove to be best at setting a good bedroom ambiance for those very reasons. Music, soft sheets, a glass of wine, dark chocolate, and a hint of incense can also add to a sexy mood, depending on personal taste. Either way, the goal is to have a comfortable setting that also builds your confidence.
There’s a little risqué daredevil in all of us, and sometimes it takes a certain person or situation to bring it out. If there was only one time in your life where you threw caution to the wind and surprised a partner and even yourself, channel that person! The idea isn’t to re-enact what you did; you might not be that age anymore, you may not have the same mindset, morals, or lifestyle, but if it was fun, wild, freaky, and freeing, you want to tap into the same confidence you had then that got you to do whatever it was in the first place.
4 Cut The Comparisons
When curiosity peaks, it’s normal to wonder about your new crush's ex; it’s even normal to check their Facebook profile once or twice. But if you are lacking confidence because you are comparing yourself to them, you better stop! Comparisons to anyone, automatically put you at the lower end of the "competition" because it reeks of insecurity. The reality is that, yes, they had someone before you, maybe many someone’s before you, but if they wanted to be with any of them, you wouldn’t be the one lying in their bed. It doesn’t matter if someone has a bigger booty, firmer breasts, or a larger package, at the end of the day, at that moment they are with you, not them. And if you ever see otherwise, stop wasting time comparing, and just leave!
3 What To Wear
Magazines and movies will convince women that lingerie is the sexiest thing in the bedroom, but sexy is a personal thing. For some it may be a wife beater tank top and boy shorts, while others may like a man’s button down shirt and a thong. Obviously finding out what your partner likes to see you in will give you some assurance when choosing an outfit, but at the end of the day, you need to feel comfortable in order to feel confident. Pick an outfit that highlights your best assets and focus on how sexy you feel when taking it off to expose it.
2 The Three Ss
Sometimes the moment strikes us at times we are not readily prepared to get down and dirty. If you know there is even a remote possibility you will end up in someone’s bed, make sure you shower, shave, and smell awesome. A sudden lack of confidence can be based on how you feel about yourself in the moment, not overall. If you’ve been working all day, finished training at the gym, haven’t showered yet, or feel some stubble on your legs, it’s normal to cringe at the thought of sexy hands rubbing them up and down. Prevent that possibility by being prepared whenever the possibility arises, and make sure you have deodorant and a razor with you at all times. When you feel good about your personal hygiene, you will feel that much better about what is about to go down.
1 Become A Freak In The Sheets
Imagine learning how to swim by being thrown into the water without a life jacket. Sounds horrible doesn't it? But, many people have done it and managed to doggie paddle their way to the shore by means of desperation to survive. Let’s consider this a drastic method along the same vein. We’re always waiting for confidence to grow before we take a risk or try something out of our character, but a sure way to build your confidence instantly, is to be extreme and completely shock the heck out of yourself. Do your research and find some kinky and creative ways to spice up an evening. After this occasion, not only will you have a fun story to tell, but you’ll also build your confidence in a major way.