You wake up in the morning. You drink your morning coffee and it gave you just the bit of pep you needed to start the day. You take a shower. You brush your teeth. Your primp, you comb, you put on your make-up. Maybe you didn't put on your make-up and you just happen to look amazing without it today. Your natural beauty is really shining today. Now is the perfect time. It's time to take a selfie.
You grab your phone, hold it an arms length away from your face, you press the little camera icon, and the flash goes off. You take a quick look at the image. Just as you suspected. You look amazing. Better than amazing. It might be the best you've ever looked. All that's left to do is share the thing. Since you look so great, you don't just go with Instagram. This needs to be everywhere. You share it on Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, and Facebook. You even heard MySpace was trying to make a comeback so you go ahead and share it there too.
Fast forward to five minutes later. Your phone is blowing up. Awesome! Everyone seems to like the picture. The only thing that could make you feel even better about yourself than you already do is reading all the compliments that are pouring in.
None of the comments say "nice pic" or "OMG lady, you are pretty af!" They all say "lol".
You scroll down. You're brutally honest friend says, "You should probably learn how to wipe." You take a closer look at the picture. You're suddenly stricken with horror and embarrassment.
You caught the full length mirror on the background. Everyone can see the back of your underwear. A dark smudge was on the mirror that happened to be placed over your underwear. There's no explaining it. Everyone has already made up their mind. You crapped your pants.
When taking a selfie it's very important to be mindful of everything in the picture. While this example is unfortunate and a cautionary tale of why it's important to take some time to think about something before you post it to social media (selfies or otherwise), some people post things that even someone with the smallest amount of boundaries wouldn't post.
Unfortunately, some people are pretty hung up on themselves, and any chance to remind people they exist must be taken. They don't think of consequences or how it might make them look as a person on the inside, since they're more concerned with how they look on the outside. For these people, we've whipped up a nice little list of times you should absolutely not take a selfie and share it with the world.
14 When You Haven't Made Sure Everyone's Out of the Bathroom
There are a lot of great times to take a selfie. This would normally be one of them. You and your friend are looking great and you're wearing matching outfits for some event or another. You could have just held the phone an arm's length away from your faces, but then nobody gets to see your cute shorts! The solution to this problem is simple - hold your phone up to a bathroom mirror. Your matching outfits are in the picture and everyone still gets to see you make a duck face!
The only problem with this seemingly perfect selfie is you forgot about the really sad girl sitting on the toilet, staring forlornly at the floor. At least she wasn't actually dropping a load off at the dump. Still, a selfie stick outside of the bathroom might have been a better option. Besides, bathroom mirror pics are sooooo Myspace.
13 Just Before Lowering the Casket
This should be a given but a simple Google search makes it very clear that a certain portion of the population absolutely loves taking pictures with the recently deceased. One can only imagine that this practice has to border on some kind of disturbing fetish.
The worst part to this particular picture is the smile on her face as the casket is ready to drop. Maybe she's going for the whole staying strong and "they're in a better place now" routine, but it looks mildly disturbing. It looks more like she's at the funeral of a "frenemy". She was a good enough friend to be expected at the funeral, but enough of a rival to revel in the fact that her adversary is finally gone. Regardless of their particular situation, this isn't a selfie you should take and proudly display on social media.
Now this photo appears to be photoshopped, but this is still something we could all learn a lesson from. People do seem to do this pretty regularly.
12 When Your Partner Looks Less Than Thrilled
I'm going to go ahead and take a stab at what this couple just did. I'm guessing they had sex for no longer than thirty seconds and he said something during the act that revealed a fantasy bordering on a sexual felony. I base this on the fact that he's the only one in the picture that seems to be happy. The girl looks like her mom just told her they'd be having spaghetti leftovers for the third night in a row - and she freakin' hates spaghetti!
Little bit of advice - if you're going to brag about having sex, it might help to look like you actually had sex. Neither one looks sweaty, her hair still looks perfect, and she looks bored and unsatisfied. Another bit of advice - bragging about having sex is a little bit sad and just a tad pathetic.
11 While Witnessing Someone Scold A Child
This one is awfully confusing. If you're witnessing a mother scold her child with her own shoe in a public bathroom, it seems like you might want to take an actual picture of the incident. Taking a recording of the ordeal might even be a better idea since you can frame it in some kind of context. I'm not sure if you should be making sure your top matches your skirt while a kid is getting bludgeoned with his mother's footwear.
On the other hand, this could be genius. If you have an attraction to police officers this might be a great opportunity to report the incident and sneak a nice picture of yourself into the conversation with the officer that arrives on the scene.
"I got the whole thing on camera, officer. You can clearly see her wielding her shoe and going after her son. Also, doesn't my hair look great in this pic?"
10 When It Might Anger a Cop
There was a trend recently where everyone was filming their interactions with police officers. This stemmed from a rash of police brutality and excessive force that began to make headlines. While many local and state governments were considering putting cameras on their officer's clothing, a lot of citizens used their own cameras, even for routine traffic stops.
While police were probably expecting to be recorded for a bit, a smug selfie is just disrespectful. It wouldn't capture an incident even if one were to erupt. If you take a selfie with a police officer before they may or may not write you a ticket, you've just made yourself look like a smug a**hole and there's a good chance that a possible warning just turned into a speeding ticket.
9 When Nature's Calling
Man. Your hair is looking great. You're wearing that new pair of earrings. Your make-up has been on-freaking-point all day. Not a smudge or imperfect application to be seen. You just bought an adorable headband, and you've always looked great in horizontal stripes. You go to use the bathroom and you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror - just as you suspected. You look phenomenal. You know exactly what time it is. It's time for a selfie. You click one off. It looks effing fantastic! You immediately hit the share button. You already have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr checked because you never take bad pictures.
Congratulations. You forgot about the mirror in the background. Now the weird neighbor that you suspect has a crush on you has a picture of you dropping a deuce.
8 When You're Supposed To Be Helping With Surgery
Hospitals are constantly under scrutiny from the families of patients. People never want to blame the disease or accident that took their loved ones. Diseases and accidents don't have a face. You can't walk up to a disease or an accident and blame it for its ineptitude. Grief is hard, and it causes people to do irrational things. They will insist that the hospital didn't do everything in their power. If you have an irrational/reactionary friend, you've most certainly heard them entertain the words "malpractice suit" at least once or twice after a hospital visit.
It's hard enough to prove to grieving and irrational people that the hospital staff does everything in its power to save lives. Taking a selfie during an operation like it's no big deal isn't making it any easier.
7 When You're This Guy (or Pics With Your Junk Showing In General)
Never, ever, ever be "this guy". First off, it's ridiculous when women make the duck face. Doubly so for men. Call it a double standard. Call it sexist. It's just true.
Second, he couldn't even take his shirt completely off to show off that rockin' bod. He just sort of flips if over his head and makes a tiny little vest.
Third, it's like "that guy" really wants to send a picture of his junk to someone he might be trying to hook up with, but he wasn't sure if he'd cross a line. "That guy" thinks that maybe he can tease it a little, gauge the response, and then decide if he should go full frontal.
Everyone knows what you're trying to accomplish here, "that guy". No wants to see it and it isn't going to work.
"I'm so turned on by picture of guys showing their junk." - No One Ever.
6 When Your Wife Is Suffering Through Labor
There are a number of situations that make people feel self-conscious about their looks and their bodies. For some people it's perpetual. For other people it's situational. For almost every woman on the planet, it's during labor.
A lot of people like to record the miracle of birth, and that's fine for those people. The thing is, if you're snapping a selfie instead of recording the birth, your wife probably isn't one of those people that wants the moment recorded. It's also a little douchey to smile like you're having a great time while your wife is uncomfortable and in pain, possibly for hours.
Now, you might be one of those fun couples that would find something like this funny. Your wife's idea of "fun" might change during labor. This isn't something you should take a gamble on - not without written consent and witnesses!
5 When Someone Else's Wife Is Suffering Through Labor
Why? Why? Why? Why? Why would anyone think this is okay!? If you're a doctor or a nurse and you think the miracle of birth is something that needs to be taken and shared with your friends on social media, take a selfie with the mom holding her healthy child. Any number of things could have gone wrong here. The lack of boundaries and self-awareness on this guy's behalf is seriously astounding.
Fortunately, this kind of lack of social tact doesn't seem to be a trend with healthcare professionals. In fact, this particular selfie actually caused a huge uproar and backlash on social media.
Not okay, dude.
3 When Smiling Over the Body of the Grandma You Didn't Like
This guy seems to think this is okay because he didn't get along with his grandmother. I had a horrible grandfather. He hid in the basement anytime family came over and just drank beer after beer. Over twenty-plus years I never knew him better than the guy who lived two blocks away from me. My mother, my sister, and I even went to visit him while he was dying in the hospital. He told my sister she was "growing sideways." He was calling her fat. While dying in the hospital, one of the last things he said to my sister was that she was getting fat.
While I wasn't sad that my grandfather left this mortal coil, I was sad for my mom. I felt no real obligation to go to his funeral. The man never let me get to know him and as a result, I barely knew him. I went to the funeral to support my mom and grandmother. Despite the fact he was a pretty bad person, he was a father and husband and they loved him. Can you imagine how my mother and grandmother would have felt if I mocked his corpse?
Anyone who would do this obviously doesn't think much of others.
2 When You're Mocking the Homeless
This actually became a trend for the planet's pieces of human garbage. People (if you can call them that - I think "monsters" is more fitting) were going up to passed out/dying/sleeping homeless people and snapping selfies. I'm not sure what the joke is here. Is it funny that they're homeless, or is it funny that you're a massive piece of sh**?
The one good thing about the people that jumped on this trend and took pics like this is they made one thing clear to all their other friends: "I don't care about people. I am an awful, terrible, monster. If I can do this to another human being, imagine what I might do to you. I'll probably never help you out. I could have given this individual some spare change, but instead I mocked their plight. You need to stop being friends with me right away and it might just be in your best interests to not associate with me all together."
Pictures really do speak a thousand words. Always remember this.
1 When You're United States Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and You Forgot to Take Down That Picture of a Fifteen Year Old Emma Watson
Granted this is a still from a video diary, but a video diary of your(self) technically counts as a selfie. What's a vlog besides thousands of selfies placed in succession?
It really doesn't matter if this guy is a politician or where his political ideologies rest - this image is just weird. A lot of people on the Internet liked to use this image to make fun of the fact that Paul Ryan is a fan of Nickelback (poster in top left), one of the most inexplicably popular bands in the world since so many people seem to hate them. Feelings towards Nickelback aside, I've always been more bothered by the picture of a roughly Goblet of Fire era Hermione Granger (outlined in red), putting Harry Potter actress Emma Watson's age in that poster at around fifteen.
Let's take a look at the rest of this image though. In addition to a poster of Nickelback and Hermione, we have McDonald's leftovers in the bottom left corner, what appears to be a picture of Hulk Hogan next to the Nickelback poster, and some sort of spring break poster in the top right corner. Did he film this in some random teenager's bedroom or is Paul Ryan secretly a real-life Benjamin Button?
What lesson we can learn from Speaker Paul Ryan?
When putting video or images of yourself on social media, be conscious of your surroundings. You never know what else you might be putting out there besides your beautiful face.