The world is filled with gorgeous, strong, intelligent women who, for whatever reason, find themselves losing all common sense and dignity because of men. I mean, Sex and the City was a huge hit show for a reason – whether you reacted to things like a Carrie or a Charlotte, you identified with those women and their trials and tribulations involving the opposite sex. It doesn’t happen to everyone, obviously, but we’re betting that countless women have gone a little bit crazy because of love and found themselves doing things they never wanted to.
However, at some point, you need to take a step back from your emotions and assess the situation logically. It’s tough, but you need to take a close look at the situation sometimes and really pay attention to the signs you may have been overlooking or flat out willfully ignoring for awhile. There are definitely good guys out there – and then there are a ton of losers who won’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Here are 13 signs he doesn’t care about you, and you should just move on already! Seriously – if you’re nodding along to the majority of these, you need to find yourself a guy who values what he’s got.
Look, we hate to be the bearers of bad news, but if you have basically never seen your guy in the sunshine, there are two possible explanations. One, he might be a vampire (kidding. That’s probably not the case, although man, you’d be super lucky based on the amount of hot, hot vampires on television). Two, and this one is the harder one to stomach – he might just not be that into you. Sure, if your guy isn’t much of a morning person, you shouldn’t expect him to jump at the idea of waking up at 7:00 am to go to the farmers’ market with you. However, if he only ever texts you after 9:00 pm, chances are he’s not putting you at the top of his list. After he’s hung out with friends, or maybe after his plans have fallen through, or just when he’s feeling lonely, you’re his back up – and no girl wants to be somebody’s backup. Come on – like you don’t have a life? You’re way too fierce to be at someone’s beck and call.
This one basically goes hand in hand with the night time rendezvous problem, and it’s easy to understand why. In a real relationship, where both parties are happy and loved up, you want to be around one another all the time – while you sip your morning coffee and while you share a patio beer after a hard week of work, etc. Sure, you need some solo time every now and then, but in general you genuinely enjoy being around one another. If he only ever calls you when he’s been drinking, that either means he’s a coward who can’t handle sharing his feelings or requesting to hang out with you when he’s sober, or that he only wants you around when he's hammered. Either way, you're better off finding someone who makes the time of day for you before he's five beers in. Plus, let’s be serious – no guy is particularly attractive when he’s drunk and sloppy. You don’t need that in your life.
Look, it’s a bit much to ask your boyfriend to jump up and down in excitement over heirloom tomatoes at the farmers’ market, or to have the patience for an eight hour Sex and the City marathon. There are some things that are definitely better reserved for your girlfriends. However, it’s not asking too much to get him to do normal boyfriend stuff – that’s part of what being in a relationship is, doing things to make the other person happy. If he doesn’t want to hold your hand in public, if he refuses to go with you to your cousin’s wedding simply because he doesn’t want to, if he straight up ignores you when you ask him to pick something up from the store on the way home… you need to drop him. Boyfriends may not always love doing some things their girlfriends request, but they do it, because relationships are about compromise. A selfish guy who’s all about himself does not a good boyfriend make.
If you’re in a no-strings attached relationship where neither of you puts much effort into things, that’s a whole different ball game – two consenting adults are allowed to cook up whatever arrangement will make them happy. However, if you’re in a committed relationship, there needs to be reciprocity, period. If you agree to stand by his side at his work functions but find yourself alone at yours, or you’re his date for all his family events while your family questions if you’ve made up a boyfriend, then he obviously doesn’t care about you. Sure, guys can give excuses until the sun goes down, but for the most part, caring means showing up. Plain and simple. While there are certain situations when one person in the relationship ends up giving more than they’re receiving, that kind of a dynamic can’t go on forever – eventually you’ll just get fed up at the fact that you’re doing all these things to make him happy and he’s doing absolutely nothing for you.
It’s 2016, and men and women have equal power when it comes to relationships. There’s no more sitting by the rotary phone waiting to see if he’ll call you back, or shyly standing around hoping your crush will notice you and make the first move. If you want something, you’re a strong powerful woman – you can get it. I mean, just take a look at celebrity couples – Beyoncé is every bit as fierce and powerful as her man. If you like a guy, you can ask him out to dinner just as easily as he can ask you out. However, take note – if you’re constantly the one going to the trouble of making plans, it’s not necessarily because you’re exercising your feminist right to take the power position. It might just mean that he just doesn’t care. Not every guy is good at the big, romantic gestures, but he should be able to plan a coffee date every now and then.
Not everyone is comfortable with PDA — public displays of affection — and that’s totally cool. After all, no one wants to be that revolting couple swapping spit in full view of a crowd. Plus, some people are just very shy and don’t particularly like exposing their private lives in public for the world to see. That’s fine. However, it’s not asking too much to get a little bit of special treatment from your partner. Maybe it’s something as simple as a wink when you approach his group of friends with a crowd, maybe it’s a quick hug or a squeeze of the hand, maybe it’s an introduction where he proudly sings your praises to his crew. Either way, your partner should be greeting you differently than he would greet any old friend who walked in – if you just get a cursory “hey!” or “this is (insert name),” that’s not cool. No matter what his PDA threshold is, he should be treating his partner a little bit differently than he treats his bros.
If you’re someone who believes in saving certain amorous activities for after marriage, that’s totally fine – provided your partner shares the same beliefs and expectations and all that. However, regardless of whether you’ve decided to keep things PG-13 or escalate them, if your boyfriend is like one of Cinderella’s coach men who vanishes at the strike of midnight, you’ve got problems. First of all, that’s just an awful way to treat someone you supposedly care about, essentially making them feel like they’ve just been deserted, or like you can’t handle being around them for an extra second. Plus, one of the best parts of a new relationship is when you stay up way too late chatting about everything under the sun, curled up on your couch, and eventually end up falling asleep and then going out for brunch or something in the morning and having a rom com movie moment. If he doesn’t ever, ever sleep over — and we’re talking PG here, folks — that’s a big problem. I mean, for all you know he’s got a wife in Connecticut. Danger zone.
We’re a society that has become obsessed with technology, and the thought of going out in public without our phones paralyzes many of us. However, there should be certain rules when it comes to spending quality time together – namely, you can’t really spend quality time with someone when their eyes are constantly on their smartphone screen. If he takes a minute to check a work e-mail he’s received, answer a text message, or even just get a quick update on how the basketball game is going, that’s fine. Honestly, you’ll probably check your phone once or twice throughout the evening as well, so, you know, those in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. However, if you’re constantly just staring at the top of his head as he stares at his screen? You need to give it up, because he obviously cares more about his smartphone than he does about you. No one wants to go out with a robot who can’t pay attention to you because he’s too busy mechanically looking through all his apps and social media accounts.
Guys have a code. While a guy isn’t ever supposed to flirt with his bro’s girlfriend, they are supposed to at least try to be nice. After all, a guy who cares about his girl wants her to feel comfortable, not like she’s an unwanted third wheel in a group of guys. If his guy friends all ignore you? That’s not good. Granted, it could mean that he’s just friends with some awful dudes, which is kind of a bad sign in and of itself – birds of a feather and all that. However, it could also mean that his bros know something you don’t, and just don’t feel comfortable around you. Perhaps he turns into an entirely different person when he’s around you and they’re not sure what to make of it or why he’s changing his entire personality to appeal to you. Perhaps he’s got a Becky with some good hair on the side. Perhaps he’s lying about something major, like what he does for a living. Who knows – the point is, if all his friends act weird around you, there might be a reason to be concerned.
Everyone forgets things from time to time, but if he’s constantly trying to serve you food with ingredients you’re allergic to, or planning dates involving activities you’ve regularly expressed your hatred for, then there’s a fair chance he doesn’t remember what you said because he’s just not listening to you. Everyone gets a free pass from time to time – we’ve all forgotten stuff because we got too busy, or because something just slipped our minds. However, if he’s routinely demonstrating that he just doesn’t pay attention when you’re speaking, that’s a big sign that he doesn’t care about you. When you’re talking, he’s busy thinking about other things that are more important to him rather than valuing your opinions and what you have to say - and that’s not okay. Move on and find someone who treats you like a queen and hangs onto every word you say, because that’s what you deserve.
Look, obviously extreme jealousy isn’t exactly the sexiest trait – you don’t want a boyfriend who feels threatened just because the handsome waiter asked you if you wanted pepper on your fettucine alfredo. However, most guys inherently have a sense of male competition, and even if they’re not jealous, their ears perk up a bit when they hear that their woman has been spending time with other guys – even if it’s just your lifelong male BFF. If he’s crazy jealous and causing scenes over you spending time with a male acquaintance, that’s not good. If he is absolutely unconcerned about any male you mention, though, that’s not a good sign. At best, it could mean that he’s just not that invested enough in you to care who you spend your time with. At worst, it could mean that he’s juggling a few women on the side and just calling them ‘friends’ as well, so he doesn’t want to cause a stink in case you get wise to his game.
Okay, this one might seem fairly obvious, but nonetheless – if you care about someone, you want to know all about their life, from where they grew up to how many siblings they have to whether they prefer cats or dogs. You want to know how their day went, and how that project at work they mentioned last date turned out, and why they order dessert before dinner. You want to talk about the big issues to see if there are any dealbreakers you need to know about before things get really serious. Communication is one of the most important parts of a relationship. If your guy has never asked a follow-up question, or made any effort to get to know you a bit more, or even ask about how your day went on a regular basis, that’s a sign that he doesn’t care about you as much as you think he might.
We’re not even sure why we need to say this, but some women turn such a blind eye to their man’s actions that it needs to be said – if he is literally flirting with other women in front of you, it is 100% time to move on because he so, so clearly does not care about you. Sure, some people have a flirtier personality than others in general, and tend to exude a certain charm and charisma whether they’re attracted to the person they’re talking to or not. However, there is a line that just shouldn’t be crossed, ever. You’re not being a crazy, jealous girlfriend if you ask him to stop constantly touching that hot girl at the party on the arm and leaning in close to laugh at her jokes. If your guy is stepping away from your table during a dinner date to ask for the hot waitress’ phone number? Leave him. Leave him immediately. Find someone better.