So you have an amazing friend with benefits that totally rocks your world - in the bedroom that is. You two have some serious sexual chemistry and actually enjoy being around one another - it’s easy when the sex is so good. However, you’ve been giving it some thought lately and feel maybe you and your FWB can be something more serious. Well, before you get all crazy and tell him you want to move in, there’s something you need to understand: you should never try to date your FWB. It just won’t work. Sure, you still might be skeptical - but we have such a great connection! - and feel like you two will break the mold. Well, guess what? You probably won’t. Your awkward relationship with your FWB will be just as doomed as others who have tried it in the past. Don’t believe us? Here are 13 reasons why you should never date your friend with benefits.
It’s really hard to start setting rules on something that had absolutely none to begin with. You two have been hooking up for awhile now without any rules - like all those 4am booty calls - but if you start to date now, you’ll have to set boundaries which is going to be hard. You’ll have to take what you had - sex without any strings attached - and put that on the back burner while the two of you go back in time and start from scratch - with dating rules (you know, like no dating other people). While it’s not always unfathomable, setting rules with your FWB won’t be easy, and could leave you high and dry, if you know what we mean.
You know the old - and sort of annoying - saying: why pay for milk when the cow is free? Your mom has probably said it a million times over the years, and the thing is, she's right. If a guy is getting sex without any strings attached (and getting it when he wants it like at 2am on a Tuesday), why would he want to get into a serious relationship? He’s already very comfortable with the way things are going now, so there’s a slim chance of him changing into something else more complicated, like a full-fledge relationship.
Not every woman who has sex with someone will cling to them, but it is in our DNA to get emotionally attached to the person in our bed - or kitchen counter - after the deed. Sometimes these feelings can come up and really confuse the you-know-what out of us. You were cool with having sex with your friend for awhile now but all of a sudden you’re feeling funny about it - kind of like you want him to stay the night. But before you jump the gun and invite your FWB for dinner (or to meet your family) remember that this relationship works well because it is built on the physical, not the emotional. Don't let your emotions confuse you.
Falling for your FWB is like falling for your camp counselor back in summer school. It’s probably not going to work out no matter how you play it. If you’re the one with the sudden feelings for your FWB, there’s a good chance you are going to be the one getting hurt in the end. You might think there is something more there and decide to bring it up, only to find out that he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Definitely not a good feeling. While you want to take things to another emotional level, he’s fine how they are which will have you feeling more hurt than the time you fell in love with the way-too-old-for-you camp counselor.
Sure, you and your friend with benefits have a killer connection in the bedroom, but that’s the thing, it’s only in the bedroom. Outside of that, you have very little in common and don’t even know what to say to each other unless it consists of an “oh yeah, just like that.” Don’t mistake the fact that your connection is between the sheets and get confused thinking there might be a connection when the clothes - and lights - come back on. Honestly, you're probably going to be really disappointed.
Don’t you think if your FWB was actually dateable that you would be out at the movies holding hands rather than in bed, gripping each other's behinds? Come on now. You haven’t dated this person because you know there is nothing there. The only thing you two have in common is that you like to have sex with each other, but after that? There’s nothing. And trying to date that will only make you realize even more how the two of you are nothing more than just buddies who bump in the night.
Here’s the thing: he may really like to be with you - because the sex is banging - and he may really find you smoking hot - which you are, duh! - but that doesn’t mean he wants to be in a serious relationship with you. He might not be into having a relationship or he just might not want one with you because he likes how things are now - sex without cuddling. Why? Well, why wouldn't he? He’s getting what he wants with ease and he doesn’t even have to buy you dinner. That’s a pretty sweet deal, bro.
So you’re having great sex with a person you’re comfortable enough to try different positions with without worrying how your butt looks, and you want to go and change that? For what? A relationship with someone who only sees you as a sexual temptress? Why are you trying to fix something that isn’t broken. You both have a mutual understanding that things are strictly physical and it works. No need to ruin it. Once you try to change things and make it into something it’s not, things can actually break - only this time around, it might not be easy to fix.
The reason you are in this thing with your FWB is because you want sex. That’s it. You’re not texting this person in the middle of the night because you want to cuddle. No, you want to have hot, passionate sex. Don’t mistaken your true motives for something more. They’re not. You know why you got into this situation in the first place so don’t pretend like you see any sort of deep spiritual connection in the long run. The both of you are using one another for a good time. There is nothing more going on, and there won’t be in the future.
So, it finally happened. You have officially fallen for your friend you call when you’re lonely and horny. Watch out. And if you’re going to tell your FWB that you have feelings for him, you better be prepared for the worst: like him not sharing those feelings for you. Sure, you’ve been thinking about him more and wanting to hang out with him during the day rather than just late at night, but does that mean he’s feeling the same way? Probably not. There's a reason he hasn’t come forth and said he wants to marry you: he’s happy with just screwing you.
Just like him, you are sort of living it up right now. Not only are you having amazing sex with a cute guy, but you can go out on dates with anyone else. There is no pressure. You are able to hit up the bar with your gal pals and get home late without checking in with anyone. And flirting? Hell, you can flirt with anyone you want - young, old, female, male. Whomever. Why? Because you don’t have any ties, and yet you still get to have sex. No wonder guys like this set up so much.
After you have the best sex of your life and you’re craving a hot shower and blissful sleep (by yourself), you can get it. You can tell your FWB to leave when you’re done and there are no hard feelings because he, like you, understands what this is all about: sex. There is no sweaty cuddling, no heavy groping in the shower. Nothing. Instead, you can kiss him goodnight and send him on his way without feeling any guilt. Then you can go about your night as planned: Shower, Netflix, Bumble, sleep.
When you’re in a casual thing with your FWB, it can sometimes be hard not to grow attached and possibly want more. You guys have good sexual chemistry and enjoy being around each other, so why couldn’t you two have a relationship? Before you try to purpose something serious to your friend, take a step back and really give this some thought. The two of you are only in this for the sex, remember? If you wanted something more from him when you met, you would have tried dating him back then. Take this situation for what it’s worth and enjoy it or move on.