We've all dated the douchebags (some of us more than others) and while I can admit that relationships with said douchebags can be a lot of fun, it can become a problem when you're entering into a serious relationship- or a series of them with the same type of guy. Before judging these men too harshly, it's important to do a little self-reflecting to discover why attracting douchebags may be a problem of yours.
Let's all make a pledge to leave these guys in the past, okay?
13 You don't know who you are
Gals who don't have a solid idea about who they are as people, may be easily mislead into a bad relationship. When you don't have any idea about who you are, what you value, what you like/dislike it may be hard for you to 'sell' yourself (for lack of a better term) to a potential partner. If you don't have this strong sense of self, you may just float through the dating world, attaching onto anything that gives you a second glance. Think of this lack of knowledge about yourself as vanilla ice-cream, it kinda just goes with everything. Don't be vanilla ice-cream.
12 You don't know what you want
When you don't have a clear sense of self, you probably don't have a very good sense of what you want or where you want to be in 5, 10, 50 years from now, so these two points kind of go hand-in-hand. Knowing what you want is probably the most important thing to figure out before entering a relationship or the world of dating as a whole. Beyond the whole tall, dark, and handsome requirements you've set out, you need to know about the qualities that you respect most in a man, and decide to go after that. Aside from knowing what you want in a partner, you also need to know about what you want for your future, do you want to get married/have kids/travel the world or all of the above? If you decide that you want to be a globe trotter, you need to be looking for someone who loves adventure or is comfortable with you traveling apart!
11 You have wounds from past relationships/experiences
Wounds from past relationships and experiences can greatly effect the choices we make in love and in dating. Aside from the 'daddy issues' label, a lot of these wounds can come from first hand experiences in your own relationships, and also through witnessing bad relationships around you (among many other things.) When you experience a bad relationship (or a series of them) you may believe that you're not worthy of a great love, and you most definitely are. We know it's easier said than done, but please do not let the past affect your future- try your best to heal old wounds and open yourself to the prospects of true love and mutual respect.
10 You're not looking in the right places
If you're looking for hubby material, last call at the bar down the street probably isn't the best place to find him. If you're looking for a man who is super into health and fitness, scoping out the local McDonald's probably isn't the greatest idea (but pick me up some McNuggets.) Once you decide what you want in a relationship, you must adjust your locations accordingly. The party boy is partying, the guy who loves dogs is at the dog park with his dog, it's not rocket science.
9 You settle
After a series of douchebags, sometimes it's easier to throw in the towel and settle for the least douche-y of them all. To avoid settling into an unideal relationship, you must be completely comfortable being alone and if you're not you must be open to the idea of doing things that you've never done before in order to achieve a different result. When you're content with yourself and with what you bring to the table, you won't mind eating alone until your perfect match comes along. On the other hand, sometimes opening yourself up to a new scene/group of people will expand your horizons and introduce a new flame (0r 6.)
8 You feel the need to fix people
And people want to be fixed by you.
Like a moth to a flame, girls who feel the need to fix people are often sought out by people who need to be fixed. While I don't think that you should ever close off your nurturing and compassionate side, you do need to be careful about who you show this side to. Not everyone deserves the unconditional love and support you provide, especially when they're going to take advantage of it. The most important thing to remember is that people cannot be fixed unless they want to be. No matter how loving and supportive you are, a damaged person has to want to be better for themselves and needs to put in the work in order to do so. You compromising yourself only encourages the bad behaviour that needed to be fixed in the first place.
7 You're sending the wrong message
Nice guys like boobs too, but they're probably not going to be the first ones to slide into your DM about it. While I firmly believe in flaunting what you've got and being proud of that beautiful bod, you need to be aware of the kind of people you may attract by doing so.
6 You don't believe that you deserve better
*Insert "We accept the love we think we deserve," "You can't learn to love anyone else until you love yourself" and any other cliché (but true) quote off of Pinterest.*
Until you recognize your self worth and your deservingness of an amazing companion, you won't attract one. Damaged people are attracted to damaged people and in order to break this cycle, you need to repair the relationship you have with yourself first. When you reach a healthy level of self-love you will begin attracting great people who recognize and admire that about you. When you love yourself, you will also have an easier time recognizing what relationships are good for you and what relationships are not.
5 You're scared of a real commitment
Being afraid of a real commitment is a big reason to date the douchebags. You never have to worry about getting serious, getting hurt, or getting real because you're not invested in the relationship. While this may make sense if you're just looking to have fun, it does become problematic when the only relationships you're taking part in are bad ones. This pattern can also be very hard to break if you're not careful, becoming too used to the bad-boy can seriously cloud your judgement and can make it harder to recognize and seek out a good relationship.
4 You let your hormones control your heart
Those crazy hormones can be a great thing... until they begin controlling your heart. While hooking up with the douchebag may be fun, getting into a relationship with one is a whole different story. Bad boys bring about a temporary thrill, just make sure that this relationship IS temporary to avoid getting hurt.
3 You're not optimistic about dating
When you're always focused on the negative, that's what you'll continue to attract. Take a lesson from 'The Secret' by Rhonda Byrne, and begin putting out into the world want you want to attract. These thoughts will manifest and you'll be left with the benefits of positive thinking. If you're focused on how much you dislike dating the douchebags, you'll just continue to attract more of them.
2 You're attracted to the false confidence
I can admit, I've been lured in by the confidence and charisma of a douchebag (or 15) - think athletes and actors (sorry guys.) While this confidence can be alluring and sexy, you need to remember that a lot of the time, this confidence is just a facade to attract girls like you. If your man is always talking about himself, how much money he makes, what designer shoes he's wearing, or anything else that kind of rubs you the wrong way, run!!! Always remember that there's a major difference between confidence and cockiness, and you don't want to be stuck with the latter.
1 You're naive
If you always wind up with the douchebags, you may need to consider the fact that you may be a little naive. Falling for the same bull$#!t time after time could be a real flaw of yours. Always remember that trust is earned, not given. Take your time when getting to know a new boy so that you know exactly what you're getting into and exactly what you'll be putting up with when you enter a relationship. Put together a mental list of red flags/things you didn't like about your past partners and try your best to avoid those traits in others.