If you think that a hipster is a new thing – yet another Gen Y phenomenon that drives the media crazy, and that people write lots of essays about – think again. The word was actually used as early as the 1940s to describe youth who looked cool. While the term still means the same thing today – even Taylor Swift sings about dressing up like hipsters in her hit song “22” – we mostly use it to refer to twentysomething men with beards. It’s usually pretty easy to spot a hipster out in the wild – just go to one of their natural habitats, like a dive bar or an underground concert, and you’ll see more than enough. Since the hipster man is such a trend these days, you’re going to end up dating at least one, but that’s a terrible idea. Here are 13 reasons to never date a hipster. You’re welcome in advance.
13 You will Start to Hate Plaid
Plaid is the official hipster fabric. Boy do hipsters love their plaid. This trend really got started in the 1990s thanks to the popularity of grunge music. Now you can walk into any Urban Outfitters and see about a million variations on a simple plaid shirt. After a few months with your hipster boyfriend, you’re going to wonder if he owns any other items of clothing, and the answer will probably be no. You’re going to start to seriously hate plaid and will want to scream every time you enter an Urban store. That’s pretty sad. Every girl loves wearing a cozy red and black plaid shirt in the winter.
12 You will Always Look Lame
Hipsters hate anything that’s popular. We’re talking popular movies, music, TV shows. If you don’t live under a rock, you most likely are a fan of some pop culture stuff. You listen to T-Swift on a regular basis, you love rewatching Friends on Netflix, and you buy your clothes from chain stores like The Gap or Zara. Unfortunately, your hipster boyfriend will hate you forever for just doing what you love. You’ll get a lot of lectures about how you’re following “the man” and not being unique enough.
11 They’re Trying too Hard
The most attractive quality in a potential love interest? That would probably be authenticity. Unfortunately, hipsters may think they’re totally authentic, but they’re actually the complete opposite. That’s because they’re trying way too hard all the time. They can’t make their own decisions -- they’re following the hipster brand and have to consider what other people will think. You’ll never be able to pick the bar you meet for drinks at or the movie you see on a boring Sunday evening, because they’ll need everything they do to be a political and cultural statement.
10 Their Beard will Annoy you
Tons of guys grow beards and/or moustaches for Movember, but there’s a reason why they shave on December 1st: beards are annoying for everyone involved. For the guys, they require way too much time to maintain, and for the girls who date them, kissing a guy with a scratchy beard gets pretty old fast. Hipsters need to learn that the majority of us have moved on from thinking that guys with beards are super attractive. You definitely don’t want to date a hipster guy with a beard if you value your time, because you’ll be waiting for them to finish grooming their face.
9 The Lifestyle is too Expensive
Hipsters can’t just get a happy meal from McDonald’s or order a pepperoni pizza and call it dinner. Nope. They need hipster food – aka craft beer and anything served at a super pricey gastro pub. If it’s considered artisan, all the better. The problem is this type of food definitely doesn’t come cheap. You’ll get tired of splitting the bill all the time when you would never normally fork over this kind of dough for food. Even junk food is super costly: Brooklyn hipsters came up with a chocolate bar that will set you back $10. Obviously, it’s way too uncool to just buy a Snickers.
8 They Hate Starbucks
By definition, a hipster will not tolerate anything related to the mainstream. Never fall in love with them or they will shame you forever for liking the super popular coffee chain. Goodbye Starbucks, hello tiny coffee shop on the corner that costs $100 for an espresso (okay, that’s an exaggeration but not by much). This is a huge dilemma, because of course you love your Starbucks. You swear by your vanilla lattes year-round and your Pumpkin Spice lattes in the fall. Why do you need to feel bad about your one indulgence? Life is hard enough. You don’t need to give up your Starbucks addiction. That’s just mean.
7 You will go to Awful Concerts
Let’s face facts here: the hipster guy loves random bands that no one but him has ever heard of. He wants to be the coolest person on the planet, and that means discovering musical gems. That sucks for you, though, because you’re going to have to attend these concerts on a regular basis, and your ears are going to seriously start bleeding. Sometimes music is unknown for a reason: because it’s not very good. If you think you’ll win some brownie points for showing up, think again – a hipster will never accompany you to the Justin Bieber concert you’re dying to get tickets for, so you won’t get anything in return except a massive headache.
6 They Bike Everywhere
The hipster’s mode of transportation of choice? The bike. If you see any guy riding a bike in your city, you know he’s 100 percent part of the hipster tribe. If that’s not evidence enough, consider the fact that Urban Outfitters has started selling bikes – and you can even create your own design for $400 or $500. Yikes. While you shouldn’t discount someone as a potential romantic interest only because they have a bike, it does make dates a bit awkward. He’ll never be able to drive you home and you’ll never share a sweet moment on the subway. He’ll just wave and walk over to his bike.
5 You’ll Gain too Much Weight
If hipsters have done anything for the culinary world, they’re made scarily unhealthy food trends happen. Take the cronut, for instance: hipsters make the donut/croissant thing super popular. If you thought a single donut had a ton of calories, you won’t believe how many are hiding in this sugary treat: 1, 300. Seriously. There are 26 tablespoons of butter in this thing. You enjoy an indulgence every now and then, but you have your regular healthy lifestyle to uphold. You eat your kale and work out. If you date a hipster, this is only one example of the trend junk food you’re going to end up eating. No thanks.
4 They’re too Chill
If you have dreams of a fairy tale romance – or even of just falling in love – then you’re out of luck when it comes to the hipster guy. He’s way to chill for that stuff. Part of being a hipster, is being super low-maintenance, and swearing that you loved something before it became incredibly cool. Hipsters walk around with messy hair and try not to show too many emotions (emotions are for the mainstream, after all). Combine a hipster with Gen Y’s inability to commit, and you have a recipe for a romantic disaster.
3 They Think They’re Better Than Everyone
Part of being a good person (or even just a decent human being) is being nice and friendly to other people. Unfortunately, hipsters think they’re better than anyone else. They think the rest of society are total losers for liking mainstream culture and claim that only they know what’s really cool. You definitely deserve to date someone who has some compassion and actually likes his fellow humans. Why are hipsters so arrogant? Didn’t they learn in kindergarten that you should be kind to your fellow man? And what’s so wrong with liking popular music and TV shows – aren’t they popular for a reason?
2 Your Friends will Hate Them
Just try bringing your hipster boyfriend to your best friend's birthday party and see what happens. He’s going to end up insulting at least one of your friends and telling her that she should like less popular bands and stop shopping at chain stores. Your friends will interrupt him in the middle of his always-buy-organic-vegetables rant and leave the room. Later you’ll get an earful about why you brought such a rude person to their party and why you’re with this person. You can save yourself a lot of drama in your friend group if you steer clear of the hipster male.
1 They’re in Total Denial
In the end, the most obvious sign that someone is part of the hipster culture is that they constantly deny that fact. No one wants to admit to being a hipster, which is definitely part of the problem. Why should you date someone who can’t even be honest about who they really are? You don’t lie about being a Taylor Swift and Starbucks fan, after all – you’re totally open and honest. After a while, you’ll get tired of hearing this guy claim he’s definitely not a hipster and will leave him to his artisanal candles and cheese. You’ll be happy to never see another plaid shirt ever again.