When it comes to choosing your dream guy, there are always traits that you are looking for. Maybe it’s kindness that’s at the top of your list, or a nice set of abs, or the fact that he makes you laugh until your sides hurt.
Whatever traits you are looking for, bear in mind that he's got his own list!
You might not be thinking about what a guy needs or wants because you are trying to check things off your own list. However, you might be totally ignoring things that guys generally dislike in a relationship, which could be the reason why your relationships aren’t working out.
If you had a little insight into the things guys are paying attention to in a relationship, then you would be a step ahead. Check out these 15 little things about her he’s actually paying attention to, plus 5 he’s totally ignoring because they're turn-offs.
20 Paying Attention: Her Independence
Guys do not want to have a girlfriend that they have to babysit all the time. A guy is going to start to lose interest in a woman who has no life of her own and is always waiting by the phone for him.
You have to have some passions in your life and that could mean a job you adore or friends you like to spend time with, or maybe even a cooking class you go to every week.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want to feel like he’s the only thing holding you together.
That’s scary and even a little boring.
19 Paying Attention: How Much She Cares For Him
We’re definitely not in the ’20s anymore so no one is expecting you to do all the cooking and cleaning and basically just worshipping the ground that your guy walks on. (Really, please don't!)
But there are still plenty of guys out there that warm to the idea of their girlfriends loving them and showing that they care. All it could mean is hugging your boyfriend when he comes through the door after a long day at work.
Things should always be equal in the relationship and there should be things that he does for you, too. But there is nothing wrong with doing things that let your partner know you love and appreciate them.
18 Disliking: A Sense Of Entitlement
You might think that walking around demanding to be treated like a Queen is going to land you a man that does just that, but you are likely wrong. Sure, it happens. We have all seen that guy who’s dating a diva and seems to worship the ground that she walks on even though she treats him like crap.
But it gets old really quickly. If you want something real, then you have to treat a guy as well as you want to be treated. He’s not going to tolerate anything less, and neither would you!
17 Paying Attention: Being Consistent
Sometimes one or both partners start to get too comfortable in the relationship and don’t try as hard as they used to. They work hard to make a good first impression on their partners, but then stop making an effort once the relationship is secure.
The key to not ending up with a boring relationship is to keep that love and attention going for the entirety of your relationship.
This is a great rule for anyone that wants to stay in a long-term relationship:
You should always treat your partner the same way you did at the beginning of the relationship.
16 Disliking: Jealousy Puts Him Off
If you have reasons to be jealous, like your man is texting another woman or he has betrayed you before, then your jealousy is warranted. He has to deal with the consequences of broken trust. But, if you are displaying signs of insecurity and jealousy in the relationship for no reason at all, that’s something he’s going to keep in the back of his mind. Over time, it will start to bug him. He'll start asking himself if he should bounce.
Guys love confidence, ladies!
15 Disliking: When His Friends Aren't Liked By His Partner
No guy is going to give his friends up for a girlfriend, not long-term anyway. He might give you a grace period to see if you can find a way to get along with his friends but in the end, a guy doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with someone who is going to flip out every time he goes out with his friends. If his friends have never done anything wrong towards you, he’s going to wonder what your problem is.
You wouldn’t like it if your boyfriend told you that you couldn’t see your friends anymore. So, if you want to keep a guy around, it’s in your best interest to encourage his friendships - and maybe even become friends with his friends.
14 Paying Attention: What Her Approach To Food Tells Him About Her
If you are a health fanatic, then the best thing you can do for yourself is date someone who is all about the healthy lifestyle as well. If you date a guy that loves pizza and beer, you are only going to irritate each other.
Most guys will pay attention to how you eat. Are you able to sit down and eat some nachos or chicken wings with him, without obsessing over calories or how messy the foods are? For the most part, a guy is looking to see if you can relax and have fun.
13 Paying Attention: His Partner Makes Him A Better Person
Believe it or not, but we are all looking for someone that makes us feel alive. We want that person that makes us want to be a better person. It’s nice to be with someone that is constantly inspiring you and guys are paying attention to whether you are that kind of girl for them, or not.
They aren’t going to run around telling their friends “She makes me a better man,” but it’s likely how he will feel. If you look around at the happiest couples you know, they are the ones that motivate and inspire each other.
12 Disliking: She's Nagging Him
We’ve probably all nagged our man at some point or another, and it rarely ever goes the way that we want it to. We’ve also all been ignored by a man who didn’t like to be nagged.
There are ways in which you can get through to your guy about picking up after himself without nagging him all the time. Most guys don’t respond well to nagging, so find another way to get his attention. Tell him how much it means to you when he helps out around the house, instead of making him feel like you're scolding him. He'll just turn a deaf ear to that!
11 Paying Attention: Being Real About The Relationship
We all want a fairytale relationship and to meet our Prince Charming. But relationships aren’t perfect and never will be. You need to have realistic expectations when it comes to your boyfriend and your relationship.
Start looking at the things that you ask for in a relationship and ask yourself if these expectations are based on fantasy or reality.
The guy you are dating is going to pay attention to how you view the relationship, and he'll hope that as romantic as you are, you'll also have your feet on the ground.
10 Paying Attention: When His GF Can Chill With Him
Are you able to let your hair down, relax and have fun? That’s something that most guys look for in a partner. Letting your hair down can be a literal thing where you are able to leave the house with a bedhead instead of spending hours in front of the mirror fixing your tresses. But it can also just be about remembering to enjoy yourself in the relationship. If you can't have fun with your partner, then why stay with them?
9 Disliking: Passive-Aggressive Behaviour
He’s not even going to humour behaviour like this and if this is your MO, then we wouldn’t expect any of your relationships to last for very long.
Passive-aggressive behaviour shouldn't be part of any relationship and yet we see it quite frequently. Guys dislike it and this is something that they are just going to ignore. And rightly so! No one should put up with someone who is sneakily trying to start fights with them all the time, such by claiming they're not upset when it's clear from their body language that they are.
8 Paying Attention: The Ability To Communicate
Some women have the tendency to allow their emotions to build up and then explode, leaving the guy to wonder what happened.
Good communication is key in a relationship and a guy is going to pay attention to how you communicate with him. You might think that it’s better to hold your emotions inside instead of bothering him with them, but they will eventually come out.
So, wouldn’t you rather your emotions come out in a constructive way that you can work through?
It's so much better for the health of your relationship.
7 Paying Attention: Giving Him Some Space
There are going to be times when your boyfriend wants to go hang out with his friends alone and if you freak out every time that he leaves you, he’s going to take note of that. You both need space from each other from time to time and that’s completely healthy.
If he is out with his boys on a Saturday night, try to let him go and do that without you checking in with him. Go on and do what you need to do. You'll both return to the relationship with a refreshed state of mind!
6 Disliking: When She Wears Tons Of Makeup
You might think that you need a ton of makeup to look beautiful, but most guys would disagree. If you ask your boyfriend, he will likely tell you that you look your best in the morning before you put on all that makeup.
You might think that you are going OTT with makeup because you want to look beautiful for him, but he doesn’t care about stuff like that. Most guys will say that they prefer the natural look instead of tons of makeup that make you look like a different person.
5 Paying Attention: It’s The Little Things That Count
We all love when our significant other does little things for us that make us smile. Well, guys are no different and that’s something that they pay attention to when in a relationship.
Are you doing little things for him that let him know that he’s special and you’re thinking about him? Find small things that you can do for him. They could include cooking his favourite meal or buying tickets to that concert he wants to attend. The important thing to remember is that you don’t need a big bank account to do something special for your guy.
4 Paying Attention: When She Tells Him What's Wrong
Stop treating your guy like he can read your mind and you will probably have a healthy and long-lasting relationship. Guys dislike it when women are angry with them and then won’t tell them why. We’re sure that you would feel the same way if the shoe was on the other foot!
Guys are paying attention to behaviour like this because when they are judging whether or not they want to be committed to someone, they try to imagine what a long-term relationship will be like. No one wants to be with someone who always shuts down around them.
3 Disliking: His Partner Trying To Change Him
Trying to change a man is the worst thing you can do in your relationship.
The fact is, you knew who he was when you got into it, so why would you want to change him now? It won't work.
If he’s not the guy you are looking for, then it’s best to break things off and find someone that fits your criteria. A guy is just going to ignore your attempts to change him because it’s just downright insulting. He wants you to love him for who he is.
2 Paying Attention: How Healthy His Partner Is
Some people have a habit of letting themselves go once they get into a relationship. That’s a big no-no. Your man fell for the person he met at the beginning of your relationship and he probably likes for you to stay that way.
It’s a two-way street, though. If your boyfriend wants you to be healthy and look after yourself, then he's got to do the same thing with himself. Keeping a relationship happy is harder than getting one, so you both have to continue making an effort.
1 Paying Attention: When They Can Talk About Anything
Guys love it when they can be best friends with the women they're dating. Awkward silences suck and you definitely don’t want any of that in your relationship.
Although “great conversationalist” might not be on his list of top priorities for a girlfriend, he will pay attention to how you make him feel when you do talk. If you guys can connect during a conversation, then it’s a great indicator of the bond you have.