When it comes to matters of the heart, exes are a tricky subject. After all, most of us have had at least one ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend who either make us cringe, cry, bring out a tub of Ben & Jerry’s or say to ourselves, “what was I thinking?”
We may think we know the dos and dont's to handling past relationships, such as knowing it’s best to delete them off social media, avoiding talking badly about them as word can get around and avoiding the age old method of trying to be friends with your ex. But what about what you should do when it comes to their family, the one you used to consider yourself a part of, or knowing how long you should wait before looking for a new partner? All this and more can be found here with a brush-up on these 13 facts about exes.
13 Having a plan helps handle seeing your ex in public
Seeing your ex in person for the first time since the breakup is a huge deal. If it was planned, you want to ensure you’re looking your hottest to make sure they know what they’re missing and if it happens coincidentally, you thank God for choosing jeans over sweats and for brushing your hair for the first time in weeks.
Either way, it’s a tricky thing and you’re going to have to get it over with sometime, so the best way to handle it is with these following things. For starters, know what you’re going to say. The last thing you want is to stand there babbling like an idiot because you weren’t prepared. Second, meet with your ex whilst sober as alcohol tends to either cause the crazy or sexually frustrated part in you to come out, making you think that hooking up one last time with your ex is a good idea. Lastly, be respectful. There's a good chance that your ex is nervous to see you too and the last thing you want to do is go on and on about how fabulous your life is now without him. Keep the conversation short and sweet and try to leave things on a good note.
12 Guys move on fast from breakups for reasons you might not think
A lot of people depict breakups going something like this: with a girl sitting at home, mascara-streaked tears falling down her cheeks as she watches The Notebook alone and dips her spoon into a tub of ice cream. While, on the other hand, the guy is out at the club, grinding on girls and having the time of his life now that he’s single and ready to mingle. Why is that the case? And does it always stay that way?
According to the Huffington Post, men are hurting, they’re just not showing it. Writer Yashar Ali writes, “A show of vulnerability is unimaginable for these men since we, as a culture, have managed to convince them that it's not attractive or "manly." So the only acceptable way for a man to express pain over heartbreak is raw anger or silence. The concept of articulating the words "I'm hurt by this," or "This is making me sad," is unfathomable to most men.”
This leads to many men shutting down their emotions and finding another outlet for it, which is often in the form of a rebound.
11 You shouldn’t remain friends with your ex on social media
Yes, you may want to still have the option to creep their social media as a way to see who their dating or if they posted or have been tagged in any pictures that indicate their lost without you. But having your ex on social media actually makes it significantly more harder to move on from the relationship. This is in despite the fact that, according to a study from the University of Missouri, a creep session gives us pleasure.
10 You should move out soon after the breakup
Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn didn’t do this in the movie, The Break-up. Both stubborn to keep their condo, they lived uncomfortably as exes until the entire relationship and any possible chance at reconciliation, disappeared. Sure, it’s just a movie, but the concept rings true: it’s never a good idea to live with your ex. Once the relationship is over, finding a new place is all part of the process of moving on.
A lot of this comes from what could happen if two exes remain living together. First, they may end up in drama central like Ron and Sammie did in Jersey Shore; they may find it extremely awkward like Nick and Jess did in New Girl; or the relationship may continue and all because it’s simply easier than moving out. There’s certainly pros and cons to this, but if a relationship really and truly feels over, the best thing to do is cut ties and end the current living situation.
9 If you want to get your partner back, no contact is the best way
There are many ways to get a relationship back if one person decides that the entire breakup was a mistake or if the person who got dumped just can’t handle being alone. Sadly, this means that some think it's perfectly normal to express this to their ex in the form of endless texts and calls, sappy poems, and Facebook statuses with song lyrics from love songs. This, however, only makes the person look desperate, thus reducing their chances at winning their ex back. If they want to really break ground with this, the number one thing to do (and also the hardest thing to do) is the no contact rule.
This means no texting, no emails, no messages on Facebook or Twitter, not even contacting the person's family. What this will do is make the other person wonder what their ex is up to – whether they found someone new, whether they’re heart broken too and whether it’s too late for the relationship to resume. And, if done strategically enough, the no contact rule also allows for the person to try and move on and focus on themselves during this time, all things that help a person grow and decide whether giving the relationship another go really is a good idea.
8 Talking about your ex may help you become closer to your new boyfriend
We’ve all heard that one of the number one things you shouldn’t do while on a date is talk about your ex, but, according to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, talking about an ex to a boyfriend may help you two feel closer. It’s all part of those personal pillow-talk subjects that help you feel more intimate to a person as you learn more about them and discover that the relationship you two share now is better than anything you ever had in the past.
7 Rebounds aren’t always the best idea
Having a rebound after a breakup can be tricky. For one, the word rebound isn’t something that a lot of people like to be associated with and some tension and doubts in the relationship may arise from this. Secondly, rebounds can sometimes turn into a relationship, which may not be want a person wants if their only goal was to have someone to hook up with or cuddle with at night. In other words, a relationship, especially after the last one they had, is the last thing they want. But the heart doesn’t always work on command like that – logic is scarce and they may find themselves falling for their rebound. This makes these kind of relationships tricky and essentially something to avoid for all exes until the time is right.
6 It’s hard to be friends with an ex
It’s an age-old question that has been tested both in real life and in Hollywood films and TV shows: Can exes really be friends? According to science, the answer lies in these two things: did the relationship end on a positive note? And was there the existence of a friendship before the relationship took place?
These are important factors as it’s hard to be friends with someone who you have bad feelings for. Relationships that end amicably have a higher chance at this as the relationship most likely ended mutually instead of one person doing the dumping. Thers also the factor of whether two people are in the same social circle. If they are, much like Ross and Rachel were on the show Friends, they may feel as though they owe it to their friends to keep the friendship going, regardless of whether the relationship between the two of them worked out. As well, if two people were already close friends before a relationship started, it can sometimes be easy to transition back to that friendship once the romance fizzles.
5 Talking trash about your ex can help when moving on
According to Researchers from the University of Utah, trash talking your ex will help you feel better. You may think that’s it’s one of the cardinal sins when it comes to exes, but it’s all part of the process of not suppressing the negative feelings you have when in the midst of the breakup. The researchers found that those who expressed these feelings helped them feel less depressed and they were more likely to move on quicker.
4 It’s best to keep distance with your ex’s family
There’s the old saying that when you date someone, you date their whole family too, and this can also attribute to breakups too.
If you remain close with them it may infringe on the relationship his parent’s have with your ex’s new girlfriend. The girlfriend may feel always like she’s being compared and she may feel intimidated by how close the relationship is between the parents and the ex-girlfriend. It’s important to put yourself in her shoes as this will help put things into perspective on how it’s best to put some distance between you and the family you're technically no longer a part of.
3 There’s both girl and guy codes when it comes to friends dating exes
Unless you’re friend’s with Taylor Swift, dating your friend’s ex is a major faux pas in the world of girl and guy codes. Or, as Gretchen Weiners’s from Mean Girls would say, “I mean, that’s just like the rules of feminism.”
It all depends on the individual person and the dynamic of their social circle, but usually a friend dating an ex does no go over well. It has been known to ruin friendships in the past, as well as create a lot of tension and reason for trash talking, making it something that people should do their best to avoid.
2 Adele’s song “Hello” caused a lot of people to think of their exes
If there’s any singer out there who can make you rethink breaking up with your ex from seven years ago, it’s Adele. Her lyrics, mixed with that angelic singing voice and music videos that give you all the feels, are just the most beautiful and disastrous combination for wondering if your last breakup was decided on haste.
When her first single in years came out, “Hello,” people all over the world were obsessed, yet it also caused a lot of people to miss their exes. One girl in the photo above even messaged her ex using only the lyrics from Adele's song, "Hello," leading to hilarious results.
1 Moving on fully is key to your next healthy relationship
After a breakup, you may find love again, but it will never truly be as good as it could be if you’re still holding onto memories and feelings towards your ex. It will only hinder your current relationship and keep you thinking of the “what-ifs.” What if I’m meant to be with him? What if he finds a new girlfriend and moves on? What if our breakup was a mistake?
To stop these what-ifs, there has to be some deep soul-searching done in order to either move on or decide whether the past relationship deserves another chance at love.