We have all had at least one devastating relationship. One of those life-changing heart-breakers. That one you think about when you’re singing along to “Before He Cheats” in the car like you wrote it.
A lot of times, those are the relationships we learn the most from. But when you’re fresh off the break-up, you don’t care about the lesson learned. Oh no, you want to get him back. You want him to feel wronged like you do. If you ever wondered how to really stick it to him good without getting into trouble or compromising your freedom, this one’s for you.
Whether you think you’re over it or not, it is NEVER safe to answer those 2am phone calls from the ex-bae. He’s only looking for one thing at that hour and you don’t want that anymore, remember?
The conversation will go one of three ways (spoiler alert: they all end badly): 1. You argue because you’re mad that fact that he would have the balls to even contact you after what he did 2. You give in because deep down, you still want him 3. A combination of both…. We’ll cue the morning-after walk of shame now.
So just don’t answer! It’ll save you time and drama. Try changing his name in your phone to a harsh reminder. For example: “Do NOT answer” “Cheater” “I don’t love you” “Scum”
Continuing with the do not answer theory, the same goes for you when the roles are reversed, Missy. Don’t go out drinking with the girls and come home to the empty apartment, only to be all in your feelings. It’s better that you leave your phone alone at times like this. You don’t want him to feel like you need him. Because you don’t!
Avoiding talking to him when you’re unable to control exactly what comes out is the key. What if you slip and say something you don’t mean? What if you slip and say something you do mean? Either way, no good. No matter what Chris Brown and Jhene Aiko say.
A popular way to get under the skin of your ex is to change your look. Color or cut your hair, try a new clothing style, switch up your routine and actually do the whole month of the squat challenge so you can accentuate that booty he loved so much. Whatever it may be, go for it!
Then you post your updated look on all your social media platforms. The attention will help gain your confidence back and at the same time, he’ll be over there feeling so dumb for letting you slip away. You blocked him? So what! You know you’re still friends with his friends and one of them will definitely rub it in.
This one might seem a little out there, but keep reading. Writing him a letter thanking him for the good times you shared and for the lessons learned can be very therapeutic. Maybe you don’t ever send it to him, maybe you do. Either way, grab a pen and paper (maybe some tissues), sit down and let it all out.
In an effort to get a rise out of you, he may try to say things that he knows will hurt. This will prove to him that you care. So if he throws those jabs, take a deep breath and let the negative reaction exhale with it. That will drive him crazy and even make him mad. If you don’t give him the control by reacting the way he wants, you win.
Now, this does not mean you let him say whatever he wants. We still demand respect in all aspects. If he decides to overstep that boundary, then you cut communication and just move on. No one is worth making you feel small or belittled.
Nothing will keep him on edge more than knowing you’re in contact with his current lady. He’ll forever be paranoid that you’re going to rat him out about a nasty habit. OR that you’ll spill embarrassing facts about him that no one else knows.
He’ll constantly be wondering what else you really told her and if his new girl is now plotting your revenge with you. You never know, maybe she’ll end up being your bestie. That would be unusual, but it’s happened before. Hearing your name come out of her mouth will shatter his world to pieces. Nothing will “make his heart stop” faster.
Let him know that breaking up was not hard to do. Don’t worry about whether it’s actually 100% true.
If the break was ugly, then you suddenly realized it was SO necessary. You needed that closure to move on and really find happiness.
If he thinks you don’t have those lonely nights when you lay in bed thinking about the wedding dress you picked out from that magazine in the office, he will be bothered to no end. He thought you would at least want to try again in another 6 months but after hearing that, he’ll feel very confused. He may even get sad about it while he’s by himself in the condo you helped him decide to rent.
Nothing says screw you (with a smile) better than your ex witnessing your happy new life. If you run into him while you’re out, this is the time to boast about the great things happening ever since you two called it quits. He will start to believe (at least a little bit) that he really was the reason for your downfall. Maybe you are better off without him.
And so do you! What goes around comes around right? Let nature run its course and teach him that lesson from afar. This way, you can continue to enjoy life and not worry about the mean things you thought you needed to say to get back at him.
Now, of course, we would never wish for something harmful or detrimental to happen but let’s face it. It’s not up to us to decide. Keep your heart pure. Wish him well and let whatever happens, happen. The more you adopt this theory, the happier you will become.
Another way to grind his gears? Take that negative, subtext-filled attitude he threw your way and respond with a smiley face. Not only will it annoy the living daylights out of him, it will make you giggle a little when you reread the conversation and get to your responses.
Don’t say anything at all! Oldest trick in the book. He’ll start to rethink his importance in your life. He’ll wonder if it was all an act. He’ll question his mere existence!... Ok, maybe not all that. But he will definitely get frustrated by your lack of interest to engage in conversation.
If you completely ignore him, you can focus on the things in life that make you happy while he’s over there staring at his phone waiting for a text back. When he doesn’t get one, he’ll get mad at himself for even texting you. Then he’ll go work out to feel manly again.
The absolute BEST way to kill your ex with kindness? Don’t even worry about him! You should be so busy reinventing your life that he becomes a random thought every once in a while. Something along the lines of “Hey, whatever happened to him?... Oh well.”
Finding new ways to have fun now that you’re single should be way up there on the priorities list. If you spend your time truly and honestly investing in yourself, it won’t even matter whether he’s looking back at all your Instagram pics together or miserable watching Netflix alone on a Saturday night. After all, the best revenge is no revenge at all.