Ever wanted to live out a real bad boy (or bad girl) fantasy? You're in luck. There's a site called Meet-an-Inmate.com where you can look through real dating profiles of inmates across the country. If you thought Jeremy Meeks was hot, then wait until you see these men and women. There are some real hotties out there just waiting for you to bust them for obstruction of justice. It's just not fair to be that attractive. The best part is, inmates are usually quite lonely, and therefore, are easily seeking a sweet companion in their lives that's willing to show 'em some love.
Since we don't judge here at TheTalko, we have not attempted to learn what crimes these folks actually committed. All we know is that almost all of these people could lead us to commit a crime of passion. They're also 100% guilty of arson: They set our hearts ablaze. That being said, it's safe to say that if they're getting out of jail within a year, then they're most likely not in for first degree murder. Phewf.
We've included links to their profiles so that you can reach out if you'd like a penpal, or if you're legitimately interested in starting a long distance, all-the-strings-attached relationship with a convicted criminal. Hey, we won't arbitrate your decision! The choice is entirely up to you.
Matt may be in jail in Oregon, but he’s giving off David Beckham vibes. Little does he know that our hearts were actually in jail until his piercing blue eyes broke them free. Matt also has the right amount of tattoos to seem like a bad boy who’s not too bad. I mean, he’s only in jail until 2021, so it’s not like he murdered anyone (hopefully). No, but seriously, at least he doesn't have a neck or teardrop tattoo...
Matt’s Meet-An-Inmate profile states that he spends his prison days participating in music, exercise, and education (which could mean that he likes teaching dudes lessons with his fists until they sing, but we’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.) He’s 33, and he’s from Portland, which means that he’s probably a chill dude.
Jeffrey has a bangin’ prison bod and a sly smile that will make you say “my heart was in maximum security until I met you.” According to Meet-An-Inmate, 32-year-old Jeffrey likes bodybuilding (uh, duh) and reading non-fiction books. Ooh, an intellectual! Swoon. Well, we can already tell that our future with Jeffrey is anything but fiction.
Jeffrey might be a little picky about who he talks to (he requests that all suitors provide pictures of themselves), but that’s probably only because he’s getting out of jail in less than a year. It sounds like he’s learned a lot from his time in the slammer: He lists his religion as “hopeful”, and says he’s “looking forward to leaving his past behind.”
Bonus: His profile says he likes “working with his hands...building furniture.” A handy man, too!
Ryan looks like a J. Crew model at first glance. Sure enough, his bio—in which he brags about liking upper crust sports and about having traveled to like fifty billion different countries—suggests that he may have literally worn J. Crew a lot. With a history and a face like that, Ryan can’t be that bad a guy, right? There’s no way he could be that guy with the exact same name who happened to go to jail at the same time for running a massive marijuana trafficking circle and murdering someone who found out about it. And so what if he did?? Ryan’s so cute with his perfect smile and messy hair and three different languages. Pretty people are never sociopaths.
34-year-old Desiree doesn’t just have blonde flowing locks and perfect curves: She also has a sense of humor. In her bio, she explains that she landed a spot at the coveted “Club Fed” thanks to her decision to “take the scenic route in life.” (Lol, it’s a fun way to say she’s a convicted criminal!). She also lists that she prefers “spankings,” so fellas, if you’re into that, you might have landed on the jackpot.
She was an “entrepreneur” before prison (which isn't general at all), but now she spends her days making ceramics, singing in choir, and staying fit. She’s getting out in less than a year, so now would be a perfect time to zoom over to Texas and meet your dream girl.
Desera is open-minded. She accepts letters from both genders. She’s also a “non-judgmental conversationalist, who wants to talk, yet equally listens.” With a past as a Hooters girl, she probably has a lot of experience dealing with douches, so please only write if you’re interested in her personality. The whole country girl, big-busted blonde thing is probably a plus, though. She’s 27-years-old, and her earliest release date is “tomorrow,” so what are you waiting for?? You both have your whole lives ahead of you! Seriously, though: She sounds great. When she gets out, she wants to use her experience to educate troubled teens at a rehabilitation center. She’s an “ambitious girl who is seeking companionship from the place you’d least expect.” (That’s you!)
Where did Taylor go wrong? She’s 19-years-old, beautiful, bubbly, and a pro at duckface. It seems she even has Snapchat! If only she weren’t currently residing in Women’s Huron Valley Correctional Facility, then she’d be married to you right now. At the tender age of 19, Taylor is self-described as an: “individual with a glow that turns heads wherever she goes.” (OK, don’t get too cocky, Taylor...Remember you’re in prison babe.) She likes to write letters, so if you reach out then you can expect some Bronte-length ruminations on her building trades classes and prison workouts. She gets out in a year, so don’t waste any time chatting up this young beauty! She probably already has a stack of letters from suitors across the country!
Krisse is living her best prison life, as she is one of only a few people who can be accessed via letter and e-mail. (Way to bring things into the new millenium, Krisse!). She was a professional dancer and model before prison, which means that she probably just got busted for coco possession in a strip mall. According to her bio, she hasn’t lost her bubbly personality—as evidenced by her plea to “break down these walls she’s trapped behind.” (Yass, poetry!). Her activities in prison include “being a cook” and “food room.” (Did she mean foodie?) It’s not entirely clear if “food room” is a separate activity from “being a cook,” but judging by Orange Is The New Black, Krisse’s cook status means she’s the HBIC.
Kristiana is currently being held at “Jean Conservative Camp,” which sounds like a summer camp for Young Republicans. Like Krisse, Kristiana can be accessed via both letter and e-mail, which must set her apart as a true progressive among her fellow young Conservatives. She used to be a Sales Associate, but now spends her days as a cook. (Seriously, are Kristiana and Krisse like telepathically connected?) Unfortunately, Kristiana does not have a release date listed, so you’ll have to take your chances if you reach out. Be careful: She might be a bit of a downer. In her bio, she talks about the “darkness of her horrible existence,” and that your letter is going to “turn the light in her days.” Sheesh!
Casey looks like he ate his fellow inmates for breakfast. He’s fit, manly, and ready to settle down with a nice lady who, preferably, has steady income (just guessing.) Just like the other hot guys on this list, he’s looking for pictures, so make sure you take a selfie in a well-lit location that will not remind him of prison whatsoever. (Zoos and Sephora are out of the question). As he says, he’s just a “good person that was loyal to the wrong things (streets.)” Before you consider sending Casey a note and selfie, ask yourself this: Would you stay with Casey 20 years to life? He’s only interested in serious girls who can grow with him and “trust in God.” Ouuu, finally, someone with some faith and ~spirituality~!
Chris might be a heartbreaker, but he unfortunately hasn’t broken out of jail yet. He’s in the slammer until 2019. Judging by his profile pic, he used to be in a fraternity or investment banker of some sort, so you can probably expect casual privilege and arrogance from Chris. (But also extreme hotness). That also probably means that he’s in for some sort of white collar crime, so you might want to make sure you have joint bank accounts. He has a lot of expectations of his future wives, including that it helps when they speak Spanish. (He also most likely expects them to be out of jail, and like...debutantes.) He apparently likes basketball, and not just as a front for money laundering! Why not give it a go?
Amber starts her profile out with a bang: "I would like you to allow me the pleasure of introducing myself in hopes of getting to know you." Wow, whatta writer. She takes great pleasure in introducing herself, but she'll only like it if you allow her. She also hopes to get to know you. That means scrubs are probably out. If you're one of those guys who likes girls who like sports, then you're in luck. Amber is a fan of music, dancing and football. She's getting out in December, and she's not looking for a hit and run: She wants a real relationship. But don't let her arresting looks and criminal locks fool you. With those luscious lips, she could practically steal your heart. She's open-minded enough to take letters from both sexes, so feel to reach out whether you're a man or woman.
Joseph With The Perfect Abs has got it all figured out. In his opening lines, he calls out Swipe Culture by saying that "sliding through pics of 'potentials' comes before reading the intro." Well, Joseph, we're impressed by your pics and your pecs...I mean your intro and your pecs...I mean your intro and your pics! Ohhh, you're hot. Joseph's interests include "God, family, love, life, positive progression, and working on his abs." He didn't actually say the last thing, but it's obvious that "working on his abs" is up there with "God." Ladies, if you're looking for a man who's crafty, you're in luck. Joseph is into beading! He also spends his prison days participating in "painting crew, self improvement courses, education, and working on his abs." Ok, he didn't add that last bit, but seriously look at those abs!