Read these disaster date stories to feel better about any “bad date” you’ve had in the past. What’s a terrible experience if we can’t laugh about it later? They say expectations ruin everything, right? So let's prepare ourselves for the beast to come, and be pleasantly surprised by that stud you met on Tinder (who turns out not to be a complete freak, i.e. the 12 below). At The Talko, we’re transforming traumatizing date stories into laughable memories one woman at a time.
We’ve compiled a list of our top 12 personal accounts received from women around the U.S. with the guts to share their stories, for the sake of your amusement. Some names have been changed for embarrassment (and perhaps safety) purposes. From cheating guys, to typical lacrosse bros and the particularly odd Tinder date, you won’t believe what you’re reading. Take the example of these women and learn to shake off your sub optimal date experiences, making room for the real men who don’t ask to split the bill. Until then, have yourself a ball.
12 Nikki, Age 26, New York City
We all imagine our first date with our potential future husband to be one of a fairytale. So, I decided to give it a shot on ABC’s The Bachelor, for the sake of America’s entertainment. Three weeks in, 400 mic changes later and enough sleep deprivation to put out an elephant like a tranquilizer gun, I find myself on my first date with Chris Soules. Long story short, I’m wrestling a greased pig and drinking goats milk from the teet in an obstacle course, only to get sent home dateless with a car full of defeated women, for a night of drunken drama (which we would forget about until air time).
11 Becca, Age 24, Providence, Rhode Island
My sorority sister Kate and I went to a Knicks game last December. She posted a selfie of us on Instagram, and obviously, because of my ambiguous blend and adorable beanie hat, when her brother saw it he hounded her for my number. After weeks of digital flirtation, he took me to a Yankee game, decked out in the Legends seats (lobster buffet and no cell service, so we really could get to know each other.) As we’re leaving the game, I get a call from his alarmed sister, who had no idea I was on the date. She told me her brother’s girlfriend’s grandparents had seen us on TV, and called their granddaughter to tell her they saw her!
10 Rene, Age 28, San Francisco
I grew up in a traditional Indian family. After my parents pleaded with me since puberty, I finally agreed that I would let them “help” me with dating if I wasn’t married by age 25. I was set up with a cousin of a cousin’s friend twice removed. I happened to be at a family wedding in Toronto that weekend, unprepared for the arranged marriage date. I had to meet him in Starbucks, wearing a bedazzled white Indian sari. I’m now married to a Jewish guy from New York.
9 Kaitlyn, Age 23, Long Island, NY
I was asked to lacrosse formal my freshman year of college. The guy was a junior, so I was even more excited about it. I also had never been to any date function besides high school prom. Earlier in the week, I had injured myself at soccer practice, and needed crutches and a leg brace. Before the formal, dates go out to dinner. We went to a really nice restaurant, and I was feeling hot. He asked me if I could take off my brace before the party, which I thought was a joke. I said no and he seemed annoyed. He didn’t talk to me the entire night and we never spoke again.
8 Sam, Age 25, Chapel Hill, NC
Going through my phone, you’ll see contacts like “Hot Surfer Dude,” “Blue Shirt OK,” etc. I don’t normally get interested in guys, so you could imagine my surprise that I was headed to my second date with this nerd I met at the library. We went for dinner at a standard place in town, and headed back to his place to hang out with some of his friends, he said. Well, when I got there no one was home, I went to the bathroom and was in awe when I walked out. He was completely naked with a rose partially covering his stuff. He got angry with me that I wasn’t on it immediately, and I left him with this, “you might be a cocky ba$tard, but so am I.”
7 Tara, Age 29, Washington D.C.
I went on a Tinder date to a Motley Crue concert. Within the first 15 minutes, my date asked me to his sister’s wedding that weekend, and asked me to name my price. At the end of the night he bought me a sweatshirt, but I had already left the concert. Apparently he got on a fight on the subway home. He then texted me a picture of it from the train with blood all over it and said he was going to bring it to the dry cleaners. He asked if I wanted to go to coffee the next day and he would give it to me. No thanks.
6 Logan, Age 27, New York City
So, I was supposed to go on a date with this guy, who I had known in the world of personal training and fitness. He’s a reality TV character and super hot. We planned a double date with my roommate. Five minutes into the movie, he still wasn’t there and texted me that he forgot his phone charger and was headed to a Duane Reade nearby. He never showed up. Confused as I was, Anchor Man 2 was awesome, so I didn’t mind much. He went out of his way to come to my apartment unannounced with flowers and a Duane Reade receipt two weeks later…
5 Alyssa, 26, Philadelphia
There was this guy who made me sit at his desk through an entire YouTube video of his dad singing an Italian love song to his sister at her wedding. When I thought it was over, he urged me to watch the full truTV Episode of a tour of his family’s home in Positano.
4 Jessa, 30, London, UK
A few years back, I was dating a guy in London. There’s an area in the city known for really amazing curry, so we headed there before a small house party. The date was great, but as we started over to our friend’s house, he began to run away from me. I’m talking sprint. My response was to jog behind while I asked what was up until we got to our friends house, which was only a few blocks away. As he’s running up the stairs, he is doing the deed in his pants and down his legs, and all over the stairs. Crazy enough, it wasn’t our last date.
3 Cam, Age 23, Columbia, SC
A friend of my brother’s begged me to go on a date with him. I kept saying no, but he was so persistent and I finally went out with him. He picked me up in his BMW convertible, which he kept calling his. Come to find out it was his mom’s. He took me to Hunter-Gatherer (that was a good pick) and proceeded to take his phone out immediately upon sitting down. Throughout dinner he would text on it even though I didn’t even have my phone out of my purse. Later, he ANSWERED A FU*K*NG PHONE CALL in the middle of my sentence. Obviously we did not go on a repeat date.
2 Jenny, Age 25, Hoboken, NJ
John, let’s say, picked me up in his Mercedes and we went to dinner. When it came around to pay I offered some money like any normal person does, just to be nice. I obviously assumed he had it. He took out a huge stack of money and put mine in it, and then paid with his card. He drove me home and expected to get more than a kiss goodnight, and a second date.
1 Meg, Age 22, Charlotte, NC
I went to a Pi Cap Semi this fall with a friend I knew from high school. He had been kind of a weirdo back in the day, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. None of my girl friends were there and I knew no one at the party. It happened to be his parent’s night, which I had no prior knowledge of. He told his parents I was his long-term girlfriend, which I could not argue in front of them. I had to ward off attempts at him making out with me all night, wearing a velvet suit. It was BYOB and he brought nothing, so I was completely and hilariously miserable and sober the entire night.