Fighting with bae is inevitable. But it doesn't have to go on forever and ruin the relationship completely.
Not if both the partners are willing to meet each other halfway and solve things once both have calmed down and are thinking rationally.
Unfortunately, fights between partners don't unfold that way. They usually become shouting matches or blame games. Not because they don't want to resolve the fight and be a loving couple again. But because no one ever taught them how to handle a fight when emotions are at their peak and rationality has been kicked out of the window.
So here are 11 ways to quickly end a fight with him. And 8 ways to avoid the awkward tension later (when both sides realize how hurtful they were during the fight).
And no, when we say ways to end a fight, we don't mean changing the topic and brushing the problems under the rug. That doesn't work in the long run and only causes the relationship to fall apart later.
Instead, the following tips will help any couple prevent things from going out of hand, find a solution sooner, and then return to normalcy within a day. Read on to find out more.
19 Sit Close To Each Other
When we fight with someone, our body mimics the distance that's growing between us emotionally. And also because the primitive part of our brain is trying to protect us from physical altercations.
But what's the point of being an intelligent human if we cannot bypass this primitive emotional response?
So stop yourself from yelling at each other from opposite ends of the room. Instead, invite him to come sit with you on the same couch so you can sort out your differences.
The proximity will be enough to calm down the stronger emotional currents. But you can always keep your knees close to each other to further increase that sense of being on the same page.
18 Little Changes Go A Long Way
This tactic works well in situations where you and your partner have been fighting over the same petty issue for a while now. Like, never cleaning up the wash basin after he grooms his beard and 'stache. Or, forgetting to throw out the garbage when it was clearly his turn.
To do this, you need to convey that you love him but a gross basin ruins your mood first thing in the morning.
That is, don't criticize the person. Emphasize why the habit is creating problems for you. And then offer to show him how to help you out in the easiest manner possible.
17 Always Have A Safe Word
Having a safe word is a brilliant way to diffuse an argument that's going out of hand too fast. Just make sure it's not something that might get said during a fight naturally.
So words like 'Stop' or 'Time Out' are not good safe words. While 'Banana' or 'Vacation' might be.
The point of having this word is simple. It prevents emotional hijacking and helps both you and your partner remember the rules of fighting both of you had agreed upon beforehand. Which could be to take a time out for a while and then discuss once again, or maybe just signal the other person to calm down.
16 Take A Time Out
Popular wisdom suggests that we should never go to bed before sorting out a fight. But popular wisdom is wrong. It only escalates the argument and prevents your rational mind from coming into play.
So take some time out when you have a big fight with him next time. Either by sleeping on it and discussing the subject when you both are fresh and alert in the morning or by agreeing to have the conversation after a certain number of hours just so you are calm and rational.
It can dramatically improve the quality of your discussion and will shorten the duration of the fight.
15 Remember To Respect Each Other's Differences When It Comes To Subjective Topics
There's no right and wrong in certain subjects. Like, who played a better Joker in the Batman universe–Heath Ledger or Jared Leto? Or, whether living in the mountains is better than living by the sea.
So don't let subjective topics ruin your relationship. Instead, admit that you both feel strongly about what you like, but since it's a matter of taste, you both will have to agree to disagree and respect each other's preferences.
After all, it's useless to convince someone chocolate is delicious if they are one of those rare (and, let's be honest, weird!) people that really don't like it!
14 Go For A Walk
Physical exercise is a great way to pull back from the heat of emotions and think rationally once again. It's because exercise release endorphins in the brain, giving you natural feel-good hormones.
So the next time you have a fight with him, go for a walk and clear your head. Better still if you go together. Although, you must agree to remain silent for the duration of the walk just so both of you have the chance to calm down and remember how much you love the other person.
But walking isn't the only thing you can do. Swimming, Zumba, or even running on a treadmill are some options. The point is to get your heart pumping!
13 Discuss It Over A Different Medium
Miscommunications are quite easy when you are in the middle of a fight with someone you care about emotionally. So don't argue through just one medium.
That means if both of you tend to blow up over the phone, agree to have the conversation via email or in person. Or if you are shouting at each other in the same room, agree to continue the fight on a more distant medium, like a phone call or text message, just so you have to slow down.
The point of this tactic is to change things up and give you an opportunity to control your emotions.
12 Take The Fight Elsewhere
Similar to switching mediums, this tactic forces both of you to change the location of your fight so you can dissipate some of the negative energy in transit.
That means if you are fighting over something at home, take the fight to a cafe or a public park. The presence of other people will be a strong incentive to be more rational.
Just remember to agree to not discuss anything until you reach the new location. And go separately if you must. But go, even if you don't feel like it. Because solving the problem is more important than sulking at home.
11 Don't Forget The Forest For The Trees
When we are emotionally invested in a relationship or truly love someone, it's easy to think that every argument or fight is the end of the world. But it isn't. Not if the fight is over who gets to handle the remote.
The point is, petty matters should not ruin a relationship. That would be laughable!
So train yourself to pull back from the moment and ask whether it's a small issue or a big one. And if it's the former, choose to be the bigger person and let it go. Although, you should not do this silently. That would only lead to resentment later if your partner never compromises the way you do.
So remember the big picture, but also remind your partner of the same so he can compromise next time.
10 Listen And Pay Attention
Most fights escalate to the breaking point because one or both partners are not willing to listen while they are having a fight.
It might be because the person who spoke up first did not know how to criticize properly and ended up attacking the other's character (which only leads to defensiveness and resistance). Or it could be because they simply are a bad listener.
The reason for not listening doesn't matter. What does is letting your partner speak and then summarizing their concerns while saying 'Let me see if I understand you.' You may or may not get their point in the first go. But the act of trying to understand will pacify the other enough for them to start listening too.
9 Take Responsibility, Don't Blame
In a fight, it's rarely one person's fault entirely. Usually, both partners contribute something to it.
For example, if it's a fight about him not doing his household chores, you must admit that you are responsible too. You didn't speak up and instead did his chores silently until one day the bottled up resentment exploded.
That's just one scenario. There are many other ways fights unfold between partners. So if you want your relationship to flourish, you must be willing to take responsibility and stop blaming.
Taking responsibility also means knowing that you need to end the fight if your partner is not doing it. Why? Because it directly impacts your relationship. And you ending it first does not make you lose. It makes you win.
8 Don't Hold On To Grudges
Now that we have discussed how to end fights quickly, let's discuss the ways we can avoid the awkward tension that creeps up after an argument has been put to rest.
The best way to do this is by not holding any grudges against your partner.
Yes, he might have messed up real bad, but you have discussed it now and he has agreed to make certain changes. You both have. So there's no point holding his humanity against him. After all, no one makes mistakes intentionally.
Trust us, you won't like it either when it's you who messes up next time and he holds a grudge against you for not being perfect. So let it go and don't grumble.
7 Don't Overthink
Fights can be stressful. Which is why most of us overthink it once it's over.
We mull over the reason why it started, what we could have done differently during the argument, and most importantly, how to avoid having a fight in the future. And it's a total waste of our time, to be honest.
Why? Because, of course, you are going to fight again! You are not 100% alike and so will have friction sometime or another. That's what relationships are all about.
So don't overthink after the fight is over. Go back to your usual routine, have a nice conversation to get back on speaking terms, and mull over it once you both are happy again. That's the best time to reflect and learn your lessons.
6 Show Affection Through Simple Physical Touches
Agreeing to compromise or apologizing goes a long way in ending a fight. But if you want to avoid the awkward tension later, we suggest sealing the deal with a handshake or a hug (the latter is always better).
Why? Because physical touch lets your partner know that you are not holding any grudges against them and are willing to move on.
Plus, it also incentivizes both of you to actually do what you agreed upon. Whether that's a compromise or a promise to start changing a bad habit.
In fact, that's the wisdom behind the saying "Now kiss and make up."
We are quick to look for a solution when we fight with our bae, but may not be so quick to apologize. In fact, a lot of couples don't even say 'Sorry' after they have discussed everything and agreed to compromise.
Why? Because it hurts their ego to admit they were wrong. Almost as if saying sorry first immediately makes them lose the argument.
But the truth is, saying sorry does not make you big or small. Neither does it make you lose. That's just your primitive mind trying to fool you.
In reality, apologies always help partners reconnect with each other and show that they care more about the relationship's health than their ego. And that's always a win-win situation!
4 Start A Positive Conversation
An easy way to end the awkward tension after a fight is to start a fresh conversation on a positive note. Perhaps by asking him what he thinks about the new TV series you two have been watching together so far. Or asking how his strength training in the gym is going.
Yes, it will be a little awkward talking about something so wildly different. But after a minute or two, both of you will relax and get back to your usual groove as a couple. And isn't that what you want, too? To end the tension and go back to normal?
3 Go Out For Dinner
Another simple way to break an awkward silence is to invite your partner to go on a date with you. A simple dinner date to a cozy cafe that perhaps has some special significance in your love life.
You could even ask him if he wants to cook dinner with you as a way to break the ice and celebrate the healthy way you handled the fight. Most people won't say no to such a rational proposition.
Just try and go out at least once even if you are cooking at home. Maybe for grocery shopping together. Fresh air does wonders for working out negativity from our systems.
2 Admit There's Tension, Don't Brush It Under The Rug
Another clever way to avoid having awkward tension after a fight is to simply admit that there's tension in the air.
You won't believe how often both partners are dying to get back to normal again but not sure if they should speak up first. In such cases, acknowledging the presence of the tension is enough to make both of them laugh and start talking again.
It even prevents one or both of you from overthinking just because there's a weird silence between you two. After all, such situations often stress us out into thinking whether we are headed for a break up even if we are not!
1 Don't Use Past Hurts As Ammo In Later Arguments
You won't reap the benefits of this habit when you fight for the first time. But after a few more fights, the ability to keep each argument strictly about the matter at hand will make you a stronger couple.
Why? Because using tidbits from a fight that happened a long time ago tells your partner that you have been holding a grudge against them for something that they thought was resolved already. And that will immediately make them lose all interest in resolving any future fights with you.
Why should they? You will just go ahead and hold a grudge regardless of what they do. So there's no incentive to try to be better.