We've all dated the person we know is not 'the one' but we do it anyway. Maybe we're blinded by the fact that we want to fix them and we feel that we can do that by changing the situation, changing ourselves, or changing them. In our teen years, it was important to date the wrong person in order to appreciate the right one, but as we get older, it's important to start taking what we've learned from previous bad experiences and putting it into action. Ain't nobody got time to waste on a half-assed relationship. Here are 11 tell-tale signs they're not ~the one.~
11 You're not a priority
While it's very important to keep your friends and family a priority, it's also very important (especially at the beginning of a relationship) to show your partner that your relationship is also a priority of theirs. It's especially crucial to spend time together at the beginning of your relationship as it's the time when you're learning the most about each other and building a solid foundation. If your significant other can't make you a priority and graduate past texting to actually spending time together, you won't be able to achieve that personal intimacy that can so often be lost in translation over text. When you've graduated from texting to spending time together, be aware of the tag-along friend. While it's crucial to spend time with each-other's friends and family, alone time is absolutely necessary to building a successful relationship. A wing-man is great for picking up at the bar, but it's not so desirable when on an actual date. If your 'one' is bringing their friends on all of your dates… they're not the one.
10 They're untrustworthy
Often times, people have the misconception that trust is only lost through unfaithfulness. In reality, losing someones trust can be achieved in a number of different ways. If your significant other is constantly breaking plans, that's grounds for a little distrust. Also, while you may trust your partner completely, if they're putting themselves in questionable situations and continuing to make you feel uncomfortable with no regard for your feelings or how things could potentially turn sour, that's a major red flag. If you can't trust your partner to put your feelings first then they're definitely not the one.
9 They're un-happy with themselves
Insecurities are loud. When someone is unhappy with themselves they tend to be inclined to bring you down with them. If there's one thing I've learned during my interactions in relationships it's that you cannot make anyone happy, they have to do that for themselves. People with insecurities generally avoid social interaction and use any excuse to avoid spending time and putting in effort with you. If someone is so insecure that they'll actually use a blemish as an excuse to not go out with you, you know that they're not the one.
8 They don't put in any effort with you
You want to enter a relationship where both parties are equally interested in making your relationship work. If you're always the one suggesting what to do, when to do it, and making the arrangements to be delivered to their door… they're not the one. If they wait for you to text first and play games when you don't… they're not the one. Successful relationships are when two people are both putting in 110%, if you're putting in 220% and then some… they're not the one.
7 They're a different person when they're drinking
Who doesn't love a cocktail or 5? While, alcohol is one of the great benefits of being an adult it becomes a bit of a problem when they're using it as a crutch and it begins to change their personality. While a couple of drinks to loosen up is totally okay, getting $#!Tfaced to be able to deal with any sort of social interaction is not attractive in a partner. When alcohol begins to change their personality (we're not talking about alcohol lowering inhibitions and making them a little louder than usual) by making them more aggressive, mean spirited and generally sloppy, that's when it becomes a problem. If your partner doesn't know their limits and is saddled with a 3 day hangover on a regular basis… they're not the one.
6 They bring out the worst in you
If you're generally a very secure person and you find yourself feeling insecure and reacting to their behaviours in ways that are not normally a part of your personality, be aware. If you're normally a secure, fun-loving, relaxed girl who is starting to question everything… move on. If you find yourself sitting at home during a girls night and are unable to let go of the bad mood that your significant other has brought on… walk away. One of the greatest benefits of a successful relationship is that you're able to inspire each other and bring out the best in one another… if this isn't the case in your relationship… they're not the one.
5 They lack ambition
One of the greatest things about dating in your 20's is being inspired by those around you, ambitions and goals are a huge turn on. If you're with someone who has no job, no future plans, no education, and doesn't have any get-up-and-go… they're not the one.
4 You have to make excuses for their behaviour to your friends and family
It's very important to defend your significant other and always have their back, but it becomes a problem when you're constantly having to defend their actions (or inaction) to your people. Your family and friends want what's best for you and they want to see you happy so if they've noticed a change in your personality, if they point out your sudden loss of plans for the night, if they mention how your significant other talks to you poorly, just know that their intentions are pure. If you're constantly having to make up excuses to defend your partners poor behaviour… they're not the one.
3 They're overly jealous
If your partner is so insecure and crazily jealous that they don't want to hear about your celebrity crush, they censor what you post on social media, they're always worried about where you are and who you're with and often times treat you poorly when you're not sitting in your living room alone, all while having a double standard… they're not the one.
2 They go radio-silent
If your significant throws a crazy adult temper tantrum by going radio-silent for days after they haven't gotten their way, this isn't a relationship that you should be investing in. If they're too hungover to text you back to let you know they're alive… they're not the one. If they ignore you after you had a girls night out… they're not the one. If you've tried to push them out of their comfort zone by making some weekend plans and you don't hear from them until the next Wednesday… they're not the one.
1 You have to teach them how to be what you need
When entering in an adult relationship, you should never have to teach someone how to treat you properly and you most definitely shouldn't have to coach them into behaving like a mature and responsible human. If you're constantly having to remind them how to behave like a grown-a$s adult then they're just not the one.
