If you’re a single girl, you’re looking for The One, and it’s definitely proving to be harder than you originally thought. You go on so many first dates you think you should get a medal or a prize. If only. You’re not quite sure what kind of romantic partner you should be looking for – the media and all the magazines seem unable to disagree on the most important qualities in a man. But one thing that’s clear: everyone wants you to meet someone who is nice. You’re getting pretty sick of your mom lecturing you at every family dinner or holiday that you need to settle down with a nice man. You’re starting to wonder if this should be your #1 goal in life and if nothing else matters. But what if this nice guy is actually just an illusion? What if he’s not actually what he seems? Here are 11 reasons why nice guys aren’t that nice.
11 It’s A Cliché
Basically, saying someone is nice is a total and utter cliché. It’s not unique, it’s not original, and you might as well put zero effort into finding a boyfriend. You want to meet someone amazing, not someone who is super cookie-cutter and could be just about anyone. You’re single for a reason – because you want to fall head over heels and not just go after the first guy who pays attention to you. It’s not worth dating someone just because they seem nice. If you do, you’ll be the cliché, and you definitely don’t want that.
10 It's A Guilt Trip
You’re a nice girl but you’re not necessarily going to do the right thing all the time. No one can – it’s just not possible. You’ll double-book Friday night by accident and have to cancel on your best friend, or you’ll tell a coworker a little white lie to get out of attending her super awkward, super boring baby shower. If you’re dating a so-called nice guy, he’s just going to make you feel guilty all the time, and you definitely don’t need that, especially not from someone you’re dating.
9 Nice Is Boring
Let’s be real here: if you’re on a date with someone who is supposedly “nice” the evening ends up being a total snoozefest. You need a little more than that if you want to find your forever love (or at least someone cool to date for a few months – no pressure). Nice is not attractive or exciting or full of adventure, it’s just kind of… there. Nice is someone you settle down with – and there’s a huge emphasis on the “settling” part. It’s time to start looking for a potential boyfriend who has some life in him.
8 No One Is Perfect
The Hollywood stereotype of the perfect man is a handsome professional with a stable career, ambition, and the most amazing face and body you’ve ever seen in your life. Oh yeah, and he’s the nicest person to ever walk the face of the earth. Unfortunately, life isn’t like the movies (it would be so awesome if it was) and people are never, ever perfect. You meet a guy you’ve been chatting with online and he doesn’t look like his photos – but maybe that’s okay, if there’s still some chemistry and good conversation. This mythical nice guy that you’re waiting for to fall from the sky just might not be as perfect as you’re expecting him to be.
7 Nice Guys Want Pity
Sometimes, you really do meet a supposedly nice guy. He fits the bill: he’s got a steady job, he loves his family, he spends time with his little sister on the weekends. Plus he has a cat that he showers with love and affection. Sounds pretty great. Except for one thing: this guy wants pity. Big time. He tells you a million sob stories about how many girls have broken his heart and how many times he logs onto his OkCupid account just to have girls cancel dates on him. You definitely don’t want to date this person.
6 Nice Can Equal Lazy
Unfortunately, nice is just another word for lazy. You know the type: the guy still lives at home (usually in the basement – no idea why) and his mom does his laundry and sure, he’s well into his 20s at this point, but he just can’t seem to get his crap together. He’s not an out-and-out jerk, though, so you claim it’s okay that he’s unemployed or working a dead-end job because, well, he seems like a nice person. But do you really want to be with a lazy person? Probably not. Moving on.
5 Everyone Should Be Nice
At the end of the day, you shouldn’t have to point out that the guy you’re thinking about dating is nice. It should just be totally obvious. You don’t think about your friends as nice people – you know that’s a given, and you like them for their different, unique qualities – your one friend who is a total bookworm and recommends the best reads, that other friend who can make you laugh like no one else. Don’t go searching for a nice guy. Search for other qualities and assume he’ll be sweet, too.
4 There’s No Prize For Not Being A Jerk
Some dates are pretty awful – the kind where you can barely last ten minutes talking to this person because they are just so mean. Some people are just terrible human beings and are rude to everyone -- the waitress, anyone in the general vicinity. They complain about the beer, the service, the atmosphere – basically anything they can. But since they’re not being rude to you, exactly, they seem to want a prize for that. They seem to be saying that it’s okay for them to be rude and aggressive in general, because since they’re being polite enough to you, then they’re not a bad person. But there’s no prize for not being a jerk.
3 Nice Is Not Your #1 Priority
When you’re dreaming up your dream guy, you’re thinking about a fun guy who can actually leave the house sometimes and is interested in the world. Maybe he’s an Iron Chef or maybe he’s a pro at tennis or maybe he’s a bookworm. You’re not picky. Okay, you are, but you’re trying not be these days. The point is, you don’t look for “nice” when you’re boyfriend hunting. You’re looking for common interests and chemistry and physical attraction. Plus, you know, the willingness to actually be in a committed relationship.
2 Sometimes You Can’t Be So Nice
Sure, you want to be a nice person – who doesn’t? But at times, you can’t be so nice. You have to stand up for yourself in certain situations – maybe your coworker is trying to steal the credit for an idea that you pitched to your boss, or your friend is seriously hurting your feelings. When you have to speak your mind and stand up for yourself, you’re 100 percent doing the right thing – but you’re not necessarily being “nice.” So if you can’t be nice all the time, why would you expect a guy to be? It’s just not realistic.
1 Nice Means Different Things
Some people think being nice means helping elderly people cross the street and volunteering at an animal shelter. Others think it means being a super caring person who is always there to lend an ear when their friends and family are having a rough time. Basically, the concept of niceness is different for everyone. So maybe your definition of a nice guy is different from your best friend’s, and that’s okay. But that just means there’s no one way to tell if a guy is nice or not, so the so-called nice guy doesn’t really exist.