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10 Ways To Get Him To Commit (And 10 Things That Push Him Away)

Commitment: whether the word sends a shiver down a person's spine or a puts a warm tingle in their belly, it’s an inevitable hurdle for every relationship—even the ones that don’t work out!

But most people are big believers in the power of commitment. Commitment can elevate a relationship from something fun and frivolous to being a real and true source of happiness in a person's life.

As fans of commitment, it's astonishing how reluctant some people can be to get into a committed relationship. As Huffington Post notes, “anyone can commit. It’s a decision, not a personality trait,” which luckily means that a person can sway that decision in the direction they want.

With a bit of research, it wasn't hard to find the top ten ways that will get a potential partner to commit. It’s not enough to just do the positive work, though.

Ladies need to ensure that they're getting those negative habits out of the way too! This is why there are also ten actions and habits that tend to push him away as well.

Balance is key here, folks. By shifting their actions ever so slightly, anyone who's seeking a serious commitment will start moving their partner (or potential beau) in the right direction.

20 Have Fun With "The Dating Phase"

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The first thing we need to do when it comes to getting someone to commit is to just have fun. It sounds too good to be true, but it is! Shape, in their article about commitment, says, “a new adventure can fortify your relationship since it gives you shared memories to reminiscence about later, and that stronger bond will increase the likelihood he'll want to keep seeing you, exclusively.”

Having fun with the dating phase and choosing new adventures will keep a couple from getting stuck in a rut; it will also excite our potential partner.

When both parties are excited about dating each other, it bodes well for shifting into a long-term relationship.

19 Try Not To Push The Big “What Are We?” Talk

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Shape revealed that one of the biggest “do nots” to do when it comes to getting our special someone to commit is pushing for “The Talk.” No, we’re not talking about the birds and the bees (both partners should be well versed in that before getting into the relationship).

We’re talking about the “What are we” talk that so many couples rush into. Shape quotes, “a good relationship is built on momentum, and putting a stop to the fun to 'check in' is a surefire way to kill the romance." Instead, look for subtle signs that reveal the relationship is full steam ahead. Then there’s no risk of a push away!

18 Don't Be Afraid To Ask Him About His Ex

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Asking questions is first date, early relationship 101 kind of stuff. We all know that we should be asking questions about our potential partner, and learning whether or not they’re a good match for us.

One of the best ways to figure out how to get our partner to commit comes to us from Psychology Today.

They say, “when you learn about his past relationships, and even his childhood ones, you will have some answers to why he doesn't want to commit now. Then you will know how to change your behavior so that the chances of him committing are better.” While we’re not advocating changing yourself for a dude, we do think having the information can be helpful.

17 Take An Interest In His Interests (Even If You're Not Down)

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As Huffington Post advises that we should, “[make] him feel like a million bucks,” in order to keep him coming back. The easiest way to do that? Take an interest in him. Yes, nervous rambling about your dog, job, or personality-defining hobby is adorable, and a great way to ensure there’s no awkward silence. That’s not the best way to wow him, though!

Too much self-chatter can actually push him away.

Answer his questions and share some anecdotes, but the bulk of the date should consist of listening to him and inquiring about his world. Taking an interest in his interests and listening to that favorite album he mentioned will also give some great conversation fodder for the upcoming dates!

16 But Keep The Activity Planning Even

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The last thing we want to do is feel ignored, though. It’s not worth trying to get him to commit if we’re the ones always putting in all the effort. Huffington Post states, “he needs to do something. He needs to feel he’s earning what he wants. That’s how he knows it has value!” And it’s true: we’ve got value!

Make sure that both partners are putting in some equal effort when it comes to dating. Letting him do it all might send the message that we’re not interested, but taking on all the event planning pushes him away just as much.

15 Make The Connection Worth Its Emotional Price

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We’ll explain a little bit more by using a personal story. Some days my partner is rant-filled, standoffish, and caught in their own world. Those days are just that, though: they’re days, and one-off bad ones at that.

The connection overall is totally worth the emotional energy of dealing with those bad days and the negative attitude they include.

If we’re constantly ranting to our potential partners, and not balancing those days out with good, positive events, it’s definitely going to push that person away. Make the connection you two are building worth it, and keep that extra emotional expenditure to a minimum (at least until the bond is strong).

14 Don’t Sacrifice Too Much To Make It Work

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Psychology Today asks a very important question: “Is it always you making the sacrifices? When you stop trying to make the relationship work, what happens?” At the end of the day, a relationship is supposed to improve the quality of our lives. Whether or not it’s still in the dating phase is beside the point. If a relationship is causing us to sacrifice many different parts of our life, schedule, or ourselves, it might not be worth it. While this might not be something that pushes him away, sacrificing everything is a surefire way to push ourselves away.

We might become resentful, souring what used to be a “good” relationship.

13 Keep Your Own Life Alive And Thriving

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One of the most important things to remember in the dating game is to keep our own life alive. Huffington Post reminds us that one of the best things to do to get a guy to commit is to keep our own life going. Yes, we should ensure that we make time in our schedules to see this future partner.

But that doesn’t mean dropping everything the second they ask, “Want to come over?”

Keep your friends, your hobbies, and the rest of your passions alive and thriving, and make sure that the potential partner knows that you’re making an effort to spend time with them. It makes them feel special, and feeling special often leads to commitment.

12 Pulling Back Might Keep You From Moving Forward

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Psychology Today reveals some very interesting things about the psychology of relationships. They state, “as people get closer to each other in a relationship, they have a tendency to reach a point when they get scared and pull back. Their fears of [closeness] can start to turn them against themselves or their partner. In order to create distance, they start to withhold the qualities their partner valued most,” which means the relationship stops moving forward.

Pulling back and withholding actually stagnates our potential relationship and inadvertently pushes him away. This is definitely not a good thing, but it’s easily fixed. Just take a deep breath, and let yourself feel how you feel.

11 Bring Your Best Self… ALWAYS

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Huffington Post has a lot of good advice when it comes to getting someone to commit. Whether we’re looking for our future fiance or we’re just hoping for an ongoing romance, bringing our best self is paramount to commitment.

Huffington Post reminds us that putting in the effort is one of the best ways to show we’re serious about someone.

This includes bringing our best self to every date, and living our best lives too! Ever noticed how successful people tend to be drawn to successful people? Be the successful person that you are and that will definitely draw your date in.

10 Nobody Is Perfect, So Don't Try To Be

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That’s not to say that we should strive for perfection, though. There’s nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, but it can result in a whole lot of stress when it comes to the dating game. Huffington Post reminds us that no one is ever perfect. Obsessing over little things and keeping up that faux-perfection masquerade can actually push him away, which makes for an unhappy situation all around. Letting our hair down and getting a little messy proves that we’re a real person, and might even make him more comfortable with his flaws.

Don’t pretend to be perfect; it’s just a push in the wrong direction.

9 Keep The Focus On Him

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One thing to keep in mind is the fact that we, as humans, really like to talk about ourselves. This point can sometimes get confused for the phrase “talk only about him all throughout the date”. That, friends, isn’t the best way to go about getting him to commit. What we’re saying is to keep bringing the focus back to him. Tell a story, yes, but follow it up with a question for him.

Pay attention to his interests and we’ll find him eager to keep sharing.

Psychology Today reminds us that we all want someone to pay attention to us, even if we tend to lean towards the loner personality. He’ll feel so flattered to be listened to that he’ll just want to keep spending time together!

8 Don't Be A Stage Five Clinger - 24/7 Attention Might Push Him Away

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One of the biggest things that causes us to push our partners away is clinginess. Some people desire, and need, more attention and affection than others; if our potential partner isn’t one of those people, we should be careful about how much attention we’re lavishing them with!

Huffington Post writes about how we, “end up rewarding the very behavior [we] [dislike]. As soon as a guy backs off or seems uninterested, they go into overkill mode trying to “win” back his attention and affection. When you do this, you give the power away,” not to mention push him away as well!

7 Put The Phone Down To Really Build That Bond

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Shape lists this as one of the surefire ways to get him to commit. Sure, it’s not necessarily practical long term. At some point in the relationship, we’re all going to have that dinner date where each partner sits on their phone sending memes to the person they’re sitting across from.

When we’re trying to convince a potential partner to commit, though, it’s important to put our phones down.

Shape says that this builds a more intimate connection, and allows us to really get to know a person. It’s also a good indicator of his interest level; if he’s more stoked on texting his friends than watching a movie with you, it might be time to nudge him away anyway.

6 Ensure Those Defenses Stay Down

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Psychology Today brings up a very interesting point about getting defensive in relationships. Psychology Today writes, “our defenses can lead us to become inward or act cold, finding millions of excuses not to interact with someone we love. To varying degrees, we stop having feelings for them, often writing them off without acknowledging or giving any importance to their emotions or desires.” This all equals one thing: pushing our potential partner away.

Getting defensive isn’t great for building up a bond, and it’s a much better choice to keep them down. Then we can invite a partner in, rather than keeping them alienated on the outskirts.

5 And Let Those Questions Go

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Believe it or not, asking too many questions can become a commitment turn off. Sure, asking about his past relationships is a great way to learn about how we can temper our behavior. But asking too many questions can lead to an interview-esque scenario that makes everyone feel a little put on the spot. Letting all those unnecessary, nitty-gritty questions go will keep him more comfortable. It means he’s not going to be put on the spot and will be more open to volunteering information about his past.

Yes, there’s a portion of us who want to know how we stack up to a partner’s past exes. We’ve got to let that go, though, or else we might find him going first!

4 Treat Him (And Others, Too) With Love And Care

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Shape points out that this is one of the most attractive things a person can do. Believe it or not, the best way to get someone to commit is to have some mutual attraction. Yes, it really is as simple as that.

The trick to commitment is trying to figure out how to keep growing that attraction.

One of the best ways to do that is to show your selflessness. As Shape says, “in a recent study, people rated potential partners to be more attractive for a long-term relationship if they had altruistic qualities.” Time to start paying kindness forward, and leaving those selfish moments in the past.

3 Love Without Action Will Really Fall Flat

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Sometimes we have to put ourselves in our partner’s shoes. Remember all those Valentine’s Days where we didn’t get anything other than a quick kiss and a “let’s raincheck that” from our partner? Psychology Today reminds us that love without action falls really flat, really fast. Actions speak louder than words. While we might say that we really like him and want to see him, if our schedule is always packed we’re eventually going to lose his interest.

Make time, send flowers, and throw a “thinking of you” text his way every now and then. The actions will speak louder than any sort of pretty words and assures him that the commitment is mutual.

2 Gently Introduce Some Commitment Ideas (Like Meeting The Parents)

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Shape does it again with another great piece of advice on commitment. They state that the best way to introduce the idea of commitment is to do it gently. Don’t push, and don’t rush into anything. After all, don’t we dislike when someone pressures us into doing something? Having the boss convince us to stay late at work is one thing, but getting pressured into a relationship commitment is a whole other ballgame.

Instead of facing it head on, bring up commitment in bits.

Shape suggests approaching individual topics, like meeting the parents. Hanging out with family is a commitment-driven action. If he’s into it then it’s a sign that he’s definitely committed.

1 Whatever Else We Do, It’s Time To Forget About Playing Hard To Get

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One of the biggest things that will push him away is actually something we’ve been told time and time again: “playing hard to get will entice him”. Uh, nope! As Shape reminds us, playing hard to get results in mixed signals, and can eventually push him away. Keeping a little mystery around our thoughts and feelings is fine, as it gives him something to be curious about. But ignoring calls, waiting to text him back, and purposefully keeping him waiting is all really counterproductive.

Be upfront about your life; don’t compromise your previously made plans, and find the balance between friends and this soon-to-be partner. Now that’s a recipe for commitment!

Sources: Psychology Today, Huffington Post, Shape

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