When your relationship starts to tank, it's normal for you to run to your friends for advice. More often than not, you're told you need to just end the relationship and look for someone else, but that's not always the best thing to do. If you constantly run from the issues in your relationship, how will you know how to deal with the hard times when you're serious about your partner? Learning which behaviors you can forgive and which you should run from are an important part of any relationship, so what should you be on the lookout for?
Remember: all relationships hit rough patches. There's nothing you can do to avoid these incidents, so take a minute and think about what's going on. When your partner messes up, it's easy to say, "Well, they don't know how to act mature enough for me so I'm just going to kick them to the curb." What you should actually do is consider how they messed up and see if they're willing to pull themselves together for the sake of the relationship. For a few better examples, here are ten signs it's right to fight for your relationship and ten signs that tell you it's time to end things.
20 They Had A Slip Up Twice Already: It Isn't Going To Work Out
You know the saying, "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me"? In regard to love, many people believe you should give your significant other several chances before giving up on reviving the relationship.
Those people would be wrong.
In a real relationship, it's okay to make mistakes, but what if it's the same mistake several times? That's when you should go from "oh, it's alright, we're just going to learn from this and move forward" to "Really? We've been over this several times and you can't seem to get it so we're going to stop trying."
You may truly love the other person, but if they're not willing to fix their wayward ways, then there's nothing in your future except disappointment and regret.
Relationships work when both people are willing and able to give and receive. If you're always on the giving end and they're always on the receiving end, then it isn't a healthy relationship. In this case, you keep giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and they're taking full advantage of it because they know they can get away with it. If they mess up again, put your foot down and refuse to budge. That relationship is already dead.
19 So You Had A Fight, Time To Make Up!
Fights happen all the time in healthy relationships. There are times when you really don't want to it happens anyway. So what do you do when it's a really huge fight and now you're left wondering which of you is going to call it quits first?
It's actually less dramatic than you might think. All couples have serious fights that make one or both members consider throwing in the towel, but that doesn't mean your relationship has to fall apart. What makes a couple great is the ability to fight for what they want. Do you want to stay together? Do you just need to figure out how to overcome this particular roadblock? If you answered "yes" to both, then the relationship is worth saving. Fight to stay together! Talk through the incident, try to find some middle ground and most importantly let your partner know how much they mean to you! It's okay to say a bunch of negative things about the fight — so long as your end goal is a resolution. Figure out a way through the fight and remind each other how important the relationship is. In the end, you'll learn a valuable lesson on how to handle blow ups and you'll also strengthen your bond.
18 Your S.O. Doesn't Remember Important Dates — Drop 'Em Like A Bad Habit!
Your one-year anniversary is right around the corner and you've made all the preparations! There's a restaurant reservation for you at the first place you went to dinner, the gift you bought them is all wrapped and ready to go, you've already special ordered a cake and you've prepared your place for a romantic night afterward. You're ready to celebrate but when you bring it up, your partner has no idea your anniversary was so soon. In fact, your significant other has already made plans to hang out with their friends out of town that day so now all your prep work was for nothing.
It might seem upsetting but you can overlook it just this once, right? Sure, but what if your S.O. does this routinely? They don't remember birthdays, anniversaries, plans you made in advance or anything else that requires more than last-minute efforts.
When people don't bother to remember important dates, it's usually because they're irresponsible, or simply don't care.
How hard is it to add events to their phone's calendar and have it remind them a few days or even a few weeks in advance? What about getting a calendar to keep an eye on these plans? They don't care about you or the relationship enough to stick to schedules, so it's time to stop fighting for a relationship that's already dead.
17 You Don't Need To Be 100% Compatible, So Fight For The Relationship!
You love watching movies and sipping on hot chocolate, but your partner loves extreme sports and chugging coffee. You want to spend time cuddling in a cozy cabin in the woods but your partner would rather be out exploring the countryside. There are so many differences that you start wondering why you're even together. This is exactly the kind of thinking that breaks couples up when really all they have to do is meet halfway to create an amazing relationship!
If you love one thing and your partner loves the opposite, just spend time doing your thing then switch gears and spend some time doing their thing. If there's something they love that you just can't stand, encourage your partner to go out with friends to satisfy their habits. Establishing together time and times out with friends can strengthen a relationship and keep couples from forming unhealthy relationships in which they completely rely on each other for 100 percent of their needs. Your role is a romantic one and it's okay to have different preferences. So long as there are things you can agree on and enjoy, then there's nothing wrong with the relationship. Keep fighting and learn to like what they like while they learn to like what you like.
16 After Talking About It Several Times, Your BF/GF Still Doesn't Listen: They're Not Worth It
You can only repeat yourself so many times before it's like talking to a wall. If you have an issue and you've talked to your significant other several times about it but they haven't changed, then the relationship might as well end now. If your partner cares about you, they'll listen to what bothers you and make sure they don't repeat the same mistakes. If they love hanging out with their best friend and you feel like you're not getting enough of their time, talk about it.
If your partner continues to spend 80 percent of their free time with their friend and less than 20 percent of their free time with you, then it's a bad sign.
If your partner wants to ensure your happiness, they'll listen to your concerns and either talk it through and find some kind of resolution you can both work with, or they'll flat out ignore you. If they ignore your feelings, why are you even with them? It makes no sense to fight for a relationship that keeps you unhappy, so it's time to take a stand for yourself. The next time your partner chooses to ignore your needs, dump them and move on with your life.
15 Keep Them In Your Life If You're The One Who Is Really At Fault
Arguments arise all the time in relationships, but if you're really struggling with things that make you unhappy, you might be considering calling it a day. Don't just blindly give up on your relationship when things get hard! If there are things that are making you unhappy in the relationship, think about what's going on. Who is at fault and what are possible solutions? If you think about it and realize you're the reason things aren't going well, then it's time for you to work on yourself.
A great example of this is when people stop hanging out with their friends and devote all their time to their significant other. At first, everything seems fine, but after a while, the person starts to miss their friends. It's easy to pass the blame onto their friends or even their lover because no one likes to admit when they're wrong, but the reality is that person made a choice and now they've got to suffer the consequences. If they stop the unhealthy behavior and try to mend things with their friends, they can rebuild themselves so they spend some time with their partner and some time with their friends, or better yet, they can all hang out together.
Don't let your own faults create a negative impact on your relationship. Fight for it to work!
14 Your Life Is Better Without "Negative Nancies"
There's always that one person who never has anything positive to say. They may come off as the cool, emo, brooding type, but the reality is they've got a negative attitude and a pessimistic take on life itself. It might be nice to cozy up to them for a while, but the end result is always the same.
When you spend all your time with a negative person, you become negative as well.
Of course, the change doesn't happen all at once. You just start to pick up bad habits here and there and suddenly you're not as cheerful as you used to be.
It's a toxic relationship because you're spending all your time with a toxic person. Have you ever heard the saying, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?" It's because no one likes haters. "Debbie Downers" and "Negative Nancies" don't belong for a reason. If all you see is bad in this world, then how can you see the good in a relationship? If your partner can't make you smile or doesn't make you laugh, then what's the point of being with them? Don't fight for a relationship rooted in negativity. It'll eat you away.
13 Do What It Takes If You Respect Each Other
Respect is such a heavy word. Without it, any relationship will crumble, but with it, any couple can become amazing. When you respect each other, you say positive things to lift the other person's mood. When you respect someone, you go out of your way to ensure they're happy. Respect is basically the non-romantic version of being in love. When you respect your partner and they respect you, it doesn't matter what life throws at you because you can conquer it all.
Part of respecting your significant other is knowing when it's appropriate to fight about something, know when it's time to meet halfway and knowing when to give in. Some things are worth fighting for and some aren't, but when it comes to whether the relationship will survive, you've got to ask yourself some tough questions. What's going on that's breaking you two apart? If it's something you can forgive or it it's something the other person can forgive, then concentrate on working through it. Of course, not all relationships rooted in respect will work out 100 percent of the time, but it's a lot easier to try when they are. If you and your partner respect each other, talk out your issues and resolve them.
12 If You Catch Your Partner In Several Lies, Stop Wasting Your Time
So your partner lied about what they ate for breakfast — no biggie, right? Of course, it isn't. But if they're consistently lying about what they're doing, who they're hanging out with and what they've been up to when you're not around, there is room for concern.
Keep an eye on your partner. They may not actually be lying to you about anything but if they're spreading gossip that isn't rooted in truth, you need to wonder if they've ever gossiped about you behind your back. If your partner likes to talk bad about other people, guaranteed there are times they've talked bad about you too.
The bottom line is simple: You can't trust a liar!
It's especially true for couples who have caught their partners in several lies. That means that after they were forgiven once, they went out and did it again knowing they would likely be forgiven twice, thrice, or more times.
You don't deserve a liar for a partner. You deserve only the best, so if you catch your significant other in several lies, you need to let them know that it's over. You don't want anything to do with them anymore. Once you let go of that failing relationship, you can start looking for a better one.
11 They Have No Sense Of Style, But You Still Love Them, So Fight For The Relationship
When you plan to spend a night on the town you go all out — you bought your favorite cologne/perfume, you're dressed to impress, your hair looks perfect and you've even polished your smile. You're so excited for a double date and just before you're supposed to meet up with your friends, here comes your partner in flip flops, checkered bottoms, and a polka dot top. What the heck are they thinking!? Why do you always have to pick out their outfits? Why can't they act like an adult!?
While it may seem off-putting, remember you're with them for a reason. If your partner has absolutely no sense of style, don't give up just yet. There are plenty of opportunities for you to educate them on how to dress and for what occasions they might need certain outfits. All relationships require some work, so don't be so quick to toss your partner to the side! If there's a teaching opportunity, take it! Your partner may not care about how they dress, but if they care about your feelings on the matter, they'll put in more effort and you won't have to stress about them so much. Remember: A good couple works as a team!
10 Don't Stick Around If They Yell At You
Yes, sometimes during heated arguments you and your partner start trying to talk over each other, which escalates to a shouting match and really, no one ever wins those. If you're trying to fix something and your partner immediately starts screaming in your face, there's a huge red flag you shouldn't ignore. When you talk to your partner, you should be able to say what's on your mind without being afraid of being verbally accosted. If they can't stay cool long enough to hold a conversation with you, it's time to pull the plug.
A healthy relationship is one in which both parties has the freedom to communicate and can be heard.
If one person is always yelling, then there isn't much time for them to do any listening, now is there? If your partner starts yelling but can be calmed after a while, it's still a big no-no! Don't waver! You may love your partner but if they're always ready to throw themselves into a temper tantrum that includes yelling, then you don't have time to deal with them. They need to grow up and learn what it means to be an effective communicator. In the meantime, instead of hoping they'll change, just get the heck out of that relationship and find yourself a partner who can talk to you like a normal person.
9 Something They Said Or Did Bothers You: Don't Break Up Yet
We all have weird habits that rub some people the wrong way. Some people are bothered by people who chew their food too loudly, while others find it infuriating to be interrupted during a conversation. No one is perfect, and that's important to remember when you're with your significant other. They can't read your mind, so if they do or say something that bothers you, you need to speak up and let your concerns be known. If you keep quiet, your partner will have no idea they're doing something that bothers you so they'll continue to do it.
A relationship is always worth saving if the other person (or you yourself) has a few tweaks to make. It's surprisingly easy to say something like, "Babe, I love you but please please PLEASE put on some deodorant today!" They might be embarrassed for a minute, but ultimately your partner will eventually start thinking, "Hey, my love is coming over today and I know they'll be more comfortable around me if I throw on some deodorant." See how simple that is? Problem solved! Keep those lines of communication open between you and your partner and if they're considerate enough to listen to you, then the relationship is definitely worth saving!
8 They Have Too Many Secrets — Don't Stick It Out
Secrets can be really fun to keep or they might be necessary because if word got out that you had an accident in the first grade because you couldn't figure out how to unbutton your pants, you'd die of embarrassment. Anyway, secrets are necessary parts of most people's lives so it isn't that big of a deal — unless it's your partner who is keeping tons of secrets from you. If your partner doesn't tell you what they were doing last night, it's not necessarily something to worry about, but if they consistently go out and don't tell you what they're doing, it might be a red flag you should take notice of.
While it's perfectly fine to keep a few secrets from your significant other, it's never really okay to suddenly start spending large amounts of time away from each other and never admit what you were up to or who you were with.
These kinds of secrets make you sound suspicious and your partner would be well within their right to question whether the relationship is worth continuing. When there are too many secrets being kept from each other, there's too much room for doubt and that's what will ultimately break the relationship. If your partner can't be honest with you, it's time to get the heck out.
7 Fight For The Relationship If Your S.O. Is Willing To Fight For It Too
Not everyone is willing to fight to keep a relationship going strong. Sometimes people get tired or they feel weighed down by all the drama coming from a failing relationship — but what if the relationship is only failing because they're not willing to put in the effort it takes to keep it afloat? A strong relationship isn't built between two people who never encounter difficult situations — it's built on a strong foundation where a couple hits rough patches and does whatever it takes to get through them together. It just wouldn't make sense for people to give up so easily, right?
If times are tough and you're considering throwing in the towel, have a conversation with your S.O. They might be willing to let things go as well, but they might be willing to fight for the relationship. If they're willing to do what it takes, really consider whether you want to as well. It doesn't make sense to throw a relationship away without giving it your all — especially if you're still in love and the other person is too. If you can come to an agreement and work through the issue(s), then do it. Fight for your relationship and come out stronger in the end.
6 A Relationship With Trust Issues Will Never Succeed
So your S.O. has been doing some pretty sneaky stuff lately. You know they weren't exactly the most honest person during their last few relationships but you wanted to be with them so badly that you were willing to overlook it — until now. Now your partner seems to be acting suspiciously and you're not sure if you can trust them or not. Even if you confront them with your feelings, you're not sure if they're going to stop acting so strangely or if they're just going to get better at covering their tracks, so what should you do?
No relationship can ever work if there isn't absolute trust; if you're insecure because of questionable behavior or apparent dishonesty, it's definitely not a healthy dynamic.
Sometimes people change and they don't mess up their relationship the same way they've messed it up so many times in the past, but sometimes they don't change at all. Don't work to save a relationship that isn't healthy, and the lack of trust is certainly not a qualifier in the healthy relationship department. If you really want to be happy, just let the relationship go. Say goodbye to your partner and move on. You want to find someone who never makes you doubt their feelings and who would never lull you into a false sense of security. Do the right thing and break it off now before your partner hurts you.
5 Your Partner Doesn't Believe What You Believe: So What?
Maybe you were raised to believe in reincarnation and your partner was raised to believe in nothing at all. Does this mean you're destined to break up one day? Not at all! It might sound a little weird, but people with different beliefs are able to coexist just fine so why let something as silly as different beliefs stand between you and your dream partner? When it comes to serious topics, all you have to do is talk things through and find ways to compromise. Any relationship worth its salt is able to withstand the flurry of emotional and societal blows life likes to throw at them, so when things start to look difficult, don't just give in, be a little innovative and do whatever it takes to make the relationship work.
So long as you set solid rules, there's no reason a romantic relationship can't work. As with literally every other relationship, all you have to do is consider whether you love the other person enough to make things work out. If you're both on the same page as far as romantic feelings and the willingness to compromise, then who cares about your differences? Focus on your similarities and your relationship will work out just fine.
4 If They Can't Commit, Don't Bother Staying
You're really into someone and they're everything you ever hoped for — they're popular, funny, confident and they know how to get your heart pounding. It's great when your partner is your perfect fit, but if they can't seem to commit to you, then no matter how hard you try, the relationship is doomed to fail. If you're always asking the other person on a date and they always go, but they never invite you out and don't want you hanging around when they're with their friends, then there's no real relationship there.
You think things might turn into something, but they've given no indication they feel the same way. At this point, it's time to move on.
As sad as it may seem in the moment, when you are able to step back and reveal the entire picture, you'll see that you're better off being with someone who can commit to being your boyfriend or girlfriend, rather than someone who is willing to go out with you every now and then without anything serious in mind. You know you're ready for a real relationship, so cut out all the people who are fine being casual and look for someone who is also ready to commit.
3 Don't Give Up If It's Family To Blame, Not Yourself Or Your Partner
We've all heard of those horrible in-law stories. The groom's mother hates the new bride or the bride's father can't stand the groom. While these horror stories tend to get really crazy, we all need to keep in mind that these things didn't just happen out of nowhere — it all begins when the couple first starts dating. The father might not be too happy that his daughter is seeing a boy who isn't up to snuff, and the mother might think the son's new girlfriend isn't driven enough to make her boy happy. Regardless of the "why," sometimes family members don't take to your significant other and, for some reason, they take great pride in reminding you of their feelings every single day.
This kind of negativity can definitely wear on a person, which could eventually lead to a breakup or to the distancing of a person from their family — neither one of these is ideal. The stronger relationships are those between two people who choose to stay together regardless of how their families feel. If your S.O. hasn't done anything wrong, and neither have you, then there's no reason to break things off! If family members are trying to come between you, just stand strong and show them how great of a team you make. Worst case scenario, you can always marry and cut those negative people out of your life, but hopefully, they'll figure out that they don't have the power to control your relationships.
2 Stop Trying To Stay Together If Your Partner Refuses To Compromise
One of the most important parts of any relationship is the willingness of each person to compromise. If only one person gets their way 100 percent of the time, then the other person will slowly become more and more resentful. If your partner is refusing to compromise on anything — especially things that are truly important to you — nip that kind of negativity in the bud. Cut them out of your life and move on to greener pastures!
If your partner refuses to compromise, what they're telling you is their needs are more important than yours.
It isn't right, it isn't fair and it doesn't make for a healthy relationship, so why stick around? it's time to let your S.O. know that because they're so unwilling to step out of their comfort zone for the person they supposedly love, it's their fault the relationship is coming crashing down. If you try to fight to keep this kind of toxic relationship going, you're just going to end up miserable and you'll let your S.O. continue to walk all over you. No one deserves that, so don't just stand there and let it happen! Take yourself seriously and end the relationship. You'll be all the happier for it.
1 If There's Still Love, There's Still Hope
When it comes to relationships, sometimes things happen that are entirely out of your control. If some kind of disaster strikes, is it okay to throw in the towel even if you still love them? As with most issues, it would depend on the situation, but if you love your partner and they love you too, then wouldn't it be a waste to just throw the relationship away? It's the sort of thing that comes back to haunt people, wondering what "could have been." Relationships aren't easy. There are always going to be trials to overcome and situations that neither of you could have ever predicted, but the harder you fight to stay together, the stronger you'll wind up as a couple.
If you still love each other, work through whatever is going on. Learn to rely on each other and make yourselves emotionally available. No matter what happens, working through your issues is always worth the extra effort, even if it means you have to do something unpleasant or painful. Real love isn't as simple to come by as the movies would have you believe — you've got to work for your love and hope that in the end, everything works out. So fight, fight like there's no tomorrow because, for some couples, there isn't.