Finding that one perfect person for us — often called a soul mate, twin flame, or the missing piece of our heart — can be a real trial. We look in all the right and wrong places (just to be sure we didn’t accidentally miss him) and we waste a lot of time, energy, and Internet stalking hours looking for him with no clear results. For all we know, we won’t meet our Mr. Perfect for decades!
On the other hand, we might just know he’s coming sooner than that and are content to wait for him — focusing the extra time on our hands to window shop for bridal registry items and Internet stalk our sister’s new weird boyfriend. Or, we decide to go on one last date before throwing in the towel, and there’s just something about this one—we can’t quite put our finger on it, but he is different from the rest, and we want to find out why. In any case, we can all agree that we definitely want any extra help we can get. This little list is perfect for that! We have ten reasons why he is our Mr. Perfect, and then ten reasons why it might not end up working out — just to keep things real. Time to grab some ice cream and dive right in!
20 Change Is Good
One of the side effects of having people in our lives is that they tend to change us — for better or worse. Their habits rub off on us and ours rub off on them. If he is our soul mate, he will unconsciously change us for the better and make us into a better version of ourselves with just his presence and confidence. According to Thought Catalog, “The people who we are affected by the most are the ones who have changed us just by their presence in our lives, overhauling everything we thought we knew and wanted. It’s not a bad thing, this is supposed to happen, usually.”
19 I’ve Never Been Empathic
When we are deeply in love with our soul mate, we become in-tuned to his little quirks, habits and mannerisms. So when something is off, we unconsciously pick up on it. If we are together long enough, it can begin to feel like we are empathic and even psychic with our ability to tell if he is okay or not. This can give us the edge when he comes home after a bad day and needs comforting. According to Thought Catalog, “You know when something’s not right, physically or otherwise. You can sense what they’re thinking and feeling without them even indicating anything to you.”
18 One And Done
Watching our friends and relatives go through the dating game is exhausting. It’s twice as exhausting when we are the ones in the game rather than sitting comfy on the sidelines. But some of us aren’t in the dating game. We knew for years that we would always find our perfect match, so why bother wasting time on all the imperfect matches out there? We are the rare one-and-done daters. As Thought Catalog says,
“From a young age you were only really concerned with finding that ‘one person for you.’
You weren’t interested in dating around like your peers, you just wanted to find that one and call it a day.”
17 Weird Calendar Connections
One fun date idea is to compare significant family calendar events. Parents’ anniversaries, siblings’ birthdays, our ages, where we were in life when we first met, etc. It can make for a fun evening and a great conversation starter as well as pinpointing a few key dates where things weirdly line up perfectly. As Thought Catalog puts it, “You were born exactly 9 months apart, you met on your brother’s birthday... there tends to be some weird synchronicity surrounding dates upon your meeting a soul mate.” So we should sync up our Google calendars and see what they tell us (aside from the dentist appointment we have next week).
16 That Gut Feeling Of Home
Deep inside, we know that he is the one because he reminds us of home — no matter where we happen to be. We could be in the park or riding the bus together, and it feels like home. When we reunite after being apart for a day or a week, it feels like coming home. As Thought Catalog describes it,
“Meeting them made you realize that romantic love — especially between soulmates — is so much more than just a fleeting, physical feeling.
It’s really more of an inner, gut knowing that permeates your whole relationship, even when (and maybe especially when) you’re apart.”
15 Honesty Is The Best Policy
We all know that honesty is the way to go in any relationship (except at Christmastime, when we are hoarding away secret presents). But it can be hard to be truly open and honest in the beginning stages of a relationship. So, if we find ourselves talking nonstop about things we usually hide and being honest about our flaws, it is a good sign that he could be our soul mate. As Bustle confirms, “But if you find yourself comfortable with being open and honest to your partner early on, that's a good sign that they really might be the right one for you.”
14 He’s Not A Rebound
Everyone usually has at least one rebound after a break-up, for different reasons. We might hope to make our ex jealous and realize what he is missing, or we just feel very lonely and insecure. At any rate, they all have one thing in common: they aren’t our true love. The motives for rebound relationships aren’t the right ones for a steady true-love relationship. As Paired Life points out,
“There’s a big difference between rebound love and true love.
Rebound love is when you start a relationship with someone new because you are afraid of being alone after a break-up.”
13 Nonverbal Communications
Watching our grandparents or another happily married couple who have been together for decades can be highly amusing. They seem to be so in sync with each other that they can read each other’s thoughts with just a look. This is something we want for ourselves, even though it will make secret-keeping at Christmas very hard. And we can have it too with our guy if he’s our twin flame. According to Bolde, “You know if he’s sad, mad, happy, or anxious just by looking at him, and he can say the same. You can’t really hide much from each other because of it.”
12 A Dose Of Calmness
If we have had a long day or a hard day and feel like throwing a fit or ripping out our hair or giving up, our guy is there to create a sense of calm around us and comfort us. He knows exactly what to say or not say to help us when we need it the most. He is there for our ups and downs. As Bolde puts it, “In times of need, he’s able to make you feel better when you want to pull your hair out. Sometimes just having him around does the trick. His calming effect on you is almost magical.”
11 Comfortable Silence
In previous relationships, we might have gone on a date, chatted for 45 minutes and then fallen into silence. But it was a nervous, uncomfortable silence, and pretty soon one or both of us started talking about something random just to break it. With our soul mate, we don’t need to do that. Our silences are comfortable and cozy. We can be together while doing our own things and not talk to fill the void. As Bolde says,
“There’s no pressure to fill the silence when you’re together.
You feel comfortable just being in each other’s presence doing your own thing, and it’s never awkward. Instead, it just feels right.”
But maybe he isn’t our happily ever after...
10 A Lack Of Future Plans
While he might check off everything on our dream wish-list, there are still one or two weird little things about him that could signal he just isn’t the guy for us in the long run of things. And one of those little things is a lack of future plans. He might be game for a spontaneous date tomorrow but iffy about a weekend away next month. As Essence puts it, “Last-minute dates and spontaneous activities are fun in the beginning, but as life progresses, missing your favorite artist because your boo doesn’t know what they will be doing in 30 days becomes a problem.”
9 Communication Issues
If he isn’t talking, there might be communication issues. Sure, comfortable silence is one thing, but avoiding certain topics or shutting down when something is wrong are not healthy communication habits and will hurt the relationship in the long run. As Essence puts it,
“Lack of communication will cause issues in all areas of a relationship. If your partner isn’t willing to share what is causing their mood changes, you’re not given the opportunity to correct any issues you may have caused.”
Lack of clear communication can open a huge can of worms down the road and lead to some major problems that won’t crop up till the worst possible time.
8 When Change Is Bad
In every relationship, there is a learning curve where we get to know our new partner’s likes/dislikes and his good habits as well as his bad ones. It is up to us to accept or reject these qualities, but if we try to change him into something he isn’t, we are asking for trouble. No one is perfect. We can get him to pick up his laundry, but we can’t make him grow taller. According to Essence, “It’s important to help each other grow, but if you’re constantly trying to make each other into different people, then maybe it’s a sign that you’re not right for one another in the first place.”
7 Lack Of Trust
Maybe he is our soul mate in every way — except for the tiny fact that we just don’t trust him. Either he has proven to be untrustworthy in the past before we started dating, or we have our own history of broken relationships clouding our judgment, or there is that gut feeling that something isn’t quite right and that we need to be on our guard around him. According to Essence, “Feeling like your anxiety is on the rise if you don’t hear from bae all day? Questioning whether or not they’re kicking it with someone else? This lack of trust will quickly break down a relationship, lead to conflict and ultimately weigh on your self-esteem.”
6 Who Am I With You?
There is a difference between losing ourselves in our partner over the course of years and hiding ourselves from him so he will love us and stay with us. If we can’t truly be ourselves around him, then he doesn’t fully know us like he should, and we set up the relationship to fail. As Bustle puts it, “If you just started dating, it might take a bit for you to open up, and that's okay — but if you find yourself walking on eggshells lest you slip up and reveal part of yourself you don't want to share with your partner, that's unsustainable in the long run.”
5 All Passion And No Substance
The beginning of a relationship can be fun and full of sizzles, attraction and feel-good feelings. But if that is the only thing we are feeling for this otherwise perfect guy, then we might have a problem. For a relationship to thrive and last the test of time, we need more than just the zing of attraction and chemistry. Otherwise, as Bustle tells us, things will fizzle out. “But if you feel like your relationship is based solely on this intense, passionate, gotta-have-them feeling, and there's not a lot else you have in common, that's a sign that things won't last.”
4 Too Interested In Our Interests
The early stages of a relationship are all about getting to know each other, and one of the best ways to do that is by exchanging our interests and seeing what we have in common. If all of his interests are exactly the same as ours, we should take a closer look at his motives. As Bustle puts it,
“Be on the lookout that when your beau suddenly transforms into all your likes and dislikes, this might be a red flag. When the twinship is too strong, the other partner often gets bored or suspicious of the other partner’s motive.
After all, we like people for their own uniqueness, not our identical match."
3 Lack Of Acceptance
Sure, we can live with his laundry on the floor all the time and the way he squeezes the toothpaste out of the tube the wrong way or that one long crazy eyebrow hair of his. But we can’t really live with the fact that he can’t accept our odd little quirks and lesser personality traits. It isn’t fair for one partner to be completely accepting while the other demands change or improvement. According to Bustle, “If your new partner has an issue with some of your less-than-perfect qualities, but expects you to totally accept them with no questions asked, that doesn't bode well for your romantic future together.”
2 Poor Treatment Of Others
A little nugget of wisdom that goes around the dating world is that how a man talks to his mother will tell us how he will one day talk to us. If he is respectful and polite, we are golden. But if he is harsh or rude, we might want to rethink our relationship. And if he disrespects our family or friends, he probably isn’t long-term material. According to Bustle, “In a new relationship, everyone is going to be on their very best behavior, which means that you should really pay attention to how your partner treats not just you, but those around him or her — because chances are that's how they'll treat you one day, too.”
1 Sparkly Sparks
We hear a lot about relationships having all the sparks — usually bright, happy ones. Ours might have the other kind of spark — hot and angry. If we spend all of our time fighting, that isn’t productive or healthy. There is also the chance that we have one of those relationships where there are no sparks at all. As Relationship Rules says,
“The relationship just feels ‘normal,’ nothing special. You guys don’t have any exceptional memories together, there are no extra ordinary feelings attached to the time you guys spend together.
This shouldn’t be the case; love is an exceptional feeling, and if it feels anything less than amazing, you’re not really in love.”