Reading signs in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship is nearly rocket science, especially, if your feelings are already invested in the person you've been seeing. So, we ask ourselves the typical questions: does he like me enough to date me or is he just looking to have a good time? Was that time we hung out alone last week a date? Maybe I should call a friend...better yet his friend and see if he asks about me? Ladies, I feel you're pain and we've all been there!
One of the most important questions we need to ask ourselves during these fragile, confusing times is whether or not the dude we are seeing is worthy enough to be in it for the long haul.
And because we are all wrapped up in obsessing over him and dissecting the last hangout through our heart-eye-emoji lenses, we often look past the warning signs right in front of our faces. But don't fret, I've got your back. Here are a few things to pay attention to if you want to avoid giving him boyfriend priveledges when he's really a Mr. Right Now.
You know the type. Some of their favorite things to say are somewhere along the lines of "I love my family, they mean the world to me" or maybe they have "family over everything" written in their social media bios. Firstly, be wary of these men because they feel the pressing need to let you know that they love their loved ones (thanks, we get it). Secondly, you've got to ask yourself, if he loves his family so much and is constantly hanging around them but is also always around you, why haven't y'all met?
Chances are he is keeping you from his family on purpose.
He probably doesn't let just anyone around his mom, dad, and siblings, but if you haven't made the cut...maybe he's just not that into you.
Now, I don't know what measures you can take to accurately quantify whether he is being a gentleman around you or is a gentleman by nature. But in any case, I think it's safe to generally assume that this is a good sign. In the first scenario, he cares enough to be on his best behavior and keep all the unpleasant stuff out of sight. In the second, you may have just hit the jackpot.
In the era of the side-chick and relationships that seem to last two weeks long, a gentleman is hard to come by. If he's making an effort to put his best foot forward whenever he is with you - chances are he wants to be with you (a little longer than this week anyway).
Men aren't all that complicated, really. They rarely like to engage in conversations they don't want to have and well, they say it like they mean it. Keeping that in mind, it is probably wise to take most things they say at face value. Men hate when women jump to conclusions or make things that they say more complex than they really are. Even when it seems like we have to decipher whatever they say because "there is no way they meant that".
If a man says - and I quote - "I'm not looking for a relationship right now" or any variation of this statement, take it and run.
You'll only end up hurting yourself and wasting a whole lot of your time trying to change Mr.Right Now's mind.
There are pros and cons to being present on social media sites, even more so when it comes to romantic relationships. Depending on the kind of guy you are dealing with, posting a photo of the woman he may be involved with might seem like no big deal. There may be a whole bunch of women on his accounts, randoms and even woman-crush-Wednesdays. For others, posting a picture of a woman isn't random but a calculated act.
If the guy you are seeing posts photos of you (without you having to ask or press him about it), it could mean he plans to keep it going for a while. I mean, you wouldn't post a photo of someone for your friends, family, and potential coworkers to see without even an ounce of exclusivity or plans of some type of future in mind would you? Neither would he.
Men say it like it is most of the time but it can be difficult for some men to open up at all. Naturally, when this occurs we go digging for answers, trying to piece together the little clues they do give us into a full on game plan.
So, if the guy you are seeing takes the time to open up and tell you that he likes you - he really does. There are no two ways about it.
Don't spend your time trying to question every possible motive or intention because the truth is they may not have thought that much about it. However, making a point to tell you that he's into you...that my friend, is a sign of a brewing long-term commitment.
Has he asked you what your favorite movie is? Does he care to know what your favorite foods are, or which restaurant you like to go to every year on your birthday? How about the things you like to do when you are sad? If the answers to the majority of these questions are hazy or a definite no - you can assume the guy you are hung up on may just be the type you enjoy in the spur of the moment.
Someone who wants to build a long-term relationship with you will take the time to get to know you beyond a surface level. If he doesn't plan on being with you beyond a couple of days or even weeks, he has no reason to ask you any of the above questions or care to remember the answers.
Text once? No response, no biggie. So you go out, take a walk maybe even call a friend. Now, a few hours has passed and you figure it couldn't hurt to text him again. He could have been on the subway or taking a nap, or maybe he read the text and forgot to text back - who knows. Contemplating an endless list of possibilities, you finally decide to text him once more. Still no response?
Houston, we have a problem.
If you find that you are in this never-ending text battle with yourself, consider he may not be there to tend to your feelings and address your needs in an emotional exchange. Especially if you are initiating nearly every conversation. Odds are he's concerned about his own needs more than he'll ever be with yours.
People don't just go around sharing their dreams with anybody and everybody. One's hopes and dreams are personal and stored in vulnerable vaults, that are only revealed when they feel safe and like they are in a judge-free zone. As a result, guys wouldn't reveal their hopes and dreams to just any woman, especially one they don't have any intentions of seriously pursuing.
With the reveal of his hopes and dreams, he opens himself up to criticism and potential scrutiny from the outside world (which can be damaging to anyone's ego). If he is willing to share parts of his life that aren't concrete and may, in fact, become possible failures, it's likely that you're a part of his future plans. Welcome to the long-haul.
Speaking of the future and long term plans, the dude you are seeing should probably hint to one or the other. A man with vision and drive should be piecing every aspect of the life he wants for himself together, including the woman he wants to spend the journey of life with. I know, I know - the thought is a little old-fashioned and the modern woman might not fully agree.
But, our male counterparts really do place their future wives or life partners as pieces of a puzzle - their puzzle that is.
Once they've figured every other step out (or are at least headed in what they deem to be the right direction) they will make plans for their future, keeping their special someone in mind.
We're all guilty of getting caught up in our busy lives, but the key is to make time for the ones we care about. If he takes the time out of his hectic work day to send texts back and forth with you, sends you a good morning text to start your day off with a smile, or even sends a courtesy text to let you know he is going to be busy and can't text you as much - he cares.
By showing this kind of thoughtfulness, the man in question is displaying some really great relationship skills to you...or as he may see it, to the woman he wants to be in a long term relationship with.
A relationship that is destined to last a long while includes more than a series of "Netflix and chill" dates. Every relationship is different and there is no doubt that a situation-ship that starts out with multiple home visits will be hard pressed to develop into something more.
The operative word here is develop and if he never asks you out on any dates (outside of his house), or doesn't bother to change it up, then he isn't overly concerned with impressing you or developing your current status.
Time and effort go into planning the perfect date and the process can be rather nerve-racking. He'll have to consider what you might enjoy, make arrangements and even set aside a nice outfit, all to sweep you off your feet. A man who cares to take you seriously will also put an effort into taking you out. If not, he's strictly right-now material.
A man that knows what he wants will make it crystal clear. You won't have to question his feelings or your position in his life because he will let you know - hopefully, sooner than later. A great way to avoid disappointment or anxiety regarding the person you are seeing is to just down right ask. Or you can pay attention to his interactions with other women.
If the two of you are out together and he shows no interest in any of the women that you both come in contact with, he may only have eyes for you. If so, your potential long term partner has not only turned in his 'player card' but has made it a point to acknowledge your feelings and make sure you feel secure. He's a keeper.
As the saying goes, "those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it". If Mr. Long Term is aware of the mistakes (and successes) of his past, he will be a great candidate to embark on a new journey with.
An even better sign is if he cares to share the events of his past with you.
Mr. Long Term will not only choose to share his shortcomings with you to let you know that he is not perfect but to also let you know that he will try his best to avoid repeating his past mistakes for the sake of your well being, in addition to becoming a better man. Thanks Mr. Long Term, your efforts do not go unnoticed - Mama raised you right.
Although some men like to believe that they deal solely with logic and memory, they tend to struggle with remembering the little details. That is unless those details pertain to something they are interested in or care about - then they are like walking encyclopedias. If you are the one he chooses to spend time with, he should make an effort to remember things that are important to you.
Such as the things that the man of the moment didn't care to remember, like your favorite movie, your most craved food, and birthday restaurant. The guy that is willing to remember meticulous details is in it for the long run. And that my friend, is a home run - if you ask me.
Alas, the biggest and most accurate sign of all, if homeboy comes right out and pops the big question. No - not the get down on one knee question, the one light years before that is where your story can begin.
The one who takes the leap of faith to ask you out, on an official and exclusive relationship level, is definitely interested in a long-term commitment.
Otherwise, he would have simply avoided any conversations about your "status" and gone on to benefit from your company without having to tie himself to any one woman. If he asks the question, there will be no need to read any more signs because the answer will be right there in front of you! And just like that, freedom from overthinking at last.