Have I found my soulmate? Is this guy “The One?” How do people determine if they have found their perfect match or if it is all an illusion?
Relationships can be tricky, if we really think about it. We find someone we are attracted to, not really knowing everything there is to know about them and decide we want to make them our person. What can go wrong, right?
If it is a long-term relationship we want, we need to find someone we are compatible with. Compatibility is the state where two things (or people) exist together without conflict. No relationship exists all the time in this perfect state, but it is possible to find someone who matches us well enough to make for a really great relationship. Some say that opposites attract, but in reality being with someone who is completely different can make things quite a bit more challenging.
So, how do we weed out the frogs from the Prince Charmings? There are several different personality traits or behaviors that partners share that make them match perfectly, and then there are obvious differences between two people that can make them not compatible. Here are some signs for the ladies to determine if she’s found her perfect match or if she is with someone who is incompatible with her.
20 He’s Her Perfect Match If They Travel The Same Way
One of the biggest tests for new relationships is the first out-of-town trip together. According to relationship expert Talia Goldstein for Lifehack, “A good match is people who are willing and wanting to travel the same way.”
Some people prefer roughing it out camping in tents, and other people absolutely can’t stand being outdoors or without electricity. These two people would be very incompatible and are likely to have an argument or two when it comes to trip planning. But if he likes to travel the same way as she does, he could be on his way to becoming the perfect match.
19 They’re Not Compatible If Their Ideas Of A Future Are Different
What does the future look like in your mind? Is it the same as what your partner pictures? If it isn’t, then he’s likely not your perfect match. Once people have ideas in mind for their future, they aren’t likely to change them happily.
Do you want a white picket fence in the country, and he’s dreamed of living in a New York City tower? Do you envision yourself getting married one day, but he has never dreamed of settling down? Certain things about your future as a couple need to align if you want to share a happy relationship.
18 He’s Her Perfect Match If They Share Common Interests
Being with a partner who shares interests with you is so important. “There should be at least two or three things you really like to do together,” Goldstein said, according to Lifehack. “It should be about spending time together.”
You and your partner should share at least a couple of the same hobbies or favorite activities. It makes spending quality time together so much more fun. One of the most important parts of a relationship is making sure you actually spend time together and enjoy each other’s company. Without this basis, there isn’t a lot for the relationship to grow on.
17 They’re Not Compatible If He Isn't On The Same Intellectual Level
This one might not be as obvious, but over time being committed to someone who isn’t on the same intellectual level as you might create problems. In the beginning of the relationship, you might be able to overlook the fact that your boyfriend is a high school dropout while you graduated from Yale. But in the beginning of the relationship it was all about the spark and physical connection.
“The way you think is bound to be different based on the amount of education you each have had,” explains A Conscious Rethink. “Your professional lives will likely differ substantially, too.”
16 He’s Her Perfect Match If He Makes Her Feel Good About Herself
This! “Relationships where you truly feel like you’re the best version of yourself — that’s the best way to see if you’re a good match,” relationship expert Talia Goldstein shared with Lifehack. This quote is everything.
You are with your perfect match if you are comfortable being 100 percent your true self and he still makes you feel good about who you are. You need to be able to feel special on your best and worst days. If you are with a guy who does this for you, he’s got to be a keeper. Two people who can be totally weird together and not worry about being judged is something worth sticking around for.
15 They’re Not Compatible If Communication Is A Struggle
Communication is one of the most important aspects in making a relationship work out and last for the long haul. If two people struggle at communicating with each other, there is probably some underlining incompatibility between them.
Communication has to happen in relationships. Without it, it is hardly a relationship at all. Some communication breakdown can be expected, but too much of it can mean the couple is likely not compatible enough for a romantic relationship.
“If two people with incompatible qualities aren't willing to learn the communication skills necessary to make sure things work for both of them,” explains professional matchmaker Melody Kiersz to Bustle, “experts say there's a good chance the relationship won't work.”
14 He’s Her Perfect Match If Thinking About The Future Is Simple
When you ask your partner where he sees you two in five years, it shouldn’t become a fight. It should be simple and fun. Talking about the future with your significant other doesn’t need to be hard, if you are on the same path and have similar things in mind.
Two people who want the same things out of life are likely a perfect match. “It’s a sign that you both feel stable in the relationship,” says Sharyn Wolf, author of So You Want To Get Married: Guerilla Tactics For Turning A Date Into A Mate.
13 They’re Not Compatible If He Spends More Time With His Friends
Where would he rather be on a Friday night? If the answer is always with his friends and not with you, the two of you are not compatible in a romantic relationship. According to A Conscious Rethink, “If your partner is channeling more energy and time into someone or something other than you, it is a possible sign that they have lost interest in your relationship.”
You are worth more than someone who doesn’t see this as an issue in the relationship. If he was your perfect match, he would make sure he was dedicating enough time to you instead of giving away all his time to his buddies.
12 He’s Her Perfect Match If She Always Wants To Share With Him
A girl is with her perfect match when she is always stumbling across things that she can’t wait to share with her guy. According to Match.com, this “[is] a sign that while you may not realize you’re thinking about your date, you are and just can’t help it.”
When you can’t walk down the street without thinking of something silly you want to tell him about or without seeing something in a store that you want to get for him, he’s on the path to being your perfect match. When in a relationship, you want to find someone who you can’t get enough of and think about often.
11 They’re Not Compatible If He Bickers All The Time
It’s true, arguing and bickering are things that tons of couples experience. But when two people are a good match, the bickering doesn’t happen all the time. When you find yourself with someone who is just constantly bickering, he’s probably not happy in the relationship because the two of you aren’t as compatible as you might have once believed.
When the bickering becomes abusive, it is important to see this as your “take an exit” sign. If he won’t stop the bickering or picking fights, there is something beneath the surface that is making the two of you butt heads, and it's likely that you two don't match up.
10 He’s Her Perfect Match If Her Friends And Family Approve
Introducing your significant other to your friends and family is basically the ultimate test in a relationship. They see things that you aren’t able to see because you are blinded by his perfect smile and dimples. It’s important that your new person gets along with your friends and family, because you’ll be spending a lot of time with all of them and sometimes at the same time.
When you introduce your partner to the important people in your life, it is a sign that you see this relationship as more than just a fling. And if your family and friends agree that he is a good person for you, then he could be your perfect match.
9 They’re Not Compatible If He Makes Her Feel Insecure
If you find yourself feeling super insecure or anxious in your new relationship, he’s not looking like your perfect match. The right guy will do everything in his power to make sure you feel good and have nothing to be insecure about in the relationship. It will always be his priority to make you feel happy with him.
“If you've noticed a significant negative change in your mental health or self-esteem, consider if it's stemming from your current partnership,” explains relationship author Anita Chlipala to Elite Daily. “A healthy relationship should make you feel secure and at ease.”
8 He’s Her Perfect Match If He Doesn't Try To Change Her
No two people are exactly the same and no relationship is perfect all the time, but there are certain things that can make a relationship extra special. Someone who is perfect for you won’t try to change you. If you are an emotional person at heart, he won’t tell you to stop crying when your favourite character on Grey’s Anatomy gets the axe. Your perfect match will understand that is how you feel and not his place to interrupt.
According to Bolde, “Part of being in a long-term relationship is realizing that everyone comes from different backgrounds and different families.” Your romantic partner should never try to mold you into something you aren’t.
7 They’re Not Compatible If She's Embarrassed To Introduce Him To Her Family And Friends
Getting that big approval from the friends is a huge event for many girls. If she is too embarrassed to let her friends see the guy she’s dating, he is definitely not her perfect match and likely very incompatible with her. Our friends reflect who we are as a person and if we aren’t too keen on introducing our partner to these people, something is off.
If you don’t find yourself prepping your girlfriends about potentially meeting your new guy, there has to be a reason why. If you would rather make up excuses for why they can’t meet him, maybe he isn’t the right guy for you after all.
6 He’s Her Perfect Match If The Fights Never Last Too Long
We’ve established that every couple will fight at times. When you are dating your perfect match, though, the fight won’t last very long at all. One or both of you will be eager to make up and get past the disagreement.
When you are with the right person, you don’t hold grudges and are quick to forgive. According to Bolde, “You realize that it was just frustration gone overboard, and remember pretty quickly that he’s only human.” We all have a bad day here and there, but the right person won’t hold it against us!
5 They’re Not Compatible If Their Eating Habits Are Way Different
This one might not seem as important, but trust us, it’s a big one when it comes to compatibility in a relationship. Imagine being a vegan only to discover later that your partner is some big meat fanatic. If one partner is passionate about one thing and the other isn’t and is against it, you can see where some problems might arise.
"While you and your partner don’t have to be at the same level of fitness, share the same interests (maybe you like running marathons and they prefer to lift weights), or eat the exact same way, it’s important to at least have some commonalities when it comes to your health and lifestyle," explains matchmaker Caitlin Bergstein to Bustle.
4 He’s Her Perfect Match If He's Supportive Of Her Dreams
Your perfect match will be supportive of your dreams, no matter how wild they may be. When searching for a relationship, it’s important to find someone who lets you be who you want to be and cheers you on along the way.
Sometimes your dreams might interfere with the relationship in ways you wouldn’t want them to, like by making you too busy for dates or forcing you to become long distance. When you are with “the one” though, these obstacles won’t put you or your partner off. Most importantly, your partner won't stop supporting your dreams.
3 They’re Not Compatible If He Holds In All His Emotions
If you and your partner have different ways of expressing emotions, you are going to find that you aren’t that compatible.
"The chance of a relationship enduring between an emotive person and an apathetic person is slim," Rémy Boyd, a professional matchmaker, explains to Bustle. "The emotively inclined person will eventually feel uncared for and the apathetically inclined partner will feel burdened by their [partner's] need for emotional support."
If you are a talker and like to share how you feel, and your partner doesn’t like to express emotions at all, things could get a little rocky when it comes to expressing feelings or getting through communication.
2 He’s Her Perfect Match If He's Her Best Friend
The best relationships are based on true friendship. Your perfect match will be someone with whom you want to share all your good and bad news, he will be someone in whom you confide all your secrets, and someone with whom you want to spend every fun moment. Your perfect match will be your best friend.
This is the guy who makes it hard to remember what life was like before you met and the person you can’t imagine life without. According to Bolde, “In your head, you can’t even imagine what’d happen if you split up — since not only would you lose a boyfriend, but you might also tarnish the best friendship you’ve ever had.”
1 They’re Not Compatible If They Have A Different Opinion On Kids
Two people get together, eventually move in together, get married and then they do or don’t have children. Do you want kids one day? Does your partner? How many and when?If you and your partner share a different opinion on the kids topic, you are not compatible.
“If you have a deep, ingrained desire to have a family of your own, it's a mistake to think this is something that will go away in your mind or heart,” professional matchmaker Sophy Singer explains to Bustle. “Do not assume you can change your partner's mind over time — especially if they clearly stated children are a no-go.”
Sources: Lifehack, Bustle, Elite Daily, Bolde