Chemistry is an important part of romantic relationships. It’s the connection two people share that can’t be explained, their feelings for each other that aren’t always logical, and the bond that forms from the second they meet.
It’s possible to make a relationship work if two people don’t have chemistry, but it will never feel as natural, or as amazing, as it feels to be with a truly compatible partner.
When it comes to identifying whether one’s relationship is based on chemistry or is, for lack of a better expression, a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, the answer is pretty straightforward.
Relationships that are based on chemistry have certain characteristics, and similarly, those that are unnatural and forced also have telltale signs. All we have to do is learn what to look out for.
When we have chemistry with someone else, everything will feel easy and natural. Even though there may be challenges, they won’t feel impossible. Being with that person will feel like second nature. On the contrary, when we don’t have chemistry with someone, a lot of the time, being with them will just feel wrong.
Keep reading to find out 10 signs that a relationship is based on chemistry and 10 that it’s not a good match.
20 There’s Chemistry: There’s An Abundance Of Smiles
Smiling is always a good thing, and that’s especially true when you’re trying to tell whether you and a love interest have chemistry or not. According to the dating experts at Power of Positivity, a true connection between people normally brings plenty of smiles, and “the reason is simple. When our brain is happy, we smile; a natural reaction that occurs between both friends and romantic interests.”
The site also reports that even when someone is naturally shy, or introverted, they will still smile when there is a true connection with someone. Proof you really can’t make this stuff up!
19 Not A Good Fit: They Feel Like They Can’t Be Themselves Around Each Other
If you don’t feel like you can be yourself around your date, it could be because you’re just not that compatible or you don’t share a lot of chemistry. On the other hand, according to Elite Daily, when you are compatible with someone else, “You automatically sense that you don’t need to edit yourself, your statements, or your attitude. You can simply be.”
It can take some time to feel truly comfortable in your own skin around a date, but keep in mind that this day will always come if there is chemistry. But if you’re a square peg and a round hole, you’ll always feel out of place.
18 There’s Chemistry: The Physical Attraction Is Very Obvious
Physical attraction isn’t the only important aspect of a relationship, but it is a huge part of separating a romantic relationship from a friendship. A good indicator of chemistry is how attracted you are to each other, which comes down to biology. “We’re genetically inclined to seek someone with whom we have a strong physical attraction,” reports Power of Positivity.
This isn’t always something you can explain, either. It kind of just happens. Your type might be blonde hair, blue eyes, and freckles, but you might find yourself physically attracted to someone with black hair and brown eyes and no freckles one day. You can’t plan chemistry!
17 Not A Good Fit: It's Awkward When They're Silent
Generally speaking, you’re always more comfortable in the presence of someone with whom you share chemistry. That means that if even if there are silences between you when you’re hanging out together, you won’t feel the rush to fill them, and you won’t feel like it’s overly awkward.
In the beginning, when you’re still nervous, you might feel like you want to try and find something to say so it’s not silent, but as time goes on, you’ll realize that you’re comfortable enough with them to just sit. If you always have to be talking or doing something, there might not be that much chemistry between you.
16 There’s Chemistry: Their Sense Of Humor Is The Same
Sense of humor is super important in relationships, and if your sense of humor fits in well with your partner’s, it could be because there’s a lot of chemistry between you. If you laugh at the same things and are able to make each other laugh, it’s usually because you can connect on a level that others can’t and you just fit together like two peas in a pod.
“Most individuals who have a similar sense of humor also think alike,” states Power of Positivity. “It’s also a reliable and tested way to determine whether or not you have a connection with someone else.”
15 Not A Good Fit: Butterflies Are Not Going Crazy In Their Stomachs
Being plagued with intense anxiety isn’t a good feeling, but at the same time, you don’t want your stomach to be totally void of butterflies when you’re dating someone, at least in the beginning. Those nerves mean you care, and this person means something to you, even though the butterflies tend to disappear over time.
If you have absolutely no nerves at all in the beginning, it could be because there’s no spark with the other person, and consequently, you just don’t care that much about them. Your stomach tends to drop in a good way when you have chemistry with someone.
14 There’s Chemistry: They’re Instantly Comfortable With Each Other
Power of Positivity explains that how comfortable you are with the other person can be a very clear indicator of chemistry and natural compatibility. “When we meet someone for the first time, our natural tendency is to ‘stiffen up.’ Our posture is straight, we use formal language, display nervous quirks etc.,” explains the site.
“For some strange reason, certain people create this overwhelming sense of comfort (which may be spiritually tied, as well).” Even though someone can give you butterflies in a good way, you’ll still feel comfortable with them if you have chemistry and are naturally compatible as a couple.
13 Not A Good Fit: They Don’t Think About Each Other When They’re Not With Each Other
Chemistry with another person is powerful, and usually, doesn’t make a lot of sense. It is strong enough to dominate your thoughts and force your attention on that person, even when you’re meant to be doing something else.
So if you never think about the other person when you’re not with them, and they never enter your thought space, it could be because you’re not compatible with them and there are no sparks between you. Or if you do share sparks, they’re not very strong. Chemistry doesn’t come along every day, so when you do experience it, it’s usually a big deal!
12 There’s Chemistry: The Absence Between Them Is Tough To Take
When you do have chemistry with another person, you’ll find that you miss them a lot when they’re not there, and in their absence, you’ll always be excited for the next time you get to see them. This may diminish a little as the relationship moves out of the honeymoon phase, but it will never disappear entirely.
Your life will be enhanced when that person is there, and so you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Even on those days when they’re driving you mad, you’ll eventually long for them to be by your side. Chemistry definitely is a beautiful thing!
11 Not A Good Fit: Their Behavior Around Each Other Is Fake And Forced
There’s no need to fake anything when you have chemistry with someone. That’s the whole point—you’re a naturally good fit. On the flip side, you probably will have to fake and force everything with someone who’s not a good match for you. The laughter won’t happen easily, the conversation won’t happen easily, and the physical side won’t happen easily, so if you want it, you have to force it.
It’s easy to tell the difference between a relationship that’s filled with chemistry and one that’s not a good fit on this front—one will feel like hard work that tests every fiber of your being, and the other will be like second nature.
10 There’s Chemistry: Some Of Their Interests Are The Same
It’s not necessarily a bad thing if you have different interests from your partner. A little variation can make a relationship a little spicier! But if some of your interests are the same, it’s a sign that you have some chemistry between you. Especially when lovers are two different genders, it’s actually rare to find someone who has many of the same interests.
So if you do find someone who does take an interest in some of your hobbies, or shares the same passions as you do, it is definitely a sign that you have an extra layer of compatibility between you.
9 Not A Good Fit: They Never Gravitate Toward Each Other
When two people are naturally compatible and share chemistry, they tend to gravitate toward each other, either in a crowded room or when they’re alone. They’ll naturally feel like being close to each other and touching each other, whether it’s standing side, side or holding hands, or giving each other a big hug when you meet.
But if there is always a distance between you and your partner, and the distance feels natural, it could be time to re-evaluate whether you are meant to be together or not. Being physically close will feel normal if you have chemistry and uncomfortable if you don’t.
8 There’s Chemistry: The Banter Is Effortless
According to the romance gurus at Elite Daily, the conversation between two people will flow easily if they have emotional chemistry. The questions and stories will just run on from each other, and time will go by so quickly as they continue to talk. There might be a few pauses here and there, but they will feel natural and not awkward or uncomfortable. Conversations with that person will actually be enjoyable, and you’ll love talking to them.
If you don’t have chemistry, you might have to fill your conversation with small talk and discuss things like the weather and the latest movies you’ve seen, and you’ll probably lowkey be wishing you were somewhere else.
7 Not A Good Fit: There’s Doubt That They Feel The Same Way
A strong indication that you have chemistry with someone else is if you don’t have to second-guess or wonder how they feel about you. When there is chemistry, it’s a mutual experience. You’re both drawn to each other. Of course, obstacles get in the way, and there’s not a guaranteed happy ending for every couple that shares chemistry. But it won’t be a one-sided thing.
If you can’t stop thinking about them and you’re not even a factor in their thought process, it’s probably more likely to be infatuation than chemistry. The strong feelings will flow from both sides equally.
6 There’s Chemistry: They Mirror Each Other Without Realizing
Mirroring refers to the phenomenon of someone imitating another person’s gestures, speech patterns, and attitude, whether they realize it or not. It is common to mirror someone you’re attracted to and you have a connection with, and if you’re always mirroring your partner or vice versa, it could be because you are naturally compatible.
That’s why body language experts make such a big deal out of mirroring—when two people are photographed mirroring each other, it often shows that they have a very strong connection and deep bond. Without realizing, you might mirror your partner by crossing your arms when they do or adopting a laugh that’s similar to theirs.
5 Not A Good Fit: Time Drags When Spent Together
There’s truth to the saying that time flies when you’re having fun. Time also seems to go very quickly when you’re in the company of those you get along really well with. By comparison, when you’re spending time with someone who’s not a great match for it, it can feel like the hands on the clock are taking forever to move.
Time really does drag when you’re with someone you have no chemistry with because everything about your interactions is difficult—it’s hard to talk to them, to make them laugh, and to relate to what they’re saying. Classic square peg and round hole!
4 There’s Chemistry: They Share A Spiritual Connection
People who believe they have found their soulmates often talk about sharing a spiritual connection with their partner, or being kindred spirits. In other words, they meet someone they feel comfortable with on more than just a physical level—they understand each other in a much deeper way. And this feeling, whether you want to call it a spiritual connection or something else, is usually a sign of chemistry.
“I do know that when I first meet someone and experience that feeling, it puts me into the flow of life,” explains Kelly Campbell to Psychology Today, an Associate Professor of Psychology at California State University (via Power of Positivity).
3 Not A Good Fit: Locking Eyes Is Awkward And Uncomfortable
Eye contact can say a lot about a person’s inner feelings. When we are romantically interested in someone, we tend to stare at them more than we stare at other people. And when we are in a relationship with someone and we share a lot of chemistry with them, we’ll naturally feel inclined to make eye contact. Staring into each other’s eyes won’t be awkward.
But eye contact can also be quite confrontational, so if someone else (who isn’t compatible with you) tries to stare into your eyes for too long, it will probably make you feel like squirming in your chair.
2 There’s Chemistry: There’s A Strong Sense Of Familiarity
For whatever reason, there tends to be a sense of familiarity between people when they have chemistry, even if they haven’t known each other for that long. Because they recognize so much of themselves in the other person—whether it’s because they have similar interests or a similar sense of humor or similar values—they’ll feel like they’re home when they’re together.
And as they get to know each other better, this feeling will only get deeper. This is rare, but you’ll totally be able to tell if it’s happening to you because you’ll feel very comfortable in the other person’s presence.
1 Not A Good Fit: Other People Never Assume They’re A Couple
The opinions of other people don’t always have to matter, but sometimes, impartial observers might be onto something. If other people never assume that you and your partner or date are romantically involved, it could be because you’re giving off signs that imply there’s no chemistry between you.
You might not even realize that you never stand close together, or that you never laugh together, or that your smiles are all fake and forced. Of course, other people could be wrong, since they’ll never know what happens behind closed doors. But it’s still something to think about if you constantly get comments that you don’t seem like a couple.
Sources: Power of Positivity, Elite Daily, Her Way, Thought Catalog