Lust and love are two very powerful and sometimes all-consuming feelings. Sometimes we can even get the two mixed up. When you are starting out in a new relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you are in lust or love because those feelings are so strong. There are ways to tell, however, and certainly some red flags that would suggest your man is only in lust.
Obviously, if you are in love with someone, you are lusting after them as well, so how do you know if it's more than that? When you are in love, you are also going to be lusting after your partner, but you are also interested in connecting with that person on a deeper emotional level. Lust is more about being physically interested in someone. Once those desires have been met, you don’t really think about the person's needs after that. Whether it’s love or lust, you will have the answers to your questions soon. Check out these 10 red flags he’s just lusting after her (& 10 early signs that show he wants more).
Again, if you are in love you are likely doing the same thing, but lust is a little different because you will find your man only wants time in the bedroom. It could be the best you've ever had, but it’s likely just that for him. He hasn’t met your friends, you guys rarely go out as a couple, it seems that he just wants to chill at your place all the time and get busy. If you want to test the waters suggest having a PG date and see how he reacts.
And we aren’t talking about for a booty call. If you are dating someone and they are always texting you, that shows more interest than just lust. He will also replay to you instantly.
He’s not the guy that will make you wait hours for a response.
He also won’t message you at 2 a.m. saying, “What are you doing?” Even if he doesn’t send you long messages, he will find some way to connect with you throughout the day to let you know that he’s thinking of you.
If things happened really fast physically, then there is a chance that he’s just in it for lust. There is no harm in waiting to run to the bedroom. By giving yourself some time to get to know each other, you also have a chance to see what his true intentions are. A guy who is just in lust won’t wait around long if he’s not getting what he wants. Love takes time, while lust is fast pace. "Love understands that [a true connection] is developed over a long time and through many seasons of life," says dating and relationship coach Monica Parikh, of the School of Love NYC.
One strong indicator of whether he is in love rather than lust is whether or not you have met his friends. If you have, then great, it’s not lust. A guy who is only interested in one thing will not bother to introduce you to his friends because it’s pointless.
He doesn’t see you in his future and he may not even mention your name to his friends at all.
But if he mentions you to his friends all the time, then that’s something entirely different.
The two of you are getting so busy that you are actually becoming sore. Again, lust is also a part of love especially at the beginning because you just can’t seem to get enough of that person. A guy who is just in lust will not bother chatting you up and getting to know you. Someone who is in love will be content with hanging out on the couch watching a movie, and won’t be dragging you to the bedroom constantly.
If a guy is in love, he will hang out with you even if he knows he’s not getting an action. He’ll ask you to go to the movies or out to dinner.
A guy who is just lusting after you won’t bother to do things like that because he’s not interested in having long conversations with you over dinner.
A guy who is in love with want to know more about you, and he will take interest in you. If you say no to ending the night in the bedroom, he’s still going to come back the next day.
Are you rarely getting a response from this guy and then all of a sudden he responds at 11 p.m.? You message him, he doesn’t respond for hours, and then you get the “sorry, I’ve been busy” message. Don’t believe it. Anyone who has a smartphone likely has it with them at all times and no one is that busy — not all the time anyways. If a guy is really into you, trust us, he’s going to message you back promptly. He may just be lusting after you if you have a hard time getting a hold of him when you aren’t in the bedroom.
If he is bringing you out on the town, then you likely have nothing to worry about. It’s when a guy appears to be “hiding” you that you have something to worry about. It’s one thing if he starts bringing you out with his friends, but it puts you on a whole new level if he brings you to events with only couples, like game night. You pretty much have your answer right there. If he brings you to couple events, he isn’t interested in keeping things casual.
If a guy is hiding things from you, that’s generally a bad sign. But if he’s an open book, it’s likely he wants to stick around in your life. The ways that he is open with you aren’t just about talking with you but also you can see it when he uses his phone openly around you. Does he hide his social media accounts from you? These are all little hints on how he thinks about you. Keep your eyes peeled for these clues.
If a guy is lusting after you that means he’s not looking for commitment and could likely be lusting after other women as well. That may be something you want to look into if you want to be exclusive. If he’s always surrounded by women and is extremely social, it might be because you are just one of many. A man who is always surrounded by women is likely to feel challenged to conquer them all. He shouldn’t have a bunch of ties to women anyway. If he’s going to commit to someone, those ties have to be broken at some point.
As far as you can see, there are no ex-girlfriends lingering around and no other female interests in the picture. That shows that he is only interested in you. A guy who is looking to commit to you will show you that you are all that he’s interested in.
He’s not going to make you fight for his attention or make you feel like you are second fiddle to another girl.
If he loves you, he will show you that all the time.
When you are in love, you learn to let things go. You’re not really worried about where your partner is all the time.
"Infatuation seeks to control. Love is when you cede control,"
Parikh said. “Love understands that we are all autonomous beings seeking our individual fulfillment, which may not perfectly align to your vision.” Any guy that is controlling will not have your best interests at heart. He’s not even worried about your interests never mind whether he’s taking care of them properly.
A great sign of whether or not you are a booty call is whether you have slept at his house without getting busy. If you can sleep together without doing the deed, then that is a sign of love and not lust. If you are just a "lust" partner for him, he’s likely not going to let you sleep over at all. He will either come to your house and leave or call you an Uber if you are at his house. A guy who loves you will love sleepy beside you whether you are getting busy or not.
There is nothing to lose in an argument is he is just in lust with you. When you are in a relationship you are playing for keeps. Either you guys are never fighting because you have nothing invested in each other or things get explosive because no one wants to cave in an argument.
"In infatuation, when one partner hurts the other, the trauma pulls apart the relationship. In love, each partner sees the trauma as the catalyst for deeper understanding,"
Parikh explained. If he is never interested in resolving a fight, it’s likely because he doesn’t care.
We’re not talking about a 3-week vacation to Europe. Obviously, if you are doing those things, then you are already a couple. But if he asks you to go with him overnight to visit a friend or ask you to join a New Year’s Eve event where everyone is getting a hotel room, then that’s a sign that he wants you around long-term. These are the kinds of things that show that he’s looking for a girlfriend and not something short-term.
Does it seem like only his needs are being met during this dating scenario? If so, then it’s likely because he is only interested in one thing and it’s not to meet all your needs. Ask yourself some difficult questions about the guy you are dating. If he’s just coming over for bedroom action, then he can get that from anywhere. A guy who commits does it because he finds something in you that he doesn't feel like he can get from anyone else because you two have a special connection.
If you are literally just some guy’s booty call, we assure you that you will never hear from him when something big happens in his life. But if you guys are in love, then he’s going to lean on you when something bad happens whether that’s losing a job or a family member. If he’s including you like this, it’s because he loves you and sees you in his future. And don't forget, if something big happens to you, then, if he loves you, he will step up and be your person through thick and thin.
If you are trying to talk to him and he keeps making bedroom jokes, then he only has one thing on his mind. It’s probably because that’s all he’s interested in. He doesn’t want to have deep and meaningful conversations with you. He likes to keep things light and casual. That kind of situation might be exhausting for you because it’s just so immature. You may find that he has nothing to talk about that doesn’t revolve around the bedroom. If so, you might want to think about kicking him to the curb.
A man who loves you will go out of his way to see you, even if he just saw you recently. It won’t revolve around the bedroom, he just wants to be near you. He will likely make time for you a few times a week where you can go out and do something together.
He may even drive an hour out of the way if it means seeing you.
A guy that loves you will drive in snowstorms to make sure that he can come and see you. Regardless of whether it’s convenient for him or not, a guy that cares will move mountains for his girl.