Yoga is not a practice for all. Many people love yoga for its plethora of benefits, while many people dislike yoga for the many things that it forces you to change about your lifestyle. Yoga is a practice filled with endless lessons that you continue to learn and explore throughout your lifetime. Yoga is more than just a physical workout; it is a lifelong, internal journey through your own self. So, if you’re thinking about starting a yoga practice, think twice. Here are ten verifiable reasons that you should never start a yoga practice. Like ever.
9 You’ll Never Enjoy Beer-Battered Chicken Wings Again
Let’s face it: practicing yoga will put your days of chili cheese fries washed down with a liter of coke behind you. And, honestly, nobody wants that when the best part of your 4am McDonalds runs is the Big Mac that you can't even fit in your mouth with a side of deliciously greasy fries. Yoga teaches you to respect and honor your body, but adopting a healthy, nondestructive lifestyle is certainly no fun at all. So don’t think twice about eating your favorite carcinogenic foods. You really don’t want have to give up beer-battered chicken wings.
8 Crying And Snoring In Public Will Become Normal
Anyone who has ever practiced with a particularly poignant yoga teacher knows that sometimes he or she can say just the right thing to trigger a stream of tears running down your face. Or anyone who has fallen asleep during savasana, the final resting pose, during a yoga class knows that a bit of snoring after a tough workout sometimes happens. Yoga encourages you to actually feel your feelings and experience them completely. So if crying makes you feel particularly uncomfortable or if you enjoy keeping your emotions locked up tight, then do yourself a favor and never enter a yoga studio.
7 You Will Have To Let Go Of All Your Favorite Grudges
Yoga teaches the practice of nonattachment. Nonattachment to each and every thing. And that means absolutely everything, including your favorite grudges. So that lying, cheating ex-boyfriend? Say goodbye to every ounce of satisfaction you get from cursing him out. Your lifelong sibling rivalry? You will let that go. And where is the fun in that? The practice of yoga teaches you to let go of anything that does not serve you, so if you think your grudges are serving you just fine, then do not practice yoga.
6 You’ll Become Satisfied With Your Body
This means that you will not be able to nitpick every single bodily imperfection with your friends anymore or even by yourself in front of the mirror. And that is a big deal. Yoga teaches acceptance and self-love and that directly conflicts with the way you may look at and/or talk about yourself. So why would you ever want to love yourself when you can rip apart every fault you find instead? What will you spend your time doing if you really love your body? Better to just stay away from yoga.
5 You’ll Lose All The Fun From Partying
Again, yoga teaches you to care for your body as your temple. So staying up all night taking tequila shots doesn’t exactly correspond well with waking up at 7am for your morning meditation and practice. Nor does getting completely obliterated at all. Taking care of your body will become a priority and poisoning it every weekend will become less and less important to you. So, definitely do not start practicing yoga if you enjoy treating your body like a garbage can.
4 You Enjoy Your Back Pain As It Is
No interest in fixing that horrible ache in your lower back from sitting at your desk job all day? You love that feeling like you can't walk when you wake up after a rough night of sleep? Then definitely do not practice yoga. Yoga has been known to alleviate all sorts of aches and pains throughout the body, leaving you feeling younger, more refreshed and virtually pain free. So if you enjoy your pain, then stay far, far away from yoga or you just might lose it all.
3 You Will Lose All Fashion Sense
Yoga pants. Need I say more? The most versatile and unbelievably comfortable clothing that you could ever place on your body, yoga pants will soon become your only wardrobe choice. Not only do they go with every single outfit, but they also make you ready to drop everything and workout on a whim. Honestly, don’t even try them on. You will never go back to jeans as long as you live.
2 You Love Being Judgmental
If being judgmental is totally your thing, then yoga is not for you. Yoga just seems to always suck the fun out of judging people, even your worst enemies. Yoga teaches you to see every person as if he or she is one and the same with you, to see the commonality and the similarity between every sentient being. That means that when you judge someone, it says more about who you are as a person than who he or she is. And that just makes judging people so much less fun. So judge away! But also stay far away from yoga because it will completely change the way you judge others.
1 You Don't Want To Find Balance
Balance is a crucial part of any yoga practice. Balance of the physical body, balance in the breath, and balance of the mind are all fundamental elements of a yoga practice. Yoga invites you to explore the inner workings of your body and mind to work toward a place of balance and calm both on and off your mat. There are plenty of physical balancing postures in the practice; but, more importantly, yoga offers you a chance to find balance internally. If you prefer living your life like the sky has turned upside down, then stay far, far away from yoga.
Flexibility (In Every Way) Does Not Appeal To You At All
If you like being tight and wrung up, then yoga is not for you. Yoga not only stretches and releases the tight muscles of your body, but it also expands any “tight” places of your mind. Yoga creates flexibility of body, mind and soul, so anyone that enjoys being “stuck” in these places should exercise extreme caution before practicing yoga. Yoga teaches you to be flexible in the way you view the world and the way that you view yourself and if you prefer the limitations that you have already created, then stick to what you already know and do not practice yoga.