Want to know your partner better? Well, take a look at his darker, more sinister side. Not everything is rainbows, puppies, and gumdrops when it comes to love and relationships. Be more careful. To completely understand someone, you’ve got to weigh their pros and cons. Without light, there is no dark and vice versa. Stop hoping for your man to turn into some version of Prince Charming and start facing that he’s got an obnoxious side, too. The beauty and the beast are just two sides of the same coin, so start looking at your man in the same way. As amazing as he might be, there are also some not so desirable aspects to his personality. And these can all be determined through astrology.
With so many romantic comedies to choose from, it was hard to come up with this list, but I did my best in compiling the biggest douchebags of all time and matching their personalities to the most appropriate zodiac sign. FYI: For this article, I am only considering the sun sign here. This is not an in depth evaluation of romcom douches. Nevertheless, this could serve as reference to determine what type of guy you’re with already or what type of guy you’ve considered taking the next step with. Be observant and pay attention to details when it comes to deciding who should take a piece of your heart. More importantly, don’t let any douchebag have a shot. Make sure you evaluate his level of obnoxiousness and decide if that’s something you can put up with. If it’s not, then it’s no big deal. There are plenty of romcom douches that come and go, but choose wisely, ladies. We wouldn’t want to keep getting our hearts broken, would we?
12. Aries: Joey Donner (10 Things I hate About You)
Aries, at their worst, can be arrogant with a capital A. They can also be passive-aggressive if they feel attacked or if they’re not given enough attention. Aries need attention because to them, everything is about them. No questions asked. The world revolves around an Aries. And if you don’t make it spin around them, they will let you know. This sums up Joey Donner. He’s selfish, pretentious and vain like nobody’s business. He’s too preoccupied with him and himself. He flawlessly exhibits the classic Aries selfishness and pro-active behavior. His aspirations of modeling and getting abs are major indicators of Aries’ need for attention. Plus, he’s totally into sports and is the movie’s quintessential jock heart throb. Aries, if pushed to their extreme, will be so egocentric that what they do and say has the potential to scar you for life. It’s a fire sign trait. These typical douche personality traits of an Aries are not likely to mesh well with most signs, and even less with earth and water signs. Fire burns fire, but at the end of the day, it’s still fire. So a douchebag Aries guy is best paired with another fire sign. If you’re willing to put up with this, be prepared to be burned time and time again. And if you do something bad and he gets even, you can expect him to say something like, “Don’t be such a baby.” What a prick.
11. Taurus: Josh Bryant (Princess Diaries)
The Taurus douchebag is after luxury. These can either come in the form of wealth, prestige, or both. You must be part of the cream of the crop in order to satisfy a Taurus douche or he will turn his nose up at you, even if he comes from a lesser class system himself. Guys with this sign have a sense of entitlement and a real drive to acquire goods and riches. Simply put, Taurus douchebags are opportunists. Josh Bryant conforms to the one-dimensional, money-hungry, popular douche trope. His character is standard Taurus because he was able to easily manipulate Princess Mia, who, poor thing, was desperate for attention from her crush and falls for his shady advances. He seeks fame and fortune, period, which is in the nature of Taurus. If there is no luxury resting on the horizon in the relationship, you best believe that a Taurus won’t last long and will leave before you realize it. He’ll be looking for the next opportunity to lead him to the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Taurus douchebags aren’t shy about wanting the best of the best and are even prone to brag about it.
10. Gemini: Dean Sampson, Jr. (She’s All That)
When it comes to flirting and tricking, Gemini is the douchebag of the century. They are the two-faced, two-timers who aren’t embarrassed about their propensity to stir up trouble wherever they go and whenever they so desire. Gemini’s relish in starting gossip and thrive on elements of drama. For them, this is their idea of entertainment. Dean Sampson Jr. is one of the worst kinds of douchebags because he pits women against each other for his own amusement and sabotages his best friend for the sake of a bet. This type of douchebag behavior has Gemini written all over it. Gemini’s revel in watching people fight over them. It boosts their self-esteem and is also indicative of the divisiveness in their own personality. Because Gemini’s are so divisive, it’s nice for them to see that duality manifest outside of themselves. Dean Sampson Jr. even tries to take advantage of the film’s heroine. That’s one of the darkest aspects about Gemini’s, their audacity. They are certain they can charm the pants or skirts off of anyone no matter the circumstance. And that is ultimate sign of a Gemini douchebag at his worst.
9. Cancer: Guy Perkins (Never Been Kissed)
Cancers don’t exactly embody the douchebag stereotype the way others do. They are way too sensitive to be considered jerks and are so emotionally charged. Much like women, if they hurt someone, they’ll feel like they are hurting themselves. But they do tend to be tactless, which causes them to say hurtful things in the most awkward moments. They don’t do it to be malicious, it just comes out that way because they are a water sign, and water happens to flow all over the place. Guy Perkins is a perfect example of a Cancer douchebag because he often makes disrespectful comments to Josie without meaning to be. He’s overwhelmed by emotions that he can’t control himself and just be honest with what he’s feeling. Plus, he’s obsessed with virgins, which is very characteristic of a Cancer sign. They are tied to the moon, which is the ultimate source of feminine energy. The purity of virginity attracts Cancer douchebags. Craving purity, and a time when we were all innocent, is very typical of a Cancer. Past events, childhood, and feminine energies are all directly tied to Cancers’ energy. You see, even if a Cancer wanted to be a huge douchebag, it would be tough for them simply because their emotions would get the best of them.
8. Leo: Aldous Snow (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)
We can’t blame Leos for being so attractive, but we can begrudge them for knowing it and outright flaunting it in our faces. Leo douchebags are not shy about shoving their beauty in your face and making you feel insecure about your own looks. A Leo’s version of a douchebag is all about being the leader of the pack or pride. They want everyone to want them. And if someone doesn’t want a Leo, well, you will hear the roar of torment as displayed in rude comments and putdowns. Aldous Snow is the typical dreamboat, but he is the rockstar babe that drives all the girls wild. We all fall for him, that is, until he opens his mouth. Leos are better seen rather than heard. His entitled attitude is also consistent with Leo douche quality. Aldous likes to get the attention of any and all girls, hence his choice in career because no other sign feels more at home on stage than the Leo. Leo douches wants all eyes on them, period. They don’t take no for an answer. Should you turn down a Leo douche, they will exclaim defeat by spouting out a few hurtful lines before they walk away with their tail between their legs. Fire signs are known for burning with fury should they be rejected or feel ignored.
7. Virgo: Nate (Devil Wears Prada)
Virgo douchebags are usually critical AF. For no other sign analyzes a situation to the depths that a Virgo can. They plan and organize so that everything falls in their favor. That is just the way of a Virgo douche, so don’t think you can outsmart them – it is highly unlikely that you will even see them coming. Yes, they are that coy and that meticulous. Hence, Nate from Devil Wear Prada is the epitome of a Virgo douchebag. To them, love is not for building, but for being torn down. That’s why Nate becomes a bit jealous of Andy, especially when she starts to change because she is no longer the down-to-earth girl Nate once knew. Virgos are all about being down to earth. Being super focused on his career is another telltale sign of Virgo tendencies because they are all about development and improvement. There’s also the fact that he hates most things, which is totally critical Virgo, although they might deny it. He hates birthday parties, people showing up late, and despises fashion. Virgos are critical to the point of nauseating. He’s both classy and classless, both highly indicative of a Virgo.
6. Libra: Warner Huntington III (Legally Blonde)
It’s amazing how Libra douches know how to balance two women at the same time. In some cases, up to three or four. Yes, those justice seeking Libras are also known as the experts when it comes to cheating. The Libra douchebag’s tendencies sets in when he decides to be dishonest. Rather than tell women he’d rather not be exclusive, he claims loyalty before he realizes what he’s got himself into. Then when he realizes his mistake, he’s already off romancing the next victim. What makes their style of being a douchebag so different is that they are really charming. Libras have a knack for saying the right thing at the right time, building attraction and then swooping in for the kill. Warner Huntington II is a high-level douche bag. Not only is he charming, but he manages to trick not one, but two powerful women within the span of the movie. This is world class Libra douche at its peak. Plus, Warner Huntington III is the law school boy and nothing screams Libra like the justice persona.
5. Scorpio: Dusty Dinkleman (Just Friends)
If Scorpios desire anything at all, it’s not sex or secrets or darkness – that’s what they want you to think. And if you thought that, you fell for their ploy. What the Scorpio wants more than anything else in this world is power. So when you mix a power hungry sign with doucheness, you get the nerdy, unsuspecting, revengeful character of Just Friends, Dusty Dinkleman. He’s totally power-hungry and even has tendencies of being a pathological liar. He starts to scam on Jaime immediately and it’s as though he’s been plotting and scheming this whole time, which is so typical of a Scorpio. No other sign can patiently wait their rise or return to power like a Scorpio. The plot to seek revenge is smeared with Scorpio tendencies. Plus, he’s semi-mysterious and alluring, both major qualities of a Scorpio. But when turned on its tail, those qualities sting like the Dickens. Dusty pawns off his cheating as just another fling which boils doing to the straight up cold ways Scorpios can look at partners and sexual interactions. Unless they are emotionally invested, it will be just another fling. While we’re not surprised by the doucheness of Dusty, we can definitely chalk it up to Scorpio behavior. It’s the kind of that screams, “I do whatever the hell I want.”
4. Sagittarius: Glenn Guglia (The Wedding Singer)
Sagittarius want nothing else but adventure. If that means taking a trip from one country to the next, fine. Great, let’s do it. This sentiment is what Sagittarius seems to say without thinking twice. But this adventurous streak could also manifest in hopping from one bed to another. Nothing is too risky for a Sagittarius who’s caught up deep in the trenches of wild adventure seeking. The Sagittarius douche will jump from one escapade to another without thinking twice and then later romantically philosophize that mess as though they did it for a soul-searching reason, completely ignoring all the damaged hearts and humans along the way. When Glenn Guglia treats women like prizes, animals that must be tamed, and jungles that must be explored, he is personifying the Sagittarius’ version of a douchebag. He wants nothing more than to indulge in his own pleasures. This impulse to indulge in whatever he wants is dictated by Jupiter’s influence, the ruler of Sagittarius. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting Julia soon-to-be Guglia is oblivious to Glenn’s savage ways.
3. Capricorn: Sack Lodge (Wedding Crashers)
The coldest and coolest of the signs has to be Capricorn. No other sign keeps their emotions together, sets off on a mission and accomplishes it, and still maintain total decorum regardless of any disasters or stresses that might befall the situation. A Capricorn is cool, calm, and collected. But when taken to the extreme, can be so cold they burn. A Capricorn douche can be summed up in two words – dry ice. Sack Lodge is totally put together and really embodies that business-minded and successful persona of the upper crust of society. He’s made it to the top, maybe not by his own doing, but he won’t fall, believe that. He’s so emotionally frigid that he abuses his girlfriend Claire even in the company of others. That just shows his inability to sympathize with others and what a coldhearted snake he truly is. It’s not easy to like a Capricorn because they feel so distant, which is another reason why Sack Lodge fits the Capricorn douche title to a capital T.
2. Aquarius: Ted (Bridesmaids)
The freedom-loving spirit of the Aquarius is so easy to spot from a mile away (or even a million miles away). They are the journeymen on the road, going solo or searching for their next fair-weather friend or lover (they don’t really differentiate between the two). For an Aquarius, getting caught up in a relationship is a waste of time, and with so much to do in this lifetime, it doesn’t make sense to them. They have humanitarian missions, yes, but when pushed to their worst, that humanitarian spin will be spun for them alone, totally disregarding that other humans walk among him. Ted from Bridesmaids is a commitment-phobic pig and an overt douche. An Aquarius won’t see anything wrong with being so overt, either. They will just say it’s their nature and more on, literally and figuratively. They don’t see anything wrong with honesty, and Ted proves his Aquarian doucheness by saying, “Wow, this is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don’t know how to say it without sounding like a dick.” They want human contact, albeit briefly and solely for their own selfish needs. Pioneering through the world doesn’t allow them any time to build serious bonds between them and others.
1. Pisces: Billy Christianson (Romy And Michele’s High School Reunion)
Pisces are often misunderstood and are the most likely to get several broken hearts in a lifetime. Poor Pisces, right? Wrong. Because what Pisces needs to realize is that in order to be understood, they have to stop swimming so deeply in those emotional waters and come up for some air. Drowning in their emotions only causes them to become consumed by emotional paranoia and protection. As a result, they tend to lash out at others, say cruel things, and regret them later. It’s a douche’s cycle and it’s the same one that happens to Billy Christianson in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Once very charming and mysterious, Billy stole Michele’s heart. But as an, adult she saw the error of his and her ways. He hasn’t changed at all and he’s still that emotional loser who can’t distinguish between reality and fiction. He’s still swimming in those deep waters. In order to get put a Pisces douche in his place, the best thing to do is give them a taste of their own medicine. That will open their eyes once and for all and they will more likely see where they go wrong when it comes to romance. That’s exactly what Romy does, and hopefully this Pisces douche wakes up from his lucid dreams and learn how to treat women as the goddesses they are.
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