This is the best dating advice you will read anywhere.
All of us single ladies want to know the answer to the ultimate question, “How can I find love?” Even if you’re cool with being single right now, you want to find love eventually, right? Everyone wants to settle down eventually and find that special someone to grow old with. Or maybe you’re not thinking that far ahead and you just want somebody you can share all the love you have to give in the near future.
So we asked a bunch of top dating coaches, bloggers and authors to answer the following question:
“What is your number one tip for finding love?”
And they sure came up with some fascinating responses! You’re about to be hit with some real food for thought concerning the dating game. You know the advice is legit too. It’s one thing getting advice from your friend Jane who has had a string of failed relationship, it’s another thing getting advice from people who have dedicated their careers to helping others find love.
Take a look at these amazing snippets of advice from top dating experts and find what works for you. Who knows? This could change your life.
16. Treat every new relationship like it’s your first
Now this can be difficult, as you might have been hurt or you may have had bad luck in love. But this is ever more reason to be open to new partners. What if your new potential partner has been through their own tough times. They should not be penalized for someone else treating your poorly.
Chelsea Black, Dating Coach and Blogger
“Don’t let the bruises and memories of the past spoil all the first feelings like your first kiss, your first date, your first 3 hour telephone conversation, your first fight. Treat every potential new relationship like it’s a first love. This is easier said and done but is the only way to keep going when dating gets you down.”
15. Know what you want
This sounds easier than it might be, you need to truly search within yourself to find out what you want out of a relationship.
Anna Goldfarb, Dating Blogger and Author
“The number one tip I have for finding love is to know what you want!
If you want a long-term commitment, don’t look to a one-night stand to provide it. Conversely, don’t get romantically involved with guy who’s looking to settle down if you’re not ready to commit. Both cases guarantee drama and hurt feelings.
If you want a long-term commitment, find someone who wants it too. If you want something no-strings attached, find someone who’s down for the same. They should really teach this in school!”
14. Know what turns you on and what turns you off
It’s important that you know what your deal-breakers are when it comes to relationships. What is it that you really want in a partner and what really turns you off? That’s the only way you going to find the right person for you, somebody who meets your criteria.
James Preece, Dating Coach and Expert
“The more important thing you can do to find love is to think about exactly who you want to meet. What do they look like and what are their values, ambitions and hobbies? If you don’t have any idea then you’ll never know when you’ve met them. You don’t have to make a fixed wishlist, but a few important non-negotiables will help you focus on someone truly compatible. Remember, you attract what you think about so the better the image in your head the more likely you’ll meet them. Dream big!”
13. Be absolutely clear about what you want
Lauren Crouch, Dating Blogger
“Be honest about what you want: If you just want some fun, then fine, everyone needs a one night stand in a while, but just be clear of what you’re looking for to avoid mixed messages. The same goes if you’re seeking a serious connection, don’t be afraid of putting it out there, it’ll save you time in the long run. On my Tinder profile I’ve clearly added “not a casual hookup kinda gal”, and it helps a lot.”
12. Love and value yourself
Laura Yates, Breakup Coach and Writer
“My number 1 tip for finding love is to see yourself as someone who deserves to be loved. When we go in pursuit of love, the focus can be on getting other people to like us or see us a certain way. We can try and do things to ‘attract’ someone and this might not always be congruent with who we actually are. So although it sounds like a cliche (though cliches usually exist for a good reason too) until you know what it means to see the value in yourself, finding love will be difficult because you’ll be relying on an external thing or person to make you happy. So start with finding ways to value yourself and then love will come naturally!”
11. Be the best version of yourself
If you are not being the best version of yourself then how are you going to get the best version of someone else. In order to truly experience someone’s compatibility with your own you must be as honest as you can with yourself and your partner. Spend time doing whatever it is that helps you focus on yourself and your wellbeing. Make sure you search to find out more about you. When you know a lot about yourself and you are sure of what you want, it will be easier then to be with someone else. You will be able to confidently show them who you are.
Adam LoDolce, Dating Coach
“No one wants a life with you unless you have an amazing life without them. Find yourself first, then your match will come next.”
10. You need to know yourself first
Eddie Corbano, Breakup Coach and Writer
“There are rare opportunities in life where you can re-examine what it really is you want. A breakup is definitely one of those moments. It can act as a catalyst for becoming the person you really are. Only when you know who you are, you can know who you want as a partner. And when you are crystal clear about that, you will attract this person into your life. There’s actually no way around that.
The reason why so many are stuck in toxic relationships or going through the same cycle of wrong partners their whole lives is because they are not coming from the stable sense of SELF. So in short, learn who you really are, learn who exactly you want and go to places where it’s likely to find this person (if you are looking for a shy bookworm, don’t go to a club).”
9. Learn how to read people
Dr. LeslieBeth Wish, Psychotherapist and Author
“Not sure if your date is The One for you? Use this tip: Put your romantic notions of finding The One on hold -most likely you thought you found The One many times before- and change your goal from finding this one person to reading people, including you, accurately. Why is this a good idea? I learned from my research that training your intuitive love judgement is the number one way to recognize a good or bad love match and to recognize your usual but ineffective dating patterns and choices.”
8. Warm up your social skills
Camille Virginia, Offline Dating Coach
“Ask a stranger a question in the next 24 hours. If you’re burned out with online dating, the key to meeting people offline is by engaging with the people around you. Ask how your pharmacist’s day is going and look him in the eye to show him you genuinely want to hear about it. Compliment the elderly lady’s awesome pink blouse as you pass each other on the street. Social skills are like a muscle – the more you use them, the more they develop. Then when you’re in the grocery store and that cute guy comes up to you with a big smile, you’ve warmed up your skills enough to confidently engage with him. Opportunities to get a date and find a lasting commitment are all around you, every time you step out in public. Time to start taking advantage!”
7. Forget about having a type
Susan Page, Dating Journalist and Author
“You have to be willing to meet people who you don’t think are your type. My husband and I were introduced, and he had no qualities that were on my list. We had widely different education levels, different religions, he did not like to sing, dance, or play bridge, items I thought were essential. We have been thriving and extremely happy with each other for thirty-five years.
Most people put the wrong qualities on their “list.” The top two qualities on everyone’s list should be these: 1. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me, fully and wholeheartedly, who “gets” me and appreciates me! 2. I want to be with someone who has similar lifestyle desires. (We do or don’t want a baby. We do or don’t like to travel. Biggies, like that.”
6. Find someone who makes you a better person
The older you are the easier it will be to understand this point. The point is that we all want to be something important in our own right, we all have goals and struggles. To be with someone who helps you achieve your goals and allows you to go after them, will be someone you want by your side.
Gary Lewandowski, Psychology Professor and Relationship Expert
“Find a partner who helps you grow as a person. The best partners introduce you to new things, different places, share unique perspectives, and challenge you to broaden your sense of who are.”
5. Always have a fun date
Dating should be fun. Even if you’ve had bad experiences, do not let this taint your idea of relationships. Make sure your next date is something fun, either push your boundaries, explore something together or simply do something you know that you will both thoroughly enjoy. Keep things light and playful, make sure you laugh and smile.
Charly Lester, Dating Blogger and Journalist
“My top tip is to always try to do something fun on the date. It takes the pressure off, makes it feel less like an interview, and means even if you don’t end up fancying the person, you still won’t have a bad date. I recommend ice skating, gallery exhibitions and the aquarium at this time of year!”
4. Don’t wait to date
Wendy Newman, Dating Coach and Author
“My pro tip for finding love is don’t wait to date, and don’t give up! A lot of people wait to date. Wait for the holidays to be over, wait for work to slow down, or for that project to end. They wait to lose the weight. Boy – I’m super-glad I didn’t wait until I lost enough weight that I’d be fit for dating. We’d all still be waiting.
I dated when it wasn’t the right time (and you should too) because I realized there was no such thing as the right time. Or the time when I’d feel like it. I knew I’d always be busy, I’d always have people who would need my time and take up a ridiculous amount of it. I came to grips with the fact that I’d always love a cupcake more than a carrot. I didn’t wait. And even when I wanted to stop, I just wasn’t willing. I knew it was possible that the very next first date could change everything, and one day it did.”
3. Focus on the now
Caroline Brealey, Dating Expert and Entrepreneur
“My top tip for finding love is to stop worrying about what might happen in the future. As a matchmaker I hear so many reasons why someone thinks they shouldn’t meet someone for a date. They worry that their date might relocate in the future or because they’re different nationalities they will have different views on bringing up children or in 10 years time their date might not want to move to the countryside which is their dream because they currently live in a City. They worry about things that haven’t happened and that might never happen! If you’ve not even been on a date with someone yet you definitely shouldn’t be worrying about how to bring up the children you don’t have! The future is important but who knows what will happen – right now focus on the here and now and let go of the ‘what if’s’. Say yes to a date and go from there, live in the present.”
2. Don’t Blame External Factors
Blaming other factors can be easy, it takes the blame completely off of us. This is why we tend to do this so easily and why we need to work harder at avoiding this. In order to follow all the other tips on this list, you must stop placing blame elsewhere. People around you have fallen in love with good people and it can happen to you too.
Marni Battista, Dating Coach and Author
“If you have patterns that continue to occur, rather than blame men, the town you live in, online dating or any other external circumstance, consider looking at the common denominator in all your failed relationships: YOU. Then, change the thing you can: YOU Once you are feeling at the cause of your dating results, get support to make the shifts that bring forth your authenticity, joy, open heart and femininity.”
1. Put yourself in the position of power
Jane Garapick, Dating Coach
“So many of my clients fall into this trap, and I did as well back in my dating days. As soon as we have someone we’re attracted to showing interest in us, we immediately put him up on this pedestal. We spend all of our time hoping beyond hope that he really, really likes us too, and that it’s the real thing. We constantly check our phones for texts, calls or emails that we then dissect and scrutinize endlessly to squeeze out every last drop of possible meaning (good or bad). All of this changes the way we interact with him, and not in a good way.
To avoid this all too common trap, I recommend constantly reminding yourself that you really don’t know him yet. The only thing you know is that you’re attracted to him. You really don’t know if he’s going to be long term relationship material. And then remind yourself that he’s going to have to prove himself if he wants to be in a relationship with you.
This puts you in the position of doing the choosing, instead of hoping to be chosen. This little shift in mindset is all it really takes to make a drastic change in your confidence level. It changes the way you think about yourself, it changes the way you interact with him, and it changes the dynamics of the relationship. All in a good way.”
For advice and coaching you can visit Jane’s site, Getting to TRUE Love.