I’m sure at one point in our relationships we’ve either found out something that makes us a little confused or worried about the strength of the love. While I’m sure we’ve all seen the issue of micro-cheating floating around the web early in the year, but it is an issue that needs to seriously be addressed. While this article does extend to both parties in the relationship, I thought we could focus on one section of the issue since it seems to be the one highlighted in many news outlets recently.
Micro-cheating is a form of cheating while being in a relationship that really pushes the boundaries that are set in place. It’s important to remember that if any of these items on the list are something you’ve discussed with your partner as being okay or not such a big deal, then good for you, you don’t have to stress about it! It only becomes micro-cheating when there isn’t a discussion, there aren’t rules and opinions expressed, that’s when it gets a bit messier and not so fun to deal with. Regardless if your man starts to tell you that it’s okay or not a big deal simply because there weren’t rules beforehand, if that’s his reasoning, he needs to realize that everything needs to have communication when taking a relationship seriously.
If you find that your partner or even you do these things, it’s time to talk it out and move forward in a different direction.
15. Seeking Attention
Solely for the purpose of self-gratification. If you’ve ever found yourself with a guy that constantly seeks attention for everything he does, generally it can lead to a not so great relationship. Many times when this occurs in a relationship there will be constant fights about the attention he receives, where it comes from and who it’s from. While it might not be all their fault depending on their looks and how they act, in most cases it is. Whether they realize it or not they might actually be in love with the attention they’re getting and it can be weird for a person like that to only get attention from their partner or their date. In most cases, guys like this, whatever the circumstances may be, will continue to seek out attention because they don’t want to be strapped down. It’s also important to note that if you’re their first ‘serious’ relationship, it’s very possible he won’t even realize that it’s an issue since it’s most likely something he’s always dealt with.
14. Playing Pretend
Pretending to flirt usually extends from a real connection, if he is constantly talking to a friend and it is sickly sweet, there might be more to it than meets the eye. If someone is used to excessive attention, that type of micro-cheating can lead into pretend flirting. While they probably know it will not lead anywhere, it is still something to do for them. They enjoy the attention and the little banter between an admirer and it will probably happen regularly if he has a charismatic and approachable attitude. He might not consider this cheating because there is no touching, it is just talking. BUT, cheating can honestly mean anything to anyone, it could mean a lot of things and it could mean less things, either way, communication is the aspect of your relationship you need to work on just so you both know what is and what is not.
If he gives you a number of excuses from when you wake up in the morning to only breakfast, there comes a point where it just can’t be handled anymore. While this might not count as cheating for many people out there, there’s no denying that having a number of excuses everyday is literally separating the relationship. The only sure way to move past this is to simply come to an understanding of why there needs to be so many excuses. Whether it’s spending time together or going out to do something as a couple, he needs to give you an explanation as to why there is that separation he’s causing in both of your lives. Dealing with something like this is never fun, but it is actually quite common, unfortunately. Let him know how you feel and make sure he understands that the list of excuses everyday is something you refuse to deal with because it’s getting out of hand.
12. No One Knows
About you! If he’s constantly hiding you from the important people in his life, friends, family, etc, it’s time to ask some questions. This usually only leads to a few reasons. Either he’s very shy and has anxiety about introducing you, which is something that needs to be figured out pretty soon. Or something much deeper and darker is at work. Usually something like this, where he has no apparent reason and just gives you excuses and claims he rather just spend time with his parents himself, might be because of fear of something they might say to you regarding other girls or even past relationships, or even the fact that you’re the other woman in extreme cases. When someone is so set in their ways when it comes to something like this, just keep pushing at the right moments until he tells you the truth you need to hear.
11. Hides His Friends
Keeping specifically his girl friends away from you might be a huge red flag. A bit of the other way around. If he constantly hides his friends from you, it’s a huge problem that needs to be addressed before you move anywhere in the relationship. When things are hidden in general in a relationship it’s impossible to feel safe and to be able to grow with each other, there will always be a divide and a separation between the two of you if you don’t sort out the issues at hand. When a guy hides people in his life he either needs to make the tough decision of cutting them out because obviously something is wrong, or he needs to take control of the situation and deal with it properly. It could be because of a girl in his friend group that he’s hooked up with, or even someone he’s still hooking up with. That’s why things in a relationship need to be crystal clear, even when it comes to friends.
10. What He Follows
Social media is one hundred percent part of our lives for the foreseeable future. We can’t really escape its grasp and I doubt we really want to in most cases. But when it comes to significant others using social media, it might get under our skin a bit. When the man in your life constantly is checking social media it’s very hard to get the image of a hot girl sliding into his DMs out of our thoughts, it’s possible and it’s also possible for it to be the other way around as well. It’s almost a given when it comes to social media that something tempting will come along while you’re in a relationship and a strong individual can easily see past it and not give into it, but sometimes for others, it’s not so easy. Even if he’s following that one girl from high school he told you about a long time ago that he used to have a huge crush on her, even that can be a bit of a micro-cheating offense. Just be honest and straightforward about it and try to move forward, cutting out the people that are toxic to your relationship.
9. F*** Boy
I’m sure we’ve all heard the term commonly used on social media. Usually donned by guys who dress a specific way and listen to a certain kind of music. They usually find themselves trying to be extremely unique with their newest Kanye album, but in reality, they’re actually just a copy of someone else. Just because someone is into this style doesn’t mean they’re going to cheat on you, but a signature aspect of this kind of lifestyle has proven over time that getting girls and flirting is a major part of their ego inflation. It’s important to remember that of course everyone is different, but you should also be careful of this. These kinds of people have a reputation when it comes to flirting on social media and just generally not being the greatest individuals when it comes to having a serious relationship on their hands. It’s important for everyone in the relationship to take their part seriously, otherwise, it will just fall apart in a matter of time.
8. Over Controlling
When it comes to you, if he’s over controlling about what you do it’s not a great sign. The only real way to deal with a guy that’s over controlling is to call him out on it. Make sure he knows that it’s not right, you have to make sure he is aware of the controlling issue. Similar to trust issues, this is an aspect of that, that will really interrupt any relationship no matter what. When dealing with an over controlling guy, if talking to him doesn’t work, there’s most likely something else there. Who knows what it might be, but it’s very possible that you might find a connection to someone else if you look hard enough. Is he controlling because he doesn’t want you to do the same thing he’s doing to you? Call him out, talk to him, and if nothing changes then you have to make the change by making the decision on what you’re going to do with the relationship.
7. Texting Obsessively
Technology at the end of our fingertips is always an extremely exciting choice of communication. While of course, we all have different amounts of work and friends and parents we always need to keep in touch with. But if you find your man texting 24/7 when he’s around you, it’s a sign he’s trying to hide something. It might not even be obvious to him, but it’s very easy for someone to catch feelings for someone else if they bond over a long period of time, which can even happen through texting. Texting obsessively is a very sticky area when it comes to relationships, because you’ll probably be sitting there thinking why is he not talking to me, or am I not enough. You are enough, he’s the one that needs to take a chill pill on the texting when time is supposed to be devoted to your partner when you’re together!
6. Shutting Down
When someone shuts down in a relationship it’s very easy to grow frustrated and detached. If you find he continuously shuts down on a number of occasions, it could be for many reasons, but combined with other issues on this list it’s a very high chance possibility that there’s someone else in the picture. You might find that your man shuts down around you because he doesn’t want to deal with your questions, or even if he simply is too scared to leave the relationship and just wants the happy moments together. But newsflash! Relationships aren’t always happy moments, a partner can’t search out other people to find those moments in abundance either. When it comes to relationships you take what you sign up for or you move on, you don’t let the other person hang in the balance! Just remember to keep an open mind but don’t be afraid to ask questions if you ever feel insecure about your relationship.
5. Not Moving Forward
If you find your man still is obsessively attached to hanging out with friends every night, it’s a big possibility he wants to feel single again. As absurd as that sounds, it’s happened to many women who just wanted to spend more time with their partner. There’s a fear everyone has when it comes to taking big steps in their lives, but that fear is almost pushed aside from the excitement that becomes overwhelming as well. Sometimes if a partner doesn’t feel the rush of emotions like you might, it could possibly mean you both aren’t on the same page. Not being on the same page can also mean he’s on the same page with someone else instead. If your man really does spend most of his time with his single friends, it can very easily become an issue where he’s pressured into doing things he wouldn’t do around you. This is also called micro-cheating if things stay minor, otherwise it’s just plain cheating if he does pursue anyone else.
4. Trust Issues
While we all have some trust issues of some sort, when he directs them at you when you’ve done nothing wrong, usually means there’s something he’s hiding and trying to distract you from. Or even just make it so you don’t feel like you have the right to point out your insecurities towards him. This is a kind of abusive behavior that shouldn’t be put up with in a relationship. Whether it’s either option of why he’s doing this to you, you should move on, it’s likely that talking to him about it will seriously spark anger and frustration towards you, saying things like, “How dare you think I’d do that!” or “You know I have major trust issues, why would you say that?” Trust issues need to be worked on until they’re solved, that’s how trust issues disappear in a relationship you’re taking seriously. If he won’t even allow you to help with the trust issues, there was probably something else underneath it all from the start.
3. Phone Calls From ‘Mom’
It’s the oldest trick in the book to log contacts on a phone under a different name then who it actually is. Many times you’ll hear stories about guys putting their second woman under the name ‘mom’ or something similar. While this is seriously a messed up thing to do in any relationship, just try to take note of how much he really does talk to someone on the phone. A clear sign to note is if he texts that contact under mom 24/7 but never calls her around you, or leaves the room every single time he gets a call from that number. Just remember to be watchful and mindful, it’s never fun trying to figure out if you’re being cheated on, but just remember that you need to communicate, if you don’t he’ll most likely turn it on you and try to switch the blame. Be the bigger person and move forward.
2. Going Out
With the guys for a guy’s night out in some seedy places, even though he promises it won’t get crazy. He still has eyes right? It’s very easy for a guy to be peer pressured by his group of friends, It’s never a good situation if your partner surrounds himself with seedy individuals that don’t have one ounce of respect for his relationship and those who are important in his life. Just because all of their girlfriends don’t care if their guy goes out as long as he comes home to them, they have to realize not everyone has that extremely open mindset when it comes to relationships. There are a number of reasons why a guy would fall into peer pressure, either because he’s insecure, shy, or just that he actually wanted to all along but needed an excuse to. Self-control is key and if your partner doesn’t contain that quality, it’s something that needs to be worked on.
1. Refusing to communicate
To communicate with you is always a bad sign and usually leads to attachment, which turns into other methods that could be considered cheating. Communication is something that seriously needs to be worked on this generation. We have so many ways to communicate, which can be good and equally as bad. All of the items on this list surround the idea of needing to communicate better. If you find that your partner just doesn’t want to communicate, it’s time to make a change in your life. Cheating is never okay unless the issue is discussed, all of this could be avoided for the most part if communication was present. Don’t become too comfortable when it comes to a relationship where he is constantly disrespecting your needs and wants, that’s not how relationships work. They work because of conversation, understanding, effort, and of course love. Remember to keep calm and talk it out if you’re in doubt, and if it turns out you’re right and he’s cheating, dump him.