Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s what little girls are made of. Unfortunately, those little girls grow up and become women, and sometimes, women are all but “nice.” In fact, women can be downright mean sometimes.
Women like to claim that there is some sort of sisterhood that binds us together, but the harsh reality is that female relationships are very fragile. From early on, we are taught that females are at a disadvantage, and whether that’s true or not, it has forced us to view our female counterparts as competitors rather than sisters. That is often the driving force behind the terrible ways in which women treat one another.
But women do not only make fun of other females. As you’ll soon learn, women like to make men the butt of quite a few jokes too. In fact, there are very few people who are safe from women when they are in a humorous mood and have a captivated audience. Add in a bottle of wine, and you have yourself an interesting and entertaining night of gossip and making fun of unsuspecting victims.
Here are 15 things that women enjoy making fun of in secret.
Women are often accused of “nit-picking” by their husbands or boyfriends and there is something to that. The expression is supposedly derived from behaviors of monkeys and gorillas, who pick nits or parasitic insects off one another in nurturing displays of love. Well, that is exactly what women are doing when they criticize their men. They love them so much that they simply want to make their lives better, and what better way to do that than criticize them and point out their flaws so that they can correct these issues and be better men as a result?
Well, if men think that women are too critical to their faces, they would be floored to learn just how critical we are behind their backs. When it comes to what women share with one another, very few things are off the table. In secret, women will often make fun of their men’s lovemaking, salaries, child-rearing, and general personality flaws and annoying habits. Is it right? No, but it sure makes for some funny conversation.
14. Their Own Children
This probably comes as a surprise to some of you, but the truth is that mothers are not immune to the fun-making things that their children do. Most mothers love their children with every inch of their hearts and are willing to lay down their own lives for their kids. Of course, this does not mean that their children are exempt from a little bit of
Of course, most mothers love their children with every inch of their hearts and are willing to lay down their own lives for their kids. Of course, this does not mean that their children are exempt from a little bit of making fun. Of course, it is generally good-natured and is not nearly comparable to some of the terrible things women are capable of saying about their friends or their lovers. Still, women will think nothing of making fun of their children’s hair, or their temper tantrums or even the way they look when they fell (and thankfully did not get hurt). Let’s face it. Parenthood is hard work and if mothers can’t laugh at their kids once in awhile, it makes for an even more trying experience. Kids can be quite funny and are ripe for making fun of at times. It’s what bonds mothers — sharing humorous tales about their kids that may involve a little bit of making fun. Thankfully, the kids will never know.
13. Their Friends
Throughout our lives, we make a lot of friends, some of whom may come and go while others are life-long. Women may hold their friends near and dear to their hearts and are fiercely loyal to them when anyone else dares to cross them. However, this does not mean that women are always 100 percent loyal to their friends all of the time.
Women are competitive by nature and it really is a shame. We’ve allowed the media to pit us against one another so that rather than rooting for each other’s successes, we tend to begrudge any woman who manages to get ahead of the pack. That is when the nails come out and women swipe at one another.
Women will sometimes make themselves feel better by bringing other women down. Making fun of their friends is part of this ugly habit. They joke about their friend’s latest wardrobe fail, or bad haircut, or embarrassing breakup — mostly things they would never dare to say to their friend’s face.
12. Our Exes
I know, I know, this must come as a shock to you, but even if a woman is in a happy, long-term relationship for years and years, exes are never off the table when it comes to some good old fashioned making fun. Exes are exes for a reason. Sometimes it’s because they did something that forced their women’s hands. Other times, it’s the ex that ended the relationship. Either way, women tend to hold on to a little bit of residual bitterness against an ex and it comes out in the form of making fun. Just like with current husbands and boyfriends, very few topics are off the table when it comes to making fun of an ex. The difference, however, is that with an ex, the making fun is less good-natured because women are not bound to their exes by their vows or commitment. Therefore, don’t be surprised to learn that women will make fun of their exes “members,” lovemaking, foreplay, salaries, facial expressions, bodily functions — virtually anything goes.
11. Exes’ Girlfriends/Wives
If exes are ripe for some abuse, their new girlfriends or spouses are not safe either. As mentioned before, women are competitive by nature and when it comes to an ex’s new lady, a woman can’t help but feel the need to tear her down to feel a bit better about herself. The easiest criticism is to say that the woman has no taste since she clearly does not detect the ex’s obvious flaws, but eventually, that morphs into critiques about the woman, ranging from her fashion sense to her makeup choices. It is very rare for a woman to concede that her ex found a great replacement or that he seems happy with his new lady love. Instead, expect there to be a lot of Facebook stalking followed by a whole lot of making fun over a bottle of wine. In these scenarios, nothing the new lady does will be safe from the abuse. “Oh my God, look at how she chews!” or “Does she ever wear anything other than red?” or “Why is she always smiling?” No matter what she does, she’s going to be made fun of for it.
Women will often make fun of themselves publicly, and sadly this is typically the tell-tale sign of an insecure woman. Still, let’s face it, most of us are a bit insecure, so it’s easy for us to find something about ourselves to mock. And what, pray tell, are we hoping to achieve from this? Most women are hopeful that if they make fun of themselves, someone will surely disagree and compliment them on the very things that they are mocking. “I’m so fat!” she may announce. “No you’re not,” she hopes to hear in return. This is one of our more annoying habits, because at this point, most people have us figured out. Sure, we may be fishing for compliments, but damn it, who cares? Go ahead and compliment us. Besides, self-deprecation is a very popular brand of humor. Just look at Amy Schumer.
9. Single Women
It’s human nature to want what you can’t have. When women are single, they want to be married. When women are married, they sometimes (secretly) pine for the days when they were single and free to eat cold Chinese out of the takeout containers over the sink in their kitchen, polish off a bottle of wine without feeling guilty, paint their nails without interruption and watch 80’s romance comedies. So naturally, married women tend to make fun of single women behind their backs. Often, this is motivated by the teeniest bit of jealousy. Married women, especially those with children, will sometimes long for the days when they did not have anyone else to care for except themselves. Instead of just admitting this to themselves, they convince themselves that single women should be made fun of for their seemingly vapid existences and lack of responsibility. Some married women also view single women as threats, so it behooves them to bring the single women down with scathing making fun.
8. Men In General
Men must all believe that they have tinnitus because their ears must be ever-ringing for all the times that women make fun of them behind their backs. Men rarely get the credit they deserve for doing anything right. The list of things women make fun of about men is unending: the inept way they handle children, the messy way they prepare a meal, their lack of memory, the inability to help their women achieve orgasms, etc. Some of the best comedic moments in television feature men failing at even the most basic tasks. Can you name one comedy in which the dad is the competent capable one and the mother is the dopey one? Not likely. Most television dads are portrayed as dolts (think Homer Simpson and Al Bundy). And sadly, women do little to dispel the myth that men are anything but incompetent. Instead, they are all too happy to make fun of men behind their backs. We shouldn’t feel too bad about it though. I’m sure men do the same thing to women.
7. Their Bedroom Skills
Perhaps one of the funniest episodes of Sex and the City is the one in which Carrie Bradshaw hooks up with Harry’s best friend the night before Harry’s wedding to Charlotte. Bradshaw describes it as jackhammer sex and the entire next day, she is unable to move her neck as a result of it. Bad sex makes for some very relatable humor since most everyone has had bad sex with at least one person in their lifetime. Women are like elephants in that they never forget, so if a guy gives a woman a bad sex story, he better believe she’s going to tell it every chance she gets. She may even embellish a little bit for dramatic effect. Any guy who sleeps with a woman and knows it was not exactly remarkable should steer clear of her for the rest of his life because he can be assured that he will repeatedly be mentioned anytime she talks to her friends about bad sex. Don’t stick around and give everyone a face to put with the name. Retain just a little bit of dignity.
There is nothing more annoying than a know-it-all or someone who makes the rest of us look bad, particularly in the workplace. That is why colleagues are such an easy target for women to make fun of. What an employer may view as ambitious, women tend to view as overachieving butt-kissing. Many times, women view their colleagues as potential backstabbers who will throw them under the bus to end up on top. It is for that reason that women love to make fun of their colleagues. This can take many forms. They can joke that their colleague is a big-time butt kisser, or they may joke that their colleague would do anything, and I mean anything, to advance her career. Again, this all goes back to that competitiveness amongst women. Your female colleagues may smile in your face and praise your apparent work ethic, but behind your back, they may have something quite different to say about you.
5. Married Women
As mentioned before, when women are married, they sometimes long for the days when they were single. The opposite is also true. Single women who want to be married and start families can sometimes be bitter, especially when they are around married women who don’t seem to appreciate the fact that they have husbands and children. This can be quite annoying to women who would love to be in their position. In order to make themselves feel better about their current lot in life, single women will sometimes go on the offensive and make fun of married women and their humdrum routine-based lives. As in the case with married women making fun of single women, single women are often motivated by the teeniest bit of jealousy to make fun of married women because deep down they would like to be in their place. Unfortunately, this behavior stems from that competitive nature.
4. Other Mothers
It is so much easier to be critical of others than it is for us to see our own shortcomings. This is especially true for mothers who are quick to notice when another mother is doing something wrong. Rarely do they recognize that they may do the very same things. Personally, I’ve known mothers whose children have no respect for them and who allow their kids to do whatever they’d like. I’ve seen those very same mothers criticize another mother for raising her kids the exact same way. Perhaps it is a defense mechanism to project one’s own flaws onto another individual, or perhaps it is a lot harder to be firm with one’s own children, but the sad reality is that mothers can be quite critical of each other and will often make fun of each other when they disagree with how they do things. Is it cool? No, but to be fair, there is nothing more frustrating than some of these new age parents who think that their relaxed parenting is going to create upstanding responsible children.
3. Happy Couples
Women love their husbands, of course, or they wouldn’t have married them. Sometimes, however, it’s hard to remember that spark that we felt on our wedding day about the men sitting across from us clipping their toenails. Men and women tend to get a bit complacent in their relationships and allow their routines to interfere with their romance, their passion and desire to please one another. When you’re surrounded by other couples experiencing the very same thing, you hardly notice that this has happened because everyone seems to be in the same boat, but when you come across a couple in which the husband and wife are doting on each other despite having been married for several years, it sort of shakes up your world. So women do what they do best — they make fun of the doting wife as if there is something wrong with her. They make fun doting husband for being “sickeningly sweet.” It’s likely that deep down these women want what the couple has, but they’ll never admit in. Instead, they’ll make blithering fun of the couple behind their back.
2. Beautiful women
I mean, come on, this is a given. Very few women are able to praise themselves and find their own unique sense of beauty, and our competitive nature makes it often difficult to admit when someone else is naturally beautiful. Instead, women will search for anything they can on a beautiful woman to make fun of. Women are often heard making fun of women’s features that no guy would ever notice. “Her eyebrows are terrible,” they might say, to which a guy would replay, “Huh?” Perhaps she may observe, “She has bony knees,” about a stunningly beautiful actress or model. At that point, it becomes clear that she’s just grasping for straws, but the harsh truth is that women tend to make fun of beautiful women because it makes us feel better about ourselves. Nothing makes us feel less confident than being in the presence of a beautiful woman, and the best coping mechanism we have is to make fun of her.
1. Other people’s kids
This may sound mean but it’s true. When it comes to other people’s children, women are experts, or so they think. Have you ever known mothers whose kids were absolute monsters but the mothers just didn’t seem to notice? What they do notice, however, is that their friend’s child is misbehaved and in need of discipline. Human nature often makes it easier to be critical of others than of ourselves, so it’s not hard to see how a mother can notice the flaws of another parent’s child, but not their own. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard mothers criticize someone else’s child for doing the very same thing their own child was doing only an hour before that. Part of this stems from a mother’s desire to protect their own child from bad influences, so when she sees another child behaving badly, she’s quick to respond. Her rose-colored glasses prevent herself from being able to see her own little angel’s issues.